Discussion
On the therapy side, there are now online/video call options like BetterHelp that make speaking to a therapist easier and slightly cheaper.
This might be a good first step. Always worth bearing in mind that you might not gel with the first therapist you contact, and that's OK. Just try another until you find someone you feel you can speak to/feel comfortable with.
This might be a good first step. Always worth bearing in mind that you might not gel with the first therapist you contact, and that's OK. Just try another until you find someone you feel you can speak to/feel comfortable with.
Build a small amount of regular / daily exercise into your routine and, as others have said, get out into the daylight - every day.
There is a circadian element to depressive illness, much like jet lag, that can be normalised in part by eating at regular times and by getting some sunlight.
There is a circadian element to depressive illness, much like jet lag, that can be normalised in part by eating at regular times and by getting some sunlight.
Edited by Yahonza on Tuesday 3rd January 18:19
Yahonza said:
Build a small amount of regular / daily exercise into your routine and, as others have said get out into the daylight.
There is a circadian element to depressive illness, much like jet lag, that can be normalised in part by eating at regular times and by getting some sunlight.
What made a lot of sense to me was advice that depression attacks you from multiple angles and you need to fight it on those same multiple angles. There is a circadian element to depressive illness, much like jet lag, that can be normalised in part by eating at regular times and by getting some sunlight.
Fighting it on just one or two will ultimately be futile.
The angles are basically:
Thoughts - negative thinking, etc. Can be combated by CBT techniques, mindfulness
Emotions - anxiety and other negative feelings, can be addressed by therapy and medication.
Brain chemical imbalance - can be combated by exercise, healthier diet, better sleeping patterns or medication.
Situation - overly stressful job or relationship issuesetc. Need to find a way to reduce stress, speak to boss, delegate, or even change job. Address relationship issues.
Behaviours - unhealthy coping mechanisms like comfort eating, drinking alcohol, caffeine, withdrawing, isolating, smoking need to be addressed and changed to more healthy ones, like exercise, volunteering, etc.
Of course, it's difficult to even identify which angles you need to focus on, let alone combat them, but this is exactly what the "work" is when people talk about "working" on themselves and their mental health.
Thanks for the replies everyone, feels good to talk about it, even if it is to people I don't know on the internet!
Today was a good day at work. Busy from start to finish. Stressful but a good type of stress (I love getting thrown in at the deep end). Got home and just feel meh. Looking forward to going back tomorrow. I've cancelled my leave for later in the week as well. Was only a day and can't remember why I had it booked off.
Went to speak to the GP (have to do it online now) but by the time I finished the forms they had closed so got to do it tomorrow.
Considering how busy I was at work and how I'm feeling I've cut the snacks out. Had breakfast for the first time in months. Lunch was a little late due to work (3pm) but got some chicken to cook on the way home. Normally I'd get a massive chocolate bar and eat that. Did have a Mars Bar though, but it was one rather than three or four that I normally would.
Got my stuff packed for the gym in the morning. Downside is a 4am alarm and its now 11pm. Got a date planned for the evening (as long as I'm not late off but she works for the police as well so understands) and then got a phone call with a friend which is always a good catch up.
Today was a good day at work. Busy from start to finish. Stressful but a good type of stress (I love getting thrown in at the deep end). Got home and just feel meh. Looking forward to going back tomorrow. I've cancelled my leave for later in the week as well. Was only a day and can't remember why I had it booked off.
Went to speak to the GP (have to do it online now) but by the time I finished the forms they had closed so got to do it tomorrow.
Considering how busy I was at work and how I'm feeling I've cut the snacks out. Had breakfast for the first time in months. Lunch was a little late due to work (3pm) but got some chicken to cook on the way home. Normally I'd get a massive chocolate bar and eat that. Did have a Mars Bar though, but it was one rather than three or four that I normally would.
