Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly
Discussion
Not really sure why I’m posting but.....
My wife found a lump on her breast a couple of weeks ago and saw the doctor. My wife had lost a little weight in lockdown so thinks that is how she spotted it. Doctor thought this was a Small common lump found in women over 50 (my wife is 47) but asked if she would be happy to be referred to hospital for further checks.
My wife went to hospital on Thursday for the tests. Whilst I could drive her she had to go alone in due to the current virus situation.
They did a mammogram, ultrasound and a biopsy of the breast and lymph node under the arm pit. My wife sensed they thought there was a problem due to the way they were speaking to her as she went through the tests.
After the tests she spoke to the consultant who said it was cancer. Large lump (>5cm) that looked like it had been there a while. Need to go back in 10 days for biopsy results and review of treatment.
I was surprised they said it was cancer ahead of the biopsy results but I’m assuming they know from the tests they have done to date? Otherwise why worry someone if it may not be?
Anyone any thoughts on what we should be asking when we go back? I can attend this one with her.
We have BUPA cover which covers cancer. Will this give any different treatment to what we are seeing on the NHS?
Thanks for any thoughts. I’m not going to lie, I’m really worried. Worried for my wife and also how this could impact on our young son
My wife is really concerned it has spread and whilst logically she knows she needs to wait for the test results it’s hard not to think the worst. She isn’t sleeping and I’m not sure what to say or how to help.
Sorry for the ramble
My wife found a lump on her breast a couple of weeks ago and saw the doctor. My wife had lost a little weight in lockdown so thinks that is how she spotted it. Doctor thought this was a Small common lump found in women over 50 (my wife is 47) but asked if she would be happy to be referred to hospital for further checks.
My wife went to hospital on Thursday for the tests. Whilst I could drive her she had to go alone in due to the current virus situation.
They did a mammogram, ultrasound and a biopsy of the breast and lymph node under the arm pit. My wife sensed they thought there was a problem due to the way they were speaking to her as she went through the tests.
After the tests she spoke to the consultant who said it was cancer. Large lump (>5cm) that looked like it had been there a while. Need to go back in 10 days for biopsy results and review of treatment.
I was surprised they said it was cancer ahead of the biopsy results but I’m assuming they know from the tests they have done to date? Otherwise why worry someone if it may not be?
Anyone any thoughts on what we should be asking when we go back? I can attend this one with her.
We have BUPA cover which covers cancer. Will this give any different treatment to what we are seeing on the NHS?
Thanks for any thoughts. I’m not going to lie, I’m really worried. Worried for my wife and also how this could impact on our young son
My wife is really concerned it has spread and whilst logically she knows she needs to wait for the test results it’s hard not to think the worst. She isn’t sleeping and I’m not sure what to say or how to help.
Sorry for the ramble
Sorry to hear your news,
A very close friend has been through cancer recently, it is difficult to know how to support and made me feel quite lost as a consequence, I went through feelings of guilt too that I wasn’t doing enough.
There is great advice available from various charities, the starting point would be Macmillan, there is advice on how to support someone here:
https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-an...
Give them a call and talk through where you are on 0808 808 00 00 7 days a week, 8am-8pm
They can help with the questions to ask when you go back and are really experienced on this. They can also help with how to tell children and support available for them.
https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-an...
Wishing you all the best.
A very close friend has been through cancer recently, it is difficult to know how to support and made me feel quite lost as a consequence, I went through feelings of guilt too that I wasn’t doing enough.
There is great advice available from various charities, the starting point would be Macmillan, there is advice on how to support someone here:
https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-an...
Give them a call and talk through where you are on 0808 808 00 00 7 days a week, 8am-8pm
They can help with the questions to ask when you go back and are really experienced on this. They can also help with how to tell children and support available for them.
https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-an...
Wishing you all the best.
Edited by England87 on Saturday 18th July 08:15
CAH706, that’s horrible to hear and you have my sympathy.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel, see my earlier posts but my mother in law was diagnosed stage 3B (iirc), bowel cancer that had spread to the ovaries and the lymph node tests also indicated further spread.
It’s now around 10 months on and after a round of chemo / tablets, she has now had two follow up examinations / tests which have both been positive.
DR’s can work wonders, they’ve seen it all before and now exactly the best course of treatment, stay strong, support her and trust their capable hands.
All the best.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel, see my earlier posts but my mother in law was diagnosed stage 3B (iirc), bowel cancer that had spread to the ovaries and the lymph node tests also indicated further spread.
It’s now around 10 months on and after a round of chemo / tablets, she has now had two follow up examinations / tests which have both been positive.
DR’s can work wonders, they’ve seen it all before and now exactly the best course of treatment, stay strong, support her and trust their capable hands.
All the best.
