Discussion
Grief is a weird thing and manifests itself in odd ways. My father died when I was 17 many moons ago, he'd had me late in life so he was in his eighties. It wasn't sudden, he'd been ill and suffering so it was almost a relief. It didn't seem to affect me much at all, I just did what I had to and got on with things. Then about a month later I was clearing his garage out. It had been neglected in his last years and the roof had leaked. I found an old socket set that he and I had used many times when tinkering on our cars. When I opened it it was full of water and going rusty. I thought 'poor Dad', burst into tears and cried on my own in that damp garage for some time. I felt so much better afterwards and realised how much it had been bottled up inside me.
KTF said:
Am still not the gibbering wreck I feel I should be right now (and maybe I never will). I can recite every detail of what happened to anyone who asks just like its a normal conversation with no emotion or anything. That’s crazy, right?
I had 6 months of ridiculous stress that would have made most ‘normal’ people turn into a wreck themselves or simply walk away. I would never have walked away from her, my child or our home and am a very good ‘sponge’ it seems.
On the way over to the house, deep down I knew what was waiting for me when I opened the door and I had preconditioned myself to that. What I had to do after that is something that someone should never have to do. But that wasn’t ‘her’ that I saw, that was just the ‘shell’ for her spirit (am not religious but that’s as close as I can get).
The vast majority of people who knew her are not sleeping or crying or whatever but I am having the best night sleep (subject to the boy waking me up) I have had for a while and that’s f
ked up.
Sometimes I really do wonder if there is something wrong with me. However I also realise that at some point it is going to register and hit me in the back of the head in a big way.
I also realise that at some point I will need professional help to put this all to bed.
We all deal with things differently. If you had subconsciously prepared yourself then maybe you won't go though that emotional response. I had 6 months of ridiculous stress that would have made most ‘normal’ people turn into a wreck themselves or simply walk away. I would never have walked away from her, my child or our home and am a very good ‘sponge’ it seems.
On the way over to the house, deep down I knew what was waiting for me when I opened the door and I had preconditioned myself to that. What I had to do after that is something that someone should never have to do. But that wasn’t ‘her’ that I saw, that was just the ‘shell’ for her spirit (am not religious but that’s as close as I can get).
The vast majority of people who knew her are not sleeping or crying or whatever but I am having the best night sleep (subject to the boy waking me up) I have had for a while and that’s f
ked up. Sometimes I really do wonder if there is something wrong with me. However I also realise that at some point it is going to register and hit me in the back of the head in a big way.
I also realise that at some point I will need professional help to put this all to bed.
It doesn't sound odd to me at all. Don't beat yourself up about it.
KTF - my fervent hopes for you and yours for whatever the future may hold.
If you were to consider at some point or felt that you needed additional support outside of your family/friends and wanted to avoid your local mental health services (understandably) then you could have a look at Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide
uksobs.org
national helpline 0900-21.00 Mon thru Friday 0300 111 5065
based in DE21 but operate throughout the UK
paul
If you were to consider at some point or felt that you needed additional support outside of your family/friends and wanted to avoid your local mental health services (understandably) then you could have a look at Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide
uksobs.org
national helpline 0900-21.00 Mon thru Friday 0300 111 5065
based in DE21 but operate throughout the UK
paul
Thanks. I will add it to my list of ones to investigate.
One week on and I am still genuinely OK. Went back to the house on my own the other day and got a bit ‘twitchy’ in the hall so quickly got what I needed and left. Other rooms are OK but still felt ‘uneasy’.
We had a massive send off for her at parkrun and still nothing. I gave a short speech, met loads of people then did the results as usual and all completely normal. Is just bizarre.
I really don’t think I will actually let it all out...
I still need to talk to a professional though. Am not that daft.
One week on and I am still genuinely OK. Went back to the house on my own the other day and got a bit ‘twitchy’ in the hall so quickly got what I needed and left. Other rooms are OK but still felt ‘uneasy’.
We had a massive send off for her at parkrun and still nothing. I gave a short speech, met loads of people then did the results as usual and all completely normal. Is just bizarre.
I really don’t think I will actually let it all out...
I still need to talk to a professional though. Am not that daft.