Got my stuff packed for the gym in the morning. Downside is a 4am alarm and its now 11pm. Got a date planned for the evening (as long as I'm not late off but she works for the police as well so understands) and then got a phone call with a friend which is always a good catch up.
Had some sad news yesterday, a friend of mine who has had job problems, debt and a lot of family issues going on tried to commit suicide yesterday. Fortunately the Police found him and took. Him to hospital.
Absolutely horrible to hear, the poor sod and his poor family. They had a truly awful year last year but it felt like things were on the up. We saw them a fair bit over Christmas and last Friday. Seemed in high spirits.
Absolutely horrible to hear, the poor sod and his poor family. They had a truly awful year last year but it felt like things were on the up. We saw them a fair bit over Christmas and last Friday. Seemed in high spirits.
heisthegaffer said:
Had some sad news yesterday, a friend of mine who has had job problems, debt and a lot of family issues going on tried to commit suicide yesterday. Fortunately the Police found him and took. Him to hospital.
Absolutely horrible to hear, the poor sod and his poor family. They had a truly awful year last year but it felt like things were on the up. We saw them a fair bit over Christmas and last Friday. Seemed in high spirits.
Cry for help. Hopefully he gets the help he needs. Terrible.Absolutely horrible to hear, the poor sod and his poor family. They had a truly awful year last year but it felt like things were on the up. We saw them a fair bit over Christmas and last Friday. Seemed in high spirits.
It's horrible to see friends suffering.
A lifelong friend is really struggling. She's had a lot of s
t in her life and struggled to see the good stuff around her and even good stuff around her she often sees as bad. When you are suffering that, I don't know what to do to help.
I'm trying to focus her mind on stuff I know she gets enjoyment from such as planning what she's going to be doing in her garden in the spring, getting her to spend time in nature etc but I'm not qualified in these things and don't know how to really help.
A lifelong friend is really struggling. She's had a lot of s
t in her life and struggled to see the good stuff around her and even good stuff around her she often sees as bad. When you are suffering that, I don't know what to do to help. I'm trying to focus her mind on stuff I know she gets enjoyment from such as planning what she's going to be doing in her garden in the spring, getting her to spend time in nature etc but I'm not qualified in these things and don't know how to really help.
jm8403 said:
heisthegaffer said:
Had some sad news yesterday, a friend of mine who has had job problems, debt and a lot of family issues going on tried to commit suicide yesterday. Fortunately the Police found him and took. Him to hospital.
Absolutely horrible to hear, the poor sod and his poor family. They had a truly awful year last year but it felt like things were on the up. We saw them a fair bit over Christmas and last Friday. Seemed in high spirits.
Cry for help. Hopefully he gets the help he needs. Terrible.Absolutely horrible to hear, the poor sod and his poor family. They had a truly awful year last year but it felt like things were on the up. We saw them a fair bit over Christmas and last Friday. Seemed in high spirits.
I've had a rough few weeks, Christmas and it's associated hassle is far too disruptive for me. I've had my ego bruised recently too, and now being ghosted following what I thought was a really nice date last Thursday has only added to it. So I've been feeling fragile and admittedly snappy recently.
After years of CBT, I have learnt that how to become reflective as to what causes my moods, triggers and how to pull myself out of them. It's probably taken me too long to realise this, but I usually end up giving up on the gym over Christmas. I'm in no doubt that my laziness contributes to my deflation. I was back at the gym on Tuesday, and I'm going again tomorrow. I've begun saying that I need the 'endorphin bomb' that the gym provides regularly. So this year has to be about establishing a proper routine and hopefully seeing gains!
With my ego bruising I've been lucky to have a trusted support network to help me through things and help me realise that I need to find a way to project and build some much needed self confidence. I've also been told to get straight back out there, but I might save that circus for another time.
I'd always advise people to exercise regularly and don't be afraid to talk, but there are occasions where I find that difficult. Hopefully this thread can help when I post my depressive ramblings.
