Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly
Discussion
oakdale said:
Mortgage_tom said:
I found I couldnt get my mum in for a CT any quicker by going private. Plenty of private CT's around, cost about £1k depending on area. NHS got us an appointment a day after I could have got one at a private facility. Even with the back log in the xray/CT scan departments brought on by covid.
Cancer is the one part of the NHS that moves very quickly once suspected.
I'd be intrested once Im a bit older getting an anual private scan, given my family history. Although I dont think its that simple as they need to know where to look.
There are risks associated with CT scans, the main one being.........cancer.Cancer is the one part of the NHS that moves very quickly once suspected.
I'd be intrested once Im a bit older getting an anual private scan, given my family history. Although I dont think its that simple as they need to know where to look.
Mortgage_tom said:
I found I couldnt get my mum in for a CT any quicker by going private. Plenty of private CT's around, cost about £1k depending on area. NHS got us an appointment a day after I could have got one at a private facility. Even with the back log in the xray/CT scan departments brought on by covid.
Cancer is the one part of the NHS that moves very quickly once suspected.
I'd be intrested once Im a bit older getting an anual private scan, given my family history. Although I dont think its that simple as they need to know where to look.
I read your previous post to the one I have quoted, horrible to read of your Mums health deterioration and I keep you both in my thoughts. I have no words, stay strong and keep Mum comfortable as best you can.Cancer is the one part of the NHS that moves very quickly once suspected.
I'd be intrested once Im a bit older getting an anual private scan, given my family history. Although I dont think its that simple as they need to know where to look.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Mortgage_tom said:
Cancer is the one part of the NHS that moves very quickly once suspected.
It certainly moves rapidly when cancer is confirmed. Getting it confirmed, not so much, in many parts of the country.After some suggestions with my Mothers care.
Tl;dr Short version, Mother not well & is there anybody that should coordinate her care apart from me?
Stage 4 bowl cancer, small in the bowl. Main tumors are in liver and lymph around stomach.
Finished chemo a month ago, immunotherapy starting in January. Date not confirmed
It seems we are in between treatments and on our own. When she had chemo she was seeing oncology every two weeks & they were great at managing her symptoms.
Since Christmas she hasn’t been well, I’ve tried contacting colo rectal nurse, and the chemo line, both were very good at going on for 30 minutes on how we should phone GP & a load of NHS politics I really don’t need to know. Each time had to wait hours for a call back to be told ring the other & then GP. Took days.
GP was good and got her in to see her. Was some concern her bowl may have a blockage. So sent to hospital, pre surgery ward. I wasn’t allowed to stay with her. So she spent 7 hours in a waiting room. Something about gall bladder inflamed… I collected her with a prescription which at 9pm New Year’s Eve took some time to get filled. Only to find it was for penicillin, which my Mother is allergic to. She says she told the nurse that checked her in and the first Doctor that saw her.
It’s feels like a total waste of time with everyone. A lot of contact with the NHS seems to go like this, 3 hours to get seen, 2 hrs for X-ray, 2 hrs to see doctor who doesn’t read notes & prescribes something she can’t have. It even takes another hour for that prescription to be passed on. All this time no food or water. Not a great day out for someone so unwell.
Patient welfare or outcome just doesn’t seem to be measured.
Mother phoned GP again, now going to be called for an ultrasound tomorrow I think. But GP says she doesn’t need antibiotics.
Bloods were done at the hospital visit but GP couldn’t see results. I suspect she might just be anemic…but what do I know.
So all efforts last week achieved nothing.
The issue is I’m off work and dealing with this as much as I can. But I’m not even sure what or who there is to help. I’m worried I can’t sustain being this hands on.
My Mum isn’t well enough to deal with it. She can’t seem to cope with when she can take another paracetamol for the pain without me asking her if she in pain and telling her when she last took one.
Is there any such thing as a care coordinator or something?
The NHS just seems to make a lot of people very very busy but not a lot really gets achieved.
Tl;dr Short version, Mother not well & is there anybody that should coordinate her care apart from me?
Stage 4 bowl cancer, small in the bowl. Main tumors are in liver and lymph around stomach.
Finished chemo a month ago, immunotherapy starting in January. Date not confirmed
It seems we are in between treatments and on our own. When she had chemo she was seeing oncology every two weeks & they were great at managing her symptoms.
