Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly
Discussion
Handbag said:
Thank you GT3Manthey.
My mum's 77 and until 4 weeks ago was mobile, living independently. She picked up a cold and it all went downhill from there.
It's a second cancer which hasn't yet been formally diagnosed but I think is ovarian cancer that she's had a while and appears to have spread to the lungs. She had successful treatment 8 years ago for breast cancer.
The treatment they've been giving her has been making her worse so I'm hoping she improves now that they have a better idea of what they're dealing with. They're still investigating but I'll know more after the multi disciplinary team meeting this week. At least they can hopefully give her some proper pain medication now.
Hopefully a combination of pain killers and treatment can prolong her life and make it somewhat enjoyable. My mum's 77 and until 4 weeks ago was mobile, living independently. She picked up a cold and it all went downhill from there.
It's a second cancer which hasn't yet been formally diagnosed but I think is ovarian cancer that she's had a while and appears to have spread to the lungs. She had successful treatment 8 years ago for breast cancer.
The treatment they've been giving her has been making her worse so I'm hoping she improves now that they have a better idea of what they're dealing with. They're still investigating but I'll know more after the multi disciplinary team meeting this week. At least they can hopefully give her some proper pain medication now.
Keep us posted and in the meantime all the best
PomBstard said:
A few weeks ago PomBstard said:
Yesterday I hear my aunt (Dad's sister) has myeloma, a form of blood cancer. Diagnosis already is that she has 6 or so months left. She'll be 70 later this month. I've not yet spoken to my uncle - he's a strong, ex-Navy dude but he'll be in pieces. Need to chat with my cousin first. They were doing all they could to keep themselves out of Covid's way over the past 8 months or so, and then this happens.
f
k fk fkety fkety fk
And just as Lockdown V.20 get started, my aunt kicks up a temp of 40C, and is taken by ambulance to ICU - suspected COVID. That was five days ago. COVID test was negative, but she does have some sort of infection and has been on IV antibiotics for all that time too. However, there has been no change in her condition - and the thought is that the myeloma may have turned into full-blown leukemia or similar. More tests, as the source or cause of the infection hasn't been ascertained.f
k fk fkety fkety fkAnd because of the lockdown and her condition, she's in isolation, with no visitors allowed, which is depressing her further.
My uncle and cousins are still going through the period of disbelief and floundering. Its just f
king awful to watch and be reminded of how many are affected by a single case.But I'm here to ask what help can be sought for my uncle? Their network of friends isn't terribly extensive, and they have relied on my cousins for much of the help over th epast few months - but they themselves are also now struggling. How is help arranged or organised in these situations? When we did this when my mum was ill last year, her friends were around, and I didn't have to worry about my brother or father, so don't know what is available.
You can contact Macmillan trust. They are very good with advice and guidance.
Very sorry about your aunt. My wife was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in Nov 19. After her treatment was suspended 12 months ago, she became so ill she was admitted for a stem cell transplant a few weeks ago. She's very poorly at the moment and like your aunt, in not allowed to see her. It certainly makes things so much harder
Very sorry about your aunt. My wife was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in Nov 19. After her treatment was suspended 12 months ago, she became so ill she was admitted for a stem cell transplant a few weeks ago. She's very poorly at the moment and like your aunt, in not allowed to see her. It certainly makes things so much harder
Elroy Blue said:
My wife was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in Nov 19. After her treatment was suspended 12 months ago, she became so ill she was admitted for a stem cell transplant a few weeks ago. She's very poorly at the moment and like your aunt, in not allowed to see her. It certainly makes things so much harder
Sorry to hear this. My wife had same diagnosed back in Nov 16, Stem cell transplant in July 17. The side effects of the high dose Chemo used in the transplant can be really hard initially. Once your Wife's bloods start to pick back up she will feel much better. Not saying is going to work for everyone but what helped me come to terms with it all, was doing as much research and getting as much info as I could into how Blood works and the understating's behind the results. The USA site Myeloma Beacon is great source of InfoEdited by APOLO1 on Sunday 31st January 10:43
My mum starts Chemo tomorrow, she was told no treatment is possible as her tumour was bleeding and it was too big but after the bleeding stopped and many meetings, they’ve decided to give her 6months(or rounds?) of chemo which is the GemCarbo. I’m told it’s a mild one however it’s still going to be difficult.
