Depression

[xjay1337]

Ruskie said:

On Sertraline I felt completely numb. No highs and no lows. Middle of the road numb but that is what the drug is designed to do. It helped me at the time but I got sick of apathy to happy events.

Thanks to everyone's answers.

Yes I find that it does even out everything it seems. Been on and off them for about 10 years but only seems recently I have began saying mean things or not thinking about the consequences.

Anyway I guess what else can I do other than carry on and drink my morning hot chocolate :-)

have a good day people.

[ED209]

Well been to the docs this morning, first time I have seen this doctor. I think she understood the issues and I got the impression i wasn't the first she has seen from my job recently.

She wanted to sign me off sick but I dint want that so I have ended up with some mitrazipine to take when i am on nights which hopefully should help me get meaningful sleep and improve my mood. Will see how I go for 5 or 6 weeks.

[MuffDaddy]

Hi all. I'm four sessions in to CBT and finding it a massive help. I want to stay away from pills so this has to be the way forwards. This week I've decided to knock the booze on the head too. It just doesn't help.

I've need depressed for years but only just asked for help, the hardest and best thing I've done.

Edited by MuffDaddy on Tuesday 11th September 13:06

[Derek Smith]

Ruskie said:

RP64 said:

Has anyone else suffered with ongoing depression which has maybe eased but never really gone away. When I was 19 at university I had crippling depression, really terrible and I couldn't think about much else. It had a real effect on every aspect of life and at the time I was on antidepressants and saw a talking therapist. After a couple of years things had mostly eased off so I stopped antidepressants and finished my degree. Years down the line I have a high paying job (but very stressful and time consuming). I'm still single but generally life is pretty good, I don't have any physical health problems, I'm able to take several foreign holidays a year and visit friends and family fairly often (although I do live in a different part of the country).
Nowadays I'm not so depressed I can't get on with life but it's always there. I'm always low level miserable and never quite satisfied. Do other people get this? People who've had depression and "gotten over" it, does it ever really go or like me is it just not as bad as it was?

Yeah mine never really goes. I doubt it ever will. If I get complacent it hits me like a ton of bricks.

For me, and it is personal of course, it never goes completely. I had four and a half years where it was the most important thing in my life and I've come out the other side. However, it's a bit like a road traffic accident. You end up with injuries. I'd prefer a limp to what I've got now.

I can't watch TV programmes where the vulnerable are victims of violence or abuse. Bullying gets me angry. But these are easy enough to avoid. I am a lot more sensitive to the problems and pain of others. But then I wonder why I wasn't before.

There are little things that irritate, one being a dread of being late for an appointment. I always aim to arrive early. I check online for any hold-ups and even allow for slow traffic. I've tried to get over it but now I've given up. I just run with it.

Sometimes it gets a bit dark and then I go out for a walk, gym, write something or watch rugby. All take my mind off my feelings. After an hour or so, I'm back.

I'll never get back to how I was before but then I think that goes for all of us after experience of anything that's affected us.

I'm generally positive though, mainly because I'm so much better than I was.

[227bhp]

Derek Smith said:

I can't watch TV programmes where the vulnerable are victims of violence or abuse. Bullying gets me angry. But these are easy enough to avoid. I am a lot more sensitive to the problems and pain of others. But then I wonder why I wasn't before.

There are little things that irritate, one being a dread of being late for an appointment. I always aim to arrive early. I check online for any hold-ups and even allow for slow traffic. I've tried to get over it but now I've given up. I just run with it.

Sometimes it gets a bit dark and then I go out for a walk, gym, write something or watch rugby. All take my mind off my feelings. After an hour or so, I'm back.

You do realise these are traits of normal human beings? We do change as we get older and mature.

[227bhp]

xjay1337 said:

Anyway I guess what else can I do other than carry on and drink my morning hot chocolate :-)

There is something else you can do

[Derek Smith]

227bhp said:

You do realise these are traits of normal human beings? We do change as we get older and mature.