Just a bit full at the moment, and need to vent..
Timing chain on car broke on Thursday, needs a new engine.
Work has slowed down and they are making redundancies.
Just had scaffolding up for the chimneys to be repointed, they have knocked off a couple of tiles. OH at work, so can't even fix as looking after the little one. Rain forecast...
Nearby developers have announced we won't have vehicle access to our house for a few weeks, and poor pedestrian access. They promised we would have access at all times. Nearest parking is about 400 yards away. We have a toddler in nursery. Daily routine is hard enough already.
Toddler still doesn't appear to need any sleep. Largely sleeps through now, but still needs less than I do at night. Otherwise an absolute delight.
House is a doer upper. I love it, but everything has to be done in ten minute intervals, this is my 'recreational time', and only time I get alone.
OH is flat out at work and under a lot of pressure. She is in work now, and has similar anxieties. I don't feel I can outlet to her excessively as this puts her under more pressure.
Parents live 3 1/2 hours away, 5 with stops with the little one now. We have always been close and I miss seeing them very often.
Need to spend ten minutes on the CBT exercises, but not sure when I will get a minute to do this.
Timing chain on car broke on Thursday, needs a new engine.
Work has slowed down and they are making redundancies.
Just had scaffolding up for the chimneys to be repointed, they have knocked off a couple of tiles. OH at work, so can't even fix as looking after the little one. Rain forecast...
Nearby developers have announced we won't have vehicle access to our house for a few weeks, and poor pedestrian access. They promised we would have access at all times. Nearest parking is about 400 yards away. We have a toddler in nursery. Daily routine is hard enough already.
Toddler still doesn't appear to need any sleep. Largely sleeps through now, but still needs less than I do at night. Otherwise an absolute delight.
House is a doer upper. I love it, but everything has to be done in ten minute intervals, this is my 'recreational time', and only time I get alone.
OH is flat out at work and under a lot of pressure. She is in work now, and has similar anxieties. I don't feel I can outlet to her excessively as this puts her under more pressure.
Parents live 3 1/2 hours away, 5 with stops with the little one now. We have always been close and I miss seeing them very often.
Need to spend ten minutes on the CBT exercises, but not sure when I will get a minute to do this.
CubanPete, don't worry the little one will get older and it's amazing how the time changes. I'm suffering myself after last having a bout of low mood about 4 years ago. Both of these seem to revolve around having to be a sole parent of a toddler for much of the week as the last time was my first born. There really isn't much a bloke and child network about, I've tried the group stuff and it's all women who have no interest in talking to one of the Dads. It gets much better as you start getting half a day respite and then having a little person who can interact and do more for themselves. I love spending time with both of my girls but the youngest who is 19 months can be hard work as I just can't do anything without her following me about the house. She's not interested at all in toys or TV.
I dropped on to here to ask whether anyone gets a lift in mood from natural supplements? I've been building an extension onto our house these last 8 months so it's been an incredibly stressful time without a kitchen, living in one room for several months as the rest of the house has been a building site, making lots of decisions on everything, working around childcare to actually do the work on the place and the added stresses of the cost of it all. I'm pretty close now to some kind of conclusion but it's taken a toll on the pair of us and I think we're both suffering a lack of seratonin. As much of the work has been indoors, I've been stuck inside without a lot of sunlight at times.
Anyone had any success from legal herbal remedy?
I dropped on to here to ask whether anyone gets a lift in mood from natural supplements? I've been building an extension onto our house these last 8 months so it's been an incredibly stressful time without a kitchen, living in one room for several months as the rest of the house has been a building site, making lots of decisions on everything, working around childcare to actually do the work on the place and the added stresses of the cost of it all. I'm pretty close now to some kind of conclusion but it's taken a toll on the pair of us and I think we're both suffering a lack of seratonin. As much of the work has been indoors, I've been stuck inside without a lot of sunlight at times.
Anyone had any success from legal herbal remedy?
