Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly
Discussion
The problem with the NHS is that outcomes so often seem extremely polarised, either woeful in the extreme or world class, and it seems like luck of the draw as to which end of the spectrum you experience. My nephew's cancer story so far epitomises both.
A fit healthy 19 year old made repeated GP appointments last year for what seemed like recurring viral throat infections and swelling. It seemed like every time he was dismissed and told to eat strepsils.
Fast forward to 3 months ago, it's getting steadily worse and eventually he ends up in a district hospital where it seems to be going down the same path (sent home) until some concerned clinician makes the right call and he ends up in front of a consultant PDQ.
That's the woeful bit. Getting early onset of a condition recognised and swiftly referred for the relevant expertise.
On proper examination his whole throat is riddled with cancer. He has various biopsy's including bone marrow and it turns out he has an extremely rare aggressive leukaemia. Literally within 36 hours of being told to go home with a sore throat, he's on a ventilator in a forced coma undergoing emergency chemo just to try and open his throat up so he can breath whilst they work out how to attack the leukaemia itself. They didn't have time to refer the lad to fertility to harvest sperm cells because that would have involved waiting until Monday morning and on the Saturday night we really did think we were going to lose him.
Now he's in the right hands and they have acted promptly to literally save his life, the world class bit takes over. His care plan is now the subject of international collaboration between cancer specialists in the UK, Europe and US. He's trying pioneering treatment that allegedly wouldn't have even existed 3 years ago. His long term chances were put at barely 20% but they assure him they are treating to cure not just to prolong life.
3 months later he's just messaged me this week to give an update that he is starting his third most aggressive session of chemo over the next 5 weeks, at which point he's being prepared for a stem cell transplant from his sister (younger) who in a stroke of extremely good fortune has been tested and proven a perfect donor match. I understand the side effects of the treatment he's having are severe on many levels including deterioration of eyesight, he's on steriods, obviously his hair went a long time ago and he's a fraction of his former strength, but he's surviving so far.
In an absolute best case scenario, assuming everything goes to plan and he survives, he's on a 2 year treatment / rehabilitation plan. There's a 40% chance the transplant isn't successful in which case it's simply game over.
I find it hard to reconcile the extreme polarity in his treatment experience. On one hand he was steadily dismissed with early indications of cancer and taken to the point of near death before it's officially recognised, on the other he's now the subject of a world class care plan and treatments that very few people could privately afford. How do we fix that? My own direct experience has been somewhat similar with the result I have permanent cauda equina syndrome because the low level guys in A&E couldn't bring themselves to make the call to the world class spinal unit just up the road which had all the resources just sitting there waiting to be engaged. Obviously that isn't a patch on what my nephew is currently going through, but the principle of missed diagnosis at the lower level of the system, is the same.
Two other cancer tales to compare, by coincidence, my mate's dad and my own father in law both around the same sort of time last year were referred for investigation of lumps in their necks. Both turned out to be metastasised lung cancer. I appreciate every cancer is different but there were a lot of similarities based on what my mate told me about his Dad's case. The difference in treatment wasn't similar though. My mate's Dad had cancellation after cancellation during the second half of last year right from the early onset through to when he should have been having treatments for it. My father in law on the other hand, had a much more rapid diagnosis and commencement of treatment. My mate's dad has now been given 6 months best case whereas my father in law, whilst not in complete remission, seems likely at least to have a number of years left.
The difference, some bizarre postcode lottery? No, my mate's Dad is being cared for by the NHS and my father in law is based in Serbia with a national GDP a fraction of the size of the NHS annual budget and average income of about £5k per year yet still manages to achieve a much more prompt escalation of diagnosis and treatment.
A fit healthy 19 year old made repeated GP appointments last year for what seemed like recurring viral throat infections and swelling. It seemed like every time he was dismissed and told to eat strepsils.
Fast forward to 3 months ago, it's getting steadily worse and eventually he ends up in a district hospital where it seems to be going down the same path (sent home) until some concerned clinician makes the right call and he ends up in front of a consultant PDQ.
That's the woeful bit. Getting early onset of a condition recognised and swiftly referred for the relevant expertise.
