Discussion
This lockdown is getting to me now.
In the past I've occasionally had morose thoughts when alone after a drink, usually when walking home from the pub down a quiet lane.
Now I'm getting tearful most days and evenings, I haven't touched alcohol since last summer and even then it was only a couple of beers. This has been going on for a few months now.
I've pretty much lost interest in everything outside work and even work is a struggle.
The weather doesn't help, I've always struggled in the winter months but this is just compounding now. This vaccine rollout better speed up otherwise Covid will get another victim.
In the past I've occasionally had morose thoughts when alone after a drink, usually when walking home from the pub down a quiet lane.
Now I'm getting tearful most days and evenings, I haven't touched alcohol since last summer and even then it was only a couple of beers. This has been going on for a few months now.
I've pretty much lost interest in everything outside work and even work is a struggle.
The weather doesn't help, I've always struggled in the winter months but this is just compounding now. This vaccine rollout better speed up otherwise Covid will get another victim.
CaptainSlow said:
This lockdown is getting to me now.
In the past I've occasionally had morose thoughts when alone after a drink, usually when walking home from the pub down a quiet lane.
Now I'm getting tearful most days and evenings, I haven't touched alcohol since last summer and even then it was only a couple of beers. This has been going on for a few months now.
I've pretty much lost interest in everything outside work and even work is a struggle.
The weather doesn't help, I've always struggled in the winter months but this is just compounding now. This vaccine rollout better speed up otherwise Covid will get another victim.
I wish I could reply in a more lengthy fashion but I have to go and pick my daughter up from her mums. But I didn’t want to not reply - you’ve had a massive and enormous success in not drinking etc. Other than that, I could’ve written your post. If you feel you need help, seek it out, I think there was a previous post with a load of links.In the past I've occasionally had morose thoughts when alone after a drink, usually when walking home from the pub down a quiet lane.
Now I'm getting tearful most days and evenings, I haven't touched alcohol since last summer and even then it was only a couple of beers. This has been going on for a few months now.
I've pretty much lost interest in everything outside work and even work is a struggle.
The weather doesn't help, I've always struggled in the winter months but this is just compounding now. This vaccine rollout better speed up otherwise Covid will get another victim.
How is everyone? I had to dig down to page 11 of the Health Matters forum to find this thread which I was surprised about, I thought Depression would be a topic that would get regular contributions/posts.
I'm not great. Had a bit of a go at my boss at work a few weeks ago and then he didn't contact me for nearly a week afterwards which I didn't appreciate. We used to be a team of 4, with a 5th person providing extra assistance when he wasn't out visiting clients, and the department - through people leaving and not being replaced + the company being bought by a larger competitor, is now a total of 2 people.
I've pointed out to my boss that the workload hasn't gone down any and can we get some help but he doesn't seem to want to listen, I think he's got his mind elsewhere - potential on moving up the ladder within the new parent company - and he doesn't care about how busy we are now.
My wife and I also had a massive argument with one of our neighbours recently, we had to call the police, neighbour was doing some work to their driveway and made changes to part of our property - when this was (very politely and completely non-agresively) pointed out to them they went absolutely mad, accusing us of all sorts (all lies, just deflecting from the fact they'd been caught out) and it's had quite an effect on me. The only conclusion is we'll need to move home, something I don't want to do - for many reasons, including money, and the fact that my mother, who is recovering from cancer, lives in the street and she relies on us for shopping etc.
Still on Fluoxetine, 4 times a week, discussed upping that to 5 or 6 times a week with the Mrs last night but I haven't decided yet, I've been finding that they tend to make me care less about a lot of things I should be caring more about and being stuck at home isn't helping either.
Hope all of you reading and/or contributing to this thread are doing well or if not then just getting by for now.
I'm not great. Had a bit of a go at my boss at work a few weeks ago and then he didn't contact me for nearly a week afterwards which I didn't appreciate. We used to be a team of 4, with a 5th person providing extra assistance when he wasn't out visiting clients, and the department - through people leaving and not being replaced + the company being bought by a larger competitor, is now a total of 2 people.
I've pointed out to my boss that the workload hasn't gone down any and can we get some help but he doesn't seem to want to listen, I think he's got his mind elsewhere - potential on moving up the ladder within the new parent company - and he doesn't care about how busy we are now.
