Discussion
heisthegaffer said:
A500leroy said:
havoc said:
A500leroy said:
I nearly called the Samaritans today, thats shameful.
No it's not. Not now, not ever.I've realised over the last year that there are times when our own minds turn on us...that we get stuck in unhelpful or downright destructive thought patterns, and that introspection in those circumstances actually makes things worse.
It sounds like you're there. There are ways out, but you need to grasp them...people like the Samaritans can help start you on that road, or at least let you vent the stuff that you'd never tell anyone else.
If you don't want to talk to them, google CALM - Campaign Against Living Miserably. Same sort of thing, but a more modern way of looking at things...their approach might suit you better.
...or just rant on here. No-one in this thread is judgemental, and we're all total strangers...
A500leroy said:
I hope going to work distracts me and helps me to cope.
I get that.Try and find other things to distract you then...
- Walking / running - ideally with music, to keep your mind from wandering
- Sport? Not now, obviously...
- ANYTHING creative. Not sure if that's you or not...but worth a go
- Projects. DIY? Car??
A500leroy said:
We have people paid to do it at work, but why should they care? I hope the situation is over soon, then ive only got 40ish years to try and waste before i finally get some peace
The obvious and not really correct answer is - it's their job. The more correct answer is, whether you believe it or not, they DO care. There's no rationalising it. Maybe they're just very kind, maybe helping someone makes them feel good, maybe they think they'll get into heaven. I looked into counselling for a job and I can assure you, no one's in it for the money. They care, so logically argue why they should/shouldn't as much as you want, you're not going to change that fact. Try them. Please.Whatsmyname said:
I only worry about my parents, which is why I’d rather be in an accident or get cancer etc and just refuse treatment, so basically 90% of my thoughts are just hoping for that. I hope they will cope better that if I’m found in my garage.
Obviously feel free not to reply, but what about your kids? Does that not make living worth while? I suffer from extreme anxiety which leads to depression but the thought of leaving my Daughter without a Dad makes 'checking out' unthinkable despite how often it goes through my head - pretty much every day.
As a friend of mine who sadly passed away from cancer at just 34 said.. Never give up, never give in.
Whatsmyname said:
I hate money I do not even care for my wage I like the work but never even look at payslips - this leads to a poor lifestyle e.g. I sometimes get a Costa coffee once a week that’s the limit of my spending on myself <£5 a week
I hate working to support others it is such a drain when most goes on pointless consumerism, If I was alone would be fine not working till I die I’d could do 1 day a week and be ok.
For those that think just get divorced it will be somewhere in the £1m bracket, in 2012 it would have been about £25k I would be happy whatever the figure if it was 50/50 but it’s 99/1 and my position will be even more unbearable.
If you don't care about money, then the cost of a divorce doesn't matter. The real question is how you can learn to take care of yourself. You can't support your kids and parents if you can't take care of YOU. Also the split probably won't be as bad as you think, but even then it doesn't matter. You'll rebuild, on your own terms, in your own time, in your own space. It will be hard at first but worth it. It sounds like you're married to a typical narcissist who will bleed you dry financially and emotionally, leave you feeling like it's all your fault, and poisoning your kid (mentally). From what you've said here, GET OUT. At least, get counselling to explain this to someone who can replay it to you to help you understand.I hate working to support others it is such a drain when most goes on pointless consumerism, If I was alone would be fine not working till I die I’d could do 1 day a week and be ok.
For those that think just get divorced it will be somewhere in the £1m bracket, in 2012 it would have been about £25k I would be happy whatever the figure if it was 50/50 but it’s 99/1 and my position will be even more unbearable.
Feel free to PM for a chat since you don't accept emails.
Whatsmyname said:
Re money - I don’t need any because I’ve got myself in to a position where I don’t.
So if all that’s taken away and you don’t want to be an active member of society I.e working for a living and paying your bills wtf do you do.
Basically everything I’ve done in my life is a waste of time because if you are not strong or you’re stupid you can invite people in who will just take the lot.
It's not all going to be taken away. Just lots of it. So if all that’s taken away and you don’t want to be an active member of society I.e working for a living and paying your bills wtf do you do.
Basically everything I’ve done in my life is a waste of time because if you are not strong or you’re stupid you can invite people in who will just take the lot.
If you're unhappy because of your marriage, then end your marriage.
It'll cost a fortune. In money. But if it gains you some happiness then it's well worth it.
Whatsmyname said:
I don’t agree - it will just lead to more misery and an absolutely s
t standard of living. I.e benefit street.
