Stress or depression?
Discussion
antspants said:
I know there will be some humour and exaggeration in your "nutter" description, so would you mind explaining what you were experiencing and when you knew there was something wrong, feel free to pm if you prefer.
Or does what I've said sound like a carbon copy of what you went through? I think I'm just stubbornly refusing to accept this, or get my head around it
I'll PM you over the next couple of days. I don't mind sharing things in the public domain but the details will bore everyone else.Or does what I've said sound like a carbon copy of what you went through? I think I'm just stubbornly refusing to accept this, or get my head around it
The first important thing is that there are people around you who care about you and also need to be cared for by you. The second important thing is that you recognise and appreciate things aren't quite right, right now. The third important thing is that you understand you're not unique. Worse luck
bigandclever said:
antspants said:
I know there will be some humour and exaggeration in your "nutter" description, so would you mind explaining what you were experiencing and when you knew there was something wrong, feel free to pm if you prefer.
Or does what I've said sound like a carbon copy of what you went through? I think I'm just stubbornly refusing to accept this, or get my head around it
I'll PM you over the next couple of days. I don't mind sharing things in the public domain but the details will bore everyone else.Or does what I've said sound like a carbon copy of what you went through? I think I'm just stubbornly refusing to accept this, or get my head around it
The first important thing is that there are people around you who care about you and also need to be cared for by you. The second important thing is that you recognise and appreciate things aren't quite right, right now. The third important thing is that you understand you're not unique. Worse luck
personally having suffered in the past from both stress and depression (at separate times ) I would say you sound more stressed than currently depressed although if you do not deal with the stress it amy lead to depression .
A couple of thoughts based on my expearience :
work is just that. not life or who you are.
Family are not there forever .
Taking people for granted puts relationshipos at risk.
You need time to sort things out for yourself.
Think of time as an investment in your future.
who you are is not a job title.
sometimes the drugs dont work ( they didnt for me )
Doctors dont just offer drugs if they are any good.
Working harder/longer is not a measure of success.
Life can be confusing confusion can be good and worked through.
Inposting what you have you have shown awareness andthats a good first step.
Good luck and if I can be of any help please PM
A couple of thoughts based on my expearience :
work is just that. not life or who you are.
Family are not there forever .
Taking people for granted puts relationshipos at risk.
You need time to sort things out for yourself.
Think of time as an investment in your future.
who you are is not a job title.
sometimes the drugs dont work ( they didnt for me )
Doctors dont just offer drugs if they are any good.
Working harder/longer is not a measure of success.
Life can be confusing confusion can be good and worked through.
Inposting what you have you have shown awareness andthats a good first step.
Good luck and if I can be of any help please PM
Cheers for the last few replies, I'm not ignoring them I've been traveling for last few days.
So I'm now stuck on the other side of the world, it's the weekend and I miss home!! I've missed taking my son to football practice and not spending the weekend with my family - is it bloody worth it!
The more I think about it the more I think I'm just stressed and that I need to just deal with it. Work is at a weird point in that I'm under a huge amount of pressure but if I close the deals I'm working on, then it could well all be worth it in the end. The financial benefits will be good and will also give the company the money to increase the personnel in my team for me to share the load.
If I don't close them then I need to admit defeat and call it a day.
It looks likely that I'll close the biggest in the next 8 weeks, hopefully with some effort on my part my wife will put up with me for a bit longer.
So I'm now stuck on the other side of the world, it's the weekend and I miss home!! I've missed taking my son to football practice and not spending the weekend with my family - is it bloody worth it!
The more I think about it the more I think I'm just stressed and that I need to just deal with it. Work is at a weird point in that I'm under a huge amount of pressure but if I close the deals I'm working on, then it could well all be worth it in the end. The financial benefits will be good and will also give the company the money to increase the personnel in my team for me to share the load.
If I don't close them then I need to admit defeat and call it a day.
It looks likely that I'll close the biggest in the next 8 weeks, hopefully with some effort on my part my wife will put up with me for a bit longer.
Dont feel if you dont close the deals its defeat !