I think it goes a bit deeper than that. I spent 30 years with victims of crime and in the last two with victims of rape, abuse and other forms of viciousness.

One just pushed me over the edge.

I'm sorry to say I know the difference between empathising and incipient depression.

[hooblah]

I'm not quite sure if I'm depressed or have other psychological issues. I haven't really talked about this with anyone to great depth. I've spoken to close friends, but not in full detail as I don't want to scare them. I can't really ask for their advice as none of them feel or have felt like I do. I don't know anyone who has. A friend did mention that I might have depression, so here I am.

I've been out of a job for almost a year now, mainly because I didnt like my job, and I wanted to take time out to think about a new career path. I wanted to find something I don't mind doing on a daily basis. But the reality is, work just doesn't appeal to me. I'm lazy by nature and I've become lazier. I often think about life and existence and wonder if it's just easier being dead. What's the point in existing if all you do is slave away so you can exist?
Nothing seems to motivate me anymore. The only way I will do something is if a deadline is looming and there are consequences that come with not doing it. I've become apathetic and the thought of being like this forever scares me. I could write an essay on this but I wont. I'm not sure what to do about it.

[longshot]

Write your essay if you want to.
That's what this thread is for.

Writing it down and sharing may help and bring help.

[Ruskie]

hooblah said:

I'm not quite sure if I'm depressed or have other psychological issues. I haven't really talked about this with anyone to great depth. I've spoken to close friends, but not in full detail as I don't want to scare them. I can't really ask for their advice as none of them feel or have felt like I do. I don't know anyone who has. A friend did mention that I might have depression, so here I am.

I've been out of a job for almost a year now, mainly because I didnt like my job, and I wanted to take time out to think about a new career path. I wanted to find something I don't mind doing on a daily basis. But the reality is, work just doesn't appeal to me. I'm lazy by nature and I've become lazier. I often think about life and existence and wonder if it's just easier being dead. What's the point in existing if all you do is slave away so you can exist?
Nothing seems to motivate me anymore. The only way I will do something is if a deadline is looming and there are consequences that come with not doing it. I've become apathetic and the thought of being like this forever scares me. I could write an essay on this but I wont. I'm not sure what to do about it.

Feelings of hopelessness and lacking motivation to work and both signs of depression. I’m miserable at work but I have to keep plowing on and looking for new opportunities. I often feel like you do and wonder what is the point? Is this it?

[ED209]

Sorted taking 15mg of mirtrazipine this week after my night shifts as prescribed to try and address the lack of sleep that was massively affecting my mood. They seem to be working so far. I slept 6 hours today straight rather than my usual 3 ish hours and i have been back to bed for another 1.5 hours. So thats about 7.5 hours sleep after a nigh shift! unheard of for me in the last 10 year.

I feel a little spaced out though as a result of the meds I think.

Im only going to take them when I'm on nights and see how i go, I should know by monday whether my general mood has improved with some decent sleep.

[Animal]

hooblah said:

I'm not quite sure if I'm depressed or have other psychological issues. I haven't really talked about this with anyone to great depth. I've spoken to close friends, but not in full detail as I don't want to scare them. I can't really ask for their advice as none of them feel or have felt like I do. I don't know anyone who has. A friend did mention that I might have depression, so here I am.

I've been out of a job for almost a year now, mainly because I didnt like my job, and I wanted to take time out to think about a new career path. I wanted to find something I don't mind doing on a daily basis. But the reality is, work just doesn't appeal to me. I'm lazy by nature and I've become lazier. I often think about life and existence and wonder if it's just easier being dead. What's the point in existing if all you do is slave away so you can exist?
Nothing seems to motivate me anymore. The only way I will do something is if a deadline is looming and there are consequences that come with not doing it. I've become apathetic and the thought of being like this forever scares me. I could write an essay on this but I wont. I'm not sure what to do about it.

Go ahead and write an essay, it's what this thread is for, as someone else has already said.