Chicken Chaser said:
CubanPete, don't worry the little one will get older and it's amazing how the time changes. I'm suffering myself after last having a bout of low mood about 4 years ago. Both of these seem to revolve around having to be a sole parent of a toddler for much of the week as the last time was my first born. There really isn't much a bloke and child network about, I've tried the group stuff and it's all women who have no interest in talking to one of the Dads. It gets much better as you start getting half a day respite and then having a little person who can interact and do more for themselves. I love spending time with both of my girls but the youngest who is 19 months can be hard work as I just can't do anything without her following me about the house. She's not interested at all in toys or TV.
I dropped on to here to ask whether anyone gets a lift in mood from natural supplements? I've been building an extension onto our house these last 8 months so it's been an incredibly stressful time without a kitchen, living in one room for several months as the rest of the house has been a building site, making lots of decisions on everything, working around childcare to actually do the work on the place and the added stresses of the cost of it all. I'm pretty close now to some kind of conclusion but it's taken a toll on the pair of us and I think we're both suffering a lack of seratonin. As much of the work has been indoors, I've been stuck inside without a lot of sunlight at times.
Anyone had any success from legal herbal remedy?
Get yourself some ‘Mood Food’ tablets and go for the extra strength ones. You can get them online and they are totally legal.I dropped on to here to ask whether anyone gets a lift in mood from natural supplements? I've been building an extension onto our house these last 8 months so it's been an incredibly stressful time without a kitchen, living in one room for several months as the rest of the house has been a building site, making lots of decisions on everything, working around childcare to actually do the work on the place and the added stresses of the cost of it all. I'm pretty close now to some kind of conclusion but it's taken a toll on the pair of us and I think we're both suffering a lack of seratonin. As much of the work has been indoors, I've been stuck inside without a lot of sunlight at times.
Anyone had any success from legal herbal remedy?
Holland and Barret may well do them also.
I have a friends that have taken them for the last 4yrs and couldn’t function without them
Hi All,
Been posting on my thread regarding my work problems and looking at an exit strategy and realising it’s been having a negative impact on my well being and personal life. Disturbed sleep patterns, low motivation, poor concentration unless something really grabs me (say watching a movie together or reading) and a general feeling of being low and not able to escape my situation and even imposter syndrome about whether I’m good enough to be successful applying for another role. I know the problem and know where I need to be. I just need to do it and for now stop work getting to me and just take the pay until I’m out. Trying to knock alcohol on the head as always feel low the day after. I’ve had some good advice on my thread and have my next counselling session today as I know I need to deal with things from within also.
Been posting on my thread regarding my work problems and looking at an exit strategy and realising it’s been having a negative impact on my well being and personal life. Disturbed sleep patterns, low motivation, poor concentration unless something really grabs me (say watching a movie together or reading) and a general feeling of being low and not able to escape my situation and even imposter syndrome about whether I’m good enough to be successful applying for another role. I know the problem and know where I need to be. I just need to do it and for now stop work getting to me and just take the pay until I’m out. Trying to knock alcohol on the head as always feel low the day after. I’ve had some good advice on my thread and have my next counselling session today as I know I need to deal with things from within also.
I've posted a few times on this thread about my son and his struggle with anxiety and depression.
Last night he dropprd the bombshell on my wife that he's been having suicidal thoughts. She tried to get him into see a doctor today but when she called she was 37th in the queue and no chance of getting an appointment.
I've said they need to be at the surgery tomorrow at opening time and don't take no for an answer.
Unfortunately I know that drugs just don't help so all I can hope for is a short term solution from the NHS. He's had some therapy but again that just doesn't seem to help at all.
I now need to start looking at private treatment, and quickly. I've tried looking at private before but it mostly seems to be therapists that cover a huge range of generic ailments and treatments. How do I find somebody who isn't a generic therapist and can get to the root of the problem?
I'm in Kent if anyone knows a good therapist?
Last night he dropprd the bombshell on my wife that he's been having suicidal thoughts. She tried to get him into see a doctor today but when she called she was 37th in the queue and no chance of getting an appointment.
I've said they need to be at the surgery tomorrow at opening time and don't take no for an answer.
Unfortunately I know that drugs just don't help so all I can hope for is a short term solution from the NHS. He's had some therapy but again that just doesn't seem to help at all.
I now need to start looking at private treatment, and quickly. I've tried looking at private before but it mostly seems to be therapists that cover a huge range of generic ailments and treatments. How do I find somebody who isn't a generic therapist and can get to the root of the problem?
