Stress or depression?
Discussion
I've found myself recently having no patience whatsoever, with my wife particularly, but my young son as well.
I increasingly snap and shout at my wife, and have to turn around and walk away from my son when I can feel myself getting wound up, to stop myself snapping at him.
I don't know what's the matter with me, but I know I'm turning into a difficult person to live with.
I don't feel miserable all the time, which is how I'd assume depression would work, I just lose my rag at the stupidest stuff. I'm even worse when I'm on my own in the house, and I'll find myself just shouting and swearing if something's annoyed me.
So, possible causes - I am very stressed about work, I'm one of the directors and we've had a very tough 18 months. My wife thinks it's stress from work combined with depression about my mum being ill - she has leukaemia and has just started chemotherapy. She says that anger is a symptom of depression, not sure if she's right or not?
My wife is being great about it as she can see I'm not happy, and I've tried to explain that I don't mean to be difficult, I just can't stop myself getting wound up at the stupidest little things. However, I'm sure her patience will only last so long, but I don't know what to do about it.
I'm seriously considering jacking my job in, as I know it's not making me happy, but I don't know if that will solve my problems.
I don't know who to talk to about it, as people just hand out the usual sympathy and platitudes with no real advice or substance. I don't want to burden my wife any further as she'll only worry more, but nor do I fancy the idea of therapy or going to the doctors and being prescribed medication. Mainly, I just don't want to be told that I'm depressed if I'm honest. Stressed I can cope with, badly admittedly, but I just don't see myself as somebody who would suffer from depression, it just sounds a bit weak.
Anybody been in a similar situation or know anybody that has and what did they do to cheer the f
k up 
I increasingly snap and shout at my wife, and have to turn around and walk away from my son when I can feel myself getting wound up, to stop myself snapping at him.
I don't know what's the matter with me, but I know I'm turning into a difficult person to live with.
I don't feel miserable all the time, which is how I'd assume depression would work, I just lose my rag at the stupidest stuff. I'm even worse when I'm on my own in the house, and I'll find myself just shouting and swearing if something's annoyed me.
So, possible causes - I am very stressed about work, I'm one of the directors and we've had a very tough 18 months. My wife thinks it's stress from work combined with depression about my mum being ill - she has leukaemia and has just started chemotherapy. She says that anger is a symptom of depression, not sure if she's right or not?
My wife is being great about it as she can see I'm not happy, and I've tried to explain that I don't mean to be difficult, I just can't stop myself getting wound up at the stupidest little things. However, I'm sure her patience will only last so long, but I don't know what to do about it.
I'm seriously considering jacking my job in, as I know it's not making me happy, but I don't know if that will solve my problems.
I don't know who to talk to about it, as people just hand out the usual sympathy and platitudes with no real advice or substance. I don't want to burden my wife any further as she'll only worry more, but nor do I fancy the idea of therapy or going to the doctors and being prescribed medication. Mainly, I just don't want to be told that I'm depressed if I'm honest. Stressed I can cope with, badly admittedly, but I just don't see myself as somebody who would suffer from depression, it just sounds a bit weak.
Anybody been in a similar situation or know anybody that has and what did they do to cheer the f
k up I'm exactly the same. I live at home with my mam and her husband. I really feel for my mam as I'ma total ar*e to be around at the minute. I work where my dad works and I'm a c*nt with him too.
Really difficult for them to talk to me or me to talk to them and I don't know what it is.
Wish I could just smile and answer all questions peacefully and have a normal conversation without getting p*ssed off at them.
Really difficult for them to talk to me or me to talk to them and I don't know what it is.
Wish I could just smile and answer all questions peacefully and have a normal conversation without getting p*ssed off at them.
Edited by McFsC on Monday 2nd July 23:12
It does sound more like stress than depression, but the two do often go hand in hand.
Sit down and make a list of the things that make you angry or upset. Obviously there are going to be a lot of things on there that you can't do much about, but there will be a few that can be changed around and improved.