About 20 yrs ago I felt the same as you, completely apathetic and lazy. Eventually, I started doing some temping work in factories for minimum wage and they were all boring, mundane and poorly paid, but quite physical. Because I was living at home I could save money and I decided to buy myself a nice watch - so I had a goal to work towards and every boring shift and hour of overtime was a step towards that. Hard work came to have value to me that didn't exist previously. I began to work to live. I bought a nice watch, could afford gym membership and a new pair of shoes, etc, etc.

For what it's worth, I was diagnosed with depression at 18 and it's an ongoing part of my daily life. I'll be 41 soon and just this morning was discussing with my GP increasing my medication.

I'm not saying this to dishearten you; the fact is that I mostly function at a very high level doing a stressful job and have somehow managed to fit in a wedding and a baby this year. It's not always easy, but it's certainly possible to live with - and manage depression.

Now - let's see your essay!

[Derek Smith]

Animal said:

hooblah said:

I'm not quite sure if I'm depressed or have other psychological issues. I haven't really talked about this with anyone to great depth. I've spoken to close friends, but not in full detail as I don't want to scare them. I can't really ask for their advice as none of them feel or have felt like I do. I don't know anyone who has. A friend did mention that I might have depression, so here I am.

I've been out of a job for almost a year now, mainly because I didnt like my job, and I wanted to take time out to think about a new career path. I wanted to find something I don't mind doing on a daily basis. But the reality is, work just doesn't appeal to me. I'm lazy by nature and I've become lazier. I often think about life and existence and wonder if it's just easier being dead. What's the point in existing if all you do is slave away so you can exist?
Nothing seems to motivate me anymore. The only way I will do something is if a deadline is looming and there are consequences that come with not doing it. I've become apathetic and the thought of being like this forever scares me. I could write an essay on this but I wont. I'm not sure what to do about it.

Go ahead and write an essay, it's what this thread is for, as someone else has already said.

About 20 yrs ago I felt the same as you, completely apathetic and lazy. Eventually, I started doing some temping work in factories for minimum wage and they were all boring, mundane and poorly paid, but quite physical. Because I was living at home I could save money and I decided to buy myself a nice watch - so I had a goal to work towards and every boring shift and hour of overtime was a step towards that. Hard work came to have value to me that didn't exist previously. I began to work to live. I bought a nice watch, could afford gym membership and a new pair of shoes, etc, etc.

For what it's worth, I was diagnosed with depression at 18 and it's an ongoing part of my daily life. I'll be 41 soon and just this morning was discussing with my GP increasing my medication.

I'm not saying this to dishearten you; the fact is that I mostly function at a very high level doing a stressful job and have somehow managed to fit in a wedding and a baby this year. It's not always easy, but it's certainly possible to live with - and manage depression.

Now - let's see your essay!

I was told to put down on paper, or at least Word, all the stuff that had happened to me. I found it gave a clue to what my problem was. It also changed my mind about me (I'm a bit Irish and so was that.) In other words, it helped.

One facet of my depression was that I went back over my failures, reinforcing them, time and time again. This is, I'm told, common. Everything is a disaster, and those things that went well were nothing to do with me. If this is you then:

I got to the stage where I apologised to someone for something I did wrong twelve years before. They struggled not to laugh at me. They said I was the only one who stuck by them. And I was. I gradually realised that we all make mistakes. The concept of no one being perfect is hardly up their with Freud. We accept it when friends and others close to us don't do things as we would want, but set higher standards for ourselves. In some ways that is great, but a sense of proportion helps.

Writing it all down sort of clarified it in my own mind. Stupid though it sounds, I didn't realise at the time that the demonstrations I policed in the late 70s, where I was terrified, were terrifying. Most everyone else was scared as well. Yet this was a revelation to me than came via the writing.

The lesson was clear, although it sounds trite; it doesn't matter that I wasn't the best at what I did, only that I tried.

I was let down by two people I regarded as friends. That really got to me. But then I had good friends, and loved ones, who were worried about me and stuck by me. Instead of getting all wound up about betrayal - although it still irritates - I valued those who'd helped.