There are many reasons why deals dont happen.
maybe some life coaching would work , long term aims rather than the next deal/role ?
Time to work out what is necessary and important for you and yours ?
When I did this the job I was doing ( senior manager for top retailer in its sector) did not appear to be as important or necessary as the time I spent doing it suggested and the things I was missing were.
So after setting up a deal I walked away after 25 years. life is so different and so much more fun theres some stuff I miss nut most of it I dont .
What would you do if you did something else?
There are many reasons why deals dont happen.
maybe some life coaching would work , long term aims rather than the next deal/role ?
Time to work out what is necessary and important for you and yours ?
When I did this the job I was doing ( senior manager for top retailer in its sector) did not appear to be as important or necessary as the time I spent doing it suggested and the things I was missing were.
So after setting up a deal I walked away after 25 years. life is so different and so much more fun theres some stuff I miss nut most of it I dont .
What would you do if you did something else?
mad4amanda said:
Dont feel if you dont close the deals its defeat !
There are many reasons why deals dont happen.
maybe some life coaching would work , long term aims rather than the next deal/role ?
Time to work out what is necessary and important for you and yours ?
When I did this the job I was doing ( senior manager for top retailer in its sector) did not appear to be as important or necessary as the time I spent doing it suggested and the things I was missing were.
So after setting up a deal I walked away after 25 years. life is so different and so much more fun theres some stuff I miss nut most of it I dont .
What would you do if you did something else?
Tbh I'm just being a miserable bugger, it's 3.30am where I am, I'm jet lagged and can't sleep and pissed off There are many reasons why deals dont happen.
maybe some life coaching would work , long term aims rather than the next deal/role ?
Time to work out what is necessary and important for you and yours ?
When I did this the job I was doing ( senior manager for top retailer in its sector) did not appear to be as important or necessary as the time I spent doing it suggested and the things I was missing were.
So after setting up a deal I walked away after 25 years. life is so different and so much more fun theres some stuff I miss nut most of it I dont .
What would you do if you did something else?
The next deals will realise the long term aims, which is why I'm so stressed. The added worry of my mum being ill is just pushing me over the edge at times and I take it out on the ones I love the most.
My worry is that I may well do as you did, and that once I get to where I want then it won't be all it's cracked up to be, that is certainly proving to be the case at the moment.
What would I do instead? Really I have no idea, and not sure at 40 if it's a little late for a complete career change with a family to support.
I'm pretty sure your kids would prefer a dad who is happy and poorer, than one who has a newer car, more expensive holidays and grumpy.
The sort of stress that is cope-able is the stuff that, if you really have to, you can walk away from. Work generally falls into this category. Yes you might end up poorer and in a different job, but the options there. The stuff that's really hard to deal with is the stuff you can't walk away from. That pretty much comes down to family and their health.
As the saying goes, nobody ever died wishing they had spent more time at work and less with their family.
The sort of stress that is cope-able is the stuff that, if you really have to, you can walk away from. Work generally falls into this category. Yes you might end up poorer and in a different job, but the options there. The stuff that's really hard to deal with is the stuff you can't walk away from. That pretty much comes down to family and their health.
As the saying goes, nobody ever died wishing they had spent more time at work and less with their family.
It's taken me 4 months to pluck up the courage to make that appointment with the Dr as I knew what he was going to say (been there 10 years ago).
I've not been eating/ sleeping much, snapping & getting stressed out a lot.
I have a few things going on in my [ersonal life but it's mainly work that is worrying me, I have been put on tablets which isn't really what I wanted but rather that than time off work which was the other option
I've not been eating/ sleeping much, snapping & getting stressed out a lot.
I have a few things going on in my [ersonal life but it's mainly work that is worrying me, I have been put on tablets which isn't really what I wanted but rather that than time off work which was the other option
axgizmo said:
It's taken me 4 months to pluck up the courage to make that appointment with the Dr as I knew what he was going to say (been there 10 years ago).
I've not been eating/ sleeping much, snapping & getting stressed out a lot.