Since Christmas she hasn’t been well, I’ve tried contacting colo rectal nurse, and the chemo line, both were very good at going on for 30 minutes on how we should phone GP & a load of NHS politics I really don’t need to know. Each time had to wait hours for a call back to be told ring the other & then GP. Took days.
GP was good and got her in to see her. Was some concern her bowl may have a blockage. So sent to hospital, pre surgery ward. I wasn’t allowed to stay with her. So she spent 7 hours in a waiting room. Something about gall bladder inflamed… I collected her with a prescription which at 9pm New Year’s Eve took some time to get filled. Only to find it was for penicillin, which my Mother is allergic to. She says she told the nurse that checked her in and the first Doctor that saw her.
It’s feels like a total waste of time with everyone. A lot of contact with the NHS seems to go like this, 3 hours to get seen, 2 hrs for X-ray, 2 hrs to see doctor who doesn’t read notes & prescribes something she can’t have. It even takes another hour for that prescription to be passed on. All this time no food or water. Not a great day out for someone so unwell.
Patient welfare or outcome just doesn’t seem to be measured.
Mother phoned GP again, now going to be called for an ultrasound tomorrow I think. But GP says she doesn’t need antibiotics.
Bloods were done at the hospital visit but GP couldn’t see results. I suspect she might just be anemic…but what do I know.
So all efforts last week achieved nothing.
The issue is I’m off work and dealing with this as much as I can. But I’m not even sure what or who there is to help. I’m worried I can’t sustain being this hands on.
My Mum isn’t well enough to deal with it. She can’t seem to cope with when she can take another paracetamol for the pain without me asking her if she in pain and telling her when she last took one.
Is there any such thing as a care coordinator or something?
The NHS just seems to make a lot of people very very busy but not a lot really gets achieved.
Edited by Mortgage_tom on Tuesday 4th January 16:29
Hi - really sorry to hear your mum's experience. Certainly doesn't sound ideal....
Does she have an allocated Macmillan nurse? For me that's always been the default person to contact (usually by e-mail) ever since she informed me of my original diagnosis in March 2020. It's still the same person now, for most things. I believe your mum should be able to provide consent for you to act on her behalf in discussing clinical matters.
I'm not a doctor, but from my personal experience only.....
I hate to ask, but what's the prognosis she's been given in terms of time left, subject to any specific changes in circumstances with the spread she's got?
If she's in a lot of pain now, and they're not finding specific causes for which there is a defined treatment, there's questions to be asked about what they are seeking to achieve with each new treatment when it does happen, and whether the extension in life expectancy vs any risks are worth the downside. My FIL had a significant amount of treatment after S4 diagnosis for skin cancer that was pretty much everywhere - his quality of life was significantly reduced by each treatment they gave him, but he clung on for 6 months despite being completely bed-ridden after failed surgery and radiotherapy resulted in a stroke. Looking back, he would probably have been much 'happier' to stick around for less time if he'd been able to maintain some dignity with the time he did have.
The downside to A&E and GPs is they basically try and treat what's in front of them, without looking at the whole picture (or having the necessary experience to do so).
If your mum isn't coping at home, and you can't provide the level of care she needs, there's a conversation to be had about what is available locally in terms of hospice support. Even short term that might offer you some respite and allow your mum to be looked after by people with the right experience until her condition is stabilised. That might not require admission, as there's usually community based nurse support if your mum is able to potter about the house without worries about her safety.
If you're really not happy with the level of care she's receiving then find the contact details for PALS within her NHS trust and make them aware. I've found them helpful (but not infallible!) in chasing consultants to make overdue requests for scans etc, and consultants don't want too many markers against their name from PALS as it can become a disciplinary issue for them.
Does she have an allocated Macmillan nurse? For me that's always been the default person to contact (usually by e-mail) ever since she informed me of my original diagnosis in March 2020. It's still the same person now, for most things. I believe your mum should be able to provide consent for you to act on her behalf in discussing clinical matters.
I'm not a doctor, but from my personal experience only.....
I hate to ask, but what's the prognosis she's been given in terms of time left, subject to any specific changes in circumstances with the spread she's got?