On proper examination his whole throat is riddled with cancer. He has various biopsy's including bone marrow and it turns out he has an extremely rare aggressive leukaemia. Literally within 36 hours of being told to go home with a sore throat, he's on a ventilator in a forced coma undergoing emergency chemo just to try and open his throat up so he can breath whilst they work out how to attack the leukaemia itself. They didn't have time to refer the lad to fertility to harvest sperm cells because that would have involved waiting until Monday morning and on the Saturday night we really did think we were going to lose him.
Now he's in the right hands and they have acted promptly to literally save his life, the world class bit takes over. His care plan is now the subject of international collaboration between cancer specialists in the UK, Europe and US. He's trying pioneering treatment that allegedly wouldn't have even existed 3 years ago. His long term chances were put at barely 20% but they assure him they are treating to cure not just to prolong life.
3 months later he's just messaged me this week to give an update that he is starting his third most aggressive session of chemo over the next 5 weeks, at which point he's being prepared for a stem cell transplant from his sister (younger) who in a stroke of extremely good fortune has been tested and proven a perfect donor match. I understand the side effects of the treatment he's having are severe on many levels including deterioration of eyesight, he's on steriods, obviously his hair went a long time ago and he's a fraction of his former strength, but he's surviving so far.
In an absolute best case scenario, assuming everything goes to plan and he survives, he's on a 2 year treatment / rehabilitation plan. There's a 40% chance the transplant isn't successful in which case it's simply game over.
I find it hard to reconcile the extreme polarity in his treatment experience. On one hand he was steadily dismissed with early indications of cancer and taken to the point of near death before it's officially recognised, on the other he's now the subject of a world class care plan and treatments that very few people could privately afford. How do we fix that? My own direct experience has been somewhat similar with the result I have permanent cauda equina syndrome because the low level guys in A&E couldn't bring themselves to make the call to the world class spinal unit just up the road which had all the resources just sitting there waiting to be engaged. Obviously that isn't a patch on what my nephew is currently going through, but the principle of missed diagnosis at the lower level of the system, is the same.
Two other cancer tales to compare, by coincidence, my mate's dad and my own father in law both around the same sort of time last year were referred for investigation of lumps in their necks. Both turned out to be metastasised lung cancer. I appreciate every cancer is different but there were a lot of similarities based on what my mate told me about his Dad's case. The difference in treatment wasn't similar though. My mate's Dad had cancellation after cancellation during the second half of last year right from the early onset through to when he should have been having treatments for it. My father in law on the other hand, had a much more rapid diagnosis and commencement of treatment. My mate's dad has now been given 6 months best case whereas my father in law, whilst not in complete remission, seems likely at least to have a number of years left.
The difference, some bizarre postcode lottery? No, my mate's Dad is being cared for by the NHS and my father in law is based in Serbia with a national GDP a fraction of the size of the NHS annual budget and average income of about £5k per year yet still manages to achieve a much more prompt escalation of diagnosis and treatment.
Edited by theboss on Sunday 29th May 12:01
Your nephews tale is terrifying and sending you and him all the best, hope he makes it. I’m currently living a scenario which has the potential to be similar, hopefully not. I swallowed some water during some training I was doing earlier this year and for days I was blowing pool water out of my nose. Just afterwards I noticed a lump on my neck that seemed to move around a bit. I had my annual pilot medical booked the next week and showed it to my doc, who couldn’t have been less concerned and said it was a viral infection from the pool and would go away.
Fast forward a crazy two months or so, the lump has moved around a bit but is still there. I go to see my gp who has the same diagnosis, says it’s really nothing to worry about but let’s get an ultrasound done, no rush. I mention I have private medical cover and she said we’ll go straight to a consultant. This takes about a month to organise and fast forward to two weeks ago when I have an endoscopy and he finds an enlarged tonsil and tells me it can only realistically be cancer.
Had the MRI with dye for 40 mins and an ultrasound guided biopsy on Friday. I’m sore as hell, bricking it and still have to wait another week and a half for my results through the private consultant. Whole thing has taken about 4 months sofar.
Fast forward a crazy two months or so, the lump has moved around a bit but is still there. I go to see my gp who has the same diagnosis, says it’s really nothing to worry about but let’s get an ultrasound done, no rush. I mention I have private medical cover and she said we’ll go straight to a consultant. This takes about a month to organise and fast forward to two weeks ago when I have an endoscopy and he finds an enlarged tonsil and tells me it can only realistically be cancer.
Had the MRI with dye for 40 mins and an ultrasound guided biopsy on Friday. I’m sore as hell, bricking it and still have to wait another week and a half for my results through the private consultant. Whole thing has taken about 4 months sofar.