My wife and I also had a massive argument with one of our neighbours recently, we had to call the police, neighbour was doing some work to their driveway and made changes to part of our property - when this was (very politely and completely non-agresively) pointed out to them they went absolutely mad, accusing us of all sorts (all lies, just deflecting from the fact they'd been caught out) and it's had quite an effect on me. The only conclusion is we'll need to move home, something I don't want to do - for many reasons, including money, and the fact that my mother, who is recovering from cancer, lives in the street and she relies on us for shopping etc.
Still on Fluoxetine, 4 times a week, discussed upping that to 5 or 6 times a week with the Mrs last night but I haven't decided yet, I've been finding that they tend to make me care less about a lot of things I should be caring more about and being stuck at home isn't helping either.
Hope all of you reading and/or contributing to this thread are doing well or if not then just getting by for now.
First time poster in this thread, it’s really not easy to admit to having this type of issue, is it.
I’ve been suffering with severe social anxiety since my teenage years (now 48) which manifests itself in me isolating myself away from everyone/everything. I have no sense of purpose or self-worth, I survive life rather than embracing it and enjoying it. I find very little enjoyment in day to day life.
These issues were brought to a head yesterday when my wife of 6 years told me she is unhappy with certain aspects of our marriage and now wants different things. We had a long talk afterwards and agreed I will seek therapy to address the challenges I’m experiencing.
I was interested to hear if anyone has tried regression therapy or Psych-K to help treat anxiety or depression? I’m highly reluctant to take any meds as I have a history of substance dependency (alcohol/recreational drugs) at difficult times and I want to avoid that. Interestingly, my wife has recently had Psych-K therapy and this is what triggered her belief that she wants to follow a new path...
I’m naturally worried that any treatment I undertake won’t work and I’ll lose her, which I’m really not sure how I’d cope with. Tough times, but I’m speaking to a first therapist tomorrow morning so it can only get better I reckon.
I’ve been suffering with severe social anxiety since my teenage years (now 48) which manifests itself in me isolating myself away from everyone/everything. I have no sense of purpose or self-worth, I survive life rather than embracing it and enjoying it. I find very little enjoyment in day to day life.
These issues were brought to a head yesterday when my wife of 6 years told me she is unhappy with certain aspects of our marriage and now wants different things. We had a long talk afterwards and agreed I will seek therapy to address the challenges I’m experiencing.
I was interested to hear if anyone has tried regression therapy or Psych-K to help treat anxiety or depression? I’m highly reluctant to take any meds as I have a history of substance dependency (alcohol/recreational drugs) at difficult times and I want to avoid that. Interestingly, my wife has recently had Psych-K therapy and this is what triggered her belief that she wants to follow a new path...
I’m naturally worried that any treatment I undertake won’t work and I’ll lose her, which I’m really not sure how I’d cope with. Tough times, but I’m speaking to a first therapist tomorrow morning so it can only get better I reckon.
EFH189 said:
First time poster in this thread, it’s really not easy to admit to having this type of issue, is it.
I’ve been suffering with severe social anxiety since my teenage years (now 48) which manifests itself in me isolating myself away from everyone/everything. I have no sense of purpose or self-worth, I survive life rather than embracing it and enjoying it. I find very little enjoyment in day to day life.
These issues were brought to a head yesterday when my wife of 6 years told me she is unhappy with certain aspects of our marriage and now wants different things. We had a long talk afterwards and agreed I will seek therapy to address the challenges I’m experiencing.
I was interested to hear if anyone has tried regression therapy or Psych-K to help treat anxiety or depression? I’m highly reluctant to take any meds as I have a history of substance dependency (alcohol/recreational drugs) at difficult times and I want to avoid that. Interestingly, my wife has recently had Psych-K therapy and this is what triggered her belief that she wants to follow a new path...
I’m naturally worried that any treatment I undertake won’t work and I’ll lose her, which I’m really not sure how I’d cope with. Tough times, but I’m speaking to a first therapist tomorrow morning so it can only get better I reckon.
First of all its great you know you have a problem, your 50% there already.I’ve been suffering with severe social anxiety since my teenage years (now 48) which manifests itself in me isolating myself away from everyone/everything. I have no sense of purpose or self-worth, I survive life rather than embracing it and enjoying it. I find very little enjoyment in day to day life.
