Discussion
Bipman, sorry to hear you're having a tough time. You're not going to get any magical advise on an internet forum that will make how you feel go away. But I can think of a few things you can do to start moving towards a healthier state of mind. It might be of no use at all, but over the last 12 months a few little realisations and tricks to manage your mind have certainly helped me.
1) Book an appointment with you GP, explain your situation and the way you're feeling about it. I'm not saying that you need pharmaceutical intervention but if it helps writing it out on an internet forum it will help even more sat opposite someone who wants to help you.
2) Realise that the circumstances of your life aren't making you feel like this, but rather your reaction to them. A lot of the events you talk about are either outside of your control or you have limited control over. Those things that you don't have any control over you can let go of. Those you have some influence over you can focus on a bit more but remember that the ultimate outcome for most things isn't up to you e.g. you can't make people love you, you can only make yourself lovable, if you see what i mean. 95% of the things we fret about are pointless, it's like worrying about an asteroid hitting the Earth! Be a little more fatalistic (still care about things, but realise that you can only do what you can do).
3) Don't worry about what other people have or haven't got. If you were earning 30k a year you'd be looking at people your age earning 50k, if you earned 50k you'd be looking at people earning 100k. Having no money is pretty miserable, but rather than looking at the glass being half empty imagine what life would be like without a glass at all
Which leads me to my next point.
4) All the things we have (including the people we love) are on loan from the Universe, we'll have to give them back eventually. Remember that one day you'll have to say goodbye to your kids, your house and all the other things people and relationships that you treasure(either by physical separation or death). So think about how valuable those things and people are and appreciate them right now. I used to trudge off to work with barely a wave to my wife and kids in the morning. I then realised that one day I'll say goodbye to them for the last time, so it's probably best to make the goodbyes every morning count Same with everything else in life. This morning it rained for the first time in ages, I stood outside in my pyjamas at 6am and let it soak me, for no other reason than I'd missed feeling the rain and one day I'll never get to feel the rain again. It was nice, which is enough.
5) Get a bit of exercise, you don't have to go mad and do an iron man by next spring, but just go out for a walk. All those debilitating diseases you fret about that your weight make more likely are outside of your control. The only thing that you can control are your actions, some of which may lower the chances of you getting some of these diseases. You don't have to starve yourself or run 10 miles every morning, just head in the right direction. Walk a mile today, walk a mile and a half tomorrow. Miss out the odd treat, not because you want to be on the next cover of Mens Health, but to prove to yourself that you can. Being a bit uncomfortable sometimes is good, it takes away the fear of discomfort and brings a bit of self discipline into your routine. You'll also feel better for it.
6) Don't be in a rush to feel better and don't worry if things don't improve every day. It's taken a while to reach this point it'll take a while to improve.
Not sure how useful these bits of advise are to you. If it reads like placatory bulls
t then I apologise. I was in a pretty bad place a couple of years ago and I've only really started to feel as though I'm in any way "happy" over the last 12 months or so. Whenever I start getting the old feelings back I try and tell myself that the world isn't going to rearrange itself to make me feel better, so it might be up to me to alter how I react to the world.
Good luck with it all.
1) Book an appointment with you GP, explain your situation and the way you're feeling about it. I'm not saying that you need pharmaceutical intervention but if it helps writing it out on an internet forum it will help even more sat opposite someone who wants to help you.
2) Realise that the circumstances of your life aren't making you feel like this, but rather your reaction to them. A lot of the events you talk about are either outside of your control or you have limited control over. Those things that you don't have any control over you can let go of. Those you have some influence over you can focus on a bit more but remember that the ultimate outcome for most things isn't up to you e.g. you can't make people love you, you can only make yourself lovable, if you see what i mean. 95% of the things we fret about are pointless, it's like worrying about an asteroid hitting the Earth! Be a little more fatalistic (still care about things, but realise that you can only do what you can do).
