Discussion
I am doing surprisingly well, given the current situation (balancing ill child in hospital and trying to keep normality for other child, resulting in not much sleep), I just need to keep an eye on things as things go back to normal. As above, exercise, and nature help. Through work we also have weekly mindfulness sessions, which I find help, there's some overlap there with the CBT I was prescribed a few years ago, but breathing and guided meditations are also something worth looking at.
For more strenuous exercise, finding something you really enjoy is the key - I used to force myself to go to the gym but didn't really feel it. I gave mountain biking a try and absolutely love it, now I try to get out at every opportunity, even if it is just a 30-minute ride from home.
deadtom said:
How do you motivate to actually go do exercise?
Exercise can even just be a walk, ideally in nature, but just getting out for 20 minutes from your front door is a good starter, once you start doing it regularly the pattern forms.For more strenuous exercise, finding something you really enjoy is the key - I used to force myself to go to the gym but didn't really feel it. I gave mountain biking a try and absolutely love it, now I try to get out at every opportunity, even if it is just a 30-minute ride from home.
deadtom said:
How do you motivate to actually go do exercise?
It's partly habit. Alarm goes off, I just get up without thinking. Then I go to local swimming pool because there are nice women there. Some days I go to gym in the same sports centre. It's a nice place with nice people. We smile and say hello to each other. If those factors weren't there I probably wouldn't do it.I don't particularly enjoy the exercise itself but I do feel good afterwards.
So, I guess I don't have to motivate myself because there are aspects of the exercise experience (nice women, friendly people, nice venue) that make me want to go there.
I think there can be a lot of value in habit and routine just to keep you ticking over day to day.
I used to love mountain biking, I was pretty passionate about it from the age of 10 to 25 or so and got to be reasonably good at it too, but my motivation to get out and do it has dropped off a cliff
My work is suffering a lot because of my current slump, which also adds a new layer of guilt as I am very much a burden rather than an asset currently. I need to change something as this isn't really sustainable, I am just not sure what that is.
I have considered maybe cutting back hours in my day job to see if I can have a go at starting my own business, but then that idea just seems absurd and utterly doomed to failure. I don't know how to keep hold of the times where things seem feasible
I used to love mountain biking, I was pretty passionate about it from the age of 10 to 25 or so and got to be reasonably good at it too, but my motivation to get out and do it has dropped off a cliff
My work is suffering a lot because of my current slump, which also adds a new layer of guilt as I am very much a burden rather than an asset currently. I need to change something as this isn't really sustainable, I am just not sure what that is.
I have considered maybe cutting back hours in my day job to see if I can have a go at starting my own business, but then that idea just seems absurd and utterly doomed to failure. I don't know how to keep hold of the times where things seem feasible
I've got two, a DH bike and a hardtail. though the hardtail isn't working at the moment because the cassette is knackered.
I was meant to be going out for a ride with mates tomorrow, but I have cancelled because I'm not very well at the moment. I should really get the trail bike sorted so I can just go out for a trundle around the bridleways near me in the peak district
I was meant to be going out for a ride with mates tomorrow, but I have cancelled because I'm not very well at the moment. I should really get the trail bike sorted so I can just go out for a trundle around the bridleways near me in the peak district
I've had a challenging 5/6 weeks. My phone had to be repaired after it stopped reading the SIM and thanks to O2, I was without it for about 2 weeks. I had the flu and then about 2 weeks later caught a cold (it wasn't as severe), I was meant to be going to Nottingham last Saturday with a friend, but alas we were both lurgy'd.
I spotted a scuff just under my O/S headlight on the car, certainly not caused by me as I'd have remembered doing it, that was annoying as no one had left a note to apologise. But what has got me down most of all is is how my routine at the gym has been disrupted over the last month, everytime I get into rhythm I'm disrupted. I know being ill has put a stop to it and I did try to go back too soon in the interval between sniffles, but I've really missed it. I'm hoping Monday will be a success.
Getting up early is still a challenge, but I think I'm making headway on that
Michael
I spotted a scuff just under my O/S headlight on the car, certainly not caused by me as I'd have remembered doing it, that was annoying as no one had left a note to apologise. But what has got me down most of all is is how my routine at the gym has been disrupted over the last month, everytime I get into rhythm I'm disrupted. I know being ill has put a stop to it and I did try to go back too soon in the interval between sniffles, but I've really missed it. I'm hoping Monday will be a success.
Getting up early is still a challenge, but I think I'm making headway on that
Michael
Peanut Gallery said:
SAD lamp has definitely been dusted off
I bought a SAD lamp about a month ago. I am not depressed (at the moment) but always fighting it off and have been seeing a counsellor recently - part of me wonders if I need to. SAD lamp has 3-4 light settings ranging from extreme brightness down to just a bit bright.
I think it's been worth it, particularly working from home. Even when it's nice outside and sunny, the lamp which I have on all the time just makes me feel more alert rather than a dull, unlit desk area.