These issues were brought to a head yesterday when my wife of 6 years told me she is unhappy with certain aspects of our marriage and now wants different things. We had a long talk afterwards and agreed I will seek therapy to address the challenges I’m experiencing.
I was interested to hear if anyone has tried regression therapy or Psych-K to help treat anxiety or depression? I’m highly reluctant to take any meds as I have a history of substance dependency (alcohol/recreational drugs) at difficult times and I want to avoid that. Interestingly, my wife has recently had Psych-K therapy and this is what triggered her belief that she wants to follow a new path...
I’m naturally worried that any treatment I undertake won’t work and I’ll lose her, which I’m really not sure how I’d cope with. Tough times, but I’m speaking to a first therapist tomorrow morning so it can only get better I reckon.
2nd, You have nothing to loose my trying different treatments so go for it, I only wish I was as brave as you to get things sorted, but I dont have the drive of having a partner to push me to do it.
A500leroy said:
First of all its great you know you have a problem, your 50% there already.
2nd, You have nothing to loose my trying different treatments so go for it, I only wish I was as brave as you to get things sorted, but I dont have the drive of having a partner to push me to do it.
Thanks Leroy, and I’m sorry to hear you’re also having difficulties. If it’s any consolation, maybe you could try online therapy if it’s easier?2nd, You have nothing to loose my trying different treatments so go for it, I only wish I was as brave as you to get things sorted, but I dont have the drive of having a partner to push me to do it.
What I am trying to make sense of is how my issues go unnoticed at work. I’ve got a senior role which requires constant engagement with people/colleagues and I’m highly successful, nobody has a clue about my unhappiness outside of work.
It’s 100% the social side of life that I really have struggles with, due to a constant fear of being judged, criticised or laughed at. I actually find making virtual acquaintances easy (on forums etc) whereas in person I lose that confidence. I find it very hard to trust others, unless they are very long term friends, and thankfully I have a handful of these who have stuck by me!
EFH189 said:
A500leroy said:
First of all its great you know you have a problem, your 50% there already.
2nd, You have nothing to loose my trying different treatments so go for it, I only wish I was as brave as you to get things sorted, but I dont have the drive of having a partner to push me to do it.
Thanks Leroy, and I’m sorry to hear you’re also having difficulties. If it’s any consolation, maybe you could try online therapy if it’s easier?2nd, You have nothing to loose my trying different treatments so go for it, I only wish I was as brave as you to get things sorted, but I dont have the drive of having a partner to push me to do it.
What I am trying to make sense of is how my issues go unnoticed at work. I’ve got a senior role which requires constant engagement with people/colleagues and I’m highly successful, nobody has a clue about my unhappiness outside of work.
It’s 100% the social side of life that I really have struggles with, due to a constant fear of being judged, criticised or laughed at. I actually find making virtual acquaintances easy (on forums etc) whereas in person I lose that confidence. I find it very hard to trust others, unless they are very long term friends, and thankfully I have a handful of these who have stuck by me!
And its perfectly fine to not trust people in a social situation, 90% of people only want to gain from knowing you so a bit of self preservation is a good thing,people say im pessimistic but ive never been disappointed..
EFH189 said:
First time poster in this thread, it’s really not easy to admit to having this type of issue, is it.
I’ve been suffering with severe social anxiety since my teenage years (now 48) which manifests itself in me isolating myself away from everyone/everything. I have no sense of purpose or self-worth, I survive life rather than embracing it and enjoying it. I find very little enjoyment in day to day life.
These issues were brought to a head yesterday when my wife of 6 years told me she is unhappy with certain aspects of our marriage and now wants different things. We had a long talk afterwards and agreed I will seek therapy to address the challenges I’m experiencing.
I was interested to hear if anyone has tried regression therapy or Psych-K to help treat anxiety or depression? I’m highly reluctant to take any meds as I have a history of substance dependency (alcohol/recreational drugs) at difficult times and I want to avoid that. Interestingly, my wife has recently had Psych-K therapy and this is what triggered her belief that she wants to follow a new path...
I’m naturally worried that any treatment I undertake won’t work and I’ll lose her, which I’m really not sure how I’d cope with. Tough times, but I’m speaking to a first therapist tomorrow morning so it can only get better I reckon.