Michael
After years of CBT, I have learnt that how to become reflective as to what causes my moods, triggers and how to pull myself out of them. It's probably taken me too long to realise this, but I usually end up giving up on the gym over Christmas. I'm in no doubt that my laziness contributes to my deflation. I was back at the gym on Tuesday, and I'm going again tomorrow. I've begun saying that I need the 'endorphin bomb' that the gym provides regularly. So this year has to be about establishing a proper routine and hopefully seeing gains!
With my ego bruising I've been lucky to have a trusted support network to help me through things and help me realise that I need to find a way to project and build some much needed self confidence. I've also been told to get straight back out there, but I might save that circus for another time.
I'd always advise people to exercise regularly and don't be afraid to talk, but there are occasions where I find that difficult. Hopefully this thread can help when I post my depressive ramblings.
Michael
Thought I would join the "party" here. I'm going through a really significant job change, plus my Dad passed away in November after a year long illness - I think deep down I am OK with that but with the job stuff and feeling just nothing but anxiety and dread, it's just making me more sad and gloomy.
Miserably, I just came back from nearly two weeks in Cancun and now suffering from this horrible depression. I was on edge a lot of the time and now have holiday blues on top! I am due to start my new job on 6th February and all I feel is:
1) Dread that I will hate it. Particularly as it's 100% WFH.
2) I am leaving a profession (Police) that I really feel passionate about but I have just reached a point where I have a lot of really useful, specialist skills and want to use them to a greater extent. Something the Police can't do and I am just not challenged anymore. If you look up the word "institutionalised" in the dictionary, then my name would be underneath in big bold letters.
3) Sick with worry. With all of these things, how the hell am I going to start a whole new job in less than two weeks. It's a huge new job which is so far out of my comfort zone. It's highly paid and I feel I am just in for a disaster and a failure, with them expecting things I can't deliver. I am not excited, I am dreading it and feel broken before I even start it. I am already planning on what to do when it fails.
4) I am incredibly tired. I am exhausted. I sleep intensively from about 1030pm to about 2am and then wake up. I have spent most of the last week doing this and then crying uncontrollably, lack of breath, pacing and in a real state of just curled up on the floor by myself in the middle of the night with fear and dread. Last night - I woke up my Girlfriend up about 4am and just told her everything (she didn't know how I was feeling).
5) Hopeless, what's the point anymore? I feel like I have nothing really to look forward to in life. I feel stupid irrational things like I'll never have fun or feel relaxed again.
6) No ability to do simple tasks. The idea of cooking seems too much. I have loads to do around the house (in preparation of job and also just to tidy) and I just can't do it. I can't summon the energy. When I try I give up very quickly.
7) I feel like I am carrying a big heavy object on me. I go for walks and just feel like I am walking through sludge. I see other people bouncing around, laughing, I see them with a real spring in their step. For me, it's been a long time since I felt that way (since my Dad got sick).
8) Vulnerable and weak - This is embarrassing and pathetic... but I went for a walk with my Girlfriend on Sunday as I just had to get out and do something as I was tired and sick of just sitting around. Went to a pub afterwards for food. We didn't book. The people in front didn't and they got the last table. I spent the rest of the day just feeling sad about it, like it was just another thing that has gone wrong.
...
I can probably go on forever.
I am trying a bit - this will sound stupid but:
A) I have been going for at least one walk a day, often two
B) I shaved today and feel better. Before I hadn't bothered for about a week and just felt a mess
C) I have messaged a sports club (Softball) asking about how I can join in their training and get involved with them
D) As above I have told my Girlfriend about it all
Thanks
Miserably, I just came back from nearly two weeks in Cancun and now suffering from this horrible depression. I was on edge a lot of the time and now have holiday blues on top! I am due to start my new job on 6th February and all I feel is:
1) Dread that I will hate it. Particularly as it's 100% WFH.