So write it down. Then write it down again as things become clearer. Tell 'us' about your problems, your feelings, what you want. You don't know us and we don't know you, so there can be no embarrassment. We won't judge. Even if someone does, all they are showing is what aresholes they are - judgemental there a bit, but some things are obvious. It's good practice for not judging yourself.

Want a laugh? I used to wake up beating myself up for something that had happened over 40 years previously. I can laugh at it now, so feel free to join me.

I see things clearer now. Sadly, I see others who are struggling but won't admit it. Accepting that there's a problem is the way to start.

You are ill. You may be lucky to come through it without scars, but the odds are against it. However, most people come to an agreement with the problem. That means that they are better off than before.

I'm more than happy to help if you want to PM me, but try to be public about it. Treat it as a broken leg. Tell us all. You'll be surprised just how many were in the same boat, how they came through it and now are more or less stable. That's the best anyone can hope for.

Best of luck.

[hooblah]

Thanks guys. Give me a bit of time to get it written down. I'll be back shortly.

[oldbanger]

Derek Smith said:

The lesson was clear, although it sounds trite; it doesn't matter that I wasn't the best at what I did, only that I tried.

Oh so true.

[Ruskie]

Derek Smith said:

Animal said:

hooblah said:

I'm not quite sure if I'm depressed or have other psychological issues. I haven't really talked about this with anyone to great depth. I've spoken to close friends, but not in full detail as I don't want to scare them. I can't really ask for their advice as none of them feel or have felt like I do. I don't know anyone who has. A friend did mention that I might have depression, so here I am.

I've been out of a job for almost a year now, mainly because I didnt like my job, and I wanted to take time out to think about a new career path. I wanted to find something I don't mind doing on a daily basis. But the reality is, work just doesn't appeal to me. I'm lazy by nature and I've become lazier. I often think about life and existence and wonder if it's just easier being dead. What's the point in existing if all you do is slave away so you can exist?
Nothing seems to motivate me anymore. The only way I will do something is if a deadline is looming and there are consequences that come with not doing it. I've become apathetic and the thought of being like this forever scares me. I could write an essay on this but I wont. I'm not sure what to do about it.

Go ahead and write an essay, it's what this thread is for, as someone else has already said.

About 20 yrs ago I felt the same as you, completely apathetic and lazy. Eventually, I started doing some temping work in factories for minimum wage and they were all boring, mundane and poorly paid, but quite physical. Because I was living at home I could save money and I decided to buy myself a nice watch - so I had a goal to work towards and every boring shift and hour of overtime was a step towards that. Hard work came to have value to me that didn't exist previously. I began to work to live. I bought a nice watch, could afford gym membership and a new pair of shoes, etc, etc.

For what it's worth, I was diagnosed with depression at 18 and it's an ongoing part of my daily life. I'll be 41 soon and just this morning was discussing with my GP increasing my medication.

I'm not saying this to dishearten you; the fact is that I mostly function at a very high level doing a stressful job and have somehow managed to fit in a wedding and a baby this year. It's not always easy, but it's certainly possible to live with - and manage depression.

Now - let's see your essay!

I was told to put down on paper, or at least Word, all the stuff that had happened to me. I found it gave a clue to what my problem was. It also changed my mind about me (I'm a bit Irish and so was that.) In other words, it helped.

One facet of my depression was that I went back over my failures, reinforcing them, time and time again. This is, I'm told, common. Everything is a disaster, and those things that went well were nothing to do with me. If this is you then:

I got to the stage where I apologised to someone for something I did wrong twelve years before. They struggled not to laugh at me. They said I was the only one who stuck by them. And I was. I gradually realised that we all make mistakes. The concept of no one being perfect is hardly up their with Freud. We accept it when friends and others close to us don't do things as we would want, but set higher standards for ourselves. In some ways that is great, but a sense of proportion helps.

Writing it all down sort of clarified it in my own mind. Stupid though it sounds, I didn't realise at the time that the demonstrations I policed in the late 70s, where I was terrified, were terrifying. Most everyone else was scared as well. Yet this was a revelation to me than came via the writing.