3) Don't worry about what other people have or haven't got. If you were earning 30k a year you'd be looking at people your age earning 50k, if you earned 50k you'd be looking at people earning 100k. Having no money is pretty miserable, but rather than looking at the glass being half empty imagine what life would be like without a glass at all
Which leads me to my next point.4) All the things we have (including the people we love) are on loan from the Universe, we'll have to give them back eventually. Remember that one day you'll have to say goodbye to your kids, your house and all the other things people and relationships that you treasure(either by physical separation or death). So think about how valuable those things and people are and appreciate them right now. I used to trudge off to work with barely a wave to my wife and kids in the morning. I then realised that one day I'll say goodbye to them for the last time, so it's probably best to make the goodbyes every morning count
Same with everything else in life. This morning it rained for the first time in ages, I stood outside in my pyjamas at 6am and let it soak me, for no other reason than I'd missed feeling the rain and one day I'll never get to feel the rain again. It was nice, which is enough.5) Get a bit of exercise, you don't have to go mad and do an iron man by next spring, but just go out for a walk. All those debilitating diseases you fret about that your weight make more likely are outside of your control. The only thing that you can control are your actions, some of which may lower the chances of you getting some of these diseases. You don't have to starve yourself or run 10 miles every morning, just head in the right direction. Walk a mile today, walk a mile and a half tomorrow. Miss out the odd treat, not because you want to be on the next cover of Mens Health, but to prove to yourself that you can. Being a bit uncomfortable sometimes is good, it takes away the fear of discomfort and brings a bit of self discipline into your routine. You'll also feel better for it.
6) Don't be in a rush to feel better and don't worry if things don't improve every day. It's taken a while to reach this point it'll take a while to improve.
Not sure how useful these bits of advise are to you. If it reads like placatory bulls
t then I apologise. I was in a pretty bad place a couple of years ago and I've only really started to feel as though I'm in any way "happy" over the last 12 months or so. Whenever I start getting the old feelings back I try and tell myself that the world isn't going to rearrange itself to make me feel better, so it might be up to me to alter how I react to the world. Good luck with it all.
Thank you for the replies...
Oobster - it's IT based work really plus I have a little courier job too. Job is just between 8 and 9.30 each morning but it pays the bills.
John Williams - walking, now that I could manage. There's a nice little 3 mile circuit I could do each day that would take about an hour...maybe start a little lower and work up to that. Regarding volunteering, I do a little of that now in terms of admin stuff for a local club and it keeps me busy. When I said I do nothing, I basically sit on my arse all day on here, and thankfully, some of it is the voluntary work.
RTB - thanks for that, it's really appreciated you taking the time to type that out....
I'd probably disagree with point 3, I really wouldn't look with envy at someone earning 50k if I was earning 30k. Due to not really settling in a job all my life (and being fired twice for stealing!), I've never earned more than 18k a year. That was a manager's job at a retail kitchen company so there was a little bit of commission on top, but took it no further than about 20k tops. I've often dreamed of winning on the lottery but as I have lived the simple life, I'd genuinely be happy with 30k a year. If I won £5 mill on the jackpot, I'd only buy a £30k car as that's how I'm wired up. Never had expensive tastes, but I'd just like to wake up and not have to worry about money.
And thanks also for the walking tip. After three replies, it's already becoming a habit!
Just for reference, my user name BipMan comes from the inner belief that if I did go to a GP, he'd identify me as Bi-Polar. A friend of mine was diagnosed with it a year ago and his symptoms were similar to mine. I don't really do visits to the GP but I might have to on this occasion, just to get diagnosed maybe.
Oobster - it's IT based work really plus I have a little courier job too. Job is just between 8 and 9.30 each morning but it pays the bills.
John Williams - walking, now that I could manage. There's a nice little 3 mile circuit I could do each day that would take about an hour...maybe start a little lower and work up to that. Regarding volunteering, I do a little of that now in terms of admin stuff for a local club and it keeps me busy. When I said I do nothing, I basically sit on my arse all day on here, and thankfully, some of it is the voluntary work.