I have a few things going on in my [ersonal life but it's mainly work that is worrying me, I have been put on tablets which isn't really what I wanted but rather that than time off work which was the other option
I suppose the most important question is...do you feel any better? I hope so I've not been eating/ sleeping much, snapping & getting stressed out a lot.
I have a few things going on in my [ersonal life but it's mainly work that is worrying me, I have been put on tablets which isn't really what I wanted but rather that than time off work which was the other option
I'm on this current business trip with my MD and I've laid out to him this evening a bunch of changes which need to be made when I return from holiday, explaining that I can't continue to take on additional responsibilities without it negatively affecting me and my performance in other areas.
I think he suddenly realised he may have been pushing too hard, and made me realise I need to say no sometimes and learn to delegate. Fortunately he's agreed to all the changes, so I'm hoping things will improve a little in a few weeks.
Hopefully having admitted to myself that things aren't right may have done me some good and made me realise some changes were needed.
I think he suddenly realised he may have been pushing too hard, and made me realise I need to say no sometimes and learn to delegate. Fortunately he's agreed to all the changes, so I'm hoping things will improve a little in a few weeks.
Hopefully having admitted to myself that things aren't right may have done me some good and made me realise some changes were needed.
antspants said:
Couple of questions then about antidepressants...
1. Will they affect my ability to do my job? I'm a sales director, I have to be motivated and positive. I have to admit this is proving increasingly difficult, however I don't want my team to see any sign of stress or lack of motivation and drive.
they are more likely to see it if you aren't on them ... 1. Will they affect my ability to do my job? I'm a sales director, I have to be motivated and positive. I have to admit this is proving increasingly difficult, however I don't want my team to see any sign of stress or lack of motivation and drive.
antspants said:
I think this is probably part of my problems at home, as I'm having to keep this up all day at work. By the time I get home I'm tired, stressed and grumpy, can finally drop the pretense and my wife bears the brunt of it.
To be fair, I'm not what you would describe as happy go-lucky normally, my wife fulfills that role and we strike a nice balance usually. I've always been quite serious, and can be grumpy and prone to mood-swings, but this is my normal personality To outsiders I probably don't seem any different, it's just my wife and son who've seen the change.
2. Will it be outwardly obvious that I'm taking medication, and would I need to inform anybody I work with?
No To be fair, I'm not what you would describe as happy go-lucky normally, my wife fulfills that role and we strike a nice balance usually. I've always been quite serious, and can be grumpy and prone to mood-swings, but this is my normal personality
To outsiders I probably don't seem any different, it's just my wife and son who've seen the change. 2. Will it be outwardly obvious that I'm taking medication, and would I need to inform anybody I work with?
it might be worthwhile discussing it with your Occy health team if you have one, it's also useful for them to know you have a diagnosis and are on treatment if things go tits up
antspants said:
3. Is it right that they stop you feeling the highs and lows of emotion. My understanding is that they kind of keep you on an even keel, with no extremes either way? I don't like the sound of this, but at the same time I really could do with feeling less emotional.
in the time i've been on Citalopram i've never experienced this although some people do report it , a lot of the 'problems' over antidepressant is down to people who forget that there is art as well as science to prescribing ... antspants said:
I'm on this current business trip with my MD and I've laid out to him this evening a bunch of changes which need to be made when I return from holiday, explaining that I can't continue to take on additional responsibilities without it negatively affecting me and my performance in other areas.
I think he suddenly realised he may have been pushing too hard, and made me realise I need to say no sometimes and learn to delegate. Fortunately he's agreed to all the changes, so I'm hoping things will improve a little in a few weeks.
Hopefully having admitted to myself that things aren't right may have done me some good and made me realise some changes were needed.
This sounds like it's going to help you a lot. I bet you feel a bit better already, knowing that the MD is on your side. Inadvertently, you sound as if you've been heaping additional stress/pressure on yourself for some time now and have ended up where you now find yourself - everyone has a limit and you've found yours.I think he suddenly realised he may have been pushing too hard, and made me realise I need to say no sometimes and learn to delegate. Fortunately he's agreed to all the changes, so I'm hoping things will improve a little in a few weeks.
