Depression

[A500leroy]

Im currently planning things ive wanted to do for 20 years but when I think about and the excitement it brings I start with nausea (something I have the biggest phobia of) which starts a panic attack and a feeling of being punished by dead relatives who wouldnt approve of me doing the things ive put off for half my life.

Dont know if I should cave in and go back to being bored or carry on doing what ive always wanted.

[Craikeybaby]

I started a new job on the 20th, and it was going well. I ended up working between Christmas and new year, which was good to avoid the usual madness. However all of a sudden I hit a massive low point on the 1st & 2nd Jan. Fortunately it improved when the kids went back to school and there was less shouting etc at home.

[Slowboathome]

A500leroy said:

Im currently planning things ive wanted to do for 20 years but when I think about and the excitement it brings I start with nausea (something I have the biggest phobia of) which starts a panic attack and a feeling of being punished by dead relatives who wouldnt approve of me doing the things ive put off for half my life.

Dont know if I should cave in and go back to being bored or carry on doing what ive always wanted.

Crack on. If you don't the regret you'll feel later will be intense.

It's great that you've identified the sense of shame as coming from your relatives. I've learned to mentally shout 'fk off' at the internal sense when it pops up - it really helps. You have to take a hard line with the negativity once you've made your mind up that you are actually OK as a person.

[A500leroy]

Slowboathome said:

A500leroy said:

Im currently planning things ive wanted to do for 20 years but when I think about and the excitement it brings I start with nausea (something I have the biggest phobia of) which starts a panic attack and a feeling of being punished by dead relatives who wouldnt approve of me doing the things ive put off for half my life.

Dont know if I should cave in and go back to being bored or carry on doing what ive always wanted.

Crack on. If you don't the regret you'll feel later will be intense.

It's great that you've identified the sense of shame as coming from your relatives. I've learned to mentally shout 'fk off' at the internal sense when it pops up - it really helps. You have to take a hard line with the negativity once you've made your mind up that you are actually OK as a person.

Hey cheers, Think im on the right track, unfortunately its uphill all the way...

[Slowboathome]

A500leroy said:

Hey cheers, Think im on the right track, unfortunately its uphill all the way...

You're chipping away at a thick layer of ice over a fresh free-flowing river. Sometimes you just have to keep plugging away, but then a big chunk of ice falls away and you realise you're making progress.

Edited by Slowboathome on Sunday 9th January 19:28

[markiii]

Other peoples judgements are just that. Living your life by other people's expectations or values. Is pointless

[PorkyBlinders]

PorkyBlinders said:

Hi, first time posting in this section.

I've been struggling the past couple of weeks. I live a good life, jobs ok, but bringing me down a bit, now doesn't pay enough after bills have gone up over the past few months, everything just seems more expensive(!?). My son was diagnosed with Autism last year, my wife is going into hospital for quite an invasive procedure on Saturday. Reading other peoples posts on here make m think "what have I got to complain about, and the truth is I don't know/nothing. I feel anxious all the time, this past week I've become more withdrawn. No interest in doing much. I guess the weather doesn't help. I dont know. Sorry for rambling.

Hi All, just a bit of an update, since I was signed off back in September, I was put on Sertraline, I then managed to secure my self a new job, better money, better hours, WFH, I've been able to spend more time with my family, and time on myself. We also found out that my wife is expecting our second child, 10 years on from our first!!

I'm in a great place at the moment, and looking back I can pick things out that was affecting my mood and life. Its easy to say "stick with it" or "it gets better" to someone going through it, but it really does. Anyone that is struggling, please talk, its the best thing I did.

[Harrison Bergeron]

I think that’s my problem at the moment. I’ve got a job that’s only supposed to be 37.5 hours but it feels so much longer because I’m always worrying about it. I feel like I’m always at work because even the two days off I’m thinking about it or when I’m at home the laptop or Citrix instance is never far away.

I used to dislike four on four off but now I’m starting to look for simpler jobs with it.
EDIT: I’d take less money if I was happier with what I’m doing. Or had more time off

[PorkyBlinders]

Harrison Bergeron said:

I think that’s my problem at the moment. I’ve got a job that’s only supposed to be 37.5 hours but it feels so much longer because I’m always worrying about it. I feel like I’m always at work because even the two days off I’m thinking about it or when I’m at home the laptop or Citrix instance is never far away.

I used to dislike four on four off but now I’m starting to look for simpler jobs with it.
EDIT: I’d take less money if I was happier with what I’m doing. Or had more time off

Yep, 100% work life balance has to be up there when looking for a job, i explicitly told my prospective company in the interview that was part of the reason i was leaving.

I hope you find something, believe me, it does make all the difference, and, I'd suggest happy employees = better employees.