The lesson was clear, although it sounds trite; it doesn't matter that I wasn't the best at what I did, only that I tried.

I was let down by two people I regarded as friends. That really got to me. But then I had good friends, and loved ones, who were worried about me and stuck by me. Instead of getting all wound up about betrayal - although it still irritates - I valued those who'd helped.

So write it down. Then write it down again as things become clearer. Tell 'us' about your problems, your feelings, what you want. You don't know us and we don't know you, so there can be no embarrassment. We won't judge. Even if someone does, all they are showing is what aresholes they are - judgemental there a bit, but some things are obvious. It's good practice for not judging yourself.

Want a laugh? I used to wake up beating myself up for something that had happened over 40 years previously. I can laugh at it now, so feel free to join me.

I see things clearer now. Sadly, I see others who are struggling but won't admit it. Accepting that there's a problem is the way to start.

You are ill. You may be lucky to come through it without scars, but the odds are against it. However, most people come to an agreement with the problem. That means that they are better off than before.

I'm more than happy to help if you want to PM me, but try to be public about it. Treat it as a broken leg. Tell us all. You'll be surprised just how many were in the same boat, how they came through it and now are more or less stable. That's the best anyone can hope for.

Best of luck.

Great post Derek. I’m thoroughly disillusioned with PH generally but posts like yours keep me coming back.

[Vanordinaire]

There's a thread over in the 'Jobs and Emploment' section if the forum where the OP who has been signed off work through stress is looking for advice. I can't believe the hate he's getting in some of the replies. People seem to think that "stress" is all about the task in hand and can be "fixed" just by dealing with workload etc. They don't seem to realise that once you reach a certain point, it breaks you and you need to heal the wounds before you can do anything.
I tried to equate it with a fractured ankle, doesn't matter how it happened, you can't just stop what you were doing to break it then carry on with life as usual. Part of you is broken and you have to let it heal before you can get back to normal.
Maybe its the use of the word "stress" to describe what's wrong that is the problem. Stress can be a good thing in everyday life , it makes you stronger in the same way as exercise does. People see this but don't realise that if you go beyond a certain point, it breaks you.
Maybe we shouldn't refer to the mental health issues as stress related, but instead find a different description. Other people's understanding is one of the biggest hurdles you'll ever have to face, just when you're at your weakest and most vulnerable point.

[227bhp]

Vanordinaire said:

There's a thread over in the 'Jobs and Emploment' section if the forum where the OP who has been signed off work through stress is looking for advice. I can't believe the hate he's getting in some of the replies. People seem to think that "stress" is all about the task in hand and can be "fixed" just by dealing with workload etc. They don't seem to realise that once you reach a certain point, it breaks you and you need to heal the wounds before you can do anything.
I tried to equate it with a fractured ankle, doesn't matter how it happened, you can't just stop what you were doing to break it then carry on with life as usual. Part of you is broken and you have to let it heal before you can get back to normal.
Maybe its the use of the word "stress" to describe what's wrong that is the problem. Stress can be a good thing in everyday life , it makes you stronger in the same way as exercise does. People see this but don't realise that if you go beyond a certain point, it breaks you.
Maybe we shouldn't refer to the mental health issues as stress related, but instead find a different description. Other people's understanding is one of the biggest hurdles you'll ever have to face, just when you're at your weakest and most vulnerable point.

Please don't bring that over here.
The guy isn't suffering from depression, he can't handle a two day a week job in a petrol station, but won't seek any help so just vanishes from the job and goes on sick for a month. I'm unsurprised at the reaction he got.

[oldbanger]

It’s difficult to judge from afar what's genuine depression vs mere malingering.

Not being in a good frame of mind to cope with a stressful part time job may not feel like real depression, but so could a lot of our situations.

[zarjaz1991]

227bhp said:

Please don't bring that over here.
The guy isn't suffering from depression, he can't handle a two day a week job in a petrol station, but won't seek any help so just vanishes from the job and goes on sick for a month. I'm unsurprised at the reaction he got.

How judgemental.