2) I am leaving a profession (Police) that I really feel passionate about but I have just reached a point where I have a lot of really useful, specialist skills and want to use them to a greater extent. Something the Police can't do and I am just not challenged anymore. If you look up the word "institutionalised" in the dictionary, then my name would be underneath in big bold letters.
3) Sick with worry. With all of these things, how the hell am I going to start a whole new job in less than two weeks. It's a huge new job which is so far out of my comfort zone. It's highly paid and I feel I am just in for a disaster and a failure, with them expecting things I can't deliver. I am not excited, I am dreading it and feel broken before I even start it. I am already planning on what to do when it fails.
4) I am incredibly tired. I am exhausted. I sleep intensively from about 1030pm to about 2am and then wake up. I have spent most of the last week doing this and then crying uncontrollably, lack of breath, pacing and in a real state of just curled up on the floor by myself in the middle of the night with fear and dread. Last night - I woke up my Girlfriend up about 4am and just told her everything (she didn't know how I was feeling).
5) Hopeless, what's the point anymore? I feel like I have nothing really to look forward to in life. I feel stupid irrational things like I'll never have fun or feel relaxed again.
6) No ability to do simple tasks. The idea of cooking seems too much. I have loads to do around the house (in preparation of job and also just to tidy) and I just can't do it. I can't summon the energy. When I try I give up very quickly.
7) I feel like I am carrying a big heavy object on me. I go for walks and just feel like I am walking through sludge. I see other people bouncing around, laughing, I see them with a real spring in their step. For me, it's been a long time since I felt that way (since my Dad got sick).
8) Vulnerable and weak - This is embarrassing and pathetic... but I went for a walk with my Girlfriend on Sunday as I just had to get out and do something as I was tired and sick of just sitting around. Went to a pub afterwards for food. We didn't book. The people in front didn't and they got the last table. I spent the rest of the day just feeling sad about it, like it was just another thing that has gone wrong.
...
I can probably go on forever.
I am trying a bit - this will sound stupid but:
A) I have been going for at least one walk a day, often two
B) I shaved today and feel better. Before I hadn't bothered for about a week and just felt a mess
C) I have messaged a sports club (Softball) asking about how I can join in their training and get involved with them
D) As above I have told my Girlfriend about it all
Thanks
Edited by redrabbit29 on Tuesday 24th January 16:48
redrabbit29 said:
...
So sorry to hear how you've been feeling. Rest assured you are not alone - there were over 70m prescriptions for anti-depressants in the UK last year. Conservatively that's around 5 million people actively taking anti-depressants, or 1 in 12 people. You probably met several people on your recent visit to the pub that had suffered from depression, you just didn't realise.Edited by redrabbit29 on Tuesday 24th January 16:48
You're also not stupid - you wouldn't chastise yourself if you broke an arm and couldn't use it properly for a while and depression is just another ailment - you didn't cause it, but it does make you feel poorly.
You should also consider what you've been through recently, losing a loved one after a long illness, changing career and not to mention 2 years of pandemic - that's a huge amount for anyone to take on.
Grieving for your father will make you sad and knock the wind out of you, that is normal. Changing career will cause anxiety, that is also normal. Time alone will lessen the impact of those on your mood. It does sound like you are experiencing depression though, so you may well need extra help, just as you would if you broke your arm.
Well done for opening up to your girlfriend - that's a great first step and couldn't have been easy. Going for a walk each day is also very helpful. The softball idea is also a good one. Don't belittle your efforts. Even getting out of bed with depression can be a massive challenge and people as successful as Alistair Campbell and Stephen Fry have said so from personal experience.
Are there any (ex) colleagues you can speak to about your career change? A problem shared is very much a problem halved.
For immediate help with the anxiety keeping you up at night, download the "insight timer" app and look up Ally Boothroyd and her Yoga Nidra guided meditations. She's also available on YouTube (only useful if it's advert free for you) or on her own website (paid). You do them lying down and they basically get you to focus on your physical body rather than what's going on in your mind. I found them very useful when I felt a lot of anxiety.
