Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly
Discussion
Re taking your daughter, my children have never forgiven me for not letting them see their grandparents in the latter stages( not cancer)
Kids are stronger than we think
Yes, she’ll be upset but it may be a help to you to ‘share’ - sounds a bit new age, but hopefully you get the drift.
As above, keep strong
Kids are stronger than we think
Yes, she’ll be upset but it may be a help to you to ‘share’ - sounds a bit new age, but hopefully you get the drift.
As above, keep strong
ED209 said:
Well my mam is entering her last days I fear, she is at home now and on oxygen 24/7 and taking a cocktail of medication. She is sleeping more and more each day. I have been over for 5 hours today and she sat in the armchair asleep all of the time I was there. My dad is obviously struggling to cope and is really feeling the strain. I am as worried about him now as I am about my mam.
I really don’t know what to say or do and feel all I can do is be there. I have got a months sick note today so at least I have no anxiety about going back to work any more (I have been on annual leave for a couple of weeks). It’s taking it’s toll on me to be honest as well as I have an almost constant feeling of anxiety and a shortness of breath, I am also tired all of the time which is a bit odd.
The worst bit is that I have a 2.5 year old daughter who loves her grandma, always asking to go and see her. She obviously has no real understanding of death and illness but I have no idea how to handle it for her? Do I keep her away, do I take her to see grandma. I know it gives my mam and dad a lift when they see her but I also feel it’s not the place for a child at the minute.
From experience of regret take the kids . It may also keep your mother going longer . How old is your mother ? I really don’t know what to say or do and feel all I can do is be there. I have got a months sick note today so at least I have no anxiety about going back to work any more (I have been on annual leave for a couple of weeks). It’s taking it’s toll on me to be honest as well as I have an almost constant feeling of anxiety and a shortness of breath, I am also tired all of the time which is a bit odd.
The worst bit is that I have a 2.5 year old daughter who loves her grandma, always asking to go and see her. She obviously has no real understanding of death and illness but I have no idea how to handle it for her? Do I keep her away, do I take her to see grandma. I know it gives my mam and dad a lift when they see her but I also feel it’s not the place for a child at the minute.
I'm going to agree with the advice to take your daughter. It'll do no harm to your mother, maybe the opposite, and despite being sad it'll help your daughter contextualise what's happening and what will come. Kids are tough and as others have said, she'll probably get more from being there than not.
billflin said:
Never in a million years did I ever think that I would have any meaningful input to this thread. There is no history of cancer in my family, and I am reasonably(!) young and healthy.
I am a long-term poster but this is a second account, because I have elected to keep my situation known to only a very small number of people.
I also have no idea why I am posting this. I have written it, deleted it, written it again....Anyway....
A few months ago I noticed something not quite right with one of my testicles. It was much "firmer" than normal.
A quick Doctor Google indicated that it could be nothing but could be something. I presumed it would be nothing. I felt (and have felt throughout) absolutely fine.
Completely out of character I did something about it, and was able to see a GP a week or so later. She wasn't sure what was going on.
Unfortunately that was where the NHS fell over, and whilst I was put on a two-week referral, at the end of two weeks I was told that there were no appointments and they didn't know when there would be. By this stage I was in a bit of a state and that news was devastating. I am fortunate that I have private health cover with work and I got in touch with them. A week later I was seeing a consultant, who within about two seconds concluded that it was highly likely that I had testicular cancer and that he could operate a week later.
I am not ashamed to admit that I was absolutely stunned and hugely upset. I was immediately taken off for blood tests and given plenty of information, all of which went in one ear and out of the other.
I had arrange to meet some mates at the pub straight afterwards, so I sat through the evening as if nothing was wrong, laughing and joking, whilst at the same time wondering how I would tell my wife.....It was bizarre. I held it together for about 10 seconds when I got home.
Although I had the best of care, the following days and weeks have been highly stressful. The blood tests were clear, a CT test was largely clear except one area of concern (a subsequent PT scan gave me the all clear - a massive relief). I had the op a week after the first consultation. I am still processing what has happened, but feel that I have been radically put out of kilter. I am told that I will get used to this in due course but that feels a long way off. It upsets me that I do not feel like myself.
