Depression

[mattstr675]

Marcellus said:

I think for a lot of people suffering from some form of depression Christmas is just ste!

I time when they know they're "supposed to be happy" as its a happy time of year but they just don't feel it... they know they "should" but they don't which makes them feel worse..... if they put a brave face on it for the day to see family then run the risk of troughing in the days after...... just be there for them if they wish but not if they don't and ffs don't tell them to cheer up!

How they are is how they are and it's ok, next Christmas might not be the same.

I agree with a lot of this. I guess im in the troughing phase now. Put on a happy face for xmas day/ boxing day, now not feeling it at all. Missus and daughter have gone out for a few hrs with some of her friends and kids, I was supposed to be out with some of the other dad's, but I really cant face that/ be bothered- that caused a row this morning.

Been a tough year losing both my mother and mother in law within 3 weeks back on April. Thought I was over it but Xmas has brought it back. Misus has 2 sisters she can chat/ turn to, I'm an only child and am finding it harder. I'm a very down person naturally, always fearing the worst and not very sociable. I can 100% see why I'm a pain to live with!

After the deaths, I approached my gp about being depressed. He understandably put it down to grief. I'm debating going back to him to see if it's worth getting some pills although he is quite old school and isn't a fan of that approach.

Bit of an inane rant, there are other things which I haven't got time to go in to here. It's good to read other people's stories and seeing that there are ways out of it. Personally I cant wait for it to be January and back in to some kind of routine.

[Ruskie]

mattstr675 said:

Marcellus said:

I think for a lot of people suffering from some form of depression Christmas is just ste!

I time when they know they're "supposed to be happy" as its a happy time of year but they just don't feel it... they know they "should" but they don't which makes them feel worse..... if they put a brave face on it for the day to see family then run the risk of troughing in the days after...... just be there for them if they wish but not if they don't and ffs don't tell them to cheer up!

How they are is how they are and it's ok, next Christmas might not be the same.

I agree with a lot of this. I guess im in the troughing phase now. Put on a happy face for xmas day/ boxing day, now not feeling it at all. Missus and daughter have gone out for a few hrs with some of her friends and kids, I was supposed to be out with some of the other dad's, but I really cant face that/ be bothered- that caused a row this morning.

Been a tough year losing both my mother and mother in law within 3 weeks back on April. Thought I was over it but Xmas has brought it back. Misus has 2 sisters she can chat/ turn to, I'm an only child and am finding it harder. I'm a very down person naturally, always fearing the worst and not very sociable. I can 100% see why I'm a pain to live with!

After the deaths, I approached my gp about being depressed. He understandably put it down to grief. I'm debating going back to him to see if it's worth getting some pills although he is quite old school and isn't a fan of that approach.

Bit of an inane rant, there are other things which I haven't got time to go in to here. It's good to read other people's stories and seeing that there are ways out of it. Personally I cant wait for it to be January and back in to some kind of routine.

Have you thought about bereavement counselling? Should be a charity in your area that can provide it. GP will give you contact details if you can’t find it.

[98elise]

Marcellus said:

I think for a lot of people suffering from some form of depression Christmas is just ste!

I time when they know they're "supposed to be happy" as its a happy time of year but they just don't feel it... they know they "should" but they don't which makes them feel worse..... if they put a brave face on it for the day to see family then run the risk of troughing in the days after...... just be there for them if they wish but not if they don't and ffs don't tell them to cheer up!

How they are is how they are and it's ok, next Christmas might not be the same.

This is what a lot of people don't understand about depression. It's not just feeling a bit down and being in a happy environment will help. A clinically depressed person will still be depressed in a "happy" environment.

My son suffers with depression and it was when he told me that holidays and days out didn't bring him any joy that I really understood how it worked. His normal state is depressed. It doesn't have a trigger or a driver, it's just his normal living baseline. That why it can't be fixed by doing fun stuff.

[MGZTV8]

Hang in there everyone. It really is a st time for anyone who suffers.

Like many I beat myself up that I feel like this and “should” be happy but I hate it and I know I’m not easy to live with at this time of year.

Unfortunately as much as my wife thinks she understands, she really doesn’t which isn’t her fault. If you know, you know.

Citalopram really helps me normally and have been a lifesaver however I slump into a terrible state at this time of year.

