Depression

[sparkyb999]

Problem is I strongly believe that mental health issues can stem from such a number of things from way back, and if overtime not dealt with properly can be the base of many other things to get on top of you.
For example, In my mind I still have issues with a Fatal car accident I was called to (ex firefighter), I think that sticks with me, and also I was kidnapped by two dudes who robbed me over 2 hours, this also wasn't pleasant,

So everything else now in my life, work, family, friends, social media all add up, and its easy to get stressed by the smallest of things, Stuff that you would normally be able to deal with.
Even sitting in traffic jams would trigger a panic attack, like I was trapped, claustrophobic. I hate lifts now, flying in planes... it does my head in.

But over the years, this seems to have escalated into my kids not speaking to me as I come home from work, really depresses me, and it goes on.

I even started buying expensive stuff to try and "fit in", I bought a McLaren, then a Porsche, and if anything these made me feel worse. I loved driving them, but made me feel worse about myself. Like trying to be somebody I wasn't.

So I chopped them in, and now starting cycling again, cutting out all the crap that I used to watch on YT. Some horrible channels like the youths filming crime and harassing the police.

So many things I seem to have accumulated that really are doing me harm.

Have a look at what you currently do, and see if there is a list of stuff you can cut out.

[Joscal]

This sounds very similar to me a good few years ago, this book really helped me https://www.waterstones.com/book/mindfulness/j-mar...

I did a full post earlier on this thread of all the things that I changed and further reading (went to the doctor was on AD's for a while, eating right, exercise, no alcohol, cut toxic people out etc)

I still have the odd bad day but am a very different person now.

Good luck.

[R Mutt]

I know he's got a film coming out but:

https://news.sky.com/story/sylvester-stallone-talk...

"I believe that mental health [issues] is on the rise because of diminished opportunities to physically challenge yourself."

Fair?

Also, further to the mention of hypnosis above (never really come across this as an effective form of therapy) because I don't really believe it myself but I've just read a book by the massively cynical Jon Ronson who says he was hypnotised by Paul McKenna out of separation anxiety from his young son.

[xjay1337]

R Mutt said:

I know he's got a film coming out but:

https://news.sky.com/story/sylvester-stallone-talk...

"I believe that mental health [issues] is on the rise because of diminished opportunities to physically challenge yourself."

Fair?

Also, further to the mention of hypnosis above (never really come across this as an effective form of therapy) because I don't really believe it myself but I've just read a book by the massively cynical Jon Ronson who says he was hypnotised by Paul McKenna out of separation anxiety from his young son.

I completely disagree given my own personal experiences.
I also know several other friends who have depression and anxiety in one form or another and they also are very "fit" doing the gym regularly (IE 3 or 4 times a week) and having done so for several years.

Mental health has probably always had the same amount of issues it's just more understood now so more people can say "I have it" and look to do something about it.

[Fermit and Sexy Sarah]

The black dog, dark moods, what do people do with them?

I'm having days, I wake and feel no happiness at doing so. My MH has dipped somewhat within the last 6 months.

My off days are just that, pissed off, miserable, irritable AF. I've had one today, no enjoyment in anything, everything annoying me. I don't want these days, 0121 fking do one!

Has anyone any nuggets of wisdom for riding these days out?

[Ilovejapcrap]

xjay1337 said:

I went to the gym . On average 5 days a week. Sometimes 6

For 2 hours.

I eat healthy - rice, chicken, cut out fast food completely. Lost like 2 stone in 2 months.

Still felt miserable. So now I just eat ste again.

It was really upsetting really. As everyone seems to bang on that the gym was the best thing ever. Our gym got / is getting renovated so I may go back as I would like to lose weight.

Never, ever been able to sleep well. Even as a child.
At least I have a semi stable routine where I am up at 8.30 for work. I doze off around 1am.

I will probably go back on the tablets. They worked OK for me. I may see if doc can prescribe something also I can take on top for a more fast acting thing for short term things.

A couple years ago I would stay in bed all day with my laptop. At least I go to the study now.

fk the gym, get a push bike and starva, plus watch some bike stuff on YouTube like GCN, really motivates you.

Before you know it you’ll go from 3 mile rides to 20 to 30 etc etc and be loving it. I listen to podcasts whilst doing it and feel ace when I get in.

[thebraketester]

xjay1337 said:

I am really struggling lately. Some days I literally wish I don't wake up. I haven't been on my meds for a while. It's difficult because my girlfriend kind of thinks medication is bad (kind of, it's hard to explain) but I personally don't find there being a problem being on medication for a long period where as she does.

She told me she was proud I came off them. I kind of feel the same vaguely. Still have some ups and downs.
But on the same hand she doesn't seem to understand me when it comes to some of my idiosyncrasies and just letting me do me when it comes to my mental health.

I tried private therapy which she paid for 4 sessions, and didn't really feel it was helping after the end of ti - it just seemed like a lot of money for an hour of someone listening to you. And telling you some things you could research yourself online. I feel the therapist would really need to be a lot more like some of those TV personalities. I guess it says a lot that I haven't gone back and haven't felt like I needed it.

If I wasn't so scared I'd just end it I would , but I am so guess I'm stuck around

You have my phone number, you have my address. My door is always open Jay.

[xjay1337]

thebraketester said:

You have my phone number, you have my address. My door is always open Jay.

Only if you are cooking



https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-49743315
article may be of interest to someone if they are considering pills
I personally wouldn't recommend sertraline as they were awful for me but most pills I imagine would give the same end result.. chat to your GP


Anyway after 4 days of St Johns wort I'm not sure if it's placebo or not but I am sleeping much more quickly than I was before.. I'd manage 2 hours of Youtube or top gear re-runs before I slept but now after 30 minutes I can't keep my eyes open!

[WestyCarl]

xjay1337 said:

I went to the gym . On average 5 days a week. Sometimes 6

For 2 hours.

I eat healthy - rice, chicken, cut out fast food completely. Lost like 2 stone in 2 months.

Still felt miserable. So now I just eat ste again.

It was really upsetting really. As everyone seems to bang on that the gym was the best thing ever. Our gym got / is getting renovated so I may go back as I would like to lose weight.

Never, ever been able to sleep well. Even as a child.
At least I have a semi stable routine where I am up at 8.30 for work. I doze off around 1am.

I will probably go back on the tablets. They worked OK for me. I may see if doc can prescribe something also I can take on top for a more fast acting thing for short term things.

A couple years ago I would stay in bed all day with my laptop. At least I go to the study now.

The gym is not a "healthy place", it's full of people either trying to look good or massive Bro's, either way it very easy to feel worthless about yourself.

Outside exercise (running, walking, hiking, biking) is much healthier for the mind. There's a bigger sense of achievment (usually faster rate of progress) and none of the Gym competitiveness.

[WhereDoWeGoFromHere]

thetapeworm said:

I'd been on the waiting list for some therapy for months when I suddenly received the offer of an online therapy scheme - you sign up, fill in some questionnaires and then have a session on a weekly basis using an online chat facility. Given the chances of proper CBT etc was still at least 6 months away I thought I'd give it a go.

Before I had chance to do anything I received a call from the people running it, Ieso Health to see why I'd taken more than 24 hours to sign up / decline, a bit odd I thought as it was a completely unexplained offer but I explained I was having a think about it but was planning to sign up.

I then did the initial sign up and one of the basic questionnaires but the main one was quite and epic and I wanted to get some input from my wife and give it some proper thought to try and make sure I was assigned to the best person to fix me

Unfortunately procrastination and a desire to get things spot on is one of my many weaknesses, as is putting time aside for things I need to do for me rather than work etc, as such a week went by without me filling in the form.

Another call from Ieso to tell me I needed to fill in the details so they could then find someone to help me, fair enough, a much-needed nudge, I explained my issues and they seemed happy with that. I said I'd get it sorted within the week.

A few days later a letter came to say I'd been discharged for not filling the form in. Not just from the Ieso side but also the entire waiting list I've been on for over 6 months now (after they declined my attempts to self-help through some of their other schemes because I "needed more than they could offer in those"). That waiting list in itself was a complete hassle to get on due to the need to self refer etc. I appreciate than others are waiting too and maybe I was stopping someone else getting on this but it just seems a bit of a crap way to handle it.