If she's in a lot of pain now, and they're not finding specific causes for which there is a defined treatment, there's questions to be asked about what they are seeking to achieve with each new treatment when it does happen, and whether the extension in life expectancy vs any risks are worth the downside. My FIL had a significant amount of treatment after S4 diagnosis for skin cancer that was pretty much everywhere - his quality of life was significantly reduced by each treatment they gave him, but he clung on for 6 months despite being completely bed-ridden after failed surgery and radiotherapy resulted in a stroke. Looking back, he would probably have been much 'happier' to stick around for less time if he'd been able to maintain some dignity with the time he did have.
The downside to A&E and GPs is they basically try and treat what's in front of them, without looking at the whole picture (or having the necessary experience to do so).
If your mum isn't coping at home, and you can't provide the level of care she needs, there's a conversation to be had about what is available locally in terms of hospice support. Even short term that might offer you some respite and allow your mum to be looked after by people with the right experience until her condition is stabilised. That might not require admission, as there's usually community based nurse support if your mum is able to potter about the house without worries about her safety.
If you're really not happy with the level of care she's receiving then find the contact details for PALS within her NHS trust and make them aware. I've found them helpful (but not infallible!) in chasing consultants to make overdue requests for scans etc, and consultants don't want too many markers against their name from PALS as it can become a disciplinary issue for them.
Thanks Adrain, thats a lot of help.
A prognosis in terms of time hasn’t been given, but I’m sure purely because she hasn’t asked. When she was initially diagnosed it didn’t look good, palliative care was talked about and we were given hospice contacts. But she reacted well to the chemotherapy, tumours of concern in liver stopped growing. She herself improved a lot over the chemotherapy so contact with hospice care stopped as soon as it started as it wasn’t needed, thankfully.
You’ve brought up something that I forgot to bring up and am confused about. I went through the same thing with my father 13 years ago, he had a Macmillan nurse who seemed too always be around. I can’t remember exactly, but I’m sure she visited every couple of weeks.
I don’t think it works like that anymore?
I will call Macmillan tomorrow and see if I can get some help from them.
A prognosis in terms of time hasn’t been given, but I’m sure purely because she hasn’t asked. When she was initially diagnosed it didn’t look good, palliative care was talked about and we were given hospice contacts. But she reacted well to the chemotherapy, tumours of concern in liver stopped growing. She herself improved a lot over the chemotherapy so contact with hospice care stopped as soon as it started as it wasn’t needed, thankfully.
You’ve brought up something that I forgot to bring up and am confused about. I went through the same thing with my father 13 years ago, he had a Macmillan nurse who seemed too always be around. I can’t remember exactly, but I’m sure she visited every couple of weeks.
I don’t think it works like that anymore?
I will call Macmillan tomorrow and see if I can get some help from them.
Mortgage_tom said:
Thanks Adrain, thats a lot of help.
A prognosis in terms of time hasn’t been given, but I’m sure purely because she hasn’t asked. When she was initially diagnosed it didn’t look good, palliative care was talked about and we were given hospice contacts. But she reacted well to the chemotherapy, tumours of concern in liver stopped growing. She herself improved a lot over the chemotherapy so contact with hospice care stopped as soon as it started as it wasn’t needed, thankfully.
You’ve brought up something that I forgot to bring up and am confused about. I went through the same thing with my father 13 years ago, he had a Macmillan nurse who seemed too always be around. I can’t remember exactly, but I’m sure she visited every couple of weeks.
I don’t think it works like that anymore?
I will call Macmillan tomorrow and see if I can get some help from them.
We've been through (are going through) this journey with my father and whilst the NHS and consultants have been great their reach and resources only go so far. They put us in touch with a local hospice who have been brilliant. They've been able to arrange home adaptions, district nurses, night carers etc and have always been on hand to answer any questions. If you have the contact details of a local one already I would get in touch with them, even if it's just to start a relationship with someone there. Best wishes, it's a turbulent journey. A prognosis in terms of time hasn’t been given, but I’m sure purely because she hasn’t asked. When she was initially diagnosed it didn’t look good, palliative care was talked about and we were given hospice contacts. But she reacted well to the chemotherapy, tumours of concern in liver stopped growing. She herself improved a lot over the chemotherapy so contact with hospice care stopped as soon as it started as it wasn’t needed, thankfully.
You’ve brought up something that I forgot to bring up and am confused about. I went through the same thing with my father 13 years ago, he had a Macmillan nurse who seemed too always be around. I can’t remember exactly, but I’m sure she visited every couple of weeks.
I don’t think it works like that anymore?
I will call Macmillan tomorrow and see if I can get some help from them.
Mortgage_tom said:
You’ve brought up something that I forgot to bring up and am confused about. I went through the same thing with my father 13 years ago, he had a Macmillan nurse who seemed too always be around. I can’t remember exactly, but I’m sure she visited every couple of weeks.
I don’t think it works like that anymore?
I will call Macmillan tomorrow and see if I can get some help from them.
When my FIL was being supported at home, he had the full range of home visits etc throughout. I've only physically met my Macmillan nurse once, just before the pandemic, when she presented me with my diagnosis and the 'what next'. Since then all contact has been remote, and I think that's only now changing back to in-person contact.I don’t think it works like that anymore?
I will call Macmillan tomorrow and see if I can get some help from them.
The Macmillan staff are usually embedded within the trust, so you can sometimes struggle to figure out who is being paid by the local trust, and who is there being paid by Macmillan. I had one Macmillan nurse allocated for each of the 2 specialist areas (so far!) that I've needed support from - bowel, and liver. It may well be that one of the many people you've already come into contact with is 'the one' that should be your single point of contact, but sounds like it's never been clear. Makes you wonder how the trust is rated by the CQC for the services you're interacting with? There are some real problems out there.....
JC06 said:
We've been through (are going through) this journey with my father and whilst the NHS and consultants have been great their reach and resources only go so far. They put us in touch with a local hospice who have been brilliant. They've been able to arrange home adaptions, district nurses, night carers etc and have always been on hand to answer any questions. If you have the contact details of a local one already I would get in touch with them, even if it's just to start a relationship with someone there.
I wholeheartedly endorse this. Hospice doctors and nurses are specialists in the sort of support, treatment and care that people with serious and advanced illnesses need. Also, be aware that hospices aren't just places one goes to die. Sometimes people go into a hospice just for a week or two, so the hospice team can get their pain or other symptoms under control. It can be like a holiday for a seriously sick person (and for their family!).
Finally, I recommend finding a good, friendly, supportive local pharmacist.
Long post, but some incredible work has seen my wife take the upper hand. She's 43 - I might have said she was 43 last year, don't tell her!
Blood clot (Pulmonary Embolism) - possibly the body's way of flagging something was wrong. During covid so the lack of face-to-face appointments resulted in an additional scan to see why it remained painful. Usually a PE is one scan then treatment so, for that, we are grateful.
Second scan showed something else, somewhere else (also referred themselves to medical standards people as with hindsight there was possibly a shadow even on the first scan). Biopsies, CT/PET scans etc. Likely diagnosed as Thym1c Carc1noma (intentional typo to deflect google hits). Stage 4, told surgery not an option (also told surgery wouldn't have been an option had it been picked up after the first scan). 2 cycles of chemo saw a response, 2 further cycles no real change. Chemo hit my wife hard, including hospitalisations on occasions and bringing menopause - a few paragraphs doesn't really reflect the battle.
But in the MDT meetings a surgeon thought she could de-bulk the mass. Surgery. Home after just 4 nights - amazing as open surgery. They were able to remove much of the accessible mass, there were areas up in the neck they couldn't get to and bits of infected tissue attached to the great veins too risky to remove. As a procedure it went as well as they could have hoped. It was also the first time diagnosis was confirmed - although also another type of cancer in there, the less rare type of thymus cancers - but concentrate on the nasty one not playing ball. Scans would show the results.
7 weeks later scans showed the cancer had already grown back into the void left from surgery.
Have to say at this point we had a PICC line fitted (semi-permanent cannula) which was a game-changer. Doctors have always struggled to get veins for bloods/tests/scans - one day a planning scan didn't happen as 8 attempts that took all day across different departments and staff all failed to get a vein (thick walls of veins apparently). My wife has become more and more needle-phobic as a result of this.
Moved into a stage of radiotherapy alongside chemo - f
k me that was tough on her. Daily trips to Oxford (~hour each way), some days 2 x radiotherapy on same day (6 hours apart) other days chemo all day chemo with radiotherapy after. She was the highest category radiotherapy patient which was scary & welcome at the same time - she was always the next patient in the machine, no matter the delays elsewhere or her arrival time - we felt guilty and grateful often.
It took it's toll on me and I was a glorified taxi driver, it must have been incredibly tough on my wife.
Finished about 9 weeks ago, scanned last week, consultant meeting yesterday.