Has anybody dealt with someone on chemo; what foods are best, my mother doesn’t have that much of an appetite and it worries me as she needs high calorie foods to keep her strong. The worst part is that she wants to eat and tries but she’s afraid of eating to much because she will throw it all up.
It’s an obstacle but a good one as on the 5th December, we were told she had weeks maximum and on the 27th we literally thought she was going to pass away that night as she hadn’t eaten properly in weeks and was so weak. She contracted COVID in hospital too but was luckily mostly symptom free, just needed some oxygen.
I hope everybody going through similar has the strength to get through it, my strength comes from my mother as she’s so positive.
What’s crazy is my best friends dad had a mini stroke who is the same age as my mum. After some scans, they found a tumour on his brain which turns out to be cancer.
My friends ex girlfriend’s mum collapsed in the kitchen after complaining about headaches for the week before and they also found a massive brain tumour which was cancer. It’s now hitting her nervous system and she can’t walk anymore and can’t leave the hospital. My friend asked me for advice on how to deal with it and i said ‘stay strong for your mother and don’t cry in front of her because it will upset her and you don’t want to stress her out’
She says, ‘it’s hard not to when she’s terrified and crying her eyes out to us’
Wow, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was in that moment. My mother has been so strong and brave, so in phases even that it’s given me and my family so much comfort and enabled us to be so positive. We all suffer tragedies and there are still positives to be found, one way or the other so stay strong everyone
Has anybody dealt with someone on chemo; what foods are best, my mother doesn’t have that much of an appetite and it worries me as she needs high calorie foods to keep her strong. The worst part is that she wants to eat and tries but she’s afraid of eating to much because she will throw it all up.
It’s an obstacle but a good one as on the 5th December, we were told she had weeks maximum and on the 27th we literally thought she was going to pass away that night as she hadn’t eaten properly in weeks and was so weak. She contracted COVID in hospital too but was luckily mostly symptom free, just needed some oxygen.
I hope everybody going through similar has the strength to get through it, my strength comes from my mother as she’s so positive.
What’s crazy is my best friends dad had a mini stroke who is the same age as my mum. After some scans, they found a tumour on his brain which turns out to be cancer.
My friends ex girlfriend’s mum collapsed in the kitchen after complaining about headaches for the week before and they also found a massive brain tumour which was cancer. It’s now hitting her nervous system and she can’t walk anymore and can’t leave the hospital. My friend asked me for advice on how to deal with it and i said ‘stay strong for your mother and don’t cry in front of her because it will upset her and you don’t want to stress her out’
She says, ‘it’s hard not to when she’s terrified and crying her eyes out to us’
Wow, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was in that moment. My mother has been so strong and brave, so in phases even that it’s given me and my family so much comfort and enabled us to be so positive. We all suffer tragedies and there are still positives to be found, one way or the other so stay strong everyone
Chestrockwell said:
My mum starts Chemo tomorrow, she was told no treatment is possible as her tumour was bleeding and it was too big but after the bleeding stopped and many meetings, they’ve decided to give her 6months(or rounds?) of chemo which is the GemCarbo. I’m told it’s a mild one however it’s still going to be difficult.
Has anybody dealt with someone on chemo; what foods are best, my mother doesn’t have that much of an appetite and it worries me as she needs high calorie foods to keep her strong. The worst part is that she wants to eat and tries but she’s afraid of eating to much because she will throw it all up.
It’s an obstacle but a good one as on the 5th December, we were told she had weeks maximum and on the 27th we literally thought she was going to pass away that night as she hadn’t eaten properly in weeks and was so weak. She contracted COVID in hospital too but was luckily mostly symptom free, just needed some oxygen.
I hope everybody going through similar has the strength to get through it, my strength comes from my mother as she’s so positive.
What’s crazy is my best friends dad had a mini stroke who is the same age as my mum. After some scans, they found a tumour on his brain which turns out to be cancer.