Siko said:
Your nephews tale is terrifying and sending you and him all the best, hope he makes it. I’m currently living a scenario which has the potential to be similar, hopefully not. I swallowed some water during some training I was doing earlier this year and for days I was blowing pool water out of my nose. Just afterwards I noticed a lump on my neck that seemed to move around a bit. I had my annual pilot medical booked the next week and showed it to my doc, who couldn’t have been less concerned and said it was a viral infection from the pool and would go away.
Fast forward a crazy two months or so, the lump has moved around a bit but is still there. I go to see my gp who has the same diagnosis, says it’s really nothing to worry about but let’s get an ultrasound done, no rush. I mention I have private medical cover and she said we’ll go straight to a consultant. This takes about a month to organise and fast forward to two weeks ago when I have an endoscopy and he finds an enlarged tonsil and tells me it can only realistically be cancer.
Had the MRI with dye for 40 mins and an ultrasound guided biopsy on Friday. I’m sore as hell, bricking it and still have to wait another week and a half for my results through the private consultant. Whole thing has taken about 4 months sofar.
Best of luck to you also, here's hoping for the best possible outcome and a reassuringly positive set of results. Keep us posted.Fast forward a crazy two months or so, the lump has moved around a bit but is still there. I go to see my gp who has the same diagnosis, says it’s really nothing to worry about but let’s get an ultrasound done, no rush. I mention I have private medical cover and she said we’ll go straight to a consultant. This takes about a month to organise and fast forward to two weeks ago when I have an endoscopy and he finds an enlarged tonsil and tells me it can only realistically be cancer.
Had the MRI with dye for 40 mins and an ultrasound guided biopsy on Friday. I’m sore as hell, bricking it and still have to wait another week and a half for my results through the private consultant. Whole thing has taken about 4 months sofar.
Siko said:
Your nephews tale is terrifying and sending you and him all the best, hope he makes it. I’m currently living a scenario which has the potential to be similar, hopefully not. I swallowed some water during some training I was doing earlier this year and for days I was blowing pool water out of my nose. Just afterwards I noticed a lump on my neck that seemed to move around a bit. I had my annual pilot medical booked the next week and showed it to my doc, who couldn’t have been less concerned and said it was a viral infection from the pool and would go away.
Fast forward a crazy two months or so, the lump has moved around a bit but is still there. I go to see my gp who has the same diagnosis, says it’s really nothing to worry about but let’s get an ultrasound done, no rush. I mention I have private medical cover and she said we’ll go straight to a consultant. This takes about a month to organise and fast forward to two weeks ago when I have an endoscopy and he finds an enlarged tonsil and tells me it can only realistically be cancer.
Had the MRI with dye for 40 mins and an ultrasound guided biopsy on Friday. I’m sore as hell, bricking it and still have to wait another week and a half for my results through the private consultant. Whole thing has taken about 4 months sofar.
Thinking of you Siko and sending best wishes and positive thoughts Fast forward a crazy two months or so, the lump has moved around a bit but is still there. I go to see my gp who has the same diagnosis, says it’s really nothing to worry about but let’s get an ultrasound done, no rush. I mention I have private medical cover and she said we’ll go straight to a consultant. This takes about a month to organise and fast forward to two weeks ago when I have an endoscopy and he finds an enlarged tonsil and tells me it can only realistically be cancer.
Had the MRI with dye for 40 mins and an ultrasound guided biopsy on Friday. I’m sore as hell, bricking it and still have to wait another week and a half for my results through the private consultant. Whole thing has taken about 4 months sofar.
Lots of cancers are beatable or manageable.
When I was in the Maggie's centre (charity for such things/support, often in the grounds of hospitals), there was a chap came in who recognised one of the volunteers from 20 years ago!
Glass half empty says he's back having treatment. Glass half full says he's had a lot of good years with the upper hand/clear.
Funeral Tuesday. Step-uncle if there is such a thing. 58, cancer, body rejected a bone marrow transplant.
A year ago Macmillan told me I need to have plans in place for life as a lone parent (& I do). No one knew timescales so no one even suggested one. But we're still fighting, she's gone back to work after a year of treatment, making plans, picnic today with family.
Everyone said she'd want a holiday, but all she craved was a day where she felt in control, not doctors or nurses or consultants.