We were waiting outside her office and the consultant came out, followed by a Macmillan nurse. My wife looked at me, sheer terror in her eyes "why is she here!?" Genuinely thought this might be moving into an end-of-life care scenario. Floods of tears, we went in.
Consultant's first words. "why are you crying? it's good news!" Cue even more tears!
So, they're really pleased with how radiotherapy went. The bits that surgery couldn't remove appear to have been zapped, the stuff that grew into the void after surgery seems to have been zapped. There is still some soft tissue to monitor. We are unlikely to ever be free of this but, for now at least, we seem to have the upper hand.
fk you cancer you fking fk.
Blood clot (Pulmonary Embolism) - possibly the body's way of flagging something was wrong. During covid so the lack of face-to-face appointments resulted in an additional scan to see why it remained painful. Usually a PE is one scan then treatment so, for that, we are grateful.
Second scan showed something else, somewhere else (also referred themselves to medical standards people as with hindsight there was possibly a shadow even on the first scan). Biopsies, CT/PET scans etc. Likely diagnosed as Thym1c Carc1noma (intentional typo to deflect google hits). Stage 4, told surgery not an option (also told surgery wouldn't have been an option had it been picked up after the first scan). 2 cycles of chemo saw a response, 2 further cycles no real change. Chemo hit my wife hard, including hospitalisations on occasions and bringing menopause - a few paragraphs doesn't really reflect the battle.
But in the MDT meetings a surgeon thought she could de-bulk the mass. Surgery. Home after just 4 nights - amazing as open surgery. They were able to remove much of the accessible mass, there were areas up in the neck they couldn't get to and bits of infected tissue attached to the great veins too risky to remove. As a procedure it went as well as they could have hoped. It was also the first time diagnosis was confirmed - although also another type of cancer in there, the less rare type of thymus cancers - but concentrate on the nasty one not playing ball. Scans would show the results.
7 weeks later scans showed the cancer had already grown back into the void left from surgery.
Have to say at this point we had a PICC line fitted (semi-permanent cannula) which was a game-changer. Doctors have always struggled to get veins for bloods/tests/scans - one day a planning scan didn't happen as 8 attempts that took all day across different departments and staff all failed to get a vein (thick walls of veins apparently). My wife has become more and more needle-phobic as a result of this.
Moved into a stage of radiotherapy alongside chemo - f
k me that was tough on her. Daily trips to Oxford (~hour each way), some days 2 x radiotherapy on same day (6 hours apart) other days chemo all day chemo with radiotherapy after. She was the highest category radiotherapy patient which was scary & welcome at the same time - she was always the next patient in the machine, no matter the delays elsewhere or her arrival time - we felt guilty and grateful often. It took it's toll on me and I was a glorified taxi driver, it must have been incredibly tough on my wife.
Finished about 9 weeks ago, scanned last week, consultant meeting yesterday.
We were waiting outside her office and the consultant came out, followed by a Macmillan nurse. My wife looked at me, sheer terror in her eyes "why is she here!?" Genuinely thought this might be moving into an end-of-life care scenario. Floods of tears, we went in.
Consultant's first words. "why are you crying? it's good news!" Cue even more tears!
So, they're really pleased with how radiotherapy went. The bits that surgery couldn't remove appear to have been zapped, the stuff that grew into the void after surgery seems to have been zapped. There is still some soft tissue to monitor. We are unlikely to ever be free of this but, for now at least, we seem to have the upper hand.
f
k you cancer you fking fk. Sounds a real horror story in terms of initial diagnosis, and not without very good reason by the sounds of it. I've often found the treatment harder to deal with than the disease while you're having it, then the blessing of being off treatment for a bit to give yourself some chance to recover 'normality'
Do the surgeons think they can deal with what grows back without being in palliative care at this point, or do you and your wife have to accept this is 'disease management' and they can't get rid of it?
I had a TIA (minor stroke) which is now thought to have been a result of the cancer buggering about between my various organs - but at no point then did anyone suggest anything other than a brain MRI and a chest x-ray.......it was about a month later that my initial cancer symptoms appeared and probably another 3 months before first surgery.
I hope you and your wife get to have some good times inbetween treatments - it really is hard on partners as well, and it's definitely a marathon rather than a sprint.
