Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly

[Pinkie15]

st there's some gut wrenching stuff in the last couple of pages.

Now the fkng thing lurches into our family again (maternal aunt is 6 yrs post lung cancer & she was a non-smoker)

Great start to the day with text from my dad: "XXXX (his brother, my uncle) has kidney cancer. How serious? "

How the fk do you answer that? Well rationally with my scientist head (I work in pharma, company even has an approved product for rcc).

Longer today's gone on more apathetic I feel about work (news sinking in, maybe???). Can feel myself getting morose. Maybe cos that side of family are 400 miles away in Scotland.

I mean christ sake he had a coronary last yr on hols & got airlifted to mainland hospital & had stents.

Now this st

Why don't you just fk off, you fking, fking, fking wker of a disease

Edited by Pinkie15 on Wednesday 5th February 17:01

[wiliferus]

Said goodbye to a mate today. 47 years old. Pancreatic cancer. He fought like a fking soldier for 15 months. Leaves behind a wife and two young girls.

Cancer is a fking bd.

[uncleluck]

Very sad thread, especially the younger people.

I hear so many stories like this as my GF is a district nurse and deals with the palliative care, I don’t know how she does it really.

The ones that get to her are the younger patients that have young children. I’d be in there bawling watching the healthy partner trying to explain to the kids or just watching them trying to cope knowing they’ll be a single parent to their babies soon.

[FocusRS3]

wiliferus said:

Said goodbye to a mate today. 47 years old. Pancreatic cancer. He fought like a fking soldier for 15 months. Leaves behind a wife and two young girls.

Cancer is a fking bd.

Terrible news for all concerned.

To last 15 months shows his strength of character. Pancreatic seems the worse of all cancers.

[wiliferus]

FocusRS3 said:

wiliferus said:

Said goodbye to a mate today. 47 years old. Pancreatic cancer. He fought like a fking soldier for 15 months. Leaves behind a wife and two young girls.

Cancer is a fking bd.

Terrible news for all concerned.

To last 15 months shows his strength of character. Pancreatic seems the worse of all cancers.

His strength was incredible. He was determined to last long enough for them to find a cure.
The way he dealt with everything was humbling, and certainly put my own life woes and moans into perspective.
He fought until the end for his girls. 47 is no age, and yet this bd disease takes yet another good one.

[FocusRS3]

wiliferus said:

His strength was incredible. He was determined to last long enough for them to find a cure.
The way he dealt with everything was humbling, and certainly put my own life woes and moans into perspective.
He fought until the end for his girls. 47 is no age, and yet this bd disease takes yet another good one.

I knew of two guys I used to work with that were taken by pancreatic cancer within weeks of diagnosis. Mid 40’s and early 50’s

My fear of this disease is leaving family behind which was obviously going through his mind too.

I hope his family can in some way rebuild their lives

[Westyrs]

Had my mothers funeral yesterday.. found out 2 days after her death that the cause was gallbladder cancer.

Literally went downhill in 2 months.. then gone.

I wish anyone suffering with cancer, all the best. Hopefully one day we have a cure for all types.

[grumpy52]

After another urinary infection my new young Gp had my urine tested at the beginning and has tested it again today .
On both occasions it has shown blood to be present.
So an urgent referral to start all the checks for bladder tumors or cancer . It will include a camera into the bladder amongst other things .
What will be will be but I am not good at waiting .

[skeggysteve]

loafer123 said:

ClaphamGT3 said:

skeggysteve said:

Many thanks to all who replied with such kind comments etc.

Every parents worst nightmare.

I hope that, in time, the fact that you had the chance to tell him how much you love him, that he had the joy of his recent marriage and that he saw his nephew/niece will be some comfort to you - whilst he may not live out life's natural span, it sounds as if his life has been a fantastic 29 or so years with a close and loving family

Well said.

Our thoughts are with you, skeggysteve. It could happen to any of us.

Thank you for both your posts they do mean a lot.

Yes I/we are very proud of his life and how much he did.

I have a question:

How do I ask the 'how much longer does he have?' with his wife?

[ClaphamGT3]

skeggysteve said:

loafer123 said:

ClaphamGT3 said:

skeggysteve said:

Many thanks to all who replied with such kind comments etc.

Every parents worst nightmare.

I hope that, in time, the fact that you had the chance to tell him how much you love him, that he had the joy of his recent marriage and that he saw his nephew/niece will be some comfort to you - whilst he may not live out life's natural span, it sounds as if his life has been a fantastic 29 or so years with a close and loving family

Well said.

Our thoughts are with you, skeggysteve. It could happen to any of us.

Thank you for both your posts they do mean a lot.

Yes I/we are very proud of his life and how much he did.

I have a question:

How do I ask the 'how much longer does he have?' with his wife?

You could always frame the question as "how much/how many things should we try to fit in with him in the time he has left?" That might draw out a discussion on timescales

[CharlesdeGaulle]

skeggysteve said:

Thank you for both your posts they do mean a lot.

Yes I/we are very proud of his life and how much he did.

I have a question:

How do I ask the 'how much longer does he have?' with his wife?

You're absolutely right to be proud of him. You won't feel like it, ever I suspect, but you and his mother should also be proud of yourselves for the boy you raised and the fact that you have to deal with him dying before you. It's gut-wrenchingly awful for anyone reading it, so God knows what you're going through.

As for your question, do you get on well enough to simply ask her as you did us? If she can't deal with that, can you speak to his doctor? Otherwise I guess you have to simply support them without necessarily knowing the date. Regardless, bon courage; it's a truly awful position to be in.