Well done for posting. And well done for your wife for telling you, giving you both an opportunity to sort it out and get past it.I’ve been suffering with severe social anxiety since my teenage years (now 48) which manifests itself in me isolating myself away from everyone/everything. I have no sense of purpose or self-worth, I survive life rather than embracing it and enjoying it. I find very little enjoyment in day to day life.
These issues were brought to a head yesterday when my wife of 6 years told me she is unhappy with certain aspects of our marriage and now wants different things. We had a long talk afterwards and agreed I will seek therapy to address the challenges I’m experiencing.
I was interested to hear if anyone has tried regression therapy or Psych-K to help treat anxiety or depression? I’m highly reluctant to take any meds as I have a history of substance dependency (alcohol/recreational drugs) at difficult times and I want to avoid that. Interestingly, my wife has recently had Psych-K therapy and this is what triggered her belief that she wants to follow a new path...
I’m naturally worried that any treatment I undertake won’t work and I’ll lose her, which I’m really not sure how I’d cope with. Tough times, but I’m speaking to a first therapist tomorrow morning so it can only get better I reckon.
I (absolutely no expert) would say to give the various options available to you an honest shot. You have potentially got a huge amount to gain in comparison to the potentially large price of inaction.
You've been given the heads-up. Don't waste the opportunity to show that you are reacting strongly. Sometimes doing nothing is the riskiest course of them all.
EFH189 said:
These issues were brought to a head yesterday when my wife of 6 years told me she is unhappy with certain aspects of our marriage and now wants different things. We had a long talk afterwards and agreed I will seek therapy to address the challenges I’m experiencing.
I was interested to hear if anyone has tried regression therapy or Psych-K to help treat anxiety or depression? I’m highly reluctant to take any meds as I have a history of substance dependency (alcohol/recreational drugs) at difficult times and I want to avoid that. Interestingly, my wife has recently had Psych-K therapy and this is what triggered her belief that she wants to follow a new path...
I’m naturally worried that any treatment I undertake won’t work and I’ll lose her, which I’m really not sure how I’d cope with. Tough times, but I’m speaking to a first therapist tomorrow morning so it can only get better I reckon.
Sorry to hear things aren't good for you, and well done on making the first steps to getting some help by talking to someone. I've not heard of Psych-K before so that's a bit of reading for later(and I have PM'd you a link). Best wishes I was interested to hear if anyone has tried regression therapy or Psych-K to help treat anxiety or depression? I’m highly reluctant to take any meds as I have a history of substance dependency (alcohol/recreational drugs) at difficult times and I want to avoid that. Interestingly, my wife has recently had Psych-K therapy and this is what triggered her belief that she wants to follow a new path...
I’m naturally worried that any treatment I undertake won’t work and I’ll lose her, which I’m really not sure how I’d cope with. Tough times, but I’m speaking to a first therapist tomorrow morning so it can only get better I reckon.
Thanks for the supportive words, it’s very kind and also much appreciated. I have had a very busy few days, see below!
I had a positive experience with the therapist on Tuesday morning, I am returning to see her again next week. It was great to talk to someone who is completely independent and I managed to share an awful lot in the first hour. Looking forward to the next session where we can start focusing on the main issues.
I have a phone call lined up with a Psych-K facilitator, to understand more about it and see if it’s something I want to try now, or later.
I am taking up membership at a local pool so I can swim regularly, as running causes me too much pain and injury. I reckon this will help my mental health no end.
I have established (albeit not yet diagnosed) that my anxiety may be causing auto-immune problems. I have lived with chronic muscle/joint pain for most of my adult life and despite many years of tests and different treatments (acupuncture, chiro, osteopath etc) they always said there’s nothing wrong with me. I had no idea there was a link between SA and this, which has naturally concerned me and I must investigate further.
Finally, I’m going to get tested for allergies and food intolerances, given that this may be contributing to why my body feels so f
ked all the time.
I’m afraid I don’t know where to access my DM’s, so can you give me a pointer please?!
Thanks again, it really helps sharing this here.
I had a positive experience with the therapist on Tuesday morning, I am returning to see her again next week. It was great to talk to someone who is completely independent and I managed to share an awful lot in the first hour. Looking forward to the next session where we can start focusing on the main issues.