My friends ex girlfriend’s mum collapsed in the kitchen after complaining about headaches for the week before and they also found a massive brain tumour which was cancer. It’s now hitting her nervous system and she can’t walk anymore and can’t leave the hospital. My friend asked me for advice on how to deal with it and i said ‘stay strong for your mother and don’t cry in front of her because it will upset her and you don’t want to stress her out’
She says, ‘it’s hard not to when she’s terrified and crying her eyes out to us’
Wow, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was in that moment. My mother has been so strong and brave, so in phases even that it’s given me and my family so much comfort and enabled us to be so positive. We all suffer tragedies and there are still positives to be found, one way or the other so stay strong everyone
Can't help much on the chemo, I've said before on here my Dad's cancer battle didn't last 48 hours, never reached any sort of chemo, admitted Wednesday, possible cancer found on Thursday, diagnosed on Friday and died on Saturday. When he phoned me to say he was in hospital, I knew they were gonna find cancer, I'd been telling him to go to the GP for months with lower abdo pain and weight loss, he was a man so didn't, when he did it was too late. Has anybody dealt with someone on chemo; what foods are best, my mother doesn’t have that much of an appetite and it worries me as she needs high calorie foods to keep her strong. The worst part is that she wants to eat and tries but she’s afraid of eating to much because she will throw it all up.
It’s an obstacle but a good one as on the 5th December, we were told she had weeks maximum and on the 27th we literally thought she was going to pass away that night as she hadn’t eaten properly in weeks and was so weak. She contracted COVID in hospital too but was luckily mostly symptom free, just needed some oxygen.
I hope everybody going through similar has the strength to get through it, my strength comes from my mother as she’s so positive.
What’s crazy is my best friends dad had a mini stroke who is the same age as my mum. After some scans, they found a tumour on his brain which turns out to be cancer.
My friends ex girlfriend’s mum collapsed in the kitchen after complaining about headaches for the week before and they also found a massive brain tumour which was cancer. It’s now hitting her nervous system and she can’t walk anymore and can’t leave the hospital. My friend asked me for advice on how to deal with it and i said ‘stay strong for your mother and don’t cry in front of her because it will upset her and you don’t want to stress her out’
She says, ‘it’s hard not to when she’s terrified and crying her eyes out to us’
Wow, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was in that moment. My mother has been so strong and brave, so in phases even that it’s given me and my family so much comfort and enabled us to be so positive. We all suffer tragedies and there are still positives to be found, one way or the other so stay strong everyone
My Dad didn't cry, but I could see in his eyes he was terrified, I think that will stay with me forever, he was a strong man, it's made me a strong man but that moment was haunting. The only time I ever saw him cry was when his Dad was diagnosed with cancer, even then he left the room, but it was obvious. My Dad's death is the only time I can think I've cried in recent years, it hit me hardest going to his house, seeing everything left from Wednesday morning when he went to the GP (who admitted him). Driving home from work one evening and Father and Son came on the radio, I had to pull over as I couldn't drive.
I do know that when a couple of my friend's parents have received cancer diagnoses I become a go to for them for advice, don't get me wrong I don't mind at all, in fact I'd rather they reached out to me then bottle it up, but it can be mentally draining, on the flipside though you can support each other, which is invaluable.
I've come to realise everyone is different, we all cope different, the advice that helped me through it, may not help the next person, sometimes it's good to just be a shoulder to cry on, well not a literal shoulder right now, Boris will come and arrest you, but someone they can offload too.
All the best to you and your mum, she sounds incredible, well done to her for beating Covid too, shows she's a fighter.
Chestrockwell said:
My mum starts Chemo tomorrow, she was told no treatment is possible as her tumour was bleeding and it was too big but after the bleeding stopped and many meetings, they’ve decided to give her 6months(or rounds?) of chemo which is the GemCarbo. I’m told it’s a mild one however it’s still going to be difficult.
Has anybody dealt with someone on chemo; what foods are best, my mother doesn’t have that much of an appetite and it worries me as she needs high calorie foods to keep her strong. The worst part is that she wants to eat and tries but she’s afraid of eating to much because she will throw it all up.
It’s an obstacle but a good one as on the 5th December, we were told she had weeks maximum and on the 27th we literally thought she was going to pass away that night as she hadn’t eaten properly in weeks and was so weak. She contracted COVID in hospital too but was luckily mostly symptom free, just needed some oxygen.
I hope everybody going through similar has the strength to get through it, my strength comes from my mother as she’s so positive.
What’s crazy is my best friends dad had a mini stroke who is the same age as my mum. After some scans, they found a tumour on his brain which turns out to be cancer.
My friends ex girlfriend’s mum collapsed in the kitchen after complaining about headaches for the week before and they also found a massive brain tumour which was cancer. It’s now hitting her nervous system and she can’t walk anymore and can’t leave the hospital. My friend asked me for advice on how to deal with it and i said ‘stay strong for your mother and don’t cry in front of her because it will upset her and you don’t want to stress her out’
She says, ‘it’s hard not to when she’s terrified and crying her eyes out to us’
Wow, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was in that moment. My mother has been so strong and brave, so in phases even that it’s given me and my family so much comfort and enabled us to be so positive. We all suffer tragedies and there are still positives to be found, one way or the other so stay strong everyone
Amazing resilience shown from your mother not least for beating off covid when being very weak.Has anybody dealt with someone on chemo; what foods are best, my mother doesn’t have that much of an appetite and it worries me as she needs high calorie foods to keep her strong. The worst part is that she wants to eat and tries but she’s afraid of eating to much because she will throw it all up.
It’s an obstacle but a good one as on the 5th December, we were told she had weeks maximum and on the 27th we literally thought she was going to pass away that night as she hadn’t eaten properly in weeks and was so weak. She contracted COVID in hospital too but was luckily mostly symptom free, just needed some oxygen.
I hope everybody going through similar has the strength to get through it, my strength comes from my mother as she’s so positive.
What’s crazy is my best friends dad had a mini stroke who is the same age as my mum. After some scans, they found a tumour on his brain which turns out to be cancer.
My friends ex girlfriend’s mum collapsed in the kitchen after complaining about headaches for the week before and they also found a massive brain tumour which was cancer. It’s now hitting her nervous system and she can’t walk anymore and can’t leave the hospital. My friend asked me for advice on how to deal with it and i said ‘stay strong for your mother and don’t cry in front of her because it will upset her and you don’t want to stress her out’
She says, ‘it’s hard not to when she’s terrified and crying her eyes out to us’
Wow, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was in that moment. My mother has been so strong and brave, so in phases even that it’s given me and my family so much comfort and enabled us to be so positive. We all suffer tragedies and there are still positives to be found, one way or the other so stay strong everyone
How old is your Mother ?
carlove said:
Chestrockwell said:
My mum starts Chemo tomorrow, she was told no treatment is possible as her tumour was bleeding and it was too big but after the bleeding stopped and many meetings, they’ve decided to give her 6months(or rounds?) of chemo which is the GemCarbo. I’m told it’s a mild one however it’s still going to be difficult.
Has anybody dealt with someone on chemo; what foods are best, my mother doesn’t have that much of an appetite and it worries me as she needs high calorie foods to keep her strong. The worst part is that she wants to eat and tries but she’s afraid of eating to much because she will throw it all up.
It’s an obstacle but a good one as on the 5th December, we were told she had weeks maximum and on the 27th we literally thought she was going to pass away that night as she hadn’t eaten properly in weeks and was so weak. She contracted COVID in hospital too but was luckily mostly symptom free, just needed some oxygen.
I hope everybody going through similar has the strength to get through it, my strength comes from my mother as she’s so positive.
What’s crazy is my best friends dad had a mini stroke who is the same age as my mum. After some scans, they found a tumour on his brain which turns out to be cancer.
My friends ex girlfriend’s mum collapsed in the kitchen after complaining about headaches for the week before and they also found a massive brain tumour which was cancer. It’s now hitting her nervous system and she can’t walk anymore and can’t leave the hospital. My friend asked me for advice on how to deal with it and i said ‘stay strong for your mother and don’t cry in front of her because it will upset her and you don’t want to stress her out’
She says, ‘it’s hard not to when she’s terrified and crying her eyes out to us’
Wow, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was in that moment. My mother has been so strong and brave, so in phases even that it’s given me and my family so much comfort and enabled us to be so positive. We all suffer tragedies and there are still positives to be found, one way or the other so stay strong everyone
Can't help much on the chemo, I've said before on here my Dad's cancer battle didn't last 48 hours, never reached any sort of chemo, admitted Wednesday, possible cancer found on Thursday, diagnosed on Friday and died on Saturday. When he phoned me to say he was in hospital, I knew they were gonna find cancer, I'd been telling him to go to the GP for months with lower abdo pain and weight loss, he was a man so didn't, when he did it was too late. Has anybody dealt with someone on chemo; what foods are best, my mother doesn’t have that much of an appetite and it worries me as she needs high calorie foods to keep her strong. The worst part is that she wants to eat and tries but she’s afraid of eating to much because she will throw it all up.