I would also recommend finding a counsellor that you can talk to either locally face to face or online. I know BetterHelp is advertising a lot right now for online therapy sessions. It can be very useful to talk through how you're feeling with a trained professional and get some advice on the best way forward.
Your GP is also an option, but possibly best after speaking to a counsellor. GP's simply don't have the time to discuss your mental health at length like a counsellor can.
Good luck and remember you're not alone with this, there is help available and you will start to feel better!
youngsyr said:
... great reply and info ...
Thank you for your kind reply. It's been such a difficult week of no sleep, constant shaking and nervousness, sense of hoplessness etc. All the typical stuff. I feel like my life is ending.The shaking is terrible though, my entire chest and right arm is spasming. I went into work yesterday (few things to do before I leave). I lasted about 2 hours and left to go home. Just couldn't handle it.
A few key things have happened for the good:
1) I have done an online thing to the Doctor. Hoping they prescribe medication.
2) I have got my referral for talking therapies now - appointment is next Tuesday
3) I have a few recommendations for private counsellors (I know I should do this OR talking therapies rather than both but I am exploring options)
4) I told a friend how bad I was and basically was struggling to see any form of life going forward
5) Told me Mum everything and she was very helpful
6) Continued to walk everyday - usually twice per day
7) Cleaned out the spare room to paint - this is a big thing as doing anything at the minute is difficult. Even washing the dishes is a real challenge and makes me feel truly pathetic.
8) I worked out that within about 3-4 months I would have enough money to leave the new role if I truly detested it. I also have an exit plan to rejoin Police if I really wanted to. That's not me being negative, but is just a coping mechanism.
...
I will check out the Insight Timer app, plus the Yoga too. I will look at BetterHelp now as well.
I still feel a huge sense of loneliness and isolation, particularly as my partner heads off to work for the day leaving me at home doing absolutely nothing. I don't think I will like this new job but even if I don't at least there will be something to do like video calls and actual work. I also feel vulnerable and exposed, rather than strong and resilient. It's a horrible feeling
One thing I am concerned about though is long hours, cancelled weekends etc as it is a consultancy role within IT and that can be unpredictable.
I was really struggling in 2021 and also switched careers to work at a tech consultancy, and like you was really nervous about it, after 14 years in a different industry.
It turns out to have been the best thing I have done - after the initially steep learning curve I got into the swing of things. And my mental health has been much better.
Are you setting up your newly cleared spare room as a home office? That may give you something to focus on until your job starts, so you aren't "just doing nothing" whilst your partner is at work.
It turns out to have been the best thing I have done - after the initially steep learning curve I got into the swing of things. And my mental health has been much better.
Are you setting up your newly cleared spare room as a home office? That may give you something to focus on until your job starts, so you aren't "just doing nothing" whilst your partner is at work.
Craikeybaby said:
I was really struggling in 2021 and also switched careers to work at a tech consultancy, and like you was really nervous about it, after 14 years in a different industry.
It turns out to have been the best thing I have done - after the initially steep learning curve I got into the swing of things. And my mental health has been much better.
Are you setting up your newly cleared spare room as a home office? That may give you something to focus on until your job starts, so you aren't "just doing nothing" whilst your partner is at work.
That's reassuring, thanks for sharing your experience. I know many of my worries are so irrational it often makes me laugh when I have better periods of the day. It turns out to have been the best thing I have done - after the initially steep learning curve I got into the swing of things. And my mental health has been much better.
Are you setting up your newly cleared spare room as a home office? That may give you something to focus on until your job starts, so you aren't "just doing nothing" whilst your partner is at work.
I'm lucky enough to have two rooms to choose from.
1) One is quite big but North facing and slightly overlooked by the road but more to look at outside.