I have a phone call lined up with a Psych-K facilitator, to understand more about it and see if it’s something I want to try now, or later.
I am taking up membership at a local pool so I can swim regularly, as running causes me too much pain and injury. I reckon this will help my mental health no end.
I have established (albeit not yet diagnosed) that my anxiety may be causing auto-immune problems. I have lived with chronic muscle/joint pain for most of my adult life and despite many years of tests and different treatments (acupuncture, chiro, osteopath etc) they always said there’s nothing wrong with me. I had no idea there was a link between SA and this, which has naturally concerned me and I must investigate further.
Finally, I’m going to get tested for allergies and food intolerances, given that this may be contributing to why my body feels so f
ked all the time.I’m afraid I don’t know where to access my DM’s, so can you give me a pointer please?!
Thanks again, it really helps sharing this here.
EFH189 said:
Thanks for the supportive words, it’s very kind and also much appreciated. I have had a very busy few days, see below!
I had a positive experience with the therapist on Tuesday morning, I am returning to see her again next week. It was great to talk to someone who is completely independent and I managed to share an awful lot in the first hour. Looking forward to the next session where we can start focusing on the main issues.
I have a phone call lined up with a Psych-K facilitator, to understand more about it and see if it’s something I want to try now, or later.
I am taking up membership at a local pool so I can swim regularly, as running causes me too much pain and injury. I reckon this will help my mental health no end.
I have established (albeit not yet diagnosed) that my anxiety may be causing auto-immune problems. I have lived with chronic muscle/joint pain for most of my adult life and despite many years of tests and different treatments (acupuncture, chiro, osteopath etc) they always said there’s nothing wrong with me. I had no idea there was a link between SA and this, which has naturally concerned me and I must investigate further.
Finally, I’m going to get tested for allergies and food intolerances, given that this may be contributing to why my body feels so fked all the time.
I’m afraid I don’t know where to access my DM’s, so can you give me a pointer please?!
Thanks again, it really helps sharing this here.
Anxiety/depression can cause chronic muscle and joint pain by itself. Of course you should investigate things fully but if no obvious medical cause is found it’s worth bearing that in mind. If you are interested in the research then Van der Kolk and Gabor Mate are both good places to start. I had a positive experience with the therapist on Tuesday morning, I am returning to see her again next week. It was great to talk to someone who is completely independent and I managed to share an awful lot in the first hour. Looking forward to the next session where we can start focusing on the main issues.
I have a phone call lined up with a Psych-K facilitator, to understand more about it and see if it’s something I want to try now, or later.
I am taking up membership at a local pool so I can swim regularly, as running causes me too much pain and injury. I reckon this will help my mental health no end.
I have established (albeit not yet diagnosed) that my anxiety may be causing auto-immune problems. I have lived with chronic muscle/joint pain for most of my adult life and despite many years of tests and different treatments (acupuncture, chiro, osteopath etc) they always said there’s nothing wrong with me. I had no idea there was a link between SA and this, which has naturally concerned me and I must investigate further.
Finally, I’m going to get tested for allergies and food intolerances, given that this may be contributing to why my body feels so f
ked all the time.I’m afraid I don’t know where to access my DM’s, so can you give me a pointer please?!
Thanks again, it really helps sharing this here.
So it’s been something of a whirlwind two weeks since my marriage broke down. It’s now clear to me how my mental health issues also had a significant negative impact on my wife, which lead to her feeling rejected and in turn drove an irretrievable wedge between us.
Because of the nature of my anxiety, I never allowed myself to think how she was feeling about the lack of intimacy between us (over the last few years) and so we never properly addressed it. We are therefore getting a divorce and I made the application yesterday; it is very amicable and I hope it stays that way. In fact, surprisingly, we are now getting on better than ever as a huge weight has been lifted from our respective shoulders; we are finally communicating with liberty and that feels good albeit tinged with sadness that we didn’t resolve sooner.
This incident has catapulted me into taking huge strides to address my problems. Reaching out to a therapist and a counsellor, seeking nutritional advice and undertaking food allergy testing, picking up the phone to old friends that I chose to isolate myself from, exploring a swimming membership, thinking with clarity as to where these underlying behaviours and beliefs originally stemmed from.
I reached the conclusion pretty quickly that my childhood, growing up in a household with a super strict father (senior policeman) and a mother suffering with post natal depression, without doubt negatively influenced my upbringing during my formative years. I won’t go into every minute detail, however I can now understand how my trust issues and social anxieties developed when I was less than 10 years old.
For 40 years I’ve been putting on a show to portray to the outside world that everything was ok (for fear of being judged or ridiculed) when in reality I was scared, mentally tormented and deeply unhappy, continually ruminating on events where I’d let myself down (often after consuming excessive drink or drugs). In adult life, this manifested itself in me isolating myself away from the world and from my past, because it was too painful or scary to go back there and face it head on.
I always found it challenging to pick up the phone to family and friends and talk freely about anything/everything. I needed to plan conversations and almost created a script of safe topics, normally revolving around my work rather than me and my life/feelings/ambitions and so this cycle and pattern of behaviour became my default mode which made me even more unhappy.
These last few weeks I have been catching up and talking freely about everything with old friends, literally for hours on end; it’s the first time in my life I have felt comfortable enough to do so and to admit to others that I have deep-rooted fears and traumas that lead to poor life choices. I have admitted and apologised for situations I caused.
Thankfully it hasn’t just been about my issues, we have had deep and meaningful conversations but also very positive and happy chats too, reminiscing about the good old times and I’m even bullish and excited about my future, first time ever! I had no idea just how much my old network missed me, still think and care about me and are genuinely interested and want the best for me.
Today I’m addressing the problems which developed when growing up, so I’m meeting my brother for lunch (our relationship broke down at a very young age) and then I’m off to my parents afterwards. I am penning a letter to my Dad outlining how my upbringing resulted in the life I endured. This may allow us to develop a deeper connection but I’m also prepared for it not to, and I’m cool with that.
This thread has also helped me no end, as it enabled me to put everything in writing and contextualise my past. I feel so much happier, motivated, positive and my social anxiety is diminishing daily, I think very differently about myself now I’ve realised I’m not the person I grew to hate. I will continue the weekly therapy sessions and taking steps to heal myself.
Completely spontaneously and without prompting I have written ‘Twelve steps to the real me’ which is a bullet point summary of what I need to address. I’m still on the first rung of the ladder but I finally know how to get to the top.
I’ll update the thread at a later date with my progress. Thanks for reading and I hope this may help others realise that there is hope for us all, however difficult it may seem.
Because of the nature of my anxiety, I never allowed myself to think how she was feeling about the lack of intimacy between us (over the last few years) and so we never properly addressed it. We are therefore getting a divorce and I made the application yesterday; it is very amicable and I hope it stays that way. In fact, surprisingly, we are now getting on better than ever as a huge weight has been lifted from our respective shoulders; we are finally communicating with liberty and that feels good albeit tinged with sadness that we didn’t resolve sooner.
This incident has catapulted me into taking huge strides to address my problems. Reaching out to a therapist and a counsellor, seeking nutritional advice and undertaking food allergy testing, picking up the phone to old friends that I chose to isolate myself from, exploring a swimming membership, thinking with clarity as to where these underlying behaviours and beliefs originally stemmed from.
I reached the conclusion pretty quickly that my childhood, growing up in a household with a super strict father (senior policeman) and a mother suffering with post natal depression, without doubt negatively influenced my upbringing during my formative years. I won’t go into every minute detail, however I can now understand how my trust issues and social anxieties developed when I was less than 10 years old.
For 40 years I’ve been putting on a show to portray to the outside world that everything was ok (for fear of being judged or ridiculed) when in reality I was scared, mentally tormented and deeply unhappy, continually ruminating on events where I’d let myself down (often after consuming excessive drink or drugs). In adult life, this manifested itself in me isolating myself away from the world and from my past, because it was too painful or scary to go back there and face it head on.
I always found it challenging to pick up the phone to family and friends and talk freely about anything/everything. I needed to plan conversations and almost created a script of safe topics, normally revolving around my work rather than me and my life/feelings/ambitions and so this cycle and pattern of behaviour became my default mode which made me even more unhappy.
These last few weeks I have been catching up and talking freely about everything with old friends, literally for hours on end; it’s the first time in my life I have felt comfortable enough to do so and to admit to others that I have deep-rooted fears and traumas that lead to poor life choices. I have admitted and apologised for situations I caused.