I can't remember how long ago I last posted that I was in remission, but that didn't last more than 4 months. I had what I hope is my last round of chemo (that's x3 rounds of 6 fortnightly treatments) yesterday. I also have had a picc line the last 2 times (the initial chemo I had with IV and pills didn't work, but this later stuff seems to work, albeit with nastier side effects) and it's a real blessing apart from having to get it flushed every week if it's not being used. Was hoping it would come out on Sunday, when they take the chemo pump off, but apparently there's a 7th appt in their diary for me to have more chemo, but my oncologist was on leave yesterday so nobody could find out if that was precautionary in case one of my cycles was delayed......
I'm due a 3rd liver section next month, assuming my CT and MRI indicate all is as they expect, in addition to my initial 6" bowel section, then they're after a chunk of my lung too......
Sorry to bang on about myself - us cancer patients tend to get a bit insular and focussed on our own struggles, whilst hopefully being able to supply a bit of meaningful support
Adrian
Do the surgeons think they can deal with what grows back without being in palliative care at this point, or do you and your wife have to accept this is 'disease management' and they can't get rid of it?
I had a TIA (minor stroke) which is now thought to have been a result of the cancer buggering about between my various organs - but at no point then did anyone suggest anything other than a brain MRI and a chest x-ray.......it was about a month later that my initial cancer symptoms appeared and probably another 3 months before first surgery.
I hope you and your wife get to have some good times inbetween treatments - it really is hard on partners as well, and it's definitely a marathon rather than a sprint.
I can't remember how long ago I last posted that I was in remission, but that didn't last more than 4 months. I had what I hope is my last round of chemo (that's x3 rounds of 6 fortnightly treatments) yesterday. I also have had a picc line the last 2 times (the initial chemo I had with IV and pills didn't work, but this later stuff seems to work, albeit with nastier side effects) and it's a real blessing apart from having to get it flushed every week if it's not being used. Was hoping it would come out on Sunday, when they take the chemo pump off, but apparently there's a 7th appt in their diary for me to have more chemo, but my oncologist was on leave yesterday so nobody could find out if that was precautionary in case one of my cycles was delayed......
I'm due a 3rd liver section next month, assuming my CT and MRI indicate all is as they expect, in addition to my initial 6" bowel section, then they're after a chunk of my lung too......
Sorry to bang on about myself - us cancer patients tend to get a bit insular and focussed on our own struggles, whilst hopefully being able to supply a bit of meaningful support
Adrian
Well I knew this day was coming, my mam has been told today that there’s now nothing that can be done and she has weeks rather than months left.
She started off with a tumour on her kidney about 3.5 years ago and had one removed. That was it as far as the docks were concerned, no need for any chemo etc. About a year later they found the cancer had spread and put her on immunotherapy which seemed to keep it at bay really well for about 2 years. They then announced that they were stopping that and putting her on chemo tablets (I suspect a financial decision but will never know) and to be honest it’s been downhill since then.
I haven’t really noticed how downhill as I see her almost every day but now it’s obvious, I had noticed her having a cough over the last few weeks. That’s been the cancer now in her lungs taking over. She’s lost about 30kg in weight and is now a lot less mobile.
I knew it was coming but I still feel devastated and strangely numb at the same time. God knows what my dad is going to do
She started off with a tumour on her kidney about 3.5 years ago and had one removed. That was it as far as the docks were concerned, no need for any chemo etc. About a year later they found the cancer had spread and put her on immunotherapy which seemed to keep it at bay really well for about 2 years. They then announced that they were stopping that and putting her on chemo tablets (I suspect a financial decision but will never know) and to be honest it’s been downhill since then.
I haven’t really noticed how downhill as I see her almost every day but now it’s obvious, I had noticed her having a cough over the last few weeks. That’s been the cancer now in her lungs taking over. She’s lost about 30kg in weight and is now a lot less mobile.
I knew it was coming but I still feel devastated and strangely numb at the same time. God knows what my dad is going to do
ED209 said:
Well I knew this day was coming, my mam has been told today that there’s now nothing that can be done and she has weeks rather than months left.
She started off with a tumour on her kidney about 3.5 years ago and had one removed. That was it as far as the docks were concerned, no need for any chemo etc. About a year later they found the cancer had spread and put her on immunotherapy which seemed to keep it at bay really well for about 2 years. They then announced that they were stopping that and putting her on chemo tablets (I suspect a financial decision but will never know) and to be honest it’s been downhill since then.