It sounds like with everything going on at home, and with the business, you don't get much time to yourself. Do you sit in bed at 1am answering work emails on your phone by any chance? I know I used to. Outside of office hours, switch the bloody thing off.
Sit down and make a list of the things that make you angry or upset. Obviously there are going to be a lot of things on there that you can't do much about, but there will be a few that can be changed around and improved.
It sounds like with everything going on at home, and with the business, you don't get much time to yourself. Do you sit in bed at 1am answering work emails on your phone by any chance? I know I used to. Outside of office hours, switch the bloody thing off.
Depression and anxiety are very closely related.
Nothing wrong with meds if you need them: I'd consider myself a 'strong' person, but in the aftermath of my mother's suicide and a bullying boss (both years ago now), I started to get panic attacks.
It is very, very weird when your brain is doing things that 'you' don't want it to. I can quite see how, a few hundred years ago, the mentally ill were considered victims of some external malevolence. "What's got into you", etc, etc.
For me, a three-month course of anti-depressants, combined with a few sessions of CBT was literally a lifeline. Don't discount it.
Nothing wrong with meds if you need them: I'd consider myself a 'strong' person, but in the aftermath of my mother's suicide and a bullying boss (both years ago now), I started to get panic attacks.
It is very, very weird when your brain is doing things that 'you' don't want it to. I can quite see how, a few hundred years ago, the mentally ill were considered victims of some external malevolence. "What's got into you", etc, etc.
For me, a three-month course of anti-depressants, combined with a few sessions of CBT was literally a lifeline. Don't discount it.
antspants said:
I don't know who to talk to about it, as people just hand out the usual sympathy and platitudes with no real advice or substance. I don't want to burden my wife any further as she'll only worry more, but nor do I fancy the idea of therapy or going to the doctors and being prescribed medication. Mainly, I just don't want to be told that I'm depressed if I'm honest. Stressed I can cope with, badly admittedly, but I just don't see myself as somebody who would suffer from depression, it just sounds a bit weak.
Well, that's a stupid fking attitude Maybe you are depressed, maybe you aren't. If you want, do a HAD test http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx
In any case, let's say you had the symptoms of diabetes. Would you go the doctor's for a bit of an examination, or would you ride it out 'til your legs fall off and you go blind?
Someone will be along and trot out the various luminaries who have suffered from the black dog, but here's one from a bit closer to home. Your post could easily have been written by me 10 years ago. I did nothing about it, until the relationship broke down irreparably. Long story short, I haven't seen my kids for years. Don't be me, and pull your thumb out. There's no shame, no stigma, in going to a professional and at least seeking guidance.
Hi antspants, I'm sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time. Having been through some difficult times my main advice to you is to look after your relationship with your immediate family and keep your income. If you lose either of these, your life will become much more complicated. Modern medicine is amazing, best of luck to your Mum but don't neglect those closest to you - and yourself.
antspants said:
I just don't see myself as somebody who would suffer from depression, it just sounds a bit weak.
It is because of people like *you* that mental health conditions are taboo.Why don't you grow a set and go to your doctor and spill the beans, before you lose your family and or job.
Real men deal with problems.
I sympathise, and can see many of these symptoms myself.
I'm self employed and am working too hard. Still working now.
I do find that I am snappy, particularly when I'm tired. I'm working towards a goal of a holiday that the world is trying to prevent. Hopefully a week in the sun will do the world of good.
I detest Doctors (odd as several close relations are in the medical field), and having seen my dad get what I think is hooked on anti-depressants Doctor intervention is at the end of the list for me.
What's the answer? God knows. I hope to get slightly less busy shortly, and would like to see the stress drop.
I'm self employed and am working too hard. Still working now.
I do find that I am snappy, particularly when I'm tired. I'm working towards a goal of a holiday that the world is trying to prevent. Hopefully a week in the sun will do the world of good.
I detest Doctors (odd as several close relations are in the medical field), and having seen my dad get what I think is hooked on anti-depressants Doctor intervention is at the end of the list for me.
What's the answer? God knows. I hope to get slightly less busy shortly, and would like to see the stress drop.