RTB - thanks for that, it's really appreciated you taking the time to type that out....
I'd probably disagree with point 3, I really wouldn't look with envy at someone earning 50k if I was earning 30k. Due to not really settling in a job all my life (and being fired twice for stealing!), I've never earned more than 18k a year. That was a manager's job at a retail kitchen company so there was a little bit of commission on top, but took it no further than about 20k tops. I've often dreamed of winning on the lottery but as I have lived the simple life, I'd genuinely be happy with 30k a year. If I won £5 mill on the jackpot, I'd only buy a £30k car as that's how I'm wired up. Never had expensive tastes, but I'd just like to wake up and not have to worry about money.
And thanks also for the walking tip. After three replies, it's already becoming a habit!
Just for reference, my user name BipMan comes from the inner belief that if I did go to a GP, he'd identify me as Bi-Polar. A friend of mine was diagnosed with it a year ago and his symptoms were similar to mine. I don't really do visits to the GP but I might have to on this occasion, just to get diagnosed maybe.
Edited by BipMan on Friday 13th July 13:27
BipMan said:
Hello,
Howdy!Right, a few things in your post that resonate with me both directly and indirectly as a result of good friends that have suffered - or are suffering the same.
To the good advice already posted, I'd offer the following:
In order to start the process of personal resolution, you need to prioritise feeling good about yourself. That's not going to happen whilst your 22st. So, as a priority, I would suggest starting on this; whether off your own back, with support or whatever. Sink all of what you can into this. Become a boring geek on matters of nutrition and exercise. Avoid approaching a routine with the thought that 'you can't do it', more a case of 'you currently struggle with'. Take it easy but push yourself - if you can only do one push up today great - then do one push up today. Then try and do two by the end of the week. Repeat > Repeat >
If you can find and stick to a routine, it will take about 3 months for you start noticing things are improving. Belt buckles can be taken down a notch or two. Breathing gets easy. This gives you added motivation that then provides exponential motivation to further progress.
It will take 6 months until people say....'ooh, you lost weight? You're looking good!' - which is a fantastic way to boost your inner confidence even further.
You'll quickly reach the point where the more you do, the more you want to do.
Results are accelerated if you keep the booze to a minimum.
The added benefit is that whilst you are committed to this new healthy regime, you lessen the time you have to ponder on all the other issues hanging around your head.
Women...
Now, there may be a few people that say something like "women are attracted to the person, not the body" ....or similar. This is incorrect and something that is said to people to make them feel better about themselves. I rather think honesty is the better policy here and the fact is that the pool (and dare I say it, 'quality') of women that might be attracted to you will widen as your weight declines. As you get healthier and leaner - so do the women that you might attract.
What (decent) women are not attracted to is your wealth or lack of. Any that are should be avoided so expunge any thought of your financial predicament being a hindrance to attract a lovely partner.
So; little steps. Start with the exercise and nutrition (notice I've not used the word 'diet'). Don't expect overnight results. And report back here!
The very best of luck to you.
Thanks Stevie Bee, really appreciate you (and everyone really) of your time to compose that reply....
Just had a long, long shower which gave me plenty of time to think about stuff (like why does the brand of shower gel I use come out too fast from the bottle even if I don't squeeze it??).
Once I'd answered that, remembering what RTB said about not letting things get on top of me that I can't control, I moved on to a question I've always asked myself.
Right now, I feel I need to make a fresh start. Get rid of the stuff I don't need in my life, and spend more time doing worthwhile things, and generally look after myself. I've tried this "fresh start" thing dozens of times over the years but it's not really worked. It's strange really, how can I explain?
I pick a date in the future and aim to "start again" on that day. It's usually the 1st of the month, any month; might be a 1st January for example which, I admit, is not that original but it's a date I focus on that when I wake up on that day, I will be different. I will be focused, sensible, organised, switched on.... whatever you want to call it. But within a few days, maybe a week at tops, something goes wrong and I stop. Usually, I fall off the wagon food-wise so to speak. I don't drink alcohol at all, so cutting out beer isn't going to help, but I have a terrible relationship with food. I constantly binge eat and I can safely say I can out-eat anyone that has posted on this thread, so when my "fresh start" fails again, I start scoffing again.