When I was in the Maggie's centre (charity for such things/support, often in the grounds of hospitals), there was a chap came in who recognised one of the volunteers from 20 years ago!
Glass half empty says he's back having treatment. Glass half full says he's had a lot of good years with the upper hand/clear.
Funeral Tuesday. Step-uncle if there is such a thing. 58, cancer, body rejected a bone marrow transplant.
A year ago Macmillan told me I need to have plans in place for life as a lone parent (& I do). No one knew timescales so no one even suggested one. But we're still fighting, she's gone back to work after a year of treatment, making plans, picnic today with family.
Everyone said she'd want a holiday, but all she craved was a day where she felt in control, not doctors or nurses or consultants.
Siko said:
Well it is tonsil/lymph node cancer for me, early stage and treatable - still need to do a CT scan to see if it has spread but told it would be very unlikely. will be having an op in the next month and then chemo/radiotherapy.
It sounds like they've caught it in good time. Best wishes Siko, please keep us updated with how you're doing.Siko said:
Well it is tonsil/lymph node cancer for me, early stage and treatable - still need to do a CT scan to see if it has spread but told it would be very unlikely. will be having an op in the next month and then chemo/radiotherapy.
Encouraging news! Good to hear you are being well looked after.
He was 88 and had been fighting it off since 2011. He found out a few weeks ago that it was back and had spread to his lymph nodes. He refused treatment and passed away in his bed this afternoon pumped full of morphine. Never in a million years did I ever think that I would have any meaningful input to this thread. There is no history of cancer in my family, and I am reasonably(!) young and healthy.
I am a long-term poster but this is a second account, because I have elected to keep my situation known to only a very small number of people.
I also have no idea why I am posting this. I have written it, deleted it, written it again....Anyway....
A few months ago I noticed something not quite right with one of my testicles. It was much "firmer" than normal.
A quick Doctor Google indicated that it could be nothing but could be something. I presumed it would be nothing. I felt (and have felt throughout) absolutely fine.
Completely out of character I did something about it, and was able to see a GP a week or so later. She wasn't sure what was going on.
Unfortunately that was where the NHS fell over, and whilst I was put on a two-week referral, at the end of two weeks I was told that there were no appointments and they didn't know when there would be. By this stage I was in a bit of a state and that news was devastating. I am fortunate that I have private health cover with work and I got in touch with them. A week later I was seeing a consultant, who within about two seconds concluded that it was highly likely that I had testicular cancer and that he could operate a week later.
I am not ashamed to admit that I was absolutely stunned and hugely upset. I was immediately taken off for blood tests and given plenty of information, all of which went in one ear and out of the other.
I had arrange to meet some mates at the pub straight afterwards, so I sat through the evening as if nothing was wrong, laughing and joking, whilst at the same time wondering how I would tell my wife.....It was bizarre. I held it together for about 10 seconds when I got home.
Although I had the best of care, the following days and weeks have been highly stressful. The blood tests were clear, a CT test was largely clear except one area of concern (a subsequent PT scan gave me the all clear - a massive relief). I had the op a week after the first consultation. I am still processing what has happened, but feel that I have been radically put out of kilter. I am told that I will get used to this in due course but that feels a long way off. It upsets me that I do not feel like myself.
I now have a difficult decision to make as to whether to have a single round of chemotherapy to "sweep up" any baddies that might have escaped, or just have surveillance. I would be interested to know if anyone else has faced the same decision? The chemotherapy would reduce the risk of recurrence from circa 20% to 2-3%. However on that basis there is an 80% chance that I am cured and I do not need any treatment. The advice for me is that the decision is finely balanced. I have to make it soon.
I could ramble on and on about the impact that this has had on me. That would, however, be very self indulgent and probably unhelpful for others. Moreover, I am aware that I am actually incredibly lucky. It was caught early, is completely curable, and compared to others I have had a very easy ride so far.
In my limited experience - and for anyone reading this - I would say two things. Firstly, you know if something is up, so do something about it. There was a period of time in my teenage years where having so many people get their hands on my balls would have been an achievement. Secondly, take 10 minutes to double check critical illness/income protection/life insurance policies just to check that you are covered. Knowing that will remove a significant layer of stress should the worst happen. A particular low point was logging in to my work computer at 3am to try and be sure that we would be OK financially should the news be bad or get worse.
I am a long-term poster but this is a second account, because I have elected to keep my situation known to only a very small number of people.