Now I've recently stopped taking my meds and oddly seem to be a lot better as a result but I found it really concerning that they would act like this around something like mental health. I'm just viewing it as a lost opportunity but for those in another place mentally this could be the kind of rejection that pushes them over the edge and makes them feel worse than ever. I ranked "severe" in both the depression and anxiety questionnaires that prompted the original referral and have some other stuff I also struggle with so I'm not just playing at this, I genuinely did want to try and get some help, now I'm just going to try and handle it myself I guess.

Not sure why I've suddenly felt the need to share this random tale, maybe to warn others that if they get a similar offer and genuinely want to do it then don't mess about like I did.

Good luck to you all, keep going!

Only just seen this.

I started the ieso CBT about 4 or 5 weeks ago, at the insistence of my g/f. I haven't found it very useful so far.

At each session, they want me to suggest "what I want to bring to the session". I have no answer for that - I am generally unhappy, I find life challenging and (mostly) fairly pointless. There is no specific thing that I can list, and no specific thing I'm trying to address. I expect him to know the answers, and it feels like he expects me to.
I am aware that many of my issues have Aspergers as the root cause - and I get the impression that the person I'm speaking to doesn't have much knowledge of Aspergers, so is not particularly suited.
My sessions are on Mondays and the one last night wasn't great. He wanted me to set "goals" and I really couldn't think of any and it seemed he was one step away from telling me that CBT was not for me (in fact, he virtually did say as much when he asked me what was important in life to me, and he appeared not to like my answer).

I left the session last night feeling even worse - like I was so useless I couldn't even do therapy correctly.

I don't understand how CBT is supposed to work. So far he hasn't suggested anything.

He is aware that my life is less stressful when I'm single, and that being in a relationship tends to put me in stressful situations more often (due to the Aspergers). Last night he asked what positives there were in being in the relationship and why I'm in one. Part of my answer was that I thought it was good that I was forced to leave my house / interact with people because although I found it difficult, I thought it would be very unhealthy to be at home and a virtual hermit most of the time (other than work).
Later in the conversation, he asked me what was important to me in life and what my life goals were. I answered that I didn't have any - I had always felt that life was challenging, and that I remembered a friend asking me a similar question once and laughing when I said that life was simply killing time until you die. I said that I found life difficult, and I was aware that eventually I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. There were things I enjoy (mostly car related) but that isn't really a life goal or important life stuff.
This seemed to be the point where he suggested CBT may not be for me, because I wasn't willing to change how I think - and that maybe my life would be simpler if I ditched the g/f and spent my life single in my house avoiding stress.

Even I know that's not a good route for somebody who's depressed, so I was fairly amazed he suggested it. I told him I didn't think that was a good idea - it was very near the end of the session, and they don't go over time - so he told me I need to set goals for next week - even though I made it clear I don't know what that means.

I think it's very likely my CBT will come to an end in the next week or two. I wonder if I need to find something more targeted towards Aspergers than CBT - I think I am depressed anyway, but I think the Aspergers is probably the issue that needs addressing the most.

[zygalski]

Mindfulness meditation has really helped for my anxiety. It's supposed to also work for depression.
For me, 2 weeks in to this 8 week course:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-gui...
and I feel like weight has been lifted.

You'll need 15-30 minutes a day, somewhere quiet to do the guided meditations.

It's worth a shot. Could be the best tenner you'll ever spend, and it's purely about the mind and body, none of the religious/spiritual baggage that's often associated with meditation.
One of the authors is a Professor of Clinical Psychology at Oxford University, and has stated on his website that he's "as spiritual as a house brick".

[CharlieH89]

I don't have depression but my wife does. She has suffered for years.
Currently on 30mg of fluoxetine but she still has really low days every week or two and even broke down to me a couple of days ago saying she has thoughts along the lines of 'why shouldn't I kill myself/ she isn't a good mum/ she doesn't deserve me'

I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure who she can see.
She has seen people in the past but nothing has came of it. She still has the same issues.