BlindedByTheLights said:
What’s the general consensus on sad lamps? I take a dip every winter due to weather, not being able to cycle much , dark evenings etc, do they help much? Thank you.
I bought one. It made no difference. But I understand it does work for lots of people.For me the gloomy weather gets me down - sunshine really lifts my spirits.
Peanut Gallery said:
SAD lamp has definitely been dusted off - not helped by this non stop rain - will break out the Vit D soon. It might just be a placebo, but I am fine with that if it works.
Also down with whatever bugs the kids can give me, just for good measure.
But apart from that doing really well!
I have seen research that indicates that high dose Vitamin D is really good for helping with depression, worth taking daily in my view.Also down with whatever bugs the kids can give me, just for good measure.
But apart from that doing really well!
deadtom said:
are there any undesirable side effects from taking lots of vitamin D?
You have to take megadoses for a long period to overdose. I take 8000 IU per day. Not had a cold or flu for years, didn't get covid (or if I did I didn't notice as I never took a test). It's important to take 100mcg of vitamin K as well. Vit D tends to hold calcium in the blood, vit K gets it to the bones where it needs to be. Lots on youtube about it, check out John Campbell or many others. The NHS guideline dose rate is the minimum to prevent rickets. Apparently most people in the upper northern hemisphere are vitamin D deficient and the darker your skin, the worse it is.https://www.mayoclinicproceedings.org/article/S002...
Edited by rovermorris999 on Monday 30th October 15:57
Challenging few days earlier the week for me. I'm staying with family currently after a 13 year break up, and just lost the plot Sunday and was feeling atrocious. I think I've compartmentalised a lot of the last few months (break up, financial worries, losing my indepedence) and it just boiled up. Ended up having to leave but with nowhere to go I just ended up spending a lot of money to get a hotel room and spent the evening trawling around city centre bars, had a meal and watched some football, fully alone. Quite a strangely cathartic experience, and probably necessary. Four days on I feel much better, but my head was going places its never been before and it was rather worrying. Easy to lose sight of what you do have when in that mindset.
Jimmy No Hands said:
Challenging few days earlier the week for me. I'm staying with family currently after a 13 year break up, and just lost the plot Sunday and was feeling atrocious. I think I've compartmentalised a lot of the last few months (break up, financial worries, losing my indepedence) and it just boiled up. Ended up having to leave but with nowhere to go I just ended up spending a lot of money to get a hotel room and spent the evening trawling around city centre bars, had a meal and watched some football, fully alone. Quite a strangely cathartic experience, and probably necessary. Four days on I feel much better, but my head was going places its never been before and it was rather worrying. Easy to lose sight of what you do have when in that mindset.
Pleased to hear you’re feeling better from the weekend, alone time can be great but don’t struggle alone. CALM offer a great service just to chat and you may find this helpful if you end up in such a difficult place, www.thecalmzone.netI think catharsis can be found in some fairly unlikely places, I can see how meandering around a city on your own with nothing planned can be one of them.
Glad it worked and you're feeling brighter now, hopefully it lasts.
I've made more of a concerted effort with being productive and getting stuff done over the last few days and it has definitely helped, I just hope I can sustain it
Glad it worked and you're feeling brighter now, hopefully it lasts.
I've made more of a concerted effort with being productive and getting stuff done over the last few days and it has definitely helped, I just hope I can sustain it
I Don’t know if this is the right place for this. … a motoring forum probably isn’t the right place to air your dirty laundry, but. I’ve got no mates so here goes.
Plus, I think this whole mess is linked to my depression (though, I might be looking for excuses)
I’ve absolutely destroyed my life and I’m struggling to deal with the consequences.
A bit about me; I’m 40 I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for the last 10 years but have probably lived with it since my teens. It comes and goes with lifestyle changes and external influences.
Anyway, last spring my mental health took a nose-dive. The worst it’s ever been. No sleep. Anxiety attacks unable to function. The whole lot. I ended up off work for 6 weeks. In that time my marriage was ‘ok’ but it’s only ever been ok for a few years. We have a couple of kids and we’re sort of bumbling along. I suppose in the same way most people do just dealing with adulthood. Bills, kids, work etc doesn’t leave much room for romance and excitement. And, I had a nagging suspicion that my wife didn’t really want me, find me attractive or whatever. I still don’t know if that’s true or if it’s paranoia, but as I’ll come onto it’s kind of irrelevant now.
Once I came back to the office from my time off I made sone really, really poor choices.
As part of my poor mental health I decided I didn’t like who I was, so I changed to a different version of me. I amplified the things I thought I liked about myself, which was a version of me from my early 20s. Then I started trying to impress people who probably wasn’t worth my time and I neglected the home fires.
Prior to going off sick I’d developed a friendship with a girl in the office. She made it clear that she found me attractive. And she liked all the things I’d recently amplified about myself. Predictably, things developed between us.