Just to agree with the other posters, there is no clear boundary between stress and depression. There are many causes and many symptoms, such is the nature of the human body and mind. One can very much cause the other, and generate a self sustaining cycle.
As someone in a similar (but not quite as extreme) position as you, I would say that I would be amazed if you weren't experiencing problems. In my case, I have a couple of bloody stupid phobias nagging at me and I find myself being irritable at people for no reason. As you can probably tell from the time stamp on this post, my sleep/wake cycle is screwed too, which isn't helping. So I'm going to tell you, what you would tell me. Go and see someone who knows the problem and can do something about it. Of all people, I know that "just" making an appointment with the GP and popping along isn't that easy.
People react differently to differing treatments. Talking therapy (cognitive behavioural therapy) is very useful for many people by all accounts, but the NHS waiting list can be pretty long. I know of a couple of people who were assigned a community psychiatric nurse (it sounds a scary job title!) and they both agree that the help they provide in simply sorting out some of your thoughts and having a sounding board for your worries and concerns is hugely helpful. Possibly even better than formal therapies and drugs, as it feels more "real" and practical.
If you need a nudge to help you pick up the phone and make an appointment with your GP, consider this a nudge. There is no compulsion to go with any of the treatments offered.
As someone in a similar (but not quite as extreme) position as you, I would say that I would be amazed if you weren't experiencing problems. In my case, I have a couple of bloody stupid phobias nagging at me and I find myself being irritable at people for no reason. As you can probably tell from the time stamp on this post, my sleep/wake cycle is screwed too, which isn't helping. So I'm going to tell you, what you would tell me. Go and see someone who knows the problem and can do something about it. Of all people, I know that "just" making an appointment with the GP and popping along isn't that easy.
People react differently to differing treatments. Talking therapy (cognitive behavioural therapy) is very useful for many people by all accounts, but the NHS waiting list can be pretty long. I know of a couple of people who were assigned a community psychiatric nurse (it sounds a scary job title!) and they both agree that the help they provide in simply sorting out some of your thoughts and having a sounding board for your worries and concerns is hugely helpful. Possibly even better than formal therapies and drugs, as it feels more "real" and practical.
If you need a nudge to help you pick up the phone and make an appointment with your GP, consider this a nudge. There is no compulsion to go with any of the treatments offered.
Thank you very much for the advice, strangely I feel slightly better to have 'shared'. This is most unlike me as I tend to keep everything to myself and not talk openly about what's bothering me. My wife says the hardest thing to deal with currently is my bottling it all up and she says I'm very cold and unaffectionate.
Anyway to the replies...I posted on here as people who don't know me have no qualms in telling me to grow a pair - thanks SirBlade
- whereas friends tend not to want to offend or tell you what you don't want to hear. Also a couple of friends I have spoken to haven't got the whole story as I don't like to talk to other people about my mum in case I get upset.
Davepoth - yes I do answer emails at all times of the day and night. I sell software globally and have partners and customers in Australia and New Zealand. I like those people to think they don't have to wait 24 hours for a reply, although I know in many cases the emails aren't so urgent that they couldn't wait till the morning, and often when i reply they'll ask what the hell im doing working at that time Perhaps turning my phone off is the answer??
Mobile Chicane - the thought of anti-depressants scares the st out of me tbh, and this is what's putting me off talking to anybody.
Bigandclever - took the test and got 10 or 11 depending on how negative I was being, made me feel more cheerful just knowing I wasn't severely depressed
Pete - thank you! My wife keeps telling me not to pack my job in because she thinks if I'm on the verge of depression, then not having a job or going through the pressure of having to find another will not help.
Surveyor - it sounds like we're in a similar situation, so whatever the advice I get you probably need to do the same See I'm good with handing out the advice, just not at taking it!
Goldblum & Zad - Sounds like my GP should be the first port of call, although you're right in saying that just picking up the phone to make an appointment will be difficult. I'm of the opinion that if it's stress I should be able to sort it out myself, just not sure where to start.