Are they here for life? I've known her for the past 11 years and they've certainly been always there, lurking in the background and showing their face every so often.

We have an 8 month old baby and like I say her moods will be great/ normal for a week or so then a couple of days where nothing in the house is done and I have to look after the baby all day and through the night if she wakes up because my wife is just incapable at them moments.

Thankfully I don't have any issues but lately it is getting harder and harder, not helped by a bit of debt that is playing on the back of my mind.
I can put the hours in work to help the debt situation but then that could be a contributing factor into the decline of my wifes moods.

I've spoke to our parents about them visiting my wife when I can't be at home but I don't want to put it on them with details of how she is when she has the low episodes. I don't want them to see her In that light. Despite her mum and dad having more time on their hands they never seem too focussed on keeping in touch with her consistently with it rather being reactionary, when I ask them too.
My mum and dad are quite supportive in visiting but live a bit further away then the 5 minutes her parents do.

I tell my wife to get out the house, do things but it's never that easy is it?

[KTF]

CharlieH89 said:

I don't have depression but my wife does. She has suffered for years.
Currently on 30mg of fluoxetine but she still has really low days every week or two and even broke down to me a couple of days ago saying she has thoughts along the lines of 'why shouldn't I kill myself/ she isn't a good mum/ she doesn't deserve me'

I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure who she can see.
She has seen people in the past but nothing has came of it. She still has the same issues.

What people has she seen in the past?

Take her to her GP and spell out clearly what you have seen and heard to them so they can escalate it to the adult mental health team in your area.

If you send her to the GP herself then she probably won't tell them the full picture.

[Mr Whippy]

CharlieH89 said:

I don't have depression but my wife does. She has suffered for years.
Currently on 30mg of fluoxetine but she still has really low days every week or two and even broke down to me a couple of days ago saying she has thoughts along the lines of 'why shouldn't I kill myself/ she isn't a good mum/ she doesn't deserve me'

I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure who she can see.
She has seen people in the past but nothing has came of it. She still has the same issues.

Are they here for life? I've known her for the past 11 years and they've certainly been always there, lurking in the background and showing their face every so often.

We have an 8 month old baby and like I say her moods will be great/ normal for a week or so then a couple of days where nothing in the house is done and I have to look after the baby all day and through the night if she wakes up because my wife is just incapable at them moments.

Thankfully I don't have any issues but lately it is getting harder and harder, not helped by a bit of debt that is playing on the back of my mind.
I can put the hours in work to help the debt situation but then that could be a contributing factor into the decline of my wifes moods.

I've spoke to our parents about them visiting my wife when I can't be at home but I don't want to put it on them with details of how she is when she has the low episodes. I don't want them to see her In that light. Despite her mum and dad having more time on their hands they never seem too focussed on keeping in touch with her consistently with it rather being reactionary, when I ask them too.
My mum and dad are quite supportive in visiting but live a bit further away then the 5 minutes her parents do.

I tell my wife to get out the house, do things but it's never that easy is it?

Have you been to see a counsellor together?

In my view a private counselling session for you both, with a good counsellor, would be money/debt well spent!

When I say a good counsellor, find someone you know who has been to hell and back, and get the number of their counsellor and give them a ring and see if they're right for you both.


I don't want to put down the NHS too much, but in my experience private counselling is pretty cheap all considered, but the difference is like night and day.

Walk into an NHS mental health place and you feel like a mental person, clam up, don't relax, aren't honest with yourself, nervously wondering what they're writing, ticking on boxes, etc. Like they're assessing you for locking you away.

Private counselling. Like an angel has come to help you and make all your issues melt away.


Well that was my experience any way.

[petemurphy]

how do you find a therapist / counsellor? i really need to see someone but am struggling to work out who

[xjay1337]

Sambucket said:

The type of counselling is much less important than your relationship with the therapist. I burnt through a few including a pricey private psychiatrist, with no positive results, until I found one I gelled with and he pretty much fixed me.

Sad truth is, a half decent therapist is unlikely to be very accessible on the NHS. Unless perhaps by referral.

I've seen two, one NHS and one private.
Private was £50 for 45 minutes.