I'm in Kent if anyone knows a good therapist?
Edited by 98elise on Thursday 12th December 10:51
98elise said:
I've posted a few times on this thread about my son and his struggle with anxiety and depression.
Last night he the bombshell on my wife that he's been having suicidal thoughts. She tried to get him into see a doctor today but when she called she was 37th in the queue and no chance of getting an appointment.
I've said they need to be at the surgery tomorrow at opening time and don't take no for an answer.
Unfortunately I know that drugs just don't help so all I can hope for is a short term solution from the NHS. He's had some therapy but again that just doesn't seem to help at all.
I now need to start looking at private treatment, and quickly. I've tried looking at private before but it mostly seems to be therapists that cover a huge range of generic ailments and treatments. How do I find somebody who isn't a generic therapist and can get to the root of the problem?
I'm in Kent if anyone knows a good therapist?
That your son voiced his thoughts, however dark, provides a platform to help him. Keep communicating with him, but not just about his MH, talk about all sorts like you would usually. Not so much keeping his mind out of the dark places in itself, but keeping the mind active and focused on other areas as well.Last night he the bombshell on my wife that he's been having suicidal thoughts. She tried to get him into see a doctor today but when she called she was 37th in the queue and no chance of getting an appointment.
I've said they need to be at the surgery tomorrow at opening time and don't take no for an answer.
Unfortunately I know that drugs just don't help so all I can hope for is a short term solution from the NHS. He's had some therapy but again that just doesn't seem to help at all.
I now need to start looking at private treatment, and quickly. I've tried looking at private before but it mostly seems to be therapists that cover a huge range of generic ailments and treatments. How do I find somebody who isn't a generic therapist and can get to the root of the problem?
I'm in Kent if anyone knows a good therapist?
With drugs not helping before, was that GP prescribed or from a psychiatrist?
Here's a list of various types of therapy: https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/types-of-ther... Probably non-exhaustive.
There's also a search function for therapists on the site, too.
NoVetec said:
That your son voiced his thoughts, however dark, provides a platform to help him. Keep communicating with him, but not just about his MH, talk about all sorts like you would usually. Not so much keeping his mind out of the dark places in itself, but keeping the mind active and focused on other areas as well.
With drugs not helping before, was that GP prescribed or from a psychiatrist?
Here's a list of various types of therapy: https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/types-of-ther... Probably non-exhaustive.
There's also a search function for therapists on the site, too.
Is it worth talking to the Samaritans? I wouldn't necessarily advocate drugs immediately although if he's got no coping mechanism then he may not know what works for him. I avoided drugs and glad I did although I'm somewhere in amongst the fog at the moment. I've got a way of getting out of it though I think. With drugs not helping before, was that GP prescribed or from a psychiatrist?
Here's a list of various types of therapy: https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/types-of-ther... Probably non-exhaustive.
There's also a search function for therapists on the site, too.
NoVetec said:
98elise said:
I've posted a few times on this thread about my son and his struggle with anxiety and depression.
Last night he the bombshell on my wife that he's been having suicidal thoughts. She tried to get him into see a doctor today but when she called she was 37th in the queue and no chance of getting an appointment.
I've said they need to be at the surgery tomorrow at opening time and don't take no for an answer.
Unfortunately I know that drugs just don't help so all I can hope for is a short term solution from the NHS. He's had some therapy but again that just doesn't seem to help at all.
I now need to start looking at private treatment, and quickly. I've tried looking at private before but it mostly seems to be therapists that cover a huge range of generic ailments and treatments. How do I find somebody who isn't a generic therapist and can get to the root of the problem?
I'm in Kent if anyone knows a good therapist?
That your son voiced his thoughts, however dark, provides a platform to help him. Keep communicating with him, but not just about his MH, talk about all sorts like you would usually. Not so much keeping his mind out of the dark places in itself, but keeping the mind active and focused on other areas as well.Last night he the bombshell on my wife that he's been having suicidal thoughts. She tried to get him into see a doctor today but when she called she was 37th in the queue and no chance of getting an appointment.
I've said they need to be at the surgery tomorrow at opening time and don't take no for an answer.