[jm8403]

98elise said:

This is what a lot of people don't understand about depression. It's not just feeling a bit down and being in a happy environment will help. A clinically depressed person will still be depressed in a "happy" environment.

My son suffers with depression and it was when he told me that holidays and days out didn't bring him any joy that I really understood how it worked. His normal state is depressed. It doesn't have a trigger or a driver, it's just his normal living baseline. That why it can't be fixed by doing fun stuff.

This is why I am convinced I am depressed. I do things which I am VERY lucky to do but they're just a momentarily lapse from the norm and don't bring much happiness. As soon as the activity is done, I am done. I must try meds but I am very hesitant.

[Marcellus]

jm8403 said:

This is why I am convinced I am depressed. I do things which I am VERY lucky to do but they're just a momentarily lapse from the norm and don't bring much happiness. As soon as the activity is done, I am done. I must try meds but I am very hesitant.

There is a counselling service which is pretty quick to get involved and work on self referrals, possibly called changing minds, not there for those crisis moments but may help anyone wanting to start a discussion about their mental health.

Maybe worth a Google.

[98elise]

jm8403 said:

98elise said:

This is what a lot of people don't understand about depression. It's not just feeling a bit down and being in a happy environment will help. A clinically depressed person will still be depressed in a "happy" environment.

My son suffers with depression and it was when he told me that holidays and days out didn't bring him any joy that I really understood how it worked. His normal state is depressed. It doesn't have a trigger or a driver, it's just his normal living baseline. That why it can't be fixed by doing fun stuff.

This is why I am convinced I am depressed. I do things which I am VERY lucky to do but they're just a momentarily lapse from the norm and don't bring much happiness. As soon as the activity is done, I am done. I must try meds but I am very hesitant.

That does sound like depression. It's like your emotions are offset from normal. If you do something you should enjoy, it's more of a short respite from the depression than being a positive experience.

My son found therapy worked best for him. It's not a cure but you learn to cope better with it. Unfortunately the NHS is chronically under funded when it comes to mental health so we had to go private.

[jm8403]

Marcellus said:

There is a counselling service which is pretty quick to get involved and work on self referrals, possibly called changing minds, not there for those crisis moments but may help anyone wanting to start a discussion about their mental health.

Maybe worth a Google.

Thanks. I am not convinced counselling will help me either. I have read a lot of books on it and digging up the past is not for everyone. Especially as it isn't cheap either.

[Electro1980]

jm8403 said:

Marcellus said:

There is a counselling service which is pretty quick to get involved and work on self referrals, possibly called changing minds, not there for those crisis moments but may help anyone wanting to start a discussion about their mental health.

Maybe worth a Google.

Thanks. I am not convinced counselling will help me either. I have read a lot of books on it and digging up the past is not for everyone. Especially as it isn't cheap either.

It’s not necessarily about digging up the past. Find a clinical psychologist rather than a counsellor. It will cost more, but 100% worth it to see someone who has a wide range of skills and knowledge, and a real understanding of psychology. Councillors can work for some, but often they only have one form of therapy and can be limited. It might not be cheap, but it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than the consequences of doing nothing, even if that is simply lost opportunities.

[jm8403]

Electro1980 said:

It’s not necessarily about digging up the past. Find a clinical psychologist rather than a counsellor. It will cost more, but 100% worth it to see someone who has a wide range of skills and knowledge, and a real understanding of psychology. Councillors can work for some, but often they only have one form of therapy and can be limited. It might not be cheap, but it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than the consequences of doing nothing, even if that is simply lost opportunities.

You're probably right. But I have heard several stories of people going through several people to get the right one and I just dont have the patience for that.

[Ruskie]

98elise said:

Marcellus said:

I think for a lot of people suffering from some form of depression Christmas is just ste!

I time when they know they're "supposed to be happy" as its a happy time of year but they just don't feel it... they know they "should" but they don't which makes them feel worse..... if they put a brave face on it for the day to see family then run the risk of troughing in the days after...... just be there for them if they wish but not if they don't and ffs don't tell them to cheer up!

How they are is how they are and it's ok, next Christmas might not be the same.

This is what a lot of people don't understand about depression. It's not just feeling a bit down and being in a happy environment will help. A clinically depressed person will still be depressed in a "happy" environment.