I began by saying I think the money is what triggers me off and controls my life but now, I'm not so sure. Maybe, as someone has suggested, the best place to start is my eating issues, be they binge-eating or just willpower problems.
Re the fresh start, does anyone else have this or do you just start to change your life there and then, even if that's the middle of the month, middle of the week or even the middle of the day?
Just had a long, long shower which gave me plenty of time to think about stuff (like why does the brand of shower gel I use come out too fast from the bottle even if I don't squeeze it??).
Once I'd answered that, remembering what RTB said about not letting things get on top of me that I can't control, I moved on to a question I've always asked myself.
Right now, I feel I need to make a fresh start. Get rid of the stuff I don't need in my life, and spend more time doing worthwhile things, and generally look after myself. I've tried this "fresh start" thing dozens of times over the years but it's not really worked. It's strange really, how can I explain?
I pick a date in the future and aim to "start again" on that day. It's usually the 1st of the month, any month; might be a 1st January for example which, I admit, is not that original but it's a date I focus on that when I wake up on that day, I will be different. I will be focused, sensible, organised, switched on.... whatever you want to call it. But within a few days, maybe a week at tops, something goes wrong and I stop. Usually, I fall off the wagon food-wise so to speak. I don't drink alcohol at all, so cutting out beer isn't going to help, but I have a terrible relationship with food. I constantly binge eat and I can safely say I can out-eat anyone that has posted on this thread, so when my "fresh start" fails again, I start scoffing again.
I began by saying I think the money is what triggers me off and controls my life but now, I'm not so sure. Maybe, as someone has suggested, the best place to start is my eating issues, be they binge-eating or just willpower problems.
Re the fresh start, does anyone else have this or do you just start to change your life there and then, even if that's the middle of the month, middle of the week or even the middle of the day?
BipMan said:
Thanks Stevie Bee
You're welcome!It seems to me that in the space of a few posts, we're homing in on food being the driving issue. Some might say that binge eating is a sign of other influencing things. It may of course be because a big bag of Cheese and Onions crisps is more tasty and satisfying than a bowl of grapes.
But I wouldn't get into the deep and psychological stuff - you've accepted the size problem so regardless of the reasoning, that should be your focus of attention to resolve.
I'm not a fan or advocate of setting 'start dates' or establishing targets and the like. Change should really just be a seamless transition - far more chance of the change being permeant.
Start today. If you're watching telly later and fancy a biscuit, grab and apple or something similar instead.
Buy a second hand bike from Cash Convertors or Gumtree tomorrow and go for a cycle.
Consider Slimming World. I've seen some remarkable results from those that have gone and followed this. And there's a bit of group therapy to be had by virtue of being amongst others in a similar boat (but can be avoided if the group thing's not your thing).
And try to force a smile every now and then. Even if you're not in the mood to smile, doing so releases the happy endorphins!
If you have a bad relationship with food then have a look here https://the8020lifestyleplan.com/ The founder has gone through the same relationship with food and was at one point 8 stone overweight. The plan addresses these issues and helps you change your mindset and relationship you have with food, what your triggers are for binging etc. as well as talking about nutrition itself.
Please don't go to Slimming World as their nutritional advice leaves a lot to be desired and they certainly don't deal with mindset.
Please don't go to Slimming World as their nutritional advice leaves a lot to be desired and they certainly don't deal with mindset.
BipMan said:
Thanks Stevie Bee, really appreciate you (and everyone really) of your time to compose that reply....
Just had a long, long shower which gave me plenty of time to think about stuff (like why does the brand of shower gel I use come out too fast from the bottle even if I don't squeeze it??).
Once I'd answered that, remembering what RTB said about not letting things get on top of me that I can't control, I moved on to a question I've always asked myself.