I'm abroad for work for the next week, and then go on holiday for 2 weeks mid July. I'll give serious consideration to making an appointment with the GP on my return.
I will probably be back for the kick up the arse to actually do this, but if anybody has any thoughts on what I could be doing myself in the meantime please don't keep them to yourself.
Anyway to the replies...I posted on here as people who don't know me have no qualms in telling me to grow a pair - thanks SirBlade
- whereas friends tend not to want to offend or tell you what you don't want to hear. Also a couple of friends I have spoken to haven't got the whole story as I don't like to talk to other people about my mum in case I get upset. Davepoth - yes I do answer emails at all times of the day and night. I sell software globally and have partners and customers in Australia and New Zealand. I like those people to think they don't have to wait 24 hours for a reply, although I know in many cases the emails aren't so urgent that they couldn't wait till the morning, and often when i reply they'll ask what the hell im doing working at that time
Perhaps turning my phone off is the answer??Mobile Chicane - the thought of anti-depressants scares the s
t out of me tbh, and this is what's putting me off talking to anybody. Bigandclever - took the test and got 10 or 11 depending on how negative I was being, made me feel more cheerful just knowing I wasn't severely depressed
Pete - thank you! My wife keeps telling me not to pack my job in because she thinks if I'm on the verge of depression, then not having a job or going through the pressure of having to find another will not help.
Surveyor - it sounds like we're in a similar situation, so whatever the advice I get you probably need to do the same
See I'm good with handing out the advice, just not at taking it! Goldblum & Zad - Sounds like my GP should be the first port of call, although you're right in saying that just picking up the phone to make an appointment will be difficult. I'm of the opinion that if it's stress I should be able to sort it out myself, just not sure where to start.
I'm abroad for work for the next week, and then go on holiday for 2 weeks mid July. I'll give serious consideration to making an appointment with the GP on my return.
I will probably be back for the kick up the arse to actually do this, but if anybody has any thoughts on what I could be doing myself in the meantime please don't keep them to yourself.
Edited by antspants on Tuesday 3rd July 08:10
you sound very much like I was - get yourself to the docs and on antidepressants , they should not frighten you at all, once you've been on them a few weeks everything will start to be easier to manage/cope with.
good luck
ps you know you have a problem , sort it out before it affects your family more than it should , they will prefer to be back to your 'old self'
good luck
ps you know you have a problem , sort it out before it affects your family more than it should , they will prefer to be back to your 'old self'
Couple of questions then about antidepressants...
1. Will they affect my ability to do my job? I'm a sales director, I have to be motivated and positive. I have to admit this is proving increasingly difficult, however I don't want my team to see any sign of stress or lack of motivation and drive.
I think this is probably part of my problems at home, as I'm having to keep this up all day at work. By the time I get home I'm tired, stressed and grumpy, can finally drop the pretense and my wife bears the brunt of it.
To be fair, I'm not what you would describe as happy go-lucky normally, my wife fulfills that role and we strike a nice balance usually. I've always been quite serious, and can be grumpy and prone to mood-swings, but this is my normal personality To outsiders I probably don't seem any different, it's just my wife and son who've seen the change.
2. Will it be outwardly obvious that I'm taking medication, and would I need to inform anybody I work with?
3. Is it right that they stop you feeling the highs and lows of emotion. My understanding is that they kind of keep you on an even keel, with no extremes either way? I don't like the sound of this, but at the same time I really could do with feeling less emotional.
It's stupid, I just feel as if I should be able to count to 10, but I just don't calm down quick enough.
A for instance...I came home from work the other night expecting to have a parcel of bike bits (tyres and stuff). I'd been quite looking forward to fitting the bits all day. I get home and the parcel is there but they've not included the track pump I needed to pump the tyres up with.
Now if my wife and son hadn't been there I'd have lost it, but as it was I just muttered a lot under my breath whilst apparently getting redder in the face. My wife was trying not to laugh as she could see how annoyed I was, but at the same time knew how trivial it was. My son couldn't stop giggling and started whispering to my wife about how grumpy daddy was getting
With hindsight I can just laugh about it, but at the time I just had to get up and walk off with my wife trying to placate me saying they were only joking. It's completely irrational, but we ended up having a row, and it took me the best part of an hour to calm down.