To be honest, it was exciting. It was years since I’d felt attractive and interesting and I was caught up in it. It shouldn’t have happened but it did. I thought, for a while, that’s what I wanted. The Hugh grant rom-com life. I developed a lot of main character energy. Dreamed of picnics in the park, dancing in the rain, roof top terrace drinks, art galleries, gigs. You know, that whole montage where the romantic leads get together? Only life isn’t like that is it?
What actually happened was my wife found out, there was shouting, tears, anger, stress. There was destroying my kids by moving out. The hurt in their eyes is something I’ll never, ever forget. Then, because me and the other woman only had something which wasn’t built on anything at all, that fizzled and died. Neither of us wanted the reality of the situation or each other.
Now, due to financial issues and childcare I’ve ended up back in the family home. Me and the wife are very much not together. We’re actively avoiding each other in an average sized 3 bed house (not easy) and I’m sleeping on the sofa which is destroying my back. And the whole situation is destroying my mental health again.
But where do I go from here? To go back to the rom-com thing. I’m the bad guy in these stories. I’ve destroyed my wife. She’s rebuilding but it’s hard with her estranged husband moping about the house, sleeping on the sofa and pretending everything is ok.
I’m the bad guy in the other woman’s story. She really wanted to live her best life and for her, that’s dependant on a partner. I couldn’t do that and that hurt her. She too, apparently is rebuilding. She’s got a new fella and is really happy. But we keep awkwardly bumping into each other at work.
And me? …. I’m still not sure who I am or who I want to be. I’m skint. I’m exhausted. It’s destroyed my work so I’m massively behind there. I just work, look after the kids (though I’m distracted in my own thoughts so I’m not doing that well) drink too much whiskey watch s
t on YouTube and that’s it.
This is no fking life.
Plus, I think this whole mess is linked to my depression (though, I might be looking for excuses)
I’ve absolutely destroyed my life and I’m struggling to deal with the consequences.
A bit about me; I’m 40 I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for the last 10 years but have probably lived with it since my teens. It comes and goes with lifestyle changes and external influences.
Anyway, last spring my mental health took a nose-dive. The worst it’s ever been. No sleep. Anxiety attacks unable to function. The whole lot. I ended up off work for 6 weeks. In that time my marriage was ‘ok’ but it’s only ever been ok for a few years. We have a couple of kids and we’re sort of bumbling along. I suppose in the same way most people do just dealing with adulthood. Bills, kids, work etc doesn’t leave much room for romance and excitement. And, I had a nagging suspicion that my wife didn’t really want me, find me attractive or whatever. I still don’t know if that’s true or if it’s paranoia, but as I’ll come onto it’s kind of irrelevant now.
Once I came back to the office from my time off I made sone really, really poor choices.
As part of my poor mental health I decided I didn’t like who I was, so I changed to a different version of me. I amplified the things I thought I liked about myself, which was a version of me from my early 20s. Then I started trying to impress people who probably wasn’t worth my time and I neglected the home fires.
Prior to going off sick I’d developed a friendship with a girl in the office. She made it clear that she found me attractive. And she liked all the things I’d recently amplified about myself. Predictably, things developed between us.
To be honest, it was exciting. It was years since I’d felt attractive and interesting and I was caught up in it. It shouldn’t have happened but it did. I thought, for a while, that’s what I wanted. The Hugh grant rom-com life. I developed a lot of main character energy. Dreamed of picnics in the park, dancing in the rain, roof top terrace drinks, art galleries, gigs. You know, that whole montage where the romantic leads get together? Only life isn’t like that is it?
What actually happened was my wife found out, there was shouting, tears, anger, stress. There was destroying my kids by moving out. The hurt in their eyes is something I’ll never, ever forget. Then, because me and the other woman only had something which wasn’t built on anything at all, that fizzled and died. Neither of us wanted the reality of the situation or each other.
Now, due to financial issues and childcare I’ve ended up back in the family home. Me and the wife are very much not together. We’re actively avoiding each other in an average sized 3 bed house (not easy) and I’m sleeping on the sofa which is destroying my back. And the whole situation is destroying my mental health again.
But where do I go from here? To go back to the rom-com thing. I’m the bad guy in these stories. I’ve destroyed my wife. She’s rebuilding but it’s hard with her estranged husband moping about the house, sleeping on the sofa and pretending everything is ok.
I’m the bad guy in the other woman’s story. She really wanted to live her best life and for her, that’s dependant on a partner. I couldn’t do that and that hurt her. She too, apparently is rebuilding. She’s got a new fella and is really happy. But we keep awkwardly bumping into each other at work.
And me? …. I’m still not sure who I am or who I want to be. I’m skint. I’m exhausted. It’s destroyed my work so I’m massively behind there. I just work, look after the kids (though I’m distracted in my own thoughts so I’m not doing that well) drink too much whiskey watch s
t on YouTube and that’s it. This is no f
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