Right now, I feel I need to make a fresh start. Get rid of the stuff I don't need in my life, and spend more time doing worthwhile things, and generally look after myself. I've tried this "fresh start" thing dozens of times over the years but it's not really worked. It's strange really, how can I explain?
I pick a date in the future and aim to "start again" on that day. It's usually the 1st of the month, any month; might be a 1st January for example which, I admit, is not that original but it's a date I focus on that when I wake up on that day, I will be different. I will be focused, sensible, organised, switched on.... whatever you want to call it. But within a few days, maybe a week at tops, something goes wrong and I stop. Usually, I fall off the wagon food-wise so to speak. I don't drink alcohol at all, so cutting out beer isn't going to help, but I have a terrible relationship with food. I constantly binge eat and I can safely say I can out-eat anyone that has posted on this thread, so when my "fresh start" fails again, I start scoffing again.
I began by saying I think the money is what triggers me off and controls my life but now, I'm not so sure. Maybe, as someone has suggested, the best place to start is my eating issues, be they binge-eating or just willpower problems.
Re the fresh start, does anyone else have this or do you just start to change your life there and then, even if that's the middle of the month, middle of the week or even the middle of the day?
Sometimes I think I could just disappear or something .Just had a long, long shower which gave me plenty of time to think about stuff (like why does the brand of shower gel I use come out too fast from the bottle even if I don't squeeze it??).
Once I'd answered that, remembering what RTB said about not letting things get on top of me that I can't control, I moved on to a question I've always asked myself.
Right now, I feel I need to make a fresh start. Get rid of the stuff I don't need in my life, and spend more time doing worthwhile things, and generally look after myself. I've tried this "fresh start" thing dozens of times over the years but it's not really worked. It's strange really, how can I explain?
I pick a date in the future and aim to "start again" on that day. It's usually the 1st of the month, any month; might be a 1st January for example which, I admit, is not that original but it's a date I focus on that when I wake up on that day, I will be different. I will be focused, sensible, organised, switched on.... whatever you want to call it. But within a few days, maybe a week at tops, something goes wrong and I stop. Usually, I fall off the wagon food-wise so to speak. I don't drink alcohol at all, so cutting out beer isn't going to help, but I have a terrible relationship with food. I constantly binge eat and I can safely say I can out-eat anyone that has posted on this thread, so when my "fresh start" fails again, I start scoffing again.
I began by saying I think the money is what triggers me off and controls my life but now, I'm not so sure. Maybe, as someone has suggested, the best place to start is my eating issues, be they binge-eating or just willpower problems.
Re the fresh start, does anyone else have this or do you just start to change your life there and then, even if that's the middle of the month, middle of the week or even the middle of the day?
However, wherever you go, there you are.
What I mean by that is that you don't escape all of the mental baggage by changing external circumstances (some will go, sure, but thinking styles and habits won't change without some focus on the internal circumstances)
So making external change doesn’t Necessarily stick unless you also tackle the thoughts and feelings with it.
So exercise is great, because it does boost mood and also changes your behaviours and habits. Diet again, the less sugar, booze and junk you eat, the more whole foods (meat, fish, veg) the better your brain function will be - because the brain needs healthy fats, vitamins and minerals.
Sunshine - vitamin D3 is really important for mood and immune system function, so make time to just sit outside for a bit each day (or walk etc, if you'd prefer).
Mindfulness also can be a massive help, for many, if not all, because it assists in changing the way that you think - in particular it helps to deal with the rumination that's characteristic of and often a cause of depression. If that's something that might interest you, some places offer free drop in sessions, others charge about the same as an exercise class
Also My own experience is that change is easiest if you don’t put it off.
Edited by oldbanger on Saturday 14th July 00:15
Bipman- in no way is this a sales pitch but if you want to make at least a few hundred extra a month for very little time expenditure then feel free to pm me.
Number one priority though must be health as I think anyone would take that over wealth. Being healthy physically will certainly help mentally, but you probably already know that.
