Depression - Rock Bottom
Discussion
I'e only just found this thread & agree with most of the suggestions above especially that the drugs are not enough. Here (in Dorset), I referred myself via IAPT [ http://www.iapt.nhs.uk/regions/south-central/ - this looks as if it could be your region] & got an initial appointment quite quickly; unfortunately I had to wait a bit for one-to-one counselling. Otherwise it's the crisis response team if you can find out their contact details.
In the meantime, look after yourself, if you look after your body the mind will also be healthier - by eating & drinking plenty of (non-alcoholic - shouldn't really need to say that) drinks, exercise especially outside even if it's just a walk round the block noticing what's going on around you rather than whats 'rampant' in our mind, take each hour at a time, then two - as said before & keep talking to anyone & everyone who will (& wants to) listen.
In the meantime, look after yourself, if you look after your body the mind will also be healthier - by eating & drinking plenty of (non-alcoholic - shouldn't really need to say that) drinks, exercise especially outside even if it's just a walk round the block noticing what's going on around you rather than whats 'rampant' in our mind, take each hour at a time, then two - as said before & keep talking to anyone & everyone who will (& wants to) listen.
I have sent this email to those who have messaged me but I would also like to share this with everyone else that has given me support and advice on here:
The support that I have received from people I have never met before has given me a much needed boost and has quite simply been overwhelming.
I contacted the samaritans on boxing day night/early hours of Tuesday morning as it had all got too much, they were very understanding and calming which in my current state is what I needed. In the last 24hrs I have visited the emergency doctors and have been prescribed some further tablets to calm me down which do seem to have taken effect very quickly, however I do feel slightly spaced out. I have also taken steps to see a councillor as soon as possible, as I realise I cannot go on like this.
I know deep down that things will get better and have within the last day or so set myself a few basic goals to try and keep me motivated. I also know that there are still good people in the world which brings me strength to carry on and get back to my former happy self.
Heartfelt Thanks
Paul M
The support that I have received from people I have never met before has given me a much needed boost and has quite simply been overwhelming.
I contacted the samaritans on boxing day night/early hours of Tuesday morning as it had all got too much, they were very understanding and calming which in my current state is what I needed. In the last 24hrs I have visited the emergency doctors and have been prescribed some further tablets to calm me down which do seem to have taken effect very quickly, however I do feel slightly spaced out. I have also taken steps to see a councillor as soon as possible, as I realise I cannot go on like this.
I know deep down that things will get better and have within the last day or so set myself a few basic goals to try and keep me motivated. I also know that there are still good people in the world which brings me strength to carry on and get back to my former happy self.
Heartfelt Thanks
Paul M
Good to hear mate. One simple thing I think can help is to find something every day to look forward to so you always have light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.
It can be something very small and trivial. Maybe just something you'll have for dinner you particularly like, or getting out for a hoon or reading a book you haven't had time for.
It doesn't really matter what it is as long as you look forward to it and once you've achieved it, you have the next thing to look forward to.
Onwards and upwards!
It can be something very small and trivial. Maybe just something you'll have for dinner you particularly like, or getting out for a hoon or reading a book you haven't had time for.
It doesn't really matter what it is as long as you look forward to it and once you've achieved it, you have the next thing to look forward to.
Onwards and upwards!
The house is once again very quiet, so I feel I need to keep myself busy (so excuse the length of this post but it really is keeping my mind occupied). Please excuse spelling mistakes and sudden changes of direction but I am just typing as I think of things. I hope that by also documenting my experiences that it might be able to help others who may be in a similar situation.
I have certainly discovered that by talking to people it has lifted the pressure somewhat. It is so reassuring to know how many people care. I have had friends coming from all directions with support which has been a saving grace over certainly the last few days. I also very much appreciate all the well wishes on here as well. I does help me through the day as everytime someone comments on here, my phone gets the message and it really does help me along. The Samaritans have been amazing and they have called the past two evenings seeing how I was, checking on my state of mind etc.
I have been going to work over the past few days but it has been really difficult to concentrate, plus my memory is completely shot to pieces (which is also why I may duplicate some of what I have already posted). I spoke to my boss yesterday morning as I felt it had gone past the point where I needed to tell him (he already knew I had not been myself as one of my collegues had tipped him off and that I was dealing with it). I have worked with him for seven years and I have to say I was so worried about what would happen if he knew the full extent of what was going on. I explained that I thought that I could cope back in September/October/November and had battled with it ever since. However, within the last 3-4 weeks it had got increasingly worse and I had really started to loose the battle just getting deeper and deeper into a very dark place.
It must have taken me a good ten minutes to get the first few words out as I just couldn't speak, slowly the words started to flow. I must have spoken for a good 15 mins about what I had been going through and that I hadn't wanted to let them all down at work which was why I hadn't said anything sooner. My boss was incredibly understanding, told me to take time off to get it sorted (the time off I declined as I need to keep myself busy but I will be taking appointments out to see the councillor etc). I only wish I had spoken to him sooner as again it might have not got as bad as it did the other evening had I done so.