Thankfully it hasn’t just been about my issues, we have had deep and meaningful conversations but also very positive and happy chats too, reminiscing about the good old times and I’m even bullish and excited about my future, first time ever! I had no idea just how much my old network missed me, still think and care about me and are genuinely interested and want the best for me.
Today I’m addressing the problems which developed when growing up, so I’m meeting my brother for lunch (our relationship broke down at a very young age) and then I’m off to my parents afterwards. I am penning a letter to my Dad outlining how my upbringing resulted in the life I endured. This may allow us to develop a deeper connection but I’m also prepared for it not to, and I’m cool with that.
This thread has also helped me no end, as it enabled me to put everything in writing and contextualise my past. I feel so much happier, motivated, positive and my social anxiety is diminishing daily, I think very differently about myself now I’ve realised I’m not the person I grew to hate. I will continue the weekly therapy sessions and taking steps to heal myself.
Completely spontaneously and without prompting I have written ‘Twelve steps to the real me’ which is a bullet point summary of what I need to address. I’m still on the first rung of the ladder but I finally know how to get to the top.
I’ll update the thread at a later date with my progress. Thanks for reading and I hope this may help others realise that there is hope for us all, however difficult it may seem.
Wow, what a great post to wake up to this morning, thanks for posting it.... 
You never really know when you see the thread has been updated whether that update has been a positive one or, well, not. Especially with the subject in hand, it's not been nice to see a lot of people in a world of hurt and pain. Reading this has been a big boost and although it won't be for everyone, I hope it acts as a shining light as to what can be achieved if you can just reach out for help.
I'm sorry, of course, that the marriage looks to be over but even the effects of starting the divorce seem to be cathartic too. That in particular might help one or two others on here that maybe should do the same (although everyone's circumstances are different!).
Congratulations again, I hope the healing continues.
You never really know when you see the thread has been updated whether that update has been a positive one or, well, not. Especially with the subject in hand, it's not been nice to see a lot of people in a world of hurt and pain. Reading this has been a big boost and although it won't be for everyone, I hope it acts as a shining light as to what can be achieved if you can just reach out for help.
I'm sorry, of course, that the marriage looks to be over but even the effects of starting the divorce seem to be cathartic too. That in particular might help one or two others on here that maybe should do the same (although everyone's circumstances are different!).
Congratulations again, I hope the healing continues.
Not a lot to say to that other than ‘Bravo’ and the very best of luck.
The fact you’ve taken the bull by the horns shows that you’re the one who wants to resolve the issues, and that you’re not being corralled into it by anyone else, which IMHO means you are more likely to succeed.
You’re obviously not daft, but be prepared for ups and downs in your progress and for elements of your plan to fail. Those blips and set backs can seem insurmountable and risk throwing you off course.
That said you seem very focussed, very driven, and keen to grasp your future with both hands.
Again, good luck to you - speaking from someone who has been in a similar situation albeit for different reasons - if you want it to be, the future really can be bright!
The fact you’ve taken the bull by the horns shows that you’re the one who wants to resolve the issues, and that you’re not being corralled into it by anyone else, which IMHO means you are more likely to succeed.
You’re obviously not daft, but be prepared for ups and downs in your progress and for elements of your plan to fail. Those blips and set backs can seem insurmountable and risk throwing you off course.
That said you seem very focussed, very driven, and keen to grasp your future with both hands.
Again, good luck to you - speaking from someone who has been in a similar situation albeit for different reasons - if you want it to be, the future really can be bright!
I had a strange experience a couple of weeks ago. Felt down from Friday evening onwards and by Sunday afternoon I think it counted as Depressed. Not unable to get out of bed depressed, but to the point I actually drafted a resignation letter to give to my boss on Monday. Work has been 90% boring and 10% frustrating for the last few weeks which is certainly part of it. But it isn't intolerable. Yet for some reason I felt there was no point in tolerating it any longer and that I could live on my savings for as far ahead as I could be bothered to look.
The feeling passed off on Monday fortunately, if it hadn't I could very well have quit my job. But I'm wondering what could cause it and whether it might happen again. Might it even have been something I ate?
The feeling passed off on Monday fortunately, if it hadn't I could very well have quit my job. But I'm wondering what could cause it and whether it might happen again. Might it even have been something I ate?
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