To help with that please invest all the spare time you have learning about low carb, high fat eating. Google professor Tim Noakes who is a big driver in getting people to eat as we used to do before fast food and refined sugars overtook our diets making a lot of the population overweight or obese.
Once you start losing weight then you'll feel more like exercising. Don't wait to start, take action now as it's amazing how good you feel when you just get on with things and stop over thinking them.
Good luck
Number one priority though must be health as I think anyone would take that over wealth. Being healthy physically will certainly help mentally, but you probably already know that.
To help with that please invest all the spare time you have learning about low carb, high fat eating. Google professor Tim Noakes who is a big driver in getting people to eat as we used to do before fast food and refined sugars overtook our diets making a lot of the population overweight or obese.
Once you start losing weight then you'll feel more like exercising. Don't wait to start, take action now as it's amazing how good you feel when you just get on with things and stop over thinking them.
Good luck
On the subject of diet, a bag of crisps a day is a stones’s worth of empty calories in a 12 month period. Now, I know it doesn’t follow that if you cut out crisps you will lose a stone in a year, but it helped me to get a bit of perspective to look at them in this way.
Also, this year I have attempted to eat a vegan diet, for health rather than moral reasons.
Historically when I have lost weight I have struggled with cravings for sugar, fat, salt etc, but with this change of diet I haven’t.
I load up with as much fruit and veg as I can get down my neck, and somehow have pretty much had no cravings at all, and am losing weight. I also only eat proper bread, so grain, spelt, whole meal etc. None of this white processed crap.
Cutting out dairy is hard though, especially when I live out of hotels for much of the week. I’m not 100% vegan, as I will eat what’s put in front of me when I visit family (who generally don’t get the concept of not eating meat etc).
And, I’ve had no relapses into depression, although there is another reason for that too, we had our first baby in November and it made a big difference to me on a psychological level.
Not that I am recommending having a baby, just that it was a strong trigger for me, I don’t know why.
To summarise though, definitely change your diet. You need to find out what works for you, I am just testifying as to what has worked for me.
Also, this year I have attempted to eat a vegan diet, for health rather than moral reasons.
Historically when I have lost weight I have struggled with cravings for sugar, fat, salt etc, but with this change of diet I haven’t.
I load up with as much fruit and veg as I can get down my neck, and somehow have pretty much had no cravings at all, and am losing weight. I also only eat proper bread, so grain, spelt, whole meal etc. None of this white processed crap.
Cutting out dairy is hard though, especially when I live out of hotels for much of the week. I’m not 100% vegan, as I will eat what’s put in front of me when I visit family (who generally don’t get the concept of not eating meat etc).
And, I’ve had no relapses into depression, although there is another reason for that too, we had our first baby in November and it made a big difference to me on a psychological level.
Not that I am recommending having a baby, just that it was a strong trigger for me, I don’t know why.
To summarise though, definitely change your diet. You need to find out what works for you, I am just testifying as to what has worked for me.
Super Slo Mo said:
On the subject of diet, a bag of crisps a day is a stones’s worth of empty calories in a 12 month period. Now, I know it doesn’t follow that if you cut out crisps you will lose a stone in a year, but it helped me to get a bit of perspective to look at them in this way.
Also, this year I have attempted to eat a vegan diet, for health rather than moral reasons.
Historically when I have lost weight I have struggled with cravings for sugar, fat, salt etc, but with this change of diet I haven’t.
I load up with as much fruit and veg as I can get down my neck, and somehow have pretty much had no cravings at all, and am losing weight. I also only eat proper bread, so grain, spelt, whole meal etc. None of this white processed crap.
Cutting out dairy is hard though, especially when I live out of hotels for much of the week. I’m not 100% vegan, as I will eat what’s put in front of me when I visit family (who generally don’t get the concept of not eating meat etc).
And, I’ve had no relapses into depression, although there is another reason for that too, we had our first baby in November and it made a big difference to me on a psychological level.
Not that I am recommending having a baby, just that it was a strong trigger for me, I don’t know why.