I've never been known for my patience, but that is ridiculous!
1. Will they affect my ability to do my job? I'm a sales director, I have to be motivated and positive. I have to admit this is proving increasingly difficult, however I don't want my team to see any sign of stress or lack of motivation and drive.
I think this is probably part of my problems at home, as I'm having to keep this up all day at work. By the time I get home I'm tired, stressed and grumpy, can finally drop the pretense and my wife bears the brunt of it.
To be fair, I'm not what you would describe as happy go-lucky normally, my wife fulfills that role and we strike a nice balance usually. I've always been quite serious, and can be grumpy and prone to mood-swings, but this is my normal personality
To outsiders I probably don't seem any different, it's just my wife and son who've seen the change. 2. Will it be outwardly obvious that I'm taking medication, and would I need to inform anybody I work with?
3. Is it right that they stop you feeling the highs and lows of emotion. My understanding is that they kind of keep you on an even keel, with no extremes either way? I don't like the sound of this, but at the same time I really could do with feeling less emotional.
It's stupid, I just feel as if I should be able to count to 10, but I just don't calm down quick enough.
A for instance...I came home from work the other night expecting to have a parcel of bike bits (tyres and stuff). I'd been quite looking forward to fitting the bits all day. I get home and the parcel is there but they've not included the track pump I needed to pump the tyres up with.
Now if my wife and son hadn't been there I'd have lost it, but as it was I just muttered a lot under my breath whilst apparently getting redder in the face. My wife was trying not to laugh as she could see how annoyed I was, but at the same time knew how trivial it was. My son couldn't stop giggling and started whispering to my wife about how grumpy daddy was getting
With hindsight I can just laugh about it, but at the time I just had to get up and walk off with my wife trying to placate me saying they were only joking. It's completely irrational, but we ended up having a row, and it took me the best part of an hour to calm down.
I've never been known for my patience, but that is ridiculous!
antspants said:
Couple of questions then about antidepressants...
1. Will they affect my ability to do my job? I'm a sales director, I have to be motivated and positive. I have to admit this is proving increasingly difficult, however I don't want my team to see any sign of stress or lack of motivation and drive.
[b]IME , you will still be motivated and positive , your team will not see any difference
I work in a stressful environment and feel I actually strive on the stress of the job , this was not the cause of my need for antidepressants.[b]
I think this is probably part of my problems at home, as I'm having to keep this up all day at work. By the time I get home I'm tired, stressed and grumpy, can finally drop the pretense and my wife bears the brunt of it.
To be fair, I'm not what you would describe as happy go-lucky normally, my wife fulfills that role and we strike a nice balance usually. I've always been quite serious, and can be grumpy and prone to mood-swings, but this is my normal personality To outsiders I probably don't seem any different, it's just my wife and son who've seen the change.
[b]have you considered you may have been suffering from slight depression for a while?[b]
2. Will it be outwardly obvious that I'm taking medication, and would I need to inform anybody I work with?
[b]no and no[b]
3. Is it right that they stop you feeling the highs and lows of emotion. My understanding is that they kind of keep you on an even keel, with no extremes either way? I don't like the sound of this, but at the same time I really could do with feeling less emotional.
[b]you will just function more like the average person(ie as you should do)[b]
It's stupid, I just feel as if I should be able to count to 10, but I just don't calm down quick enough.
A for instance...I came home from work the other night expecting to have a parcel of bike bits (tyres and stuff). I'd been quite looking forward to fitting the bits all day. I get home and the parcel is there but they've not included the track pump I needed to pump the tyres up with.
Now if my wife and son hadn't been there I'd have lost it, but as it was I just muttered a lot under my breath whilst apparently getting redder in the face. My wife was trying not to laugh as she could see how annoyed I was, but at the same time knew how trivial it was. My son couldn't stop giggling and started whispering to my wife about how grumpy daddy was getting
With hindsight I can just laugh about it, but at the time I just had to get up and walk off with my wife trying to placate me saying they were only joking. It's completely irrational, but we ended up having a row, and it took me the best part of an hour to calm down.