Edited by Lord.Vader on Saturday 18th July 09:58
CAH706 said:
Not really sure why I’m posting but.....
Fear not. Went through this last year with my wife. Lump discovered 1st April, chemo started May, surgery (lumpectomy) in November and radiotherapy completed February this year; outcome all clear!OK, so that is a simple synopsis. It doesn't cover the dark days particularly after confirmed diagnosis and the first signs that treatment looked like it was being effective (about midway through chemo). It also doesn't cover the very many types of breast cancer and whether there are cancer cells in the lymph nodes or possibly secondary cancers in the body that will become apparent from CT scans etc. All these things might influence the outcome and treatment plan.
As an observer of my wife's treatment last year I got the impression that the NHS machine is very well oiled to deal with breast cancer. There was a very detailed plan put in place from day one and it ran like clockwork. As I mentioned above my wife's plan was 3 x 3 weekly chemo followed by 7 x weekly, minor breast surgery and then 3 weeks of daily radiotherapy. Many plans might start with surgery and then follow up with chemo and radio therapy. My wife's cancer was described as aggressive and 'triple negative'. These are terms you may well hear going forward; don't let them frighten you.
As for using private healthcare I would be surprised if you'd notice any difference in the approach used unless there was something extraordinary about your wife's diagnosis. I wish you and your wife all the best. It's a difficult journey with some hard times to come but you really must focus on future and there really is a light at the end of that tunnel (even though you doubt the people telling you this at the time).
If it is any consolation, my wife went through a very similar situation in 1997. She's still here and well. All cancers are individual so you shouldn't focus on apparent differences between her treatment and that others receive. The NHS is best at potentially serious diseases - it's where some of the best medics work. Good Luck to both of you.
motco said:
All cancers are individual so you shouldn't focus on apparent differences between her treatment and that others receive.
Yes, can't emphasise this enough. For example, we wondered why surgery followed chemo whereas nearly every other patient (with similar type cancer) we spoke to seemed to have surgery first. Even after asking the question I'm not sure we understood the reason but it worked. They really do know how to tackle this particular disease so be confident in their abilities.All - thank you very much for your kind words and experiences
It’s helped me feel a little more positive for the first time in a couple of days. The waiting is the hard part and for the first time in a long time I’m wishing the days away to get to the next meeting
We haven’t told our son anything yet. He’s 11 and just moving to high school so we ideally want to keep this away from him as much as possible... at least for now
Thanks again for the words.
It’s helped me feel a little more positive for the first time in a couple of days. The waiting is the hard part and for the first time in a long time I’m wishing the days away to get to the next meeting
We haven’t told our son anything yet. He’s 11 and just moving to high school so we ideally want to keep this away from him as much as possible... at least for now
Thanks again for the words.
We waited telling our children (albeit quite a lot older than your lad) anything until we knew the final diagnosis and the treatment plan. It meant that we could answer questions with a positive outlook and whilst they were naturally upset and fearful I'm sure it helped them cope seeing that we were not phased by it all(even if we were!)
CAH706 - all I can say is that when I was diagnosed with kidney cancer 2 years ago I had many weeks of dreams and thoughts where I was convinced I was going to die.
If you can take on board that those sorts of thoughts may go through your wife’s brain, it may help you have some understanding and help you handle things.
Don’t ignore the situation, make yourself available and be a good listener. Talking is really important but let it happen when your wife is ready.
Best wishes to you both.
If you can take on board that those sorts of thoughts may go through your wife’s brain, it may help you have some understanding and help you handle things.
Don’t ignore the situation, make yourself available and be a good listener. Talking is really important but let it happen when your wife is ready.
Best wishes to you both.
Again, thank you for the kind words.
My wife has been been worrying that it as it looks like it has spread to the lymph nodes she’s thinking it will have spread further.
she thinks has some chest pain as well now but I think this is just from the biopsy procedure. She is stuck in a cycle of thinking the worst. I fully understand this.
She spent the day with her dad yesterday (who doesn’t know) so this helped her switch off from it a little and she slept a lot better last night.
I’ve taken a week of work to spend more time with her and my son so we will try to fill our time for the next few days.
Thanks for listening
My wife has been been worrying that it as it looks like it has spread to the lymph nodes she’s thinking it will have spread further.
she thinks has some chest pain as well now but I think this is just from the biopsy procedure. She is stuck in a cycle of thinking the worst. I fully understand this.
She spent the day with her dad yesterday (who doesn’t know) so this helped her switch off from it a little and she slept a lot better last night.
I’ve taken a week of work to spend more time with her and my son so we will try to fill our time for the next few days.
Thanks for listening
CAH706 said:
Again, thank you for the kind words.