[twohoursfromlondon]

Morning folks, hope you guys are keeping well.

Sadly I’m in a really difficult headspace again, not sleeping, stressed from work, a general sense of dread hanging over me, no sense of purpose or a vision for a happy future.

I feel numb, disengaged, exhausted and thinking if this is what life is going to be forever then I’d rather not bother.

I wasn’t doing too badly after New Year but a number of things have happened recently to dent my confidence and put me so far back again. I absolutely hate the way my mental health controls me.

Needed to share this, had to get it out.

[havoc]

Sorry to hear that. You've seen how things can be better before though, so try and believe that they will be again.

What are you doing to try and manage it all? Any exercise, breathing techniques, meditation/yoga/etc.? And are you getting any 'self time' or enough time seeing friends?

[twohoursfromlondon]

PorkyBlinders said:

PorkyBlinders said:

Hi, first time posting in this section.

I've been struggling the past couple of weeks. I live a good life, jobs ok, but bringing me down a bit, now doesn't pay enough after bills have gone up over the past few months, everything just seems more expensive(!?). My son was diagnosed with Autism last year, my wife is going into hospital for quite an invasive procedure on Saturday. Reading other peoples posts on here make m think "what have I got to complain about, and the truth is I don't know/nothing. I feel anxious all the time, this past week I've become more withdrawn. No interest in doing much. I guess the weather doesn't help. I dont know. Sorry for rambling.

Hi All, just a bit of an update, since I was signed off back in September, I was put on Sertraline, I then managed to secure my self a new job, better money, better hours, WFH, I've been able to spend more time with my family, and time on myself. We also found out that my wife is expecting our second child, 10 years on from our first!!

I'm in a great place at the moment, and looking back I can pick things out that was affecting my mood and life. Its easy to say "stick with it" or "it gets better" to someone going through it, but it really does. Anyone that is struggling, please talk, its the best thing I did.

Good to read your update, hope you’re still ok and congratulations on the second baby announcement!

[twohoursfromlondon]

havoc said:

Sorry to hear that. You've seen how things can be better before though, so try and believe that they will be again.

What are you doing to try and manage it all? Any exercise, breathing techniques, meditation/yoga/etc.? And are you getting any 'self time' or enough time seeing friends?

Trying all my usual, journaling my thoughts, talking to friends and family, meditation, calming music etc.

I find I’m just surviving the weeks to then shut myself away at weekends, as I just don’t want to face people. I suspect this is linked to how busy my work life is where I’m constantly coming into contact with others, maybe it’s just me time I need.

I often feel like a burden on other’s time, as I’m not exactly upbeat and fun to be with when I’m like this so I isolate myself. I find it tricky to break this cycle of behaviour.

I’ve booked to speak with my therapist again, as I clearly need some professional input.

[anxious_ant]

Long time lurker in this thread but struggled to muster the courage to post.
I consider myself to be long term sufferer of anxiety and depression. There are good days,and then there are bad days.

I am what they call high functioning, but maybe that's because I am really good at putting on a mask.
It has been ingrained within me that men have to be strong, "man up!".

There are moments where I am overwhelmed by anxiety and depression that I cannot face the world. I just want to hide and sleep the day away.
I am in a situation where I am fairly isolated, with no real friends or close family around me. Luckily my wife has been very supportive, my rock.
I am lost without her, literally.

I know how important it is to talk and be listened, and this thread as been excellent and supportive.
Mental illness is a curse I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Stay strong everyone.

[twohoursfromlondon]

anxious_ant said:

Long time lurker in this thread but struggled to muster the courage to post.
I consider myself to be long term sufferer of anxiety and depression. There are good days,and then there are bad days.

I am what they call high functioning, but maybe that's because I am really good at putting on a mask.
It has been ingrained within me that men have to be strong, "man up!".

There are moments where I am overwhelmed by anxiety and depression that I cannot face the world. I just want to hide and sleep the day away.
I am in a situation where I am fairly isolated, with no real friends or close family around me. Luckily my wife has been very supportive, my rock.
I am lost without her, literally.

I know how important it is to talk and be listened, and this thread as been excellent and supportive.
Mental illness is a curse I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Stay strong everyone.

Well done for posting Ant, I know exactly how you feel about seeking isolation, I’m the same in as much as where I live it’s mainly work colleagues and my friends/family mostly live some distance away.

I’m pleased to read you have such a supportive wife, that’s awesome. I’m sure you do already but make sure you show gratitude for what she does. Whenever my friends / family listen to me being depressed or down I’m always hugely thankful for the time they afford me to get it all out.

[Derek Smith]

anxious_ant said:

Long time lurker in this thread but struggled to muster the courage to post.
I consider myself to be long term sufferer of anxiety and depression. There are good days,and then there are bad days.