2) The other is smaller box type room and south facing, quieter - that is the one I was using before when I was working more hybrid. I am going to paint it just as it's a mess
I have a new desk coming on Monday so that gives me something to focus on as well. Can then put it wherever I decide and get things set up.
redrabbit29 said:
youngsyr said:
... great reply and info ...
Thank you for your kind reply. It's been such a difficult week of no sleep, constant shaking and nervousness, sense of hoplessness etc. All the typical stuff. I feel like my life is ending.The shaking is terrible though, my entire chest and right arm is spasming. I went into work yesterday (few things to do before I leave). I lasted about 2 hours and left to go home. Just couldn't handle it.
A few key things have happened for the good:
1) I have done an online thing to the Doctor. Hoping they prescribe medication.
2) I have got my referral for talking therapies now - appointment is next Tuesday
3) I have a few recommendations for private counsellors (I know I should do this OR talking therapies rather than both but I am exploring options)
4) I told a friend how bad I was and basically was struggling to see any form of life going forward
5) Told me Mum everything and she was very helpful
6) Continued to walk everyday - usually twice per day
7) Cleaned out the spare room to paint - this is a big thing as doing anything at the minute is difficult. Even washing the dishes is a real challenge and makes me feel truly pathetic.
8) I worked out that within about 3-4 months I would have enough money to leave the new role if I truly detested it. I also have an exit plan to rejoin Police if I really wanted to. That's not me being negative, but is just a coping mechanism.
...
I will check out the Insight Timer app, plus the Yoga too. I will look at BetterHelp now as well.
I still feel a huge sense of loneliness and isolation, particularly as my partner heads off to work for the day leaving me at home doing absolutely nothing. I don't think I will like this new job but even if I don't at least there will be something to do like video calls and actual work. I also feel vulnerable and exposed, rather than strong and resilient. It's a horrible feeling
One thing I am concerned about though is long hours, cancelled weekends etc as it is a consultancy role within IT and that can be unpredictable.
Doing all those things despite feeling as badly as you do shows real strength of character and you should give yourself credit for that. Yes, you might feel that they're tiny things for when you're feeling normal, but you're not feeling normal. You're feeling terrible and still doing them. It's equivalent to walking a mile when you've got a broken foot!!
Try to remember that when that negative voice starts criticising you in your mind.
Please do try the yoga nidra/meditation - it probably strikes you as very hippyish and new age, but it really does work to reduce anxiety. The logic behind it is that the anxiety is trying to put your mind into panic mode, but focussing on breathing and the stillness of your body automatically brings you back out of the panic mode. Start with a 10 or 15 minute one and see if it helps. If it does it might be worth subscribing to YouTube Premium for a month to get rid of the adverts and get Ally Boothroyd's full library.
Here's a link to get you started:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApQ9NovgnA4&ab...
Read the comments - hundreds of people (including Chris Evans) find her meditations very helpful.
She does longer ones for insomnia too if you find yourself lying awake at night and feeling alone with the anxiety.
Remember though - this will pass. You won't always feel like this. All of the steps you are taking are helping you move towards a better place and you can always post on here if you need to vent.
Online doctor thing completed 5 days ago. Still no call from them. I put in lengthy description of my symptoms and the fact I'm shaking with anxiety, unable to sleep, feel entirely hopeless etc.
I was trying to avoid calling as I can never get through and never have good experiences with doctor. But I wanted some help from a medication point of view
...
Tomorrow at 1pm I have my first talking therapies session.
I was trying to avoid calling as I can never get through and never have good experiences with doctor. But I wanted some help from a medication point of view
...
Tomorrow at 1pm I have my first talking therapies session.
redrabbit29 said:
A few key things have happened for the good:
One thing you may find helps is writing your 'to do list', and leaving it somewhere prominent to your routine. It assists me, as a list of stuff whizzing around your mind only adds to the 'clutter' in your head. - List of tasks
On that note, I need to get my arse off the sofa and write mine!
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff