Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly

[Meeja]

Broomsticklady said:

How does one delicately put it that one is expected to sucumb at some point to fking Cancer (secondary breast cancer treatable but not curable - "we can delay the inevitable but it will get you in the end").

Nina....

The expletive fest and cancer kicking aside, I just wanted to let you know how dreadfully sorry I am to hear this.

I get good news, you balance that out with the not so good.

[drivin_me_nuts]

Broomsticklady said:

How does one delicately put it that one is expected to sucumb at some point to fking Cancer (secondary breast cancer treatable but not curable - "we can delay the inevitable but it will get you in the end").

My poor OH gets very upset if I say I'm quite happy if I take a corner too fast in eth car and crash it and kill myself cos then I can truly say "fk You Cancer". To the extent he doesn't like me road driving any more - I get to drink, he gets to drive. He's not so worried about the speed stuff - he knows I love my car more than him so won't willingly harm it, but when I suggested another tiger safari and that if I had a close up with a tigger it would be open arms and "enjoy - fk you Cancer" he wasn't took keen on that either.

Funny how having a terminal diagnosis blackens one's humour in this respect but others get so up tight when you express yourself.

Nina

I have a very special place in my heart for both you and hubby. It aches for the both of you to read this. xx

[Dibble]

Broomsticklady said:

How does one delicately put it that one is expected to sucumb at some point to fking Cancer (secondary breast cancer treatable but not curable - "we can delay the inevitable but it will get you in the end").

My poor OH gets very upset if I say I'm quite happy if I take a corner too fast in eth car and crash it and kill myself cos then I can truly say "fk You Cancer". To the extent he doesn't like me road driving any more - I get to drink, he gets to drive. He's not so worried about the speed stuff - he knows I love my car more than him so won't willingly harm it, but when I suggested another tiger safari and that if I had a close up with a tigger it would be open arms and "enjoy - fk you Cancer" he wasn't took keen on that either.

Funny how having a terminal diagnosis blackens one's humour in this respect but others get so up tight when you express yourself.

Nina

I can't imagine how you feel knowing that someday it'll do for you. I guess it makes you a bit more pragmatic and fatalistic about "whatever else" may "get you".

If it's any help, have a night-before-my-day-off-two-small-Heineken-fuelled "fk YOU, BROOMSTICKLADY'S Y ttFACED stBAG OF A CANCER". No charge.

[Dibble]

KonigBespoke said:

My father goes in to hospital tomorrow with an Op scheduled for Wednesday, Lung cancer and I'm fking stting it.

Look after yourself too, KB. Your Dad will need you strong for him.

To KB's father's cancer: "fk YOU, YOU fkING PIECE OF ING ttTING stBAG ARSEWIPE fkERY fk fk OF A CANCER". Again, no charge.


And a general "fk YOU, CANCER" for everyone else to be going on with.

[Teppic]

Can I join in? Six weeks ago, after undergoing medical tests to find out why my dad had chronic pain in his right leg, he was told that while they didnt know what was causing the pain the doctor had discovered that he had prostate cancer. Today he got the results of a biopsy on his leg and was told he has secondary bone cancer.

Edited by Teppic on Monday 25th February 23:27

[Dibble]

Teppic said:

Can I join in? Six weeks ago, after undergoing medical tests to find out why he had chronic pain in his right leg, he was told that while they didnt know what was causing the pain the doctor had discovered that he had prostate cancer. Today he got the results of a biopsy on his leg and was told he has secondary bone cancer.

Feel free. I can heartily recommend you a good dose of "fk YOU, CANCER, YOU ING fkER OF A METASTASING COCKRING".

[Teppic]

Just noticed that my post didn't mention that it's my dad who has been diagnosed with this total buttmunch of a disease. I've now edited it slightly so that it makes sense.

Oh, and fk YOU CANCER, JUST fk YOU, YOU fkING fkER OF AN ARSEWIPE!

[Dibble]

Teppic said:

Just noticed that my post didn't mention that it's my dad who has been diagnosed with this total buttmunch of a disease. I've now edited it slightly so that it makes sense.

Oh, and fk YOU CANCER, JUST fk YOU, YOU fkING fkER OF AN ARSEWIPE!

No worries. Feel slightly better for a burst of "fk YOU, CANCER"? I'm finding it quite therapeutic. Ultimately pointless, but still therapeutic.

[Adam B]

Jasandjules said:

Yes, it does seem to be that those who are miserable/horrible people crack on for years

Yet there are all too many people who deserve cancer walking around quite happily. Why does it pick on the wrong people!?!?

I like to think the horrible people get it too and die, but no one wants to remember them or write threads about them called fk you cancer (gran, grandad and friends)

[Teppic]

Dibble said:

No worries. Feel slightly better for a burst of "fk YOU, CANCER"? I'm finding it quite therapeutic. Ultimately pointless, but still therapeutic.

Certainly do.

[RS16i]

My Father was never ill in his life until bowel cancer arrived,happily it was caught and dealt with accordingly,he's just gone back to work after nearly a year off due to 2 operations and recovery periods.

Mother on the other hand hasn't been very well for about a year or so,she was taken into hospital before Christmas where the dirty bd was found hiding in her chest between her lungs.We were told by the doctor in our local hospital(Inverness) that they would do their best but it may not be possible to get it all out.

However,the brilliant doctors in the Golden Jubilee hospital in Clydebank did a wonderful job and kicked her out of hospital 3 days after major surgery,looking and feeling better even after having her chest ripped open and lots of bits taken out,nearly half a lung included.Couldn't believe she got home so quickly.