It’s an obstacle but a good one as on the 5th December, we were told she had weeks maximum and on the 27th we literally thought she was going to pass away that night as she hadn’t eaten properly in weeks and was so weak. She contracted COVID in hospital too but was luckily mostly symptom free, just needed some oxygen.
I hope everybody going through similar has the strength to get through it, my strength comes from my mother as she’s so positive.
What’s crazy is my best friends dad had a mini stroke who is the same age as my mum. After some scans, they found a tumour on his brain which turns out to be cancer.
My friends ex girlfriend’s mum collapsed in the kitchen after complaining about headaches for the week before and they also found a massive brain tumour which was cancer. It’s now hitting her nervous system and she can’t walk anymore and can’t leave the hospital. My friend asked me for advice on how to deal with it and i said ‘stay strong for your mother and don’t cry in front of her because it will upset her and you don’t want to stress her out’
She says, ‘it’s hard not to when she’s terrified and crying her eyes out to us’
Wow, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was in that moment. My mother has been so strong and brave, so in phases even that it’s given me and my family so much comfort and enabled us to be so positive. We all suffer tragedies and there are still positives to be found, one way or the other so stay strong everyone
My Dad didn't cry, but I could see in his eyes he was terrified, I think that will stay with me forever, he was a strong man, it's made me a strong man but that moment was haunting. The only time I ever saw him cry was when his Dad was diagnosed with cancer, even then he left the room, but it was obvious. My Dad's death is the only time I can think I've cried in recent years, it hit me hardest going to his house, seeing everything left from Wednesday morning when he went to the GP (who admitted him). Driving home from work one evening and Father and Son came on the radio, I had to pull over as I couldn't drive.
I do know that when a couple of my friend's parents have received cancer diagnoses I become a go to for them for advice, don't get me wrong I don't mind at all, in fact I'd rather they reached out to me then bottle it up, but it can be mentally draining, on the flipside though you can support each other, which is invaluable.
I've come to realise everyone is different, we all cope different, the advice that helped me through it, may not help the next person, sometimes it's good to just be a shoulder to cry on, well not a literal shoulder right now, Boris will come and arrest you, but someone they can offload too.
All the best to you and your mum, she sounds incredible, well done to her for beating Covid too, shows she's a fighter.
I’m sorry you had to go through that with your dad and I know the feeling you had when you walked into your dads house. My mother pains a lot and she has like 15 canvases that haven’t been touched and it really ripped me apart seeing them as at the time I thought she had weeks but hopefully she manages to battle the cancer and be able to at least use all those canvases
One of the most important things to bear in mind with a patient on chemo is that it can reduce their immune system to nothing and infection will run riot where they would have been shrugged off in normal times. Do everything you can to shield her from avoidable infections of any sort. A relative of mine was taken to hospital with neutropaenic sepsis while on docetaxel chemotherapy. She was very poorly indeed and put on intravenous antibiotics in a positive pressure isolation room. She recovered but it was a nasty event. No idea what the infection started as but it nearly killed her. Best of luck to you and your Mum, I hope the treatment is successful.
Chestrockwell said:
My mum starts Chemo tomorrow, she was told no treatment is possible as her tumour was bleeding and it was too big but after the bleeding stopped and many meetings, they’ve decided to give her 6months(or rounds?) of chemo which is the GemCarbo. I’m told it’s a mild one however it’s still going to be difficult.
Has anybody dealt with someone on chemo; what foods are best, my mother doesn’t have that much of an appetite and it worries me as she needs high calorie foods to keep her strong. The worst part is that she wants to eat and tries but she’s afraid of eating to much because she will throw it all up.
When helping with a family member a few years back we used my egg boiler/poacher/omelette maker lots. A one egg omlet didn't overwhelm him visually but was pretty good for calories & protein. You could have some chopped veggies, cheese and cooked meat prepped in the fridge quite easily to add some flavour & colour. Mix it up in mug, set it going and you don't have to watch it like you would cooking it in a pan so you can carry on doing other thingsHas anybody dealt with someone on chemo; what foods are best, my mother doesn’t have that much of an appetite and it worries me as she needs high calorie foods to keep her strong. The worst part is that she wants to eat and tries but she’s afraid of eating to much because she will throw it all up.