I expected a US Drama type of affair.
I felt disappointed.

[heisthegaffer]

Hi all

Thought I'd chip in with my story, some of it a familiar tale to some I guess.

Ever since I can remember, going back to primary school I've been through peaks and troughs of joy and dread. My parents hated each other. I hated being at school but hated being at home too. I used to look around at the other kids at school and wonder what the hell there was to be so cheery about. Didn't help that I got bullied and had to change school which in some ways was even worse.

I had one real friend at primary school who would side with others if the going got tough and then at secondary school it was just as bad.

College was awesome though as I realised I had a voice people were interested in so much much better.

Anyway, fast forwarding I struggled on for years and years with depression, anxiety, probably a bit of bi-polar thrown in too.

I was deeply affected by my parent's relationship. Such venom. My biological mother was removed from the house by the courts and over the last 25 years plus or so I've probably seen her 10 times maybe. She herself has serious mental health issues or personality traits. Some violence towards me, my brother and sister too. Had my dad falsely arrested in front of me.

Went out with a series of different men, always comparing them to my dad and putting him down despite every single one not being a patch on him. Some of them were okay to be fair. Except for the massive one who I thought was going to kick the st out of me when I was 13 because they'd argued over an argos ring he refused to buy her.

It came to ahead a few years ago when after getting married we got pregnant and had a miscarriage. Then another. That was it for me... The downward spiral really began.

One day I woke up and thought this just isn't right... Similar story at work... Why is everyone so happy and I'm so, so unhappy. Went to the doctors and fortunately had private health insurance so underwent counselling which helped loads. That and time worked for me.

I wouldn't say I was cured but was fine for a a few years then hit a rough patch so had some more with a different counseller. Again, helped massively, felt even better than the previous time.

On the whole I have been in a good spot for a while and can now manage /recognise the odd rough day and get through it.

On my good days I love life.... I'm the life and soul.... I love people.

On the bad days, I just take a deep breath and just remember that it'll be OK.

My message here people is that whilst it isn't easy, things can get better despite it not feeling like that. There was a post on another thread saying that it's like the waves of the ocean. They come and go but ultimately get further away. Something like that. And that is exactly how I feel.

Stay strong all.

[CharlieH89]

KTF, Mr Whippy, thanks for the replies.

She has had counselling through private insurance quite a few years ago now. That company eventually worked her out of the door for time off/ anything they could use/ underperforming.

Then NHS and then a private counsellor I'd say beginning of 2018 who worked a lot on CBT.

We have never had joint counselling but i'm not sure what that would solve that previous counselling hasn't. There doesn't seem to be an issue from her child hood/ growing up that deep down affects her.
Thanks once again. It's good to be able to speak about it.

[heisthegaffer]

CharlieH89 said:

KTF, Mr Whippy, thanks for the replies.

She has had counselling through private insurance quite a few years ago now. That company eventually worked her out of the door for time off/ anything they could use/ underperforming.

Then NHS and then a private counsellor I'd say beginning of 2018 who worked a lot on CBT.

We have never had joint counselling but i'm not sure what that would solve that previous counselling hasn't. There doesn't seem to be an issue from her child hood/ growing up that deep down affects her.
Thanks once again. It's good to be able to speak about it.

Best of luck mate.

[Fermit and Sexy Sarah]

If anyone can talk with me, as I'm feeling really low this evening.

This will sound mad, we lost one of our Chickens today, and it's hit us both really hard. I've been crying my bloody eyes out, over a chicken. She was only 5 months old, one of 16. She was the bottom of the pecking order, and a beautiful amber coloured bird, called fittingly, Amber.

She was diagnosed with a sour and impacted crop, like a fur-ball in a cat, and she couldn't pass food. Unfortunately the vets prognosis was that PTS was the kindest thing.

My wife has been in tears all day, I have been in them twice also. I don't cry, twice in ten years - last when my last dog was PTS, and last time before then was a friend being killed in an RTC.

I am so upset at this, it doesn't feel rational, it's a bird, but I feel heart-broken. She was too young, we reared her from the egg. It's just not fair.

Anyone care to chat it through, as I feel a mess?

Amber -