[anonymous-user]

grumpy52 said:

After another urinary infection my new young Gp had my urine tested at the beginning and has tested it again today .
On both occasions it has shown blood to be present.
So an urgent referral to start all the checks for bladder tumors or cancer . It will include a camera into the bladder amongst other things .
What will be will be but I am not good at waiting .

I had kidney cancer at the end of 2018 and the blood in my urine was very obvious as it was red throughout the stream. Hopefully yours is just infection.

All the best with your tests.

[grumpy52]

garyhun said:

grumpy52 said:

After another urinary infection my new young Gp had my urine tested at the beginning and has tested it again today .
On both occasions it has shown blood to be present.
So an urgent referral to start all the checks for bladder tumors or cancer . It will include a camera into the bladder amongst other things .
What will be will be but I am not good at waiting .

I had kidney cancer at the end of 2018 and the blood in my urine was very obvious as it was red throughout the stream. Hopefully yours is just infection.

All the best with your tests.

The latest has shown that the infection has gone but still blood staining the urine . Stones were suspected but no evidence found on a CT scan .
Thank you for good wishes .

[MYOB]

skeggysteve said:

How do I ask the 'how much longer does he have?' with his wife?

In my experience, don't beat around the bush. Simply ask your son directly. He will either tell you or not.

[motco]

grumpy52 said:

garyhun said:

grumpy52 said:

After another urinary infection my new young Gp had my urine tested at the beginning and has tested it again today .
On both occasions it has shown blood to be present.
So an urgent referral to start all the checks for bladder tumors or cancer . It will include a camera into the bladder amongst other things .
What will be will be but I am not good at waiting .

I had kidney cancer at the end of 2018 and the blood in my urine was very obvious as it was red throughout the stream. Hopefully yours is just infection.

All the best with your tests.

The latest has shown that the infection has gone but still blood staining the urine . Stones were suspected but no evidence found on a CT scan .
Thank you for good wishes .

I had a bout of frank haematuria (frank means very obvious) last summer. After a lot of investigation it seems it was from my prostate which was 'rebored' a few years ago by the usual TURP procedure. Because of shoulder pain, I had been taking ibuprofen daily for a month or so and it seemed too coincidental with that so I mentioned this to the GP and she said that ibuprofen over a long period can raise the likelihood of blood in urine. Mine was always at the beginning of the steam and very clotty. All clear since stopping the ibuprofen.

[ecsrobin]

MYOB said:

skeggysteve said:

How do I ask the 'how much longer does he have?' with his wife?

In my experience, don't beat around the bush. Simply ask your son directly. He will either tell you or not.

My dad didn’t want to know how long he had. I respect his decision as it’s awful to know but it really did make things hard for me I would have taken time off work when he was well but not knowing if it was a 6 month battle or a 3 year struggle it was really hard to know what was best.

In the end those last few things that me and dad had said over the years we would do we’re never done sadly.

My thoughts go to all those who have recently posted it’s really hard to know what to say to you all a lot of the time.

[Fanboy911]

ecsrobin said:

In the end those last few things that me and dad had said over the years we would do we’re never done sadly.
.

This line just hit a painful note with me and not something i'd thought of for many a year. My Dad passed away 22yrs ago this year and we'd also planned lots of things to do. Last night of the Proms was one as he watched it each year it was on when i was living at home as a kid.

My dad passed away very suddenly at 68 which now in my early 50's i consider to be no age for someone that lived life to the full and was very active.

May i ask what age your Dad was? This post is highlighting to me things i must go and do with my son.

Sorry for your loss btw

[ecsrobin]

Fanboy911 said:

ecsrobin said:

In the end those last few things that me and dad had said over the years we would do we’re never done sadly.
.

This line just hit a painful note with me and not something i'd thought of for many a year. My Dad passed away 22yrs ago this year and we'd also planned lots of things to do. Last night of the Proms was one as he watched it each year it was on when i was living at home as a kid.

My dad passed away very suddenly at 68 which now in my early 50's i consider to be no age for someone that lived life to the full and was very active.

May i ask what age your Dad was? This post is highlighting to me things i must go and do with my son.

Sorry for your loss btw

Dad was 62, diagnosed in March/April 19 and passed away the end of October.

I felt quite strong when he went we had no unfinished business as it were we had said everything we wanted to say, but we always talked about going to Bicester heritage railway and the Haynes museum and I now find myself with no buddy to join me at Pistonheads meets and Goodwood. That’s the part I’m now struggling with and will no doubt replace with friends but it’s not the same.

[Fanboy911]

ecsrobin said:

Dad was 62, diagnosed in March/April 19 and passed away the end of October.

I felt quite strong when he went we had no unfinished business as it were we had said everything we wanted to say, but we always talked about going to Bicester heritage railway and the Haynes museum and I now find myself with no buddy to join me at Pistonheads meets and Goodwood. That’s the part I’m now struggling with and will no doubt replace with friends but it’s not the same.

Its still early days for you , its been a long time for me although it never seems its been as long as it has.

Time is always the key.

62-no age. Makes us all reevaluate life and timescales.

This thread is a god place to talk and discuss feelings


62 again is no age, How is your mum coping ?

[MYOB]

ecsrobin said:

My dad didn’t want to know how long he had. I respect his decision as it’s awful to know but it really did make things hard for me I would have taken time off work when he was well but not knowing if it was a 6 month battle or a 3 year struggle it was really hard to know what was best.

There is that too. Some just don't want to know. The consultants do not willingly provide a timescale, unless asked.

I had this with a family member and he simply didn't want to know. My approach was to simply support him and be there for him and live everyday as if it was his last. Unfortunately he was not well enough to enjoy his life so we couldn't get out and live life to the full. But we enjoyed spending time together and just being with each other.