I also have no idea why I am posting this. I have written it, deleted it, written it again....Anyway....
A few months ago I noticed something not quite right with one of my testicles. It was much "firmer" than normal.
A quick Doctor Google indicated that it could be nothing but could be something. I presumed it would be nothing. I felt (and have felt throughout) absolutely fine.
Completely out of character I did something about it, and was able to see a GP a week or so later. She wasn't sure what was going on.
Unfortunately that was where the NHS fell over, and whilst I was put on a two-week referral, at the end of two weeks I was told that there were no appointments and they didn't know when there would be. By this stage I was in a bit of a state and that news was devastating. I am fortunate that I have private health cover with work and I got in touch with them. A week later I was seeing a consultant, who within about two seconds concluded that it was highly likely that I had testicular cancer and that he could operate a week later.
I am not ashamed to admit that I was absolutely stunned and hugely upset. I was immediately taken off for blood tests and given plenty of information, all of which went in one ear and out of the other.
I had arrange to meet some mates at the pub straight afterwards, so I sat through the evening as if nothing was wrong, laughing and joking, whilst at the same time wondering how I would tell my wife.....It was bizarre. I held it together for about 10 seconds when I got home.
Although I had the best of care, the following days and weeks have been highly stressful. The blood tests were clear, a CT test was largely clear except one area of concern (a subsequent PT scan gave me the all clear - a massive relief). I had the op a week after the first consultation. I am still processing what has happened, but feel that I have been radically put out of kilter. I am told that I will get used to this in due course but that feels a long way off. It upsets me that I do not feel like myself.
I now have a difficult decision to make as to whether to have a single round of chemotherapy to "sweep up" any baddies that might have escaped, or just have surveillance. I would be interested to know if anyone else has faced the same decision? The chemotherapy would reduce the risk of recurrence from circa 20% to 2-3%. However on that basis there is an 80% chance that I am cured and I do not need any treatment. The advice for me is that the decision is finely balanced. I have to make it soon.
I could ramble on and on about the impact that this has had on me. That would, however, be very self indulgent and probably unhelpful for others. Moreover, I am aware that I am actually incredibly lucky. It was caught early, is completely curable, and compared to others I have had a very easy ride so far.
In my limited experience - and for anyone reading this - I would say two things. Firstly, you know if something is up, so do something about it. There was a period of time in my teenage years where having so many people get their hands on my balls would have been an achievement. Secondly, take 10 minutes to double check critical illness/income protection/life insurance policies just to check that you are covered. Knowing that will remove a significant layer of stress should the worst happen. A particular low point was logging in to my work computer at 3am to try and be sure that we would be OK financially should the news be bad or get worse.
Sorry to hear that mate (ps I am not sure you have switched accounts btw - active for 246 months?). I was diagnosed a few weeks back and go in for surgery on Tues to remove my tonsil and lymph nodes. Everything you said hit home with me too. I think you'd be crazy not to take up the offer of chemo to be honest, a mate's wife is having a very strong dose of chemo for an aggressive tumour and she said she is coping ok, just a bit wiped out afterwards.
Dependent on what my tumour is (after they cut it out) I will either be having just radiotherapy or a mix with chemo, so I have that joy to come. A mate had a 4kg tumour cut out from around his bowel and the surgery was so successful he isn't having any therapy!
I would second your comments about getting anything unusual checked out asap, mine will have taken (including using private insurance for scans etc) 5 months from noticing something was wrong to going in for surgery. It has been very difficult getting to that stage and needlessly so - the doctor I have known for 10 years was f
king useless to be honest.
Dependent on what my tumour is (after they cut it out) I will either be having just radiotherapy or a mix with chemo, so I have that joy to come. A mate had a 4kg tumour cut out from around his bowel and the surgery was so successful he isn't having any therapy!