I've never been known for my patience, but that is ridiculous!
[b]there should be no stigma attached to being on antidepressants - they are just a tool that helps in times of need , have a chat with your doc and he/she will advise as needed. I had the exact same thoughts, symptoms and concerns that you are having right now and wished I had consulted my doctor much earlier , do not leave things too long , you have identified you have a problem now is the time to sort it[b]1. Will they affect my ability to do my job? I'm a sales director, I have to be motivated and positive. I have to admit this is proving increasingly difficult, however I don't want my team to see any sign of stress or lack of motivation and drive.
[b]IME , you will still be motivated and positive , your team will not see any difference
I work in a stressful environment and feel I actually strive on the stress of the job , this was not the cause of my need for antidepressants.[b]
I think this is probably part of my problems at home, as I'm having to keep this up all day at work. By the time I get home I'm tired, stressed and grumpy, can finally drop the pretense and my wife bears the brunt of it.
To be fair, I'm not what you would describe as happy go-lucky normally, my wife fulfills that role and we strike a nice balance usually. I've always been quite serious, and can be grumpy and prone to mood-swings, but this is my normal personality
To outsiders I probably don't seem any different, it's just my wife and son who've seen the change. [b]have you considered you may have been suffering from slight depression for a while?[b]
2. Will it be outwardly obvious that I'm taking medication, and would I need to inform anybody I work with?
[b]no and no[b]
3. Is it right that they stop you feeling the highs and lows of emotion. My understanding is that they kind of keep you on an even keel, with no extremes either way? I don't like the sound of this, but at the same time I really could do with feeling less emotional.
[b]you will just function more like the average person(ie as you should do)[b]
It's stupid, I just feel as if I should be able to count to 10, but I just don't calm down quick enough.
A for instance...I came home from work the other night expecting to have a parcel of bike bits (tyres and stuff). I'd been quite looking forward to fitting the bits all day. I get home and the parcel is there but they've not included the track pump I needed to pump the tyres up with.
Now if my wife and son hadn't been there I'd have lost it, but as it was I just muttered a lot under my breath whilst apparently getting redder in the face. My wife was trying not to laugh as she could see how annoyed I was, but at the same time knew how trivial it was. My son couldn't stop giggling and started whispering to my wife about how grumpy daddy was getting
With hindsight I can just laugh about it, but at the time I just had to get up and walk off with my wife trying to placate me saying they were only joking. It's completely irrational, but we ended up having a row, and it took me the best part of an hour to calm down.
I've never been known for my patience, but that is ridiculous!
goldblum said:
You need to identify what the stressors are that are causing you problems:To do this it's far easier to talk to someone professional.If all you do is take antidepressants you are masking the cause of your depression,to a large degree.
I'd agree - for me the anti-depressants (Citalopram 20mg a day, since you didn't ask) knocked the mood swings down several notches so I wasn't veering from nutter to, er, nutter quite so much. Think of it as a mood smoother. This enabled me to more readily seek help from those who were trying to help, and get to the root causes of the depression. Maybe I could've been given sugar-pills and it would've had the same effect, who knows. The point is that I wasn't turned into some drug-addled zombie and I regained some more control of my own life.bigandclever said:
I'd agree - for me the anti-depressants (Citalopram 20mg a day, since you didn't ask) knocked the mood swings down several notches so I wasn't veering from nutter to, er, nutter quite so much.
I know there will be some humour and exaggeration in your "nutter" description, so would you mind explaining what you were experiencing and when you knew there was something wrong, feel free to pm if you prefer. Or does what I've said sound like a carbon copy of what you went through? I think I'm just stubbornly refusing to accept this, or get my head around it
antspants said:
Couple of questions then about antidepressants...
Ok then, from someone who's 'been there'...
1. Will they affect my ability to do my job? I'm a sales director, I have to be motivated and positive. I have to admit this is proving increasingly difficult, however I don't want my team to see any sign of stress or lack of motivation and drive.