PomBstard said:
We're now in the final straight and the race has been won by Cancer once more. My aunt has decided that she has had enough and asked for all treatment to be stopped. She is a very strong-willed individual, but pain and immobility has got her. She has perhaps 4 weeks left.
In fact it was 18 days - she died last night. The end was very fast - Thursday a hospital bed was being arranged to be delivered to home to keep her comfortable, Saturday morning was apparently obvious there was nothing left in her tank. But, she was at home and surrounded by her family, which was how she wanted it to be - her terms.I've passed on all the helpful info from here - I'll catch up with my cousin tonight - thanks all
My best wishes to all those who are going through the scuffle with cancer, either as the patient, or as a close relative/friend. This is my third close encounter in about four years - its f
king relentless, and can just fk right offtrixical said:
When helping with a family member a few years back we used my egg boiler/poacher/omelette maker lots. A one egg omlet didn't overwhelm him visually but was pretty good for calories & protein. You could have some chopped veggies, cheese and cooked meat prepped in the fridge quite easily to add some flavour & colour. Mix it up in mug, set it going and you don't have to watch it like you would cooking it in a pan so you can carry on doing other things
Thanks for the help and thanks for the help from the previous posters. She had her first round on chemo on Monday and she’s doing very well, wouldn’t think it minus the small weight loss.
I'm in quite an awkward position...
I'm been helping the elderly neighbours of my mother (who is elderly herself) as he has terminal cancer with not long left to live.
Been doing shopping and collecting stuff for them, I'm happy to help where I can.
Problem is they don't have anyone else to help them, they don't have family and they don't really know any of their neighbours (which might be their fault as they don't appear to be very approachable people until you know them, which is when you realise they are actually very nice). Other neighbours moan about how miserable they are, but in reality, they are lovely.
Anyway, they will clearly need more and more doing or them as time goes on, taking to appointments and collecting stuff etc, and I know it's going to get beyond what I can realistically do. They aren't even my neighbours.
To make things worse, they have offered to gift me their car as a token of appreciation for helping them so far, but I can't accept a free car from a dying man, it's just not the right thing to do. Selfishly it also makes me think that accepting it would oblige me to do more and more for them, and to continue to do so after he has gone. I just can't do that. So the whole thing is getting pretty awkward. I want to help, but I don't want to feel obliged to help. Does that make sense?
I'm been helping the elderly neighbours of my mother (who is elderly herself) as he has terminal cancer with not long left to live.
Been doing shopping and collecting stuff for them, I'm happy to help where I can.
Problem is they don't have anyone else to help them, they don't have family and they don't really know any of their neighbours (which might be their fault as they don't appear to be very approachable people until you know them, which is when you realise they are actually very nice). Other neighbours moan about how miserable they are, but in reality, they are lovely.
Anyway, they will clearly need more and more doing or them as time goes on, taking to appointments and collecting stuff etc, and I know it's going to get beyond what I can realistically do. They aren't even my neighbours.
To make things worse, they have offered to gift me their car as a token of appreciation for helping them so far, but I can't accept a free car from a dying man, it's just not the right thing to do. Selfishly it also makes me think that accepting it would oblige me to do more and more for them, and to continue to do so after he has gone. I just can't do that. So the whole thing is getting pretty awkward. I want to help, but I don't want to feel obliged to help. Does that make sense?
Our elderly neighbour opposite - he's 90 - is now on his own and in poor health really. After his wife died of cancer 2 years ago, his family who are not well off, contacted the council to get some help. They found him a cleaner who comes once a week. They paid for a handrail to allow him to walk to the patient transport ambulance. He also contacted his GP who gave worthwhile advice. And as he too has cancer he has contacted Mcmillan who he says are great. https://www.macmillan.org.uk/
If one or any of those agencies can help, it may allow you to extricate yourself from the position you could find yourself in.
P.S. its refreshing to read of someone genuinely helping another and not looking for payment or a reward. Well done.
If one or any of those agencies can help, it may allow you to extricate yourself from the position you could find yourself in.
P.S. its refreshing to read of someone genuinely helping another and not looking for payment or a reward. Well done.
+1 Good on you for helping. 
By all means turn the car down (Go on, this is PH, what is it?) but they may now see it is a burden and you could be doing them a favour. She may not drive and it may look to them like one more hassle they could do without.
Macmillan and Social Services are both worth a shout if they need more input than you can give.