I would second your comments about getting anything unusual checked out asap, mine will have taken (including using private insurance for scans etc) 5 months from noticing something was wrong to going in for surgery. It has been very difficult getting to that stage and needlessly so - the doctor I have known for 10 years was f
king useless to be honest.Billflin and siko - good luck with your treatments
Billflin - my wife had a similar dilemma re: treatment for her cancer recently and took the decision to have the chemo and radiotherapy on the basis that she would have kicked herself if the cancer wasn’t fully eradicated and remained/came back. It’s a very personal choice to make so I wish you all the best with your decision making - if it helps she found the chemo hard for a day or so after treatment but it was nothing like as bad as she was expecting
Billflin - my wife had a similar dilemma re: treatment for her cancer recently and took the decision to have the chemo and radiotherapy on the basis that she would have kicked herself if the cancer wasn’t fully eradicated and remained/came back. It’s a very personal choice to make so I wish you all the best with your decision making - if it helps she found the chemo hard for a day or so after treatment but it was nothing like as bad as she was expecting
CAH706 said:
Billflin and siko - good luck with your treatments
This.I thought I'd already replied about chemo. I've watched it hospitalise my wife repeatedly, my parents saw the toll it took on her and have said they would never have chemo. Pleading with someone to at least wet their lips after days in bed without fluids is tough.
But for me it's a no-brainer. I would absolutely give myself the best shot at being free. As you mentioned, some don't have that decision in their own hands.
Well my mam is entering her last days I fear, she is at home now and on oxygen 24/7 and taking a cocktail of medication. She is sleeping more and more each day. I have been over for 5 hours today and she sat in the armchair asleep all of the time I was there. My dad is obviously struggling to cope and is really feeling the strain. I am as worried about him now as I am about my mam.
I really don’t know what to say or do and feel all I can do is be there. I have got a months sick note today so at least I have no anxiety about going back to work any more (I have been on annual leave for a couple of weeks). It’s taking it’s toll on me to be honest as well as I have an almost constant feeling of anxiety and a shortness of breath, I am also tired all of the time which is a bit odd.
The worst bit is that I have a 2.5 year old daughter who loves her grandma, always asking to go and see her. She obviously has no real understanding of death and illness but I have no idea how to handle it for her? Do I keep her away, do I take her to see grandma. I know it gives my mam and dad a lift when they see her but I also feel it’s not the place for a child at the minute.
I really don’t know what to say or do and feel all I can do is be there. I have got a months sick note today so at least I have no anxiety about going back to work any more (I have been on annual leave for a couple of weeks). It’s taking it’s toll on me to be honest as well as I have an almost constant feeling of anxiety and a shortness of breath, I am also tired all of the time which is a bit odd.
The worst bit is that I have a 2.5 year old daughter who loves her grandma, always asking to go and see her. She obviously has no real understanding of death and illness but I have no idea how to handle it for her? Do I keep her away, do I take her to see grandma. I know it gives my mam and dad a lift when they see her but I also feel it’s not the place for a child at the minute.
ED209 said:
Well my mam is entering her last days I fear, she is at home now and on oxygen 24/7 and taking a cocktail of medication. She is sleeping more and more each day. I have been over for 5 hours today and she sat in the armchair asleep all of the time I was there. My dad is obviously struggling to cope and is really feeling the strain. I am as worried about him now as I am about my mam.
I really don’t know what to say or do and feel all I can do is be there. I have got a months sick note today so at least I have no anxiety about going back to work any more (I have been on annual leave for a couple of weeks). It’s taking it’s toll on me to be honest as well as I have an almost constant feeling of anxiety and a shortness of breath, I am also tired all of the time which is a bit odd.
The worst bit is that I have a 2.5 year old daughter who loves her grandma, always asking to go and see her. She obviously has no real understanding of death and illness but I have no idea how to handle it for her? Do I keep her away, do I take her to see grandma. I know it gives my mam and dad a lift when they see her but I also feel it’s not the place for a child at the minute.
Chin up mate; it's an awful time but you'll get through it and your presence is meaning the world to Mum and Dad.I really don’t know what to say or do and feel all I can do is be there. I have got a months sick note today so at least I have no anxiety about going back to work any more (I have been on annual leave for a couple of weeks). It’s taking it’s toll on me to be honest as well as I have an almost constant feeling of anxiety and a shortness of breath, I am also tired all of the time which is a bit odd.
The worst bit is that I have a 2.5 year old daughter who loves her grandma, always asking to go and see her. She obviously has no real understanding of death and illness but I have no idea how to handle it for her? Do I keep her away, do I take her to see grandma. I know it gives my mam and dad a lift when they see her but I also feel it’s not the place for a child at the minute.
On your daughter, my inclination would be to take her. It will be great for your Mum and Dad, it will help your daughter contextualize and acclimatise to Granny dying, rather than it being an abstract concept and, finally, children so often seem to take these things in their stride in a way that adults don't
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