I am what they call high functioning, but maybe that's because I am really good at putting on a mask.
It has been ingrained within me that men have to be strong, "man up!".

There are moments where I am overwhelmed by anxiety and depression that I cannot face the world. I just want to hide and sleep the day away.
I am in a situation where I am fairly isolated, with no real friends or close family around me. Luckily my wife has been very supportive, my rock.
I am lost without her, literally.

I know how important it is to talk and be listened, and this thread as been excellent and supportive.
Mental illness is a curse I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Stay strong everyone.

Well done for posting. Does this, perhaps, herald a chage for the better?

I know what you mean by the support from your wife. I had years of mental problems, probably 5 where my behaviour changed, and my wife stuck with me, without complaint or criticism, throughout. I'm out the other end, as far as I ever will be, and the brilliant news is that the shared problems have taken our marriage up a level, and it was pretty good before.

Have you tried professional help? I went with a psychologist for a number of sessions - not cheap but worth it - and also got to see an NHS psychiatrist a few times. They were very helpful, especially the latter.

One thing that I noticed; it was pretty obvious. Those I worked with and was, I thought, friendly with, even having some around my house for parties, etc, were conspicuous by their phone calls or visits that didn't happen after I went off sick with mental illness. Other sufferers of mental illness offered help, even those I had just been polite to at work. They knew what I was going through, and were only too willing to help.

There can be an end to the illness. While I feel terrible for what I put my loved-ones through, and the pain I felt, I almost feel I'm glad for the illness and it has changed my outlook on life, especially with regards to family and real friends.

Best of luck. All the best to your wife.

[mcelliott]

anxious_ant said:

Long time lurker in this thread but struggled to muster the courage to post.
I consider myself to be long term sufferer of anxiety and depression. There are good days,and then there are bad days.

I am what they call high functioning, but maybe that's because I am really good at putting on a mask.
It has been ingrained within me that men have to be strong, "man up!".

There are moments where I am overwhelmed by anxiety and depression that I cannot face the world. I just want to hide and sleep the day away.
I am in a situation where I am fairly isolated, with no real friends or close family around me. Luckily my wife has been very supportive, my rock.
I am lost without her, literally.

I know how important it is to talk and be listened, and this thread as been excellent and supportive.
Mental illness is a curse I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Stay strong everyone.

Good post, first don't take any notice of the man up bks that's outdated and very toxic, I'm not sure if you are seeing a councillor but but I found that really helped me get to the root of some of my problems, I'm also on meds which again have worked for me. Another thing that I have spent a lot of time looking into is the relationship between gut health and depression/anxiety, I went through my diet with a fine tooth comb and was astonished at the difference a healthy gut has on brain function, well worth looking into, and of lots of exercise.

[anxious_ant]

mcelliott said:

Good post, first don't take any notice of the man up bks that's outdated and very toxic, I'm not sure if you are seeing a councillor but but I found that really helped me get to the root of some of my problems, I'm also on meds which again have worked for me. Another thing that I have spent a lot of time looking into is the relationship between gut health and depression/anxiety, I went through my diet with a fine tooth comb and was astonished at the difference a healthy gut has on brain function, well worth looking into, and of lots of exercise.

I have been assigned a few CBT sessions via NHS. It did help a little but it would've been better if the sessions weren't remote (covid just started).

Agree about gut health, I used to have bad gut health but started taking probiotics and it definitely made a difference.
No more tummy gurging when nervous

Meds, I have been through a few. However on the long term the cocktail didn't really help much.
I am currently only on ADHD med which greatly helped my career. I also exercise daily and try to find some time for medication at least once a week. It's mostly under control nowadays, but there can be days where things are not particularly good.
Usually the never ending anxiety spiralling down to depression.
I do keep a mood diary and it's interesting to see the pattern. Winter time is especially tough.

[Harrison Bergeron]

PorkyBlinders said:

Yep, 100% work life balance has to be up there when looking for a job, i explicitly told my prospective company in the interview that was part of the reason i was leaving.

I hope you find something, believe me, it does make all the difference, and, I'd suggest happy employees = better employees.

Well I might have something. Might have an interview doing something I’d like on a better pattern. It would mean less money for a while but it’s with a company I’d say with.
Only problem is current job is getting me so down I’m struggling to be arsed to prepare for anything.

Taking days off to try and get something prepared.
Regardless of how it goes I’d like to put my notice in at my current job, I’ve got saving and I don’t want much so I’d be ok for a bit.

Just do I be honest and quit now or drag it out until the next one starts?

[Whatsmyname]

I’ve decided to have some blood tests done to see if there’s anything up / missing /
Imbalanced with the intention of sorting that before doing anything else.

Can’t really do ADs as I won’t be able to work.

Hopefully results will come thru this week.