Don't see why. You earn a lot of money. You'll have to give a load of it to your wife. You'll have quite a lot left.t standard of living. I.e benefit street. If your marriage is what's making you unhappy, then that's what you need to address. The consequence of addressing it (having less money) is no problem at all, in comparison to being unhappy.
Talk to a professional. You only get one go around. Don't waste it being unhappy.
Whatsmyname said:
I don’t agree - it will just lead to more misery and an absolutely st standard of living. I.e benefit street.
If you think your divorce will cost you £1m, that suggests you have assets of c.£2m.t standard of living. I.e benefit street. ...which puts you, even at the remaining £1m, ahead of something like 95% of the population, maybe more. You will also still have exactly the same earnings potential that got you the £2m in the first place, allowing you to earn another £1m or two...
So please, with respect, stop wallowing in your self-pity and make a decision. If you are that unhappy in your marriage, then end it...it may well be to the benefit of the children too, as they probably know more than you suspect, and WILL be emotionally affected themselves by the emotional leakage from you and your wife.
Whatsmyname said:
I don’t agree - it will just lead to more misery and an absolutely st standard of living. I.e benefit street.
How much would you pay someone if they could make you happy? You can rebuild financially, with your evident skills and freed of the financial and emotional drag. t standard of living. I.e benefit street. Whatsmyname said:
Deleted a load of st I’d put just makes me more depressed I know what I need to do
Whatever you do, don't leave your kids without a father. If kids lose a parent because of an accident then that is terrible, but if the loss is due to a concious decision then that is eleven billion times worse. t I’d put just makes me more depressed I know what I need to doI know. From personal experience.
oobster said:
Whatever you do, don't leave your kids without a father. If kids lose a parent because of an accident then that is terrible, but if the loss is due to a concious decision then that is eleven billion times worse.
I know. From personal experience.
This. Get help before thinking about the easy way out. You owe it to your kids. I know. From personal experience.
oobster said:
Whatever you do, don't leave your kids without a father. If kids lose a parent because of an accident then that is terrible, but if the loss is due to a concious decision then that is eleven billion times worse.
I know. From personal experience.
Seconded. I wish you all the best!I know. From personal experience.
abph said:
oobster said:
Whatever you do, don't leave your kids without a father. If kids lose a parent because of an accident then that is terrible, but if the loss is due to a concious decision then that is eleven billion times worse.
I know. From personal experience.
Seconded. I wish you all the best!I know. From personal experience.
After a phone call to the doctor this morning she advised I give sertraline a try for anxiety and issued a prescription. Does anyone here have any experience with this and did you have any side effects? I'm worried about possible side effects! Apparently it can make you feel worse before you get better so I'm pretty anxious taking them but I will do and see how it goes. She did explain everything and will check up on me in 2 weeks time and I can phone if there's any issues but she did say to expect side effects and try to push through them.
No_Idea said:
After a phone call to the doctor this morning she advised I give sertraline a try for anxiety and issued a prescription. Does anyone here have any experience with this and did you have any side effects? I'm worried about possible side effects! Apparently it can make you feel worse before you get better so I'm pretty anxious taking them but I will do and see how it goes. She did explain everything and will check up on me in 2 weeks time and I can phone if there's any issues but she did say to expect side effects and try to push through them.
I have been taking Sertraline for about 18 months after trying many other types and not getting on with them. Side effects and feeling worse before being better is true for almost all anti depressants but the side effects do subside in a short amount of time. To be honest I don't even know if it's even doing anything for me anymore, I take a 50mg pill once a day at breakfast and that's it. No real episodes for over a year so perhaps they are working. 
No_Idea said:
After a phone call to the doctor this morning she advised I give sertraline a try for anxiety and issued a prescription. Does anyone here have any experience with this and did you have any side effects? I'm worried about possible side effects! Apparently it can make you feel worse before you get better so I'm pretty anxious taking them but I will do and see how it goes. She did explain everything and will check up on me in 2 weeks time and I can phone if there's any issues but she did say to expect side effects and try to push through them.
I had lots of side effects, main one was my sleep pattern was terrible. Insomnia was particularly bad despite exhaustion. Thanks guys. I'm on 50mg to begin with so I'll see how I get on I suppose. Part of the reason for going on them is I'm not sleeping properly - bed at 10.30 and usually wide awake at 2am with a thousand things going through my head. I'll be happy with even a slight improvement in the long turn but do hope my sleep will return to a more normal.
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