I haven’t really noticed how downhill as I see her almost every day but now it’s obvious, I had noticed her having a cough over the last few weeks. That’s been the cancer now in her lungs taking over. She’s lost about 30kg in weight and is now a lot less mobile.
I knew it was coming but I still feel devastated and strangely numb at the same time. God knows what my dad is going to do
Sorry to read this Ed . It’s an awful disease to see someone with . She started off with a tumour on her kidney about 3.5 years ago and had one removed. That was it as far as the docks were concerned, no need for any chemo etc. About a year later they found the cancer had spread and put her on immunotherapy which seemed to keep it at bay really well for about 2 years. They then announced that they were stopping that and putting her on chemo tablets (I suspect a financial decision but will never know) and to be honest it’s been downhill since then.
I haven’t really noticed how downhill as I see her almost every day but now it’s obvious, I had noticed her having a cough over the last few weeks. That’s been the cancer now in her lungs taking over. She’s lost about 30kg in weight and is now a lot less mobile.
I knew it was coming but I still feel devastated and strangely numb at the same time. God knows what my dad is going to do
I’d be the same with concerns for a father left behind .
How old is he ? Can he join a local community group or a club of some description ?
Him seeing people will be important going forward .
For now spend as much time as you can with your mother .
Sorry again
GT3Manthey said:
Sorry to read this Ed . It’s an awful disease to see someone with .
I’d be the same with concerns for a father left behind .
How old is he ? Can he join a local community group or a club of some description ?
Him seeing people will be important going forward .
For now spend as much time as you can with your mother .
Sorry again
Thanks. She is 72 next month and he is 78. Been together 52 years. Thing is he won’t talk about it, it’s just the way he is. I only wish he would talk about how he is feeling. I’d be the same with concerns for a father left behind .
How old is he ? Can he join a local community group or a club of some description ?
Him seeing people will be important going forward .
For now spend as much time as you can with your mother .
Sorry again
My step dad was diagnosed with cancer a couple years ago, he's now passed on, but when I talked to him to give him my sympathy and advised he take it easy he said "bks, I'm going to take Tim's advice". He then played me a country and western song and followed through. Spent all his money and partied to the very end.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PgIygaIjZA
I was in my early 40s,
With a lot of life before me,
And a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days
Lookin' at the X-rays,
Talkin' 'bout the options
And talkin' 'bout sweet time."
I asked him, "When it sank in that this might really be the real end,
How's it hit you, when you get that kind of news?"
Man what'd you do?"
And he said,
"I went sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
And he said, "Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying."
He said, "I was finally the husband
That most the time I wasn't,
And I became a friend a friend would like to have.
And all of a sudden goin' fishing
Wasn't such an imposition.
And I went three times that year I lost my dad.
Well I finally read the good book,
And I took a good long hard look
At what I'd do if I could do it all again.
And then...
I went sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
And he said, "Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying."
Like tomorrow was a gift
And you've got eternity
To think about what you'd do with it,
What did you do with it,
What can I do with it,
What would I do with it.
Sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'.
And he said, "Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'."
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
ks, I'm going to take Tim's advice". He then played me a country and western song and followed through. Spent all his money and partied to the very end.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PgIygaIjZA
I was in my early 40s,
With a lot of life before me,
And a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days
Lookin' at the X-rays,
Talkin' 'bout the options
And talkin' 'bout sweet time."
I asked him, "When it sank in that this might really be the real end,
How's it hit you, when you get that kind of news?"
Man what'd you do?"
And he said,
"I went sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
And he said, "Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying."
He said, "I was finally the husband
That most the time I wasn't,
And I became a friend a friend would like to have.
And all of a sudden goin' fishing
Wasn't such an imposition.
And I went three times that year I lost my dad.
Well I finally read the good book,
And I took a good long hard look
At what I'd do if I could do it all again.
And then...
I went sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
And he said, "Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying."
Like tomorrow was a gift
And you've got eternity
To think about what you'd do with it,
What did you do with it,
What can I do with it,
What would I do with it.
Sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'.
And he said, "Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dyin'."
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
ED209 said:
Thanks. She is 72 next month and he is 78. Been together 52 years. Thing is he won’t talk about it, it’s just the way he is. I only wish he would talk about how he is feeling.
I see , tricky one . Do all you can to try and make sure he doesn’t just fall into his shell and give up . I’ve seen it Happen .
I’m no expert but there might be a support group locally that will visit him and keep an eye on him .
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