My son suffers with depression and it was when he told me that holidays and days out didn't bring him any joy that I really understood how it worked. His normal state is depressed. It doesn't have a trigger or a driver, it's just his normal living baseline. That why it can't be fixed by doing fun stuff.

This is a very good post to sum it up. I don’t get any enjoyment out of life. I just get on with stuff and pretend.

Someone I worked with, and lived with for 14 months was shocked when I told them I was struggling recently. Testament to my acting skills I suppose that I kept it hidden for all that time.

[LosingGrip]

Hi everyone!

I think its the first time I've posted in here, but have watched it over the years. I think I've got depression and need to speak to someone about it.

Lack of motivation, wont shower/brush teeth unless I'm going out (which I don't want to do). Can't sleep until early hours and then sleep all day. Rinse and repeat.

Eating habits are ste. I've always had a crap relationship with food and a massive binge eater. 5,000 calories a day can be done often and I wont feel full after. Or I wont eat anything (today has been around 250g of chicken thighs and thats it).

Recently ended a five year relationship which should have been ended at least a year ago, maybe longer. Actually I was having doubts when we moved in together three years ago.

Sex drive is on the floor. Not helped being in a sexless relationship for the last two years.

I feel empty. No purpose if that makes sense?

The only positive is my job. I love it. I hate having days off. I work with some great people.

Is it just a case of contacting my GP (annoyingly they are 25 miles away now I'm back with my parents), saying the above and seeing what they'll do? What is the likely thing they'll do?

[youngsyr]

LosingGrip said:

Hi everyone!

I think its the first time I've posted in here, but have watched it over the years. I think I've got depression and need to speak to someone about it.

Lack of motivation, wont shower/brush teeth unless I'm going out (which I don't want to do). Can't sleep until early hours and then sleep all day. Rinse and repeat.

Eating habits are ste. I've always had a crap relationship with food and a massive binge eater. 5,000 calories a day can be done often and I wont feel full after. Or I wont eat anything (today has been around 250g of chicken thighs and thats it).

Recently ended a five year relationship which should have been ended at least a year ago, maybe longer. Actually I was having doubts when we moved in together three years ago.

Sex drive is on the floor. Not helped being in a sexless relationship for the last two years.

I feel empty. No purpose if that makes sense?

The only positive is my job. I love it. I hate having days off. I work with some great people.

Is it just a case of contacting my GP (annoyingly they are 25 miles away now I'm back with my parents), saying the above and seeing what they'll do? What is the likely thing they'll do?

Sorry that you're feeling depressed, but glad that you have been open about it - that's the first step to feeling better.

Definitely speak to your doctor, but go in realising that they are generally overrun at the moment, so there may be a wait before seeing them and that there is no magic pill.

You will ultimately need to address your eating, sleeping and possibly excercise and mindfulness too, but that is easier with proper support and over time.

The doctor may suggest a CBT course, counselling, exercise, diet changes, sleep changes, mindfulness exercises and/or medication.

Booking a session with a private counsellor, even online, would be a good idea too, if you have insurance or can afford it.

[SpeckledJim]

First thing I'd suggest is get a lot more daylight and fresh air. Whatever exercise you're able to do. Or just be outside. You live more in an hour outdoors than a day inside the house.

[LosingGrip]

I’ll have a look at what work offer in the morning for support. They keep going on about what they can do, so will be good to see if it’s as good as they say.

Regards getting out and about…once I’m out I love it. I was staying in a hotel for November due to work and going for a 5k walk each evening around the city. Now I’m back home it’s just finding the motivation to do it.

I do get out and about with work though (police). Yes a lot is driving (150 miles a shift is normal) but I’m not stuck inside all day thankfully.

Started going back to the gym (day one today) but it’s normally hit it hard for a month and then go back to bad habits. We shall see though. I’m now two miles from work compared to 25 miles (and used to get moaned at for being late home).

[SpeckledJim]

You've got a very tough and high-stress job so it's a big plus that you enjoy it.

Lean on the pros. I doubt you can tell them anything they haven't already heard this week, and they'll know how to help you.

And as to motivation to get out of the house, try to be a robot until you hear the door shut behind you. Don't think too much about it, just get up, get showered, get dressed, get a slice of toast and GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. When you head the door shut - big breath of fresh air and just walk.