Hopefully having admitted to myself that things aren't right may have done me some good and made me realise some changes were needed.
You don't sound like you are depressed to me, but you do sound as though stress/anxiety is affecting you, and this could well trigger a bout of depression if you leave it unchecked.
I'd recommend a course of CBT from a decent practitioner (The Priory has a few good ones if you're anywhere near Roehampton/SW London). If you don't fancy taking tablets (or see it more as a last resort) then I would definitely recommend you instead book a course of CBT. It'll teach you many good ways to react/cope with the triggers that you've been experiencing. Also, I'd suggest if you don't already do it, then getting out for a 30m jog or getting down the gym 2-3 times a week would also be a great benefit.
I had something similar occur a few years back (just after the crash, and that's my gig). Mine was determined to be GAD-related but I actually think I temporarily had a mild case of depression as I experienced some quite nasty thoughts/feelings. Thankfully I have private health, so got a referral and went along to see the shrink (looking back I left that far too long - just like you it would seem, and for the same silly "man" reasons). She wanted me to do a course of SSRIs, but I wanted to try a non-chem. solution first as like you, I was worried that a chemical solution would not be functional with work (obviously this was due to my ignorance). The CBT course I attended (that she also arranged) was really good, and that, along with a new effort to get back down the gym got me out of the fog and back into the clear. Thank f
k.imo you have nothing to lose from getting a course booked, and lots to gain. Good luck.
Zad said:
As the saying goes, nobody ever died wishing they had spent more time at work and less with their family.
Bookmarked...I'll be sure to fking scream this at my wife in a fit of rage when I'm trying to get 2 young kids fed/bathed and in bed by myself again and she's strolld in from work at 7pm.
I'm also struggling like buggery at the moment with things at home.
mad4amanda said:
Hmm do we have a thread for stay at home dads ? Im about to become one for the next few years any tips for coping with the stresses and demands of a young family?
Was brought a brilliant book about being a commando dad very funny and some good stuff in it too.
My top tip.Was brought a brilliant book about being a commando dad very funny and some good stuff in it too.
Don't f
king bother In our set up we are both working full time. I pick them up from the childminder at 5pm and then wife doesn't usually get in until 6.15pm ish and on a thursday it's alway 7.30pm.
So although it's not a great deal of time it's the part of the day where they need feeding, bathing and putting to bed. Mine are 7months and 3.5years. Trouble I'm having is whenever I put the baby down....WHAAAAAAHHHHHHHH...proper blood curdling $hit....this leaves me trying, in vain, to get the older one some dinner made and sorting her out etc etc and invariably leaves me tearing my hair out with thoughts of drop kicking the baby and fookin off into the sunset.
Wife rocks up "you could have emptied the dishwasher
...." 
It's probably just me being rubbish but I'm not enjoying it at the moment.
dave_s13 said:
mad4amanda said:
Hmm do we have a thread for stay at home dads ? Im about to become one for the next few years any tips for coping with the stresses and demands of a young family?
Was brought a brilliant book about being a commando dad very funny and some good stuff in it too.
My top tip.Was brought a brilliant book about being a commando dad very funny and some good stuff in it too.
Don't f
king bother In our set up we are both working full time. I pick them up from the childminder at 5pm and then wife doesn't usually get in until 6.15pm ish and on a thursday it's alway 7.30pm.
So although it's not a great deal of time it's the part of the day where they need feeding, bathing and putting to bed. Mine are 7months and 3.5years. Trouble I'm having is whenever I put the baby down....WHAAAAAAHHHHHHHH...proper blood curdling $hit....this leaves me trying, in vain, to get the older one some dinner made and sorting her out etc etc and invariably leaves me tearing my hair out with thoughts of drop kicking the baby and fookin off into the sunset.
Wife rocks up "you could have emptied the dishwasher
...." It's probably just me being rubbish but I'm not enjoying it at the moment.
I rarely see him as he's always stressed out from looking after the kids, to be honest he could be better organized but I'm not telling him that at the moment!
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