I now have a difficult decision to make as to whether to have a single round of chemotherapy to "sweep up" any baddies that might have escaped, or just have surveillance. I would be interested to know if anyone else has faced the same decision? The chemotherapy would reduce the risk of recurrence from circa 20% to 2-3%. However on that basis there is an 80% chance that I am cured and I do not need any treatment. The advice for me is that the decision is finely balanced. I have to make it soon.
I could ramble on and on about the impact that this has had on me. That would, however, be very self indulgent and probably unhelpful for others. Moreover, I am aware that I am actually incredibly lucky. It was caught early, is completely curable, and compared to others I have had a very easy ride so far.
In my limited experience - and for anyone reading this - I would say two things. Firstly, you know if something is up, so do something about it. There was a period of time in my teenage years where having so many people get their hands on my balls would have been an achievement. Secondly, take 10 minutes to double check critical illness/income protection/life insurance policies just to check that you are covered. Knowing that will remove a significant layer of stress should the worst happen. A particular low point was logging in to my work computer at 3am to try and be sure that we would be OK financially should the news be bad or get worse.
Have you decided on your course of treatment yet?I am a long-term poster but this is a second account, because I have elected to keep my situation known to only a very small number of people.
I also have no idea why I am posting this. I have written it, deleted it, written it again....Anyway....
A few months ago I noticed something not quite right with one of my testicles. It was much "firmer" than normal.
A quick Doctor Google indicated that it could be nothing but could be something. I presumed it would be nothing. I felt (and have felt throughout) absolutely fine.
Completely out of character I did something about it, and was able to see a GP a week or so later. She wasn't sure what was going on.
Unfortunately that was where the NHS fell over, and whilst I was put on a two-week referral, at the end of two weeks I was told that there were no appointments and they didn't know when there would be. By this stage I was in a bit of a state and that news was devastating. I am fortunate that I have private health cover with work and I got in touch with them. A week later I was seeing a consultant, who within about two seconds concluded that it was highly likely that I had testicular cancer and that he could operate a week later.
I am not ashamed to admit that I was absolutely stunned and hugely upset. I was immediately taken off for blood tests and given plenty of information, all of which went in one ear and out of the other.
I had arrange to meet some mates at the pub straight afterwards, so I sat through the evening as if nothing was wrong, laughing and joking, whilst at the same time wondering how I would tell my wife.....It was bizarre. I held it together for about 10 seconds when I got home.
Although I had the best of care, the following days and weeks have been highly stressful. The blood tests were clear, a CT test was largely clear except one area of concern (a subsequent PT scan gave me the all clear - a massive relief). I had the op a week after the first consultation. I am still processing what has happened, but feel that I have been radically put out of kilter. I am told that I will get used to this in due course but that feels a long way off. It upsets me that I do not feel like myself.
I now have a difficult decision to make as to whether to have a single round of chemotherapy to "sweep up" any baddies that might have escaped, or just have surveillance. I would be interested to know if anyone else has faced the same decision? The chemotherapy would reduce the risk of recurrence from circa 20% to 2-3%. However on that basis there is an 80% chance that I am cured and I do not need any treatment. The advice for me is that the decision is finely balanced. I have to make it soon.
I could ramble on and on about the impact that this has had on me. That would, however, be very self indulgent and probably unhelpful for others. Moreover, I am aware that I am actually incredibly lucky. It was caught early, is completely curable, and compared to others I have had a very easy ride so far.
In my limited experience - and for anyone reading this - I would say two things. Firstly, you know if something is up, so do something about it. There was a period of time in my teenage years where having so many people get their hands on my balls would have been an achievement. Secondly, take 10 minutes to double check critical illness/income protection/life insurance policies just to check that you are covered. Knowing that will remove a significant layer of stress should the worst happen. A particular low point was logging in to my work computer at 3am to try and be sure that we would be OK financially should the news be bad or get worse.
Happy to offer any advice I can as I was in the same position 18 months ago. I've got my one year post-treatment CT scan in a week or so, so it's all still pretty fresh.