Shouldn't do. If anything it should feel as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. However different people react to drugs in different ways, plus there's the consideration that doctors tend to prescribe the newest, 'trendiest' variants when in fact an older drug may be more effective. Medication can be a bit 'hit-and-miss', so be prepared to try a few. Prozac works for me (and millions of Americans). The one to avoid is Seroxat/Paxil - generic name Paroxetine. It works, but the side-effects and withdrawal were horrendous.
I think this is probably part of my problems at home, as I'm having to keep this up all day at work. By the time I get home I'm tired, stressed and grumpy, can finally drop the pretense and my wife bears the brunt of it.
To be fair, I'm not what you would describe as happy go-lucky normally, my wife fulfills that role and we strike a nice balance usually. I've always been quite serious, and can be grumpy and prone to mood-swings, but this is my normal personality To outsiders I probably don't seem any different, it's just my wife and son who've seen the change.
2. Will it be outwardly obvious that I'm taking medication, and would I need to inform anybody I work with?
Again, shouldn't do. Your mouth may be a little dry, however you could chew gum, or keep a bottle of water handy. It is sad that we can't be more open about mental health issues, but in some jobs, that's just the way it is. My boss in my last job (a top 10 London advertising agency) was a very perceptive man. He estimated that half of the staff were on something or other, though of course no-one could admit it...
3. Is it right that they stop you feeling the highs and lows of emotion. My understanding is that they kind of keep you on an even keel, with no extremes either way? I don't like the sound of this, but at the same time I really could do with feeling less emotional.
It's stupid, I just feel as if I should be able to count to 10, but I just don't calm down quick enough.
A for instance...I came home from work the other night expecting to have a parcel of bike bits (tyres and stuff). I'd been quite looking forward to fitting the bits all day. I get home and the parcel is there but they've not included the track pump I needed to pump the tyres up with.
Now if my wife and son hadn't been there I'd have lost it, but as it was I just muttered a lot under my breath whilst apparently getting redder in the face. My wife was trying not to laugh as she could see how annoyed I was, but at the same time knew how trivial it was. My son couldn't stop giggling and started whispering to my wife about how grumpy daddy was getting
With hindsight I can just laugh about it, but at the time I just had to get up and walk off with my wife trying to placate me saying they were only joking. It's completely irrational, but we ended up having a row, and it took me the best part of an hour to calm down.
I've never been known for my patience, but that is ridiculous!
The 'gold standard' of therapy for stress/depression is a short course of medication PLUS Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) with a Clinical Psychologist. This is more than just 'talking'; in a nutshell they'll teach you methods to identify triggers, and help you manage an 'episode' should it happen. Unfortunately, there is a long list to see a Clinical Psychologist under the NHS, plus they tend to work from hospitals at 'hospital hours'. Hardly compatible with work, especially if you want to keep it under the radar. Ask your GP about a private referral, which offers much more flexibility. Incidentally, there are all manner of counsellors / therapists / hypnotherapists / weirdos offering all manner of quick fixes and miracle cures. Maybe these work for some people, however I suspect that most don't, since they don't address the fundamental issues. CBT has been scientifically proven over a number of years to be the most effective treatment for anxiety / depression. It can be hard work - I won't bullst you about that - but it changes lives.
Hope this helps.Ok then, from someone who's 'been there'...
1. Will they affect my ability to do my job? I'm a sales director, I have to be motivated and positive. I have to admit this is proving increasingly difficult, however I don't want my team to see any sign of stress or lack of motivation and drive.
Shouldn't do. If anything it should feel as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. However different people react to drugs in different ways, plus there's the consideration that doctors tend to prescribe the newest, 'trendiest' variants when in fact an older drug may be more effective. Medication can be a bit 'hit-and-miss', so be prepared to try a few. Prozac works for me (and millions of Americans). The one to avoid is Seroxat/Paxil - generic name Paroxetine. It works, but the side-effects and withdrawal were horrendous.