My wife has been been worrying that it as it looks like it has spread to the lymph nodes she’s thinking it will have spread further.
she thinks has some chest pain as well now but I think this is just from the biopsy procedure. She is stuck in a cycle of thinking the worst. I fully understand this.
She spent the day with her dad yesterday (who doesn’t know) so this helped her switch off from it a little and she slept a lot better last night.
I’ve taken a week of work to spend more time with her and my son so we will try to fill our time for the next few days.
Thanks for listening
I understand this vicious circle - thinking the worst, this bit hurts now etc, etc, which pushes you in to a deeper state of despair. There is a kind of default position that her oncologist would expect lymph nodes to be affected but wait for the results to come back. My wife had two lymph node biopsies done and both were inconclusive but that still didn't stop them removing a few during surgery for the tumour. It was only analysis post surgery that confirmed the lymph nodes were clear. As for secondary cancer it is unlikely unless your wife has been harbouring this lump for months or years. A CT scan will which will be scheduled will show up any areas of concern. It's perhaps getting this done in a timely manner where your private healthcare could come in useful if there is a significant delay owing to CV-19 backlog in the NHS.My wife has been been worrying that it as it looks like it has spread to the lymph nodes she’s thinking it will have spread further.
she thinks has some chest pain as well now but I think this is just from the biopsy procedure. She is stuck in a cycle of thinking the worst. I fully understand this.
She spent the day with her dad yesterday (who doesn’t know) so this helped her switch off from it a little and she slept a lot better last night.
I’ve taken a week of work to spend more time with her and my son so we will try to fill our time for the next few days.
Thanks for listening
She may also find it very cathartic to tell everyone about it once diagnosis is confirmed. My wife was very discrete about whom she told post diagnosis but this in itself played on her mind. For example, she didn't immediately tell her parents, siblings or employer/colleagues. Then one day she broke down saying she just couldn't handle it and proceeded to tell everyone. I think that was the moment that we turned a corner as all these friends. family etc rallied around. We've been fortunate and haven't looked back. Continuing best wishes to you and your family.
Thanks - you have pretty much nailed what my wife/we are going through.L and thinking.
We will keep trying to think about the positives for now and deal with the treatment when we know.
Fortunately, I’ve been looking at retiring from work shortly so will be in a position to provide more sport if needed.
Enjoy the sun everyone
We will keep trying to think about the positives for now and deal with the treatment when we know.
Fortunately, I’ve been looking at retiring from work shortly so will be in a position to provide more sport if needed.
Enjoy the sun everyone
Mum died at 5 o'clock yesterday afternoon. She phoned me last Thursday evening asking to go and see her but she appeared confused and when I got to her house there was clearly something wrong just from her just by looking at her eyes and her general affect. The paramedics were there within minutes and diagnosed a very fast and irregular heartbeat. I knew she felt ill as she agreed to go with them without putting up a fight ! I phoned the hospital on Friday morning to see how she was and was told that she had just been transferred to ICU as she had lost consciousness. A scan revealed that she had cancer in her stomach, bowel and overies (sp). She never regained consciousness and was taken off life support at 3 o'clock. She was a tough old bird who made it to 84 and who hadn't seen a gp for herself since 1962 when she was pregnant with me ! I always thought that she would outlast me ! I had only seen her on the Tuesday before she was taken ill and she was fine. Sorry for rambling on but writing it down has helped a bit.
Hospital appointment was yesterday. They confirmed the cancer in the breast and that it has spread to the lymph nodes. Consultant described it as a large lump (over 5cm) and aggressive
They are doing a CAT and MRI on Friday toSee if it has spread further and we will find out the results from these the following Thursday
They did say that they would start chemotherapy shortly with an operation possibly down the line. Both my wife and I struggled to remember why they said that they wouldn’t do the op now - think it was due to the size or radiotherapy.
I’ve never really struggled with low mood before but the stress of waiting to know the position, seeing my wife upset and telling my 11 year old the situation has really knocked me. I’m not sleeping well and generally just feel ‘down’. I’d guess that is to be expected given the situation with my partner of 30 years
Work are not being very sympathetic. I’ve used holidays to take time out to get through the current test period but they are pushing for my return.
They are doing a CAT and MRI on Friday toSee if it has spread further and we will find out the results from these the following Thursday
They did say that they would start chemotherapy shortly with an operation possibly down the line. Both my wife and I struggled to remember why they said that they wouldn’t do the op now - think it was due to the size or radiotherapy.
I’ve never really struggled with low mood before but the stress of waiting to know the position, seeing my wife upset and telling my 11 year old the situation has really knocked me. I’m not sleeping well and generally just feel ‘down’. I’d guess that is to be expected given the situation with my partner of 30 years
Work are not being very sympathetic. I’ve used holidays to take time out to get through the current test period but they are pushing for my return.
