Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly
Discussion
skeggysteve said:
Sorry but it's me asking for help.
It's nearly 4 months since our son passed away and it just seems to get harder not easier.
I think/know I need help to cope.
Does anyone know if Cruse Bereavement Care is worth contacting or do you have any other suggestions?
You're in the right place to ask, and you're doing the right thing by asking. What you've gone through is awful and it's normal to struggle. You'll be coping better than you suspect I think, but help is available. It's nearly 4 months since our son passed away and it just seems to get harder not easier.
I think/know I need help to cope.
Does anyone know if Cruse Bereavement Care is worth contacting or do you have any other suggestions?
I don't know much about cruse, but I suspect they're brilliant. Your GP should be able to recommend someone if you wanted someone different. I think that Macmillan might be worth contacting too, as they see a lot of cancer families.
Good luck chum. What you're enduring is awful, but you will endure and there will be brighter days ahead. Speak to someone.
CharlesdeGaulle said:
skeggysteve said:
Sorry but it's me asking for help.
It's nearly 4 months since our son passed away and it just seems to get harder not easier.
I think/know I need help to cope.
Does anyone know if Cruse Bereavement Care is worth contacting or do you have any other suggestions?
You're in the right place to ask, and you're doing the right thing by asking. What you've gone through is awful and it's normal to struggle. You'll be coping better than you suspect I think, but help is available. It's nearly 4 months since our son passed away and it just seems to get harder not easier.
I think/know I need help to cope.
Does anyone know if Cruse Bereavement Care is worth contacting or do you have any other suggestions?
I don't know much about cruse, but I suspect they're brilliant. Your GP should be able to recommend someone if you wanted someone different. I think that Macmillan might be worth contacting too, as they see a lot of cancer families.
Good luck chum. What you're enduring is awful, but you will endure and there will be brighter days ahead. Speak to someone.
I have been coping but I suppose I knew I was alway on the edge.
Then tonight one thing happened and I realised that I wasn't coping.
Macmillian were useless with our son and he didn't rate them so I am reluctant to contact them as it, to me, the wrong thing to do. Hope that that sense.
skeggysteve said:
Sorry but it's me asking for help.
It's nearly 4 months since our son passed away and it just seems to get harder not easier.
I think/know I need help to cope.
Does anyone know if Cruse Bereavement Care is worth contacting or do you have any other suggestions?
I didn’t use cruse when my dad died, it was recommended by a lot of people but I never did it. It's nearly 4 months since our son passed away and it just seems to get harder not easier.
I think/know I need help to cope.
Does anyone know if Cruse Bereavement Care is worth contacting or do you have any other suggestions?
To be honest, the GP is good to talk (I had a great GP) to but couldn’t recommend a lot, there’s no NHS bereavement service. She did recommend a referral to the local IAPT service but to be honest, they were crap, they referred me to a well-being group which was for people suffering anxiety.
There was two things that really helped me; 1, my local hospice (st Leonard’s hospice in York) runs a fantastic bereavement drop in service, where you can talk to people in the same situation, might be worth seeing if your local hospice runs similar (just realised while writing that with covid they’re probably not running but maybe they have something)
The other thing that really helped is HR referred me to counselling through occupation health (before threatening to sack me for being signed off with bereavement for 4 weeks). That was really helpful having somebody to speak to and made going back to work before I was ready for fear of being sacked easier.
skeggysteve said:
Sorry but it's me asking for help.
It's nearly 4 months since our son passed away and it just seems to get harder not easier.
I think/know I need help to cope.
Does anyone know if Cruse Bereavement Care is worth contacting or do you have any other suggestions?
Lots of great advice already given. Local hospice bereavement services is a great call and don't overlook the Samaritans. They do not just help the suicidal but provide a sympathetic ear to anyone who feels the need to talk about any issue. Whilst they will not be able to provide any professional counselling, they are an ear that is always there when you want to talk/vent/cry at any time of the night or day.It's nearly 4 months since our son passed away and it just seems to get harder not easier.
I think/know I need help to cope.
Does anyone know if Cruse Bereavement Care is worth contacting or do you have any other suggestions?
We are all thinking of you. No one ever gets over the loss of a child but people do learn to cope. You will too and we are all here to help on that toughest of journeys
skeggysteve said:
Sorry but it's me asking for help.
It's nearly 4 months since our son passed away and it just seems to get harder not easier.
I think/know I need help to cope.
Does anyone know if Cruse Bereavement Care is worth contacting or do you have any other suggestions?
We had experience of Cruse back in the 80s when my Dad was killed in a road accident. My Mum, then only 35 and with 2 teenage children, contacted Cruse for help and it was so beneficial that she ended up volunteering for them to help others in similar circumstances. All I can say is it's surely worth a shot.It's nearly 4 months since our son passed away and it just seems to get harder not easier.
I think/know I need help to cope.
Does anyone know if Cruse Bereavement Care is worth contacting or do you have any other suggestions?
Good luck and so sorry for your troubles. I look in to this thread as my wife has had cancer twice now, aged 39 and again last year aged 48. It's a rough ride, I know. But I can't imagine what it must be to lose a child like this. Try to get whatever help you can.
Thanks for all the replies, all your suggestions and thoughts are a great help.
I had a brief chat with a lady at Cruse this morning, it has helped a little bit. She told me that they normally do one to one home visits but obviously they aren't doing that at the moment but are doing phone calls.
One thing she said was that 4 months is a very short time and it will take a lot longer for the pain to subside and it will never truly go away. Maybe I am expecting too much too soon.
I had a brief chat with a lady at Cruse this morning, it has helped a little bit. She told me that they normally do one to one home visits but obviously they aren't doing that at the moment but are doing phone calls.