I think this is probably part of my problems at home, as I'm having to keep this up all day at work. By the time I get home I'm tired, stressed and grumpy, can finally drop the pretense and my wife bears the brunt of it.
To be fair, I'm not what you would describe as happy go-lucky normally, my wife fulfills that role and we strike a nice balance usually. I've always been quite serious, and can be grumpy and prone to mood-swings, but this is my normal personality
To outsiders I probably don't seem any different, it's just my wife and son who've seen the change. 2. Will it be outwardly obvious that I'm taking medication, and would I need to inform anybody I work with?
Again, shouldn't do. Your mouth may be a little dry, however you could chew gum, or keep a bottle of water handy. It is sad that we can't be more open about mental health issues, but in some jobs, that's just the way it is. My boss in my last job (a top 10 London advertising agency) was a very perceptive man. He estimated that half of the staff were on something or other, though of course no-one could admit it...
3. Is it right that they stop you feeling the highs and lows of emotion. My understanding is that they kind of keep you on an even keel, with no extremes either way? I don't like the sound of this, but at the same time I really could do with feeling less emotional.
It's stupid, I just feel as if I should be able to count to 10, but I just don't calm down quick enough.
A for instance...I came home from work the other night expecting to have a parcel of bike bits (tyres and stuff). I'd been quite looking forward to fitting the bits all day. I get home and the parcel is there but they've not included the track pump I needed to pump the tyres up with.
Now if my wife and son hadn't been there I'd have lost it, but as it was I just muttered a lot under my breath whilst apparently getting redder in the face. My wife was trying not to laugh as she could see how annoyed I was, but at the same time knew how trivial it was. My son couldn't stop giggling and started whispering to my wife about how grumpy daddy was getting
With hindsight I can just laugh about it, but at the time I just had to get up and walk off with my wife trying to placate me saying they were only joking. It's completely irrational, but we ended up having a row, and it took me the best part of an hour to calm down.
I've never been known for my patience, but that is ridiculous!
The 'gold standard' of therapy for stress/depression is a short course of medication PLUS Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) with a Clinical Psychologist. This is more than just 'talking'; in a nutshell they'll teach you methods to identify triggers, and help you manage an 'episode' should it happen. Unfortunately, there is a long list to see a Clinical Psychologist under the NHS, plus they tend to work from hospitals at 'hospital hours'. Hardly compatible with work, especially if you want to keep it under the radar. Ask your GP about a private referral, which offers much more flexibility. Incidentally, there are all manner of counsellors / therapists / hypnotherapists / weirdos offering all manner of quick fixes and miracle cures. Maybe these work for some people, however I suspect that most don't, since they don't address the fundamental issues. CBT has been scientifically proven over a number of years to be the most effective treatment for anxiety / depression. It can be hard work - I won't bulls
t you about that - but it changes lives. Hello, you mentioned in your original post that you are unfamiler with expressing your feelings amd thoughts to others except your wife, and even then you are guarded. You are in controle of yoour emotions, if you feel frustrated about an issue or situation then say so, whats the worst that could happen. We develope ways of being and functioning it sounds like your resent changes is your family circumstances have exhausted your reponses to a situation that you have less controle of, I'm thinking of your mothers illness when I make this comment.
To learn new stratergies of coping, seek support from a counsellor, look at it as an investment in you and your family. good luck, keep posting.
To learn new stratergies of coping, seek support from a counsellor, look at it as an investment in you and your family. good luck, keep posting.
antspants said:
Thank you very much for the advice, strangely I feel slightly better to have 'shared'. This is most unlike me as I tend to keep everything to myself and not talk openly about what's bothering me. My wife says the hardest thing to deal with currently is my bottling it all up and she says I'm very cold and unaffectionate.
Anyway to the replies...I posted on here as people who don't know me have no qualms in telling me to grow a pair - thanks SirBlade
A leopard doesn't change it's spots, take your time.Anyway to the replies...I posted on here as people who don't know me have no qualms in telling me to grow a pair - thanks SirBlade
If you are not naturally affectionate, you can still work through this, trust me.
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