I'm sorry that the news isn't as positive as it might have been CAH706, I hope the CAT and MRI are more encouraging. One good thing is that she's probably at least peri-menopausal because some tumours like oestrogen and the older a woman is, the less of that is in circulation.
I am not a medic, merely an experienced husband, but they probably want to shrink the tumour with chemo before surgery. You have to listen to them, and take notes if you can. It is hard though; your mind cannot cope with so much all at once.
I am not a medic, merely an experienced husband, but they probably want to shrink the tumour with chemo before surgery. You have to listen to them, and take notes if you can. It is hard though; your mind cannot cope with so much all at once.
k those work fCAH706 said:
Hospital appointment was yesterday. They confirmed the cancer in the breast and that it has spread to the lymph nodes. Consultant described it as a large lump (over 5cm) and aggressive
They are doing a CAT and MRI on Friday toSee if it has spread further and we will find out the results from these the following Thursday
They did say that they would start chemotherapy shortly with an operation possibly down the line. Both my wife and I struggled to remember why they said that they wouldn’t do the op now - think it was due to the size or radiotherapy.
I’ve never really struggled with low mood before but the stress of waiting to know the position, seeing my wife upset and telling my 11 year old the situation has really knocked me. I’m not sleeping well and generally just feel ‘down’. I’d guess that is to be expected given the situation with my partner of 30 years
Work are not being very sympathetic. I’ve used holidays to take time out to get through the current test period but they are pushing for my return.
Work is the last thing.... you need to discuss this with HR, and also discuss with your doctor. they should not be treating you like that at all. you have enough on your plate. Its things like this that make me very angry indeed. where is the compassion in life these days. ?They are doing a CAT and MRI on Friday toSee if it has spread further and we will find out the results from these the following Thursday
They did say that they would start chemotherapy shortly with an operation possibly down the line. Both my wife and I struggled to remember why they said that they wouldn’t do the op now - think it was due to the size or radiotherapy.
I’ve never really struggled with low mood before but the stress of waiting to know the position, seeing my wife upset and telling my 11 year old the situation has really knocked me. I’m not sleeping well and generally just feel ‘down’. I’d guess that is to be expected given the situation with my partner of 30 years
Work are not being very sympathetic. I’ve used holidays to take time out to get through the current test period but they are pushing for my return.
CAH706 said:
Hospital appointment was yesterday. They confirmed the cancer in the breast and that it has spread to the lymph nodes. Consultant described it as a large lump (over 5cm) and aggressive
They are doing a CAT and MRI on Friday toSee if it has spread further and we will find out the results from these the following Thursday
They did say that they would start chemotherapy shortly with an operation possibly down the line. Both my wife and I struggled to remember why they said that they wouldn’t do the op now - think it was due to the size or radiotherapy.
I’ve never really struggled with low mood before but the stress of waiting to know the position, seeing my wife upset and telling my 11 year old the situation has really knocked me. I’m not sleeping well and generally just feel ‘down’. I’d guess that is to be expected given the situation with my partner of 30 years
Work are not being very sympathetic. I’ve used holidays to take time out to get through the current test period but they are pushing for my return.
Regarding the decision to go chemo before surgery all I can do is relate my wife's situation. Her oncologist was confident by choosing that route the chemo would shrink the tumour (also at 5cm at the start of chemo) and any subsequent surgery would be less invasive and, hopefully, not require a mastectomy. This proved to be the case and at the time of surgery the tumour had shrunk to 14mm resulting in a lumpectomy. She had radiotherapy after surgery which I believe was belt and braces to try and ensure no cancerous cells were left.They are doing a CAT and MRI on Friday toSee if it has spread further and we will find out the results from these the following Thursday
They did say that they would start chemotherapy shortly with an operation possibly down the line. Both my wife and I struggled to remember why they said that they wouldn’t do the op now - think it was due to the size or radiotherapy.
I’ve never really struggled with low mood before but the stress of waiting to know the position, seeing my wife upset and telling my 11 year old the situation has really knocked me. I’m not sleeping well and generally just feel ‘down’. I’d guess that is to be expected given the situation with my partner of 30 years
Work are not being very sympathetic. I’ve used holidays to take time out to get through the current test period but they are pushing for my return.
As I said before though everyone's situation is different and comparing procedures could be misleading but it sounds as if the precise course of treatment is still under review. For example, it may be that radiotherapy first could achieve the desired outcome of shrinking the tumour before surgery.
I really feel for you because you are at the worst stage. I, too, recall the week between CT and MRI scans and getting the results as being one of the darkest weeks of my life. Fortunately the results came back all clear and a huge weight was lifted from our shoulders; I do hope that your news next week is good too. Stay strong.
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