Unfortunately I know that drugs just don't help so all I can hope for is a short term solution from the NHS. He's had some therapy but again that just doesn't seem to help at all.
I now need to start looking at private treatment, and quickly. I've tried looking at private before but it mostly seems to be therapists that cover a huge range of generic ailments and treatments. How do I find somebody who isn't a generic therapist and can get to the root of the problem?
I'm in Kent if anyone knows a good therapist?
With drugs not helping before, was that GP prescribed or from a psychiatrist?
Here's a list of various types of therapy: https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/types-of-ther... Probably non-exhaustive.
There's also a search function for therapists on the site, too.
Chicken Chaser said:
NoVetec said:
That your son voiced his thoughts, however dark, provides a platform to help him. Keep communicating with him, but not just about his MH, talk about all sorts like you would usually. Not so much keeping his mind out of the dark places in itself, but keeping the mind active and focused on other areas as well.
With drugs not helping before, was that GP prescribed or from a psychiatrist?
Here's a list of various types of therapy: https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/types-of-ther... Probably non-exhaustive.
There's also a search function for therapists on the site, too.
Is it worth talking to the Samaritans? I wouldn't necessarily advocate drugs immediately although if he's got no coping mechanism then he may not know what works for him. I avoided drugs and glad I did although I'm somewhere in amongst the fog at the moment. I've got a way of getting out of it though I think. With drugs not helping before, was that GP prescribed or from a psychiatrist?
Here's a list of various types of therapy: https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/types-of-ther... Probably non-exhaustive.
There's also a search function for therapists on the site, too.
but treatment for what ?
suicidality grows and evolves from complex origins - pathological, characterlogical, contextual etc etc.
pushing for the GP to make the running potentially disadvantages you and your son. the clue is indeed in the name - "general" practitioner. i suspect that the outcome of a GP appointment will be either an SSRI, a referral to local mental health services or, increasingly, both simultaneously. this scattergun approach is helpful in that it begins the process of linking individuals with the necessary services but it's long-winded and frustrating.
as you have already considered private sector then perhaps a one-off assessment by a Cons. Psychiatrist in private practice is an option ?. rates for an assessment appointment are not as punishing as the received wisdom might suggest. at the least, you could expect a forrmulation, some diagnostic clarity and recommendations for treatment following the review.
it is an investment in both time and money but you're paying for speedy access and time can often be of the essence where suicidal ideation is present.
alternatively, your local secondary care mental health services will operate crisis type intake services. in this day and age, access is almost always direct without the need for referral although an internal triage by that service would be the first stage. If you can let us know where in kent (just the town) you are geographically i can check the locality services and translate the guff for you
paul
suicidality grows and evolves from complex origins - pathological, characterlogical, contextual etc etc.
pushing for the GP to make the running potentially disadvantages you and your son. the clue is indeed in the name - "general" practitioner. i suspect that the outcome of a GP appointment will be either an SSRI, a referral to local mental health services or, increasingly, both simultaneously. this scattergun approach is helpful in that it begins the process of linking individuals with the necessary services but it's long-winded and frustrating.
as you have already considered private sector then perhaps a one-off assessment by a Cons. Psychiatrist in private practice is an option ?. rates for an assessment appointment are not as punishing as the received wisdom might suggest. at the least, you could expect a forrmulation, some diagnostic clarity and recommendations for treatment following the review.
it is an investment in both time and money but you're paying for speedy access and time can often be of the essence where suicidal ideation is present.
alternatively, your local secondary care mental health services will operate crisis type intake services. in this day and age, access is almost always direct without the need for referral although an internal triage by that service would be the first stage. If you can let us know where in kent (just the town) you are geographically i can check the locality services and translate the guff for you
paul
xjay1337 said:
Hi all.
How is everyone managing / feeling over the festive period.
Times like this can be the hardest for us. I know trying to have a smile constantly can be draining
I'm a pretty steady 3/10. Normal for me
Seasons greetings to all.
You don’t have to smile all day jay, even if it is Christmas.How is everyone managing / feeling over the festive period.
Times like this can be the hardest for us. I know trying to have a smile constantly can be draining
I'm a pretty steady 3/10. Normal for me
Seasons greetings to all.
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