To summarise though, definitely change your diet. You need to find out what works for you, I am just testifying as to what has worked for me.
I have been vegan for a couple of months now. I did a month at first and lost a stone in weight without trying. Had a break and a think about it and I’m going full time now. I have chosen to do it for health reasons first and foremost. Animal welfare bothers me as the impact on the planet.Also, this year I have attempted to eat a vegan diet, for health rather than moral reasons.
Historically when I have lost weight I have struggled with cravings for sugar, fat, salt etc, but with this change of diet I haven’t.
I load up with as much fruit and veg as I can get down my neck, and somehow have pretty much had no cravings at all, and am losing weight. I also only eat proper bread, so grain, spelt, whole meal etc. None of this white processed crap.
Cutting out dairy is hard though, especially when I live out of hotels for much of the week. I’m not 100% vegan, as I will eat what’s put in front of me when I visit family (who generally don’t get the concept of not eating meat etc).
And, I’ve had no relapses into depression, although there is another reason for that too, we had our first baby in November and it made a big difference to me on a psychological level.
Not that I am recommending having a baby, just that it was a strong trigger for me, I don’t know why.
To summarise though, definitely change your diet. You need to find out what works for you, I am just testifying as to what has worked for me.
I feel like I have tons more energy and I’m no where near as sluggish. If you need inspiration than Cowspiracy is a good watch.
Be prepared for loads of opinion on your life choice, ranging from disbelief to outright abuse.
Is it helping my depression? Time will tell.
BipMan said:
Thanks Stevie Bee, really appreciate you (and everyone really) of your time to compose that reply....
Just had a long, long shower which gave me plenty of time to think about stuff (like why does the brand of shower gel I use come out too fast from the bottle even if I don't squeeze it??).
Once I'd answered that, remembering what RTB said about not letting things get on top of me that I can't control, I moved on to a question I've always asked myself.
Right now, I feel I need to make a fresh start. Get rid of the stuff I don't need in my life, and spend more time doing worthwhile things, and generally look after myself. I've tried this "fresh start" thing dozens of times over the years but it's not really worked. It's strange really, how can I explain?
I pick a date in the future and aim to "start again" on that day. It's usually the 1st of the month, any month; might be a 1st January for example which, I admit, is not that original but it's a date I focus on that when I wake up on that day, I will be different. I will be focused, sensible, organised, switched on.... whatever you want to call it. But within a few days, maybe a week at tops, something goes wrong and I stop. Usually, I fall off the wagon food-wise so to speak. I don't drink alcohol at all, so cutting out beer isn't going to help, but I have a terrible relationship with food. I constantly binge eat and I can safely say I can out-eat anyone that has posted on this thread, so when my "fresh start" fails again, I start scoffing again.
I began by saying I think the money is what triggers me off and controls my life but now, I'm not so sure. Maybe, as someone has suggested, the best place to start is my eating issues, be they binge-eating or just willpower problems.
Re the fresh start, does anyone else have this or do you just start to change your life there and then, even if that's the middle of the month, middle of the week or even the middle of the day?
Lots of good advice for you above BipMan.Just had a long, long shower which gave me plenty of time to think about stuff (like why does the brand of shower gel I use come out too fast from the bottle even if I don't squeeze it??).
Once I'd answered that, remembering what RTB said about not letting things get on top of me that I can't control, I moved on to a question I've always asked myself.
Right now, I feel I need to make a fresh start. Get rid of the stuff I don't need in my life, and spend more time doing worthwhile things, and generally look after myself. I've tried this "fresh start" thing dozens of times over the years but it's not really worked. It's strange really, how can I explain?
I pick a date in the future and aim to "start again" on that day. It's usually the 1st of the month, any month; might be a 1st January for example which, I admit, is not that original but it's a date I focus on that when I wake up on that day, I will be different. I will be focused, sensible, organised, switched on.... whatever you want to call it. But within a few days, maybe a week at tops, something goes wrong and I stop. Usually, I fall off the wagon food-wise so to speak. I don't drink alcohol at all, so cutting out beer isn't going to help, but I have a terrible relationship with food. I constantly binge eat and I can safely say I can out-eat anyone that has posted on this thread, so when my "fresh start" fails again, I start scoffing again.