One thing she said was that 4 months is a very short time and it will take a lot longer for the pain to subside and it will never truly go away. Maybe I am expecting too much too soon.
skeggysteve said:
Thanks for all the replies, all your suggestions and thoughts are a great help.
I had a brief chat with a lady at Cruse this morning, it has helped a little bit. She told me that they normally do one to one home visits but obviously they aren't doing that at the moment but are doing phone calls.
One thing she said was that 4 months is a very short time and it will take a lot longer for the pain to subside and it will never truly go away. Maybe I am expecting too much too soon.
I think you have to expect the rawness to be there for a lot longer. After a while (a year, possibly less, possibly more) the rawness starts to get some softer edges that allow you to remember the good times you had with your son. After a while longer you can start to smile again with these thoughts. But it all takes time and you have to give the process time.I had a brief chat with a lady at Cruse this morning, it has helped a little bit. She told me that they normally do one to one home visits but obviously they aren't doing that at the moment but are doing phone calls.
One thing she said was that 4 months is a very short time and it will take a lot longer for the pain to subside and it will never truly go away. Maybe I am expecting too much too soon.
Thoughts are with you Steve.
I lost someone close to me nearly 12 years ago, not many days go past when I don't think of that person. And that was no-where near as close as a father-son relationship.
Everyone runs on different time scales, but no-one is saying it will be easy.
I shall raise a toast in your direction tonight, you are in my thoughts.
Everyone runs on different time scales, but no-one is saying it will be easy.
I shall raise a toast in your direction tonight, you are in my thoughts.
Just lost my brother in law, 35 years of age to colon cancer, truly horrible. The chap was a fighter, used to run ultra marathons. Had the colon removed, part of both lungs removed, two rounds of chemio and radio. Other surgeries that landed him at the end with 3 bags off his body.
Lasted 4.5 years after diagnosis, GP took a while before referring him to a specialist.
Mother in law is from another country and can't get here due to covid restrictions, truly sad.
Lasted 4.5 years after diagnosis, GP took a while before referring him to a specialist.
Mother in law is from another country and can't get here due to covid restrictions, truly sad.
My brother/Guardian dropped off his perch on Monday night
Original diagnosis was 6-9 months with palliative chemotherapy.We’re at 3 months !!
The biopsies they used were brutal. Massive bruising in the most intimate places.
Brother checked out in the end and spent his last 10 days at home - his wife a retired matron.
This is a recurring theme in our family and I need to learn from this.
And no chance of seeing him.
RIP Bruv
Original diagnosis was 6-9 months with palliative chemotherapy.We’re at 3 months !!
The biopsies they used were brutal. Massive bruising in the most intimate places.
Brother checked out in the end and spent his last 10 days at home - his wife a retired matron.
This is a recurring theme in our family and I need to learn from this.
And no chance of seeing him.
RIP Bruv
Cruse can be good, however these counselling services all depend on how you gel with the facilitator, ive found you always need some link there as if there is no link then it kinda falls flat. like those tv programs good to give out information but unless there is some feedback and interaction that works its pretty useless at helping you.
Got some counselling around the time that my mother died that helped me back in 2006. but as with all these it all depends on how good the person is and how open you are to being helped.
sorry to hear that you are having a time of it, they say that time is a great healer but it only is if you are able to learn how to deal with the emotions as they never go away.
Got some counselling around the time that my mother died that helped me back in 2006. but as with all these it all depends on how good the person is and how open you are to being helped.
sorry to hear that you are having a time of it, they say that time is a great healer but it only is if you are able to learn how to deal with the emotions as they never go away.
Mum died Thursday evening. The last phase with changed breathing and of being largely unresponsive was about 12 hours and I'm told she was peaceful throughout. Her best friend and my sister-in-law stayed with her throughout - noone else was allowed into the hospital. I last spoke with her two days ago, and had last seen her in March - we all had a good time back then, so in a way I'm glad that's my last memory of her.
That's just two months from diagnosis with the belief it was eminently treatable, to the end.
Still lots to figure out from afar.
Cancer can take its mate, Covid 19, and f
k right off because the pair of them combined are just a complete stshow
That's just two months from diagnosis with the belief it was eminently treatable, to the end.
Still lots to figure out from afar.
Cancer can take its mate, Covid 19, and f
k right off because the pair of them combined are just a complete stshowMaybe not the place but couldn't figure where to ask.
The wife and the widow of my brother in law desire to laid to rest his body on a different cemetery to that of their parish, unfortunately, this other parish in their arrogance have rejected their petition with no other reason but to say that there are not sufficient links with their parish, but they moved there just a year ago from London while he was already battling cancer, you can hardly say that he has links with their allocated cemetery.
We tried to reason with the parish pointing out that his widow is armed forces and believes everyone should be given the option to select their final resting place even if an additional fee must be payed but we aren't even given the chance of that which is deeply frustrating.
Anyway, I just wonder whether someone had dealt with something similar and what could we do.
We wrote requesting an appeal 5 days ago and no reply from the councillors, is not even listed in their agenda for their next meeting.
Rant over
The wife and the widow of my brother in law desire to laid to rest his body on a different cemetery to that of their parish, unfortunately, this other parish in their arrogance have rejected their petition with no other reason but to say that there are not sufficient links with their parish, but they moved there just a year ago from London while he was already battling cancer, you can hardly say that he has links with their allocated cemetery.
We tried to reason with the parish pointing out that his widow is armed forces and believes everyone should be given the option to select their final resting place even if an additional fee must be payed but we aren't even given the chance of that which is deeply frustrating.
Anyway, I just wonder whether someone had dealt with something similar and what could we do.
We wrote requesting an appeal 5 days ago and no reply from the councillors, is not even listed in their agenda for their next meeting.
Rant over
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff