Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly

[Henners]

I’ve been told I’m not the most tolerant of people, but I’d be having a ‘grow the fk up and stop being a child, it could be piles or it could be something sinister, spreading organ to organ while you tt about’ chat / argument.

Sorry to be blunt.

ETA: throw a few ‘I love yous’ in there too!

[FocusRS3]

Henners said:

I’ve been told I’m not the most tolerant of people, but I’d be having a ‘grow the fk up and stop being a child, it could be piles or it could be something sinister, spreading organ to organ while you tt about’ chat / argument.

Sorry to be blunt.

ETA: throw a few ‘I love yous’ in there too!

I hear you but we just don't have those 'style' conversations.

She knows she is loved, i tell her everyday when she wakes up with a cup of tea.

This is less than a week on and i don't want her to clam up anymore than has has already by coming across a tad aggressive as thats just not our way.

I appreciate others approach things different;y however so many tks

[Ynox]

FocusRS3 said:

Terrible terrible news indeed.

I'm not quite sure where to start with this and weather i'm getting a little carried away but last weekend my wife pointed to a post on FB about Bowel Cancer and the 'signs' and said that she had two maybe 3 of them. She has just turned 50.

She has lost weight, she said she gets more tired now and of course there is the other one involving redness that being a very shy person, she almost refuses to discuss.

She didn't want to discuss it when i asked in more detail last weekend so i just insisted she book a doctors appointment to get checked out.
When i asked her how long this had been going on for she replied "around 6 months".

She asked me to stop asking question last weekend so i left it till this morning to ask if she had made that doctors appointment.
Her reply was " no i got some cream". She didn't want to discuss it any further again.

I cant see what cream will do for weight loss or tiredness but maybe she is thinking the redness is for piles. Fair enough.

Its weird, we have been together 30 years and are totally open about everything but this she is almost refusing to discuss with me.
She seems very happy in herself and i haven't noticed her napping or looking overly tired so i would never have guessed anything could be wrong.

I did point out last weekend that looking up combined symptoms online can sometimes be the worse thing you can do but of course you cant ignore signs and you have to get checked out.

It's on my mind, i'm becoming increasingly worried that 6 months later she still wont go to the docs and I've only just been told.

I have an inner confidence that all is ok as I've not noticed a change in her demeanour but she just doesn't make it easy for me to ask which in a way i understand.

Any advice on how to approach such conversations would be greatly appreciated or indeed what to keep an eye out for.

Not an easy one i know.....

Edited by FocusRS3 on Friday 5th April 11:34

Edited by FocusRS3 on Friday 5th April 11:43

Get it checked out.

My mum had similar and it was bowel cancer. She's now looking at a likely terminal diagnosis. Not worth messing about with really.

[FocusRS3]

Ynox said:

Get it checked out.

My mum had similar and it was bowel cancer. She's now looking at a likely terminal diagnosis. Not worth messing about with really.

Tks for sharing this and im very sorry to hear it.

May i ask how old your mum is and how long she had the symptoms before she was diagnosed? Tks

Edited by FocusRS3 on Friday 5th April 13:14

[Ynox]

FocusRS3 said:

Tks for sharing this and im very sorry to hear it.

May i ask how old your mum is and how long she had the symptoms before she was diagnosed? Tks

Edited by FocusRS3 on Friday 5th April 13:14

65, I'd noticed she'd lost weight for a while and was using the bathroom more when visiting me here, but we didn't think much of it. It took a few months of hounding by my dad to get her to the GP to get checked out. Unfortunately now it's spread to her ovaries, and I think, her liver also, so it's not great.

It's definitely opened my eyes to ensuring I get stuff checked out!

[Bill]

I don't know what might work, tell her you don't want to lose her??

It is probably nothing, but while the investigations aren't pleasant (no one wants a camera up their bum...) they're pretty minor and it can be sorted if it's caught early.

And then offer to go with her, because it's scary, which is why she has buried her head in the sand.

[FocusRS3]

Tks Ynox its worth getting an comparison on age although that is no exact measure of course.

Bill- you are right, a conversation needs to be had over this weekend

[Ynox]

FocusRS3 said:

Tks Ynox its worth getting an comparison on age although that is no exact measure of course.

Bill- you are right, a conversation needs to be had over this weekend

No worries - good luck with it and I hope it works out to not be bad news.

[anonymous-user]

I hope she does go to that dr’s appointment very, very soon

And I hope it turns out to be something trivial so that she can rib you about ‘that time you made me go to the dr’s for nothing’ for many, many years to come

[Stan the Bat]

She HAS to go to the Dr.

Don't leave it up to her to make a Dr's appointment , you make it and take her there.

This is important , don't take no for an answer.

I have had bowel cancer twice and the consultant told me that lots of people try to put things off saying " we will see what happens" etc.
He told me straight that if I didn't have the operation (anterior resection) then I would die.

I said don't worry mate I am going for it.

It returned 5 years later and another op was performed (right hemicolectomy).

Now have yearly colonoscopies.

Sooner the checks are carried out the better.

[Henners]

FocusRS3 said:

Tks for sharing this and im very sorry to hear it.

May i ask how old your mum is and how long she had the symptoms before she was diagnosed? Tks

Edited by FocusRS3 on Friday 5th April 13:14

As mentioned by Stan, she needs to be seen.

Don’t take anyone saying ‘oh yeah, we had those symptoms and it was just *insert random minor ailment here*’ as somehow meaning your wife will be fine and thus ignoring her symptoms.

She really needs to go to the doc mate. She has some of these symptoms by the look of it.

By her shyness I’m guessing there’s red where it should always be brown...

[loafer123]

When I had blood in my stool I asked for an appointment at the GP and was with the doctor 25 minutes later. They won’t muck about, I’m sure. It helped to have a photo, so there was no misunderstanding.

Hopefully, like me (similar age) she will find it is pre-cancerous polyps, and it will just be regular colonoscopies, but whatever she does, don’t ignore it and don’t wait.

[Stan the Bat]

loafer123 said:

When I had blood in my stool I asked for an appointment at the GP and was with the doctor 25 minutes later. They won’t muck about, I’m sure. It helped to have a photo, so there was no misunderstanding.

Hopefully, like me (similar age) she will find it is pre-cancerous polyps, and it will just be regular colonoscopies, but whatever she does, don’t ignore it and don’t wait.

Unfortunately for me the pre-cancerous polyps tuned nasty after 5 years necessitating the second op.

You can't have too many checks.

[loafer123]

Stan the Bat said:

loafer123 said:

When I had blood in my stool I asked for an appointment at the GP and was with the doctor 25 minutes later. They won’t muck about, I’m sure. It helped to have a photo, so there was no misunderstanding.

Hopefully, like me (similar age) she will find it is pre-cancerous polyps, and it will just be regular colonoscopies, but whatever she does, don’t ignore it and don’t wait.

Unfortunately for me the pre-cancerous polyps tuned nasty after 5 years necessitating the second op.

You can't have too many checks.

Yup. Colonoscopy last year, next one next year. This is my year off!

[FocusRS3]

Many tks for all the reply's.

So this morning i approached the subject again saying i needed to know more as we have to deal with these things as a team and of course we have the kids to think about. She finally opened up.

Weight Loss- She has lost weight steadily over the last year which is pretty consistent with her diet and that shes followed the Keto diet too so nothing too alarming there.

Tiredness- She does feel tired during the day and questioned herself on driving just this week as she felt tired but doesn't nod off or ever take a nap. Again given our ages now then i'm thinking this is normal.

Toilet issue- Blood appears on average 3 times out of ten. She says its painful when she goes so she dreads going and as a result she is then itchy. She has bought some cream and wants to use some suppositories for a week before going to the doctor. Fair enough.

She said its actually been going on for a year now and not the 6 months she said at first.

Still my thoughts are that its all ok BUT she needs to see the Doc but of course its unpleasant so she has been resisting going down that route.

I'm giving her the week she wants and we'll go from there.....

[motco]

I am not a doctor but I seem to remember reading that fresh red blood is usually haemorrhoids which would accord with pain on bowel movements. Dark or black blood/stool is a more sinister sign and should be investigated. A trip to the docs would be a very good idea though.

[Henners]

motco said:

I am not a doctor but I seem to remember reading that fresh red blood is usually haemorrhoids which would accord with pain on bowel movements. Dark or black blood/stool is a more sinister sign and should be investigated. A trip to the docs would be a very good idea though.

That’s the general theme from medic wife:
Bright red - probably roids, still, see the docs if there are other symptoms.
Dark red - doctors, now.
stting coffee grounds - you’re fked.

As has been said: go to the doctors.
Think of it as getting value for money for her NI and tax contributions

[motco]

Vomiting coffee grounds isn't good either.

[Henners]

True dat.

I was focussing on the other end

[loafer123]

Henners said:

motco said:

I am not a doctor but I seem to remember reading that fresh red blood is usually haemorrhoids which would accord with pain on bowel movements. Dark or black blood/stool is a more sinister sign and should be investigated. A trip to the docs would be a very good idea though.

That’s the general theme from medic wife:
Bright red - probably roids, still, see the docs if there are other symptoms.
Dark red - doctors, now.
stting coffee grounds - you’re fked.

As has been said: go to the doctors.
Think of it as getting value for money for her NI and tax contributions

Bright red also for Polyps...