The relief of knowing it was all gone helped a great deal I suppose.

Anyway,cancer my old friend you can go and fk yourself you fking fk.

[arfur sleep]

Tango13 said:

I think i'll call the movie...

'Cancer gets fked 'cos cancer is a and deserves to be fked so it gets fked in the manner that all s deserve'

This is only a working title though, i'm open to suggestions and I need some help with character names please.

Opening credits/intro to introduce the characters, starts with various shots of our surgical team waking up/preparing to go to work in the morning...

Chief surgeon (Bruce Willis) eating breakfast with his perfect family and dog. His golden haired son with missing front tooth asks...

'Daddy, what are you going to do at work today?'

'Son, i'm gonna kick the ass of that called cancer!'

'Gee dad! i'm so proud! Can you fk cancer up the a**e for me too?'

'Of course son, of course!'

Cut to assistant surgeon (Jason Statham) in bed with a pair of busty girls, one blonde, one brunette.

'Girls, regular self examination of the breasts is important to check for any lumps as they could lead to something serious like that wkstain cancer'

Blonde with tears in her eyes and halting emotional voice pleads...

'I don't want that knob socket of a disease, please show me how?'

Brunette in a cool, calm, soothing voice comments...

'Cancer is worse than treading in dogst on the way to a wedding, i'll show you how to examine yourself'

Several minutes of both close up and long shots of the girls examining their own and each others breasts for lumps follows while slow saxaphone music plays in the background. (might as well get the nudes in early)

Meanwhile our rebel of an anesthetist is in a bikers bar with the stereotypical shaven haired, leather clad bikers. The shocker is that the anesthetist is a sexy young redhead also in tight leather one piece suit showing plenty of cleavage (Lindsey Lohan if we can keep her sober enough for long enough) 6'6" shaven headed biker with a tattoo reading 'I st on cancer' across his chest looses another game of pool to our heroine and shouts to her...

'One more game so I beat you the way I beat that fker testicular cancer'

'Sorry, I have to go help destroy some more of that cancerous st!'

She then kisses the biker goodbye (this could be tricky, we'll have to stand her on a box or something to get them both in shot, she's onlt 5'4" or something) while grabbing his balls telling him...

'I'll be back to check for lumps big boy 'cos cancer is a dumb fk that likes to come back for more but early detection means we can kick the living st out of it and flush it down the sewer like the turd that it is!'

With this she gets on the bike and wheelspins into the distance.




Part II will contain...

The standard arguement between the surgeon and the authority figure. Mel Gibson as the slightly nutty Pathologist. A token black guy doing something or other, probably the radiologist, it won't really help the plot but will pad the movie out a bit. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone as the hospital orderlies wheeling the patient into the OR. Jackie Chan will be in there somewhere too, maybe a slightly 'Banzai' ambiwlans driver and a possible cameo by Chuck Norris?

And of couse the final chase scene where Bruce kicks the utter fk out of that stty disease called cancer befor finishing off with a rusty tent spike while calling it a .

Brilliant. Just brilliant.

Oh yeah, and Cancer? You, my friend, can go fking suck on a fking rusty ring for taking my Granddad, Grandma, Uncle Mike and for having a pop at a few other friends and family over the years.

You can also tell your parasitic little cousin Melanoma to go fk itself and if it comes at my wife again, it better bring some friends cos she kicked it's scrawny fking arse all over town. You .

[matchmaker]

Having lost both my mum and my 30 year old sister to cancer I can cheerfully add "cancer you are a - fk you"

Without hijacking Dibbles thread, can I put in a mention for heart attacks?

I was 10 when my dad died suddenly at the age of 54 of a heart attack. His younger brother had died of a heart attack at 48. Dad hadn't had a day off sick since 1938 and had survived WW2 fighting with the 8th Army in North Africa, including El Alamein.

A few months ago I hit 55. I had a recent checkup. The ticker is fine. So fk you, heart attacks

[ikarl]

I'd but that t-shirt!

fk you cancer!

ETA - can someone propose in the 'T-shirt thread' in the 'PH Shop' forum for a t-shirt to be made? (I can't access it at the mo)

Edited by ikarl on Tuesday 26th February 13:31

[arfur sleep]

ikarl said:

I'd but that t-shirt!

fk you cancer!

ETA - can someone propose in the 'T-shirt thread' in the 'PH Shop' forum for a t-shirt to be made? (I can't access it at the mo)

Edited by ikarl on Tuesday 26th February 13:31

try these

[Broomsticklady]

drivin_me_nuts said:

I have a very special place in my heart for both you and hubby. It aches for the both of you to read this. xx

Fking dust

[8Ace]

I have no experience with cancer and until now had taken that for granted. I realise reading this how fortunate I have been. The idea of any of my loved ones experiencing this terrible disease absolutely terrifies me.

So fk YOU, cancer. fk you.

[LCR265]

Lost my dad to lung cancer when I was 18 a few years ago, after it put him through an awake craniotomy (spread from a brain tumour) and 2 years of suffering.

So from me, fk fk fk you cancer.

[Dibble]

ikarl said:

I'd but that t-shirt!

fk you cancer!

ETA - can someone propose in the 'T-shirt thread' in the 'PH Shop' forum for a t-shirt to be made? (I can't access it at the mo)

Edited by ikarl on Tuesday 26th February 13:31

Maybe a "PHUCK YOU, CANCER" t shirt to stick with the PH theme?

[Broomsticklady]

Dibble said:

Maybe a "PHUCK YOU, CANCER" t shirt to stick with the PH theme?