The days are pretty much a blur at the moment, I have been doing the whole driving to work only to get in the office and not being able to remember how I got there (pretty much the same on the way home as well). I have found that working has really given my mind a much needed distraction and one that I really need right now. As with everything (every action has a reaction etc) as soon as I get home and close the door I seem to crash again. I have been trying to get out of the house as quickly as possible on getting home just to keep busy. I've certainly put some miles on the tintop these past few nights aimlessly driving about!
As for the eating side of things I have managed to eat a little more than I have been over the past four weeks. I had my first proper meal in two weeks last night and although very difficult to force it down me, I did feel a little better after an hour or so. The guys at work have also been force feeding me which has also helped.
Sleep wise it still isn't great, having only managed roughly 8 hours in the last four days. I seem to feel tired yet as soon as my head hits the pillow my brain changes down a gear and throttles it, causing me to lay there for hours upon end, turning over and over, staring at the ceiling. This out of everything has been the hardest to cope with as there is very little let up from it.
On a positive note, I am meeting with a personal trainer tomorrow morning as I need to have something to look forward to and get me out and about again. Plus, this is going towards one of my goals that I have set myself to get really fit again which has given me something to aim for.
Anyway, my eyes are now going funny from looking at the screen for too long so I will have to give you a further update within the next week or so.
Once again, thank you everyone for your support, it really is helping!
Paul M
I have certainly discovered that by talking to people it has lifted the pressure somewhat. It is so reassuring to know how many people care. I have had friends coming from all directions with support which has been a saving grace over certainly the last few days. I also very much appreciate all the well wishes on here as well. I does help me through the day as everytime someone comments on here, my phone gets the message and it really does help me along. The Samaritans have been amazing and they have called the past two evenings seeing how I was, checking on my state of mind etc.
I have been going to work over the past few days but it has been really difficult to concentrate, plus my memory is completely shot to pieces (which is also why I may duplicate some of what I have already posted). I spoke to my boss yesterday morning as I felt it had gone past the point where I needed to tell him (he already knew I had not been myself as one of my collegues had tipped him off and that I was dealing with it). I have worked with him for seven years and I have to say I was so worried about what would happen if he knew the full extent of what was going on. I explained that I thought that I could cope back in September/October/November and had battled with it ever since. However, within the last 3-4 weeks it had got increasingly worse and I had really started to loose the battle just getting deeper and deeper into a very dark place.
It must have taken me a good ten minutes to get the first few words out as I just couldn't speak, slowly the words started to flow. I must have spoken for a good 15 mins about what I had been going through and that I hadn't wanted to let them all down at work which was why I hadn't said anything sooner. My boss was incredibly understanding, told me to take time off to get it sorted (the time off I declined as I need to keep myself busy but I will be taking appointments out to see the councillor etc). I only wish I had spoken to him sooner as again it might have not got as bad as it did the other evening had I done so.
The days are pretty much a blur at the moment, I have been doing the whole driving to work only to get in the office and not being able to remember how I got there (pretty much the same on the way home as well). I have found that working has really given my mind a much needed distraction and one that I really need right now. As with everything (every action has a reaction etc) as soon as I get home and close the door I seem to crash again. I have been trying to get out of the house as quickly as possible on getting home just to keep busy. I've certainly put some miles on the tintop these past few nights aimlessly driving about!
As for the eating side of things I have managed to eat a little more than I have been over the past four weeks. I had my first proper meal in two weeks last night and although very difficult to force it down me, I did feel a little better after an hour or so. The guys at work have also been force feeding me which has also helped.
Sleep wise it still isn't great, having only managed roughly 8 hours in the last four days. I seem to feel tired yet as soon as my head hits the pillow my brain changes down a gear and throttles it, causing me to lay there for hours upon end, turning over and over, staring at the ceiling. This out of everything has been the hardest to cope with as there is very little let up from it.
On a positive note, I am meeting with a personal trainer tomorrow morning as I need to have something to look forward to and get me out and about again. Plus, this is going towards one of my goals that I have set myself to get really fit again which has given me something to aim for.
Anyway, my eyes are now going funny from looking at the screen for too long so I will have to give you a further update within the next week or so.
Once again, thank you everyone for your support, it really is helping!
Paul M
Hi Paul, that is very positive to hear. Yes it is a long way from good, but heading that way rather than the other.
I've been seeing a councellor for a few months for some similar issues, and it is really hard but totally worth it, I have had revelations that seem so obvious now but didn't recognised before.
They can really help.
I've been seeing a councellor for a few months for some similar issues, and it is really hard but totally worth it, I have had revelations that seem so obvious now but didn't recognised before.
They can really help.
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