By all means turn the car down (Go on, this is PH, what is it?) but they may now see it is a burden and you could be doing them a favour. She may not drive and it may look to them like one more hassle they could do without.Macmillan and Social Services are both worth a shout if they need more input than you can give.
I will suggest McMillan to them, hopefully the hospital staff will have already done that.
I'm also uncomfortable with what others might wrongly assume, taking a perfectly good car from a dying man. Plus we have no need for another car at this time and it would mean selling ours, which I don't want to do. When the time comes I will offer to help them sell it, which might be the best way.
Here's the selfish part - by accepting the car I would feel that I could never turn down any request by the surviving wife and would feel obliged to be at her beck and call forever more - shopping trips, lifts to the garden centre, doctors appointments...etc. Whilst I will happily continue to help her, I want it to be my decision to do so, not through any feeling of obligation. Plus their emotions will no doubt be running high at a vulnerable stage o their lives, so probably not a rational decision to gift it to me?
If she was a foxy busty middle aged woman then obviously I would be only too willing to help, but sadly she's the wrong side of middle aged
I'm also uncomfortable with what others might wrongly assume, taking a perfectly good car from a dying man. Plus we have no need for another car at this time and it would mean selling ours, which I don't want to do. When the time comes I will offer to help them sell it, which might be the best way.
Here's the selfish part - by accepting the car I would feel that I could never turn down any request by the surviving wife and would feel obliged to be at her beck and call forever more - shopping trips, lifts to the garden centre, doctors appointments...etc. Whilst I will happily continue to help her, I want it to be my decision to do so, not through any feeling of obligation. Plus their emotions will no doubt be running high at a vulnerable stage o their lives, so probably not a rational decision to gift it to me?
If she was a foxy busty middle aged woman then obviously I would be only too willing to help, but sadly she's the wrong side of middle aged
Edited by LeadFarmer on Friday 19th February 19:58
LeadFarmer said:
I'm in quite an awkward position...
Do as much as you are able, but please for them, and you, get them as much help from Social Services and charities as you can, then step back slightly.I hope you don't think I'm being heartless, but currently, I have a wife and dad with cancer, and we need as much help as we can get, from who ever is offering it, and we are accepting as much as we can.
We, as a family, are also giving back as much as we can with various sponsored things that we can fit in.
This thread certainly puts things in perspective and thoughts to everyone effected by this terrible disease. I have my own story but that's for another day... But would value some advice..
My best mate was diagnosed in Feb 20 with stage 4 bowel cancer that has spread to the liver. To say I'm gutted is an understatement. He's 41 with two small kids.
Long year but they managed to stabilise the tumors in the hope they could shrink them before taking them out. Two types of chemo and some radiotherapy later and things are getting bigger not smaller. He also has nodules on his lungs
Today was a good day. Meant bending the covid guidance but he's well enough so we spent a couple of hours in the sunshine on our motorbikes. It was great
I try not to talk about cancer until he does as we've had that talk and he says he wants days like today to be normal and full of the usual piss taking etc. That I can do.
But when we do start to talk about the heavy stuff what do I say? Professionally I'm supposed to be someone who can communicate complex stuff to important people, but I'm stumped.. I don't want to dismiss anything or brush st off nor can I say it will be OK. I can empathise and tell him to stay positive but it doesn't seem enough.
I know I can't make it better and I just hope that going out and doing something that isn't treatment or cancer related helps in some way.
Any ideas?
My best mate was diagnosed in Feb 20 with stage 4 bowel cancer that has spread to the liver. To say I'm gutted is an understatement. He's 41 with two small kids.
Long year but they managed to stabilise the tumors in the hope they could shrink them before taking them out. Two types of chemo and some radiotherapy later and things are getting bigger not smaller. He also has nodules on his lungs
Today was a good day. Meant bending the covid guidance but he's well enough so we spent a couple of hours in the sunshine on our motorbikes. It was great
I try not to talk about cancer until he does as we've had that talk and he says he wants days like today to be normal and full of the usual piss taking etc. That I can do.
But when we do start to talk about the heavy stuff what do I say? Professionally I'm supposed to be someone who can communicate complex stuff to important people, but I'm stumped.. I don't want to dismiss anything or brush s
t off nor can I say it will be OK. I can empathise and tell him to stay positive but it doesn't seem enough.I know I can't make it better and I just hope that going out and doing something that isn't treatment or cancer related helps in some way.
Any ideas?
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