I began by saying I think the money is what triggers me off and controls my life but now, I'm not so sure. Maybe, as someone has suggested, the best place to start is my eating issues, be they binge-eating or just willpower problems.
Re the fresh start, does anyone else have this or do you just start to change your life there and then, even if that's the middle of the month, middle of the week or even the middle of the day?
Thought I'd address the repeated fresh starts that you have tried....
I have seen this a few times with other friends that have / continue to go through bouts of depression etc. It is hard to explain - but from what I have experienced (guilty myself) is sometimes it is used as a mask to deeper underlying problems and can be fuelled by the initial excitement that you are on the road to recovery.
Some lifestyle changes are good yes - but I have found that changing things for the sake of change doesn't yield good results - it can feel good at the beginning of the fresh start, but quickly you'll be back to 'your old self' as some of those things are things that you enjoy. This can in turn feel like a failure and so the cycle continues.
From a personal perspective, I make changes when I feel the need too. I do not confine them to weeks or month beginnings etc. Small, incremental changes that I do, to benefit myself and no one else. Simple things, like cutting out red meat - it worked for me and I am recommended to eat lots of oily fish for my brain - but that change really helped me for example.
Ruskie said:
I have been vegan for a couple of months now. I did a month at first and lost a stone in weight without trying. Had a break and a think about it and I’m going full time now. I have chosen to do it for health reasons first and foremost. Animal welfare bothers me as the impact on the planet.
I feel like I have tons more energy and I’m no where near as sluggish. If you need inspiration than Cowspiracy is a good watch.
Be prepared for loads of opinion on your life choice, ranging from disbelief to outright abuse.
Is it helping my depression? Time will tell.
I’ve kept pretty quiet about it, for various reasons. I feel like I have tons more energy and I’m no where near as sluggish. If you need inspiration than Cowspiracy is a good watch.
Be prepared for loads of opinion on your life choice, ranging from disbelief to outright abuse.
Is it helping my depression? Time will tell.
However, you are right, people offer an opinion without being asked, and try and discuss it even when I clearly have no interest in doing so.
I am not on a mission to ‘convert’ anyone, I’m doing it for me and me only
.It’s hard though when working away, like this week, and being provided with catering. Most of the food on offer contains dairy products, so I am not able to be strictly meat and dairy free unless I just eat green beans and salad.
I am trying though.
I think I’m going to try coming off my anti-depressants. Been on Fluoxatine for probably 3 years now. 25mg daily so not a huge doze but sufficient to make the black days a little greyer.
I’m still desperately unhappy at work so would welcome any advice from PH’ers who have come off anti-depressants.
Ta!
I’m still desperately unhappy at work so would welcome any advice from PH’ers who have come off anti-depressants.
Ta!
oobster said:
I think I’m going to try coming off my anti-depressants. Been on Fluoxatine for probably 3 years now. 25mg daily so not a huge doze but sufficient to make the black days a little greyer.
I’m still desperately unhappy at work so would welcome any advice from PH’ers who have come off anti-depressants.
Ta!
Purely out of interest how long have you been unhappy at work and is there a plan to change jobs? I’m still desperately unhappy at work so would welcome any advice from PH’ers who have come off anti-depressants.
Ta!
oobster said:
I think I’m going to try coming off my anti-depressants. Been on Fluoxatine for probably 3 years now. 25mg daily so not a huge doze but sufficient to make the black days a little greyer.
I’m still desperately unhappy at work so would welcome any advice from PH’ers who have come off anti-depressants.
Ta!
Are you having any kind of therapy or counselling in addition to meds? Might be worthwhile staying on them for the time being whilst you explore other avenues of treatment.I’m still desperately unhappy at work so would welcome any advice from PH’ers who have come off anti-depressants.
Ta!
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