(I'm not any kind of doctor or pro)

[popeyewhite]

Electro1980 said:

It’s not necessarily about digging up the past. Find a clinical psychologist rather than a counsellor. It will cost more, but 100% worth it to see someone who has a wide range of skills and knowledge, and a real understanding of psychology. Councillors can work for some, but often they only have one form of therapy and can be limited. It might not be cheap, but it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than the consequences of doing nothing, even if that is simply lost opportunities.

I'm a psychotherapist, currently specialising in bereavement counselling. I don't know any counsellors who only studied one theoretical approach, though I'm sure it happens. I know a couple of clinical psychologists who have studied exactly the same theoretical approaches as me however (humanistic and psychodynamic psychology). We have the same Degrees (BA and MA, one has a PhD, I do not). Clinical psychologists specialise more on mental disorders, but go and see either and the method of treatment (psychotherapy) will be more or less the same up to the prescription of medication.

[98elise]

LosingGrip said:

Hi everyone!

I think its the first time I've posted in here, but have watched it over the years. I think I've got depression and need to speak to someone about it.

Lack of motivation, wont shower/brush teeth unless I'm going out (which I don't want to do). Can't sleep until early hours and then sleep all day. Rinse and repeat.

Eating habits are ste. I've always had a crap relationship with food and a massive binge eater. 5,000 calories a day can be done often and I wont feel full after. Or I wont eat anything (today has been around 250g of chicken thighs and thats it).

Recently ended a five year relationship which should have been ended at least a year ago, maybe longer. Actually I was having doubts when we moved in together three years ago.

Sex drive is on the floor. Not helped being in a sexless relationship for the last two years.

I feel empty. No purpose if that makes sense?

The only positive is my job. I love it. I hate having days off. I work with some great people.

Is it just a case of contacting my GP (annoyingly they are 25 miles away now I'm back with my parents), saying the above and seeing what they'll do? What is the likely thing they'll do?

It certainly sounds like depression. Lethargy and procrastination are symptoms. Simple stuff seems like a huge task.

I would certainly seek help, but there are no simple fixes. Your GP will likely offer drugs or therapy. My son found drugs were no help and NHS therapy was hit and miss. The was a time when my son felt suicidal, and all his GP could offer was counselling appointments months in the future.

In the end we paid for private counselling for a couple of years, which has helped a lot. We used this website...

https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists

You can search by area and read up on each councillor. The benefit is you can choose someone who you think you could speak freely to, and what they specialise in.

My son ended the sessions (after a couple of years) when he felt he had made as much progress as he could, but in my opinion he really did benefit. He certainly socialises more and does more things with friends.

It's great you love your work, that means you do have at least something that gives you joy. One other thing that really helps though is exercise and eating properly. It's another thing my son found helped.

For the sleep problems try nytol or similar to get your sleep patterns reset.

Edited by 98elise on Tuesday 3rd January 17:46

[happychap]

LosingGrip said:

Hi everyone!

I think its the first time I've posted in here, but have watched it over the years. I think I've got depression and need to speak to someone about it.

Lack of motivation, wont shower/brush teeth unless I'm going out (which I don't want to do). Can't sleep until early hours and then sleep all day. Rinse and repeat.

Eating habits are ste. I've always had a crap relationship with food and a massive binge eater. 5,000 calories a day can be done often and I wont feel full after. Or I wont eat anything (today has been around 250g of chicken thighs and thats it).

Recently ended a five year relationship which should have been ended at least a year ago, maybe longer. Actually I was having doubts when we moved in together three years ago.

Sex drive is on the floor. Not helped being in a sexless relationship for the last two years.

I feel empty. No purpose if that makes sense?

The only positive is my job. I love it. I hate having days off. I work with some great people.

Is it just a case of contacting my GP (annoyingly they are 25 miles away now I'm back with my parents), saying the above and seeing what they'll do? What is the likely thing they'll do?

How do you feel about opening up and acknowledging where your at, in its simplest terms you can use this as an opportunity to make sustainable life changes or simply repeat the pattern of your past behaviour. Accessing therapy for support is a good shout, give it a go.

[youngsyr]

On the therapy side, there are now online/video call options like BetterHelp that make speaking to a therapist easier and slightly cheaper.

This might be a good first step. Always worth bearing in mind that you might not gel with the first therapist you contact, and that's OK. Just try another until you find someone you feel you can speak to/feel comfortable with.