Re: chemo, I didn't have any option as it had spread to my lymph nodes but I would have taken it anyway if offered. I had three rounds of BEP and then also needed the RPLND operation to be sure. I would equate one round of chemo to a really bad hangover that lingers a bit!
I found the Macmillan testicular cancer forum very useful to read through. I felt much more appraised, calm and in control during consultancy appointments as a result.
Welshbeef said:
Take your daughter - you mum will be so happy to see her (your dad too).
As tricky as it is try to record it you mum with your daughter. In years to come that will be a priceless memory to relive.
I have been trying to take as many photos and short videos as I can of them together for a little while now. As tricky as it is try to record it you mum with your daughter. In years to come that will be a priceless memory to relive.
I will take her across today at some point, if she is too unwell then I will take daughter home and return on my own.
billflin said:
Never in a million years did I ever think that I would have any meaningful input to this thread. There is no history of cancer in my family, and I am reasonably(!) young and healthy.
I am a long-term poster but this is a second account, because I have elected to keep my situation known to only a very small number of people.
I also have no idea why I am posting this. I have written it, deleted it, written it again....Anyway....
A few months ago I noticed something not quite right with one of my testicles. It was much "firmer" than normal.
A quick Doctor Google indicated that it could be nothing but could be something. I presumed it would be nothing. I felt (and have felt throughout) absolutely fine.
Completely out of character I did something about it, and was able to see a GP a week or so later. She wasn't sure what was going on.
Unfortunately that was where the NHS fell over, and whilst I was put on a two-week referral, at the end of two weeks I was told that there were no appointments and they didn't know when there would be. By this stage I was in a bit of a state and that news was devastating. I am fortunate that I have private health cover with work and I got in touch with them. A week later I was seeing a consultant, who within about two seconds concluded that it was highly likely that I had testicular cancer and that he could operate a week later.
I am not ashamed to admit that I was absolutely stunned and hugely upset. I was immediately taken off for blood tests and given plenty of information, all of which went in one ear and out of the other.
I had arrange to meet some mates at the pub straight afterwards, so I sat through the evening as if nothing was wrong, laughing and joking, whilst at the same time wondering how I would tell my wife.....It was bizarre. I held it together for about 10 seconds when I got home.
Although I had the best of care, the following days and weeks have been highly stressful. The blood tests were clear, a CT test was largely clear except one area of concern (a subsequent PT scan gave me the all clear - a massive relief). I had the op a week after the first consultation. I am still processing what has happened, but feel that I have been radically put out of kilter. I am told that I will get used to this in due course but that feels a long way off. It upsets me that I do not feel like myself.
I now have a difficult decision to make as to whether to have a single round of chemotherapy to "sweep up" any baddies that might have escaped, or just have surveillance. I would be interested to know if anyone else has faced the same decision? The chemotherapy would reduce the risk of recurrence from circa 20% to 2-3%. However on that basis there is an 80% chance that I am cured and I do not need any treatment. The advice for me is that the decision is finely balanced. I have to make it soon.
I could ramble on and on about the impact that this has had on me. That would, however, be very self indulgent and probably unhelpful for others. Moreover, I am aware that I am actually incredibly lucky. It was caught early, is completely curable, and compared to others I have had a very easy ride so far.
In my limited experience - and for anyone reading this - I would say two things. Firstly, you know if something is up, so do something about it. There was a period of time in my teenage years where having so many people get their hands on my balls would have been an achievement. Secondly, take 10 minutes to double check critical illness/income protection/life insurance policies just to check that you are covered. Knowing that will remove a significant layer of stress should the worst happen. A particular low point was logging in to my work computer at 3am to try and be sure that we would be OK financially should the news be bad or get worse.
Hi billflinI am a long-term poster but this is a second account, because I have elected to keep my situation known to only a very small number of people.
I also have no idea why I am posting this. I have written it, deleted it, written it again....Anyway....
A few months ago I noticed something not quite right with one of my testicles. It was much "firmer" than normal.
A quick Doctor Google indicated that it could be nothing but could be something. I presumed it would be nothing. I felt (and have felt throughout) absolutely fine.
Completely out of character I did something about it, and was able to see a GP a week or so later. She wasn't sure what was going on.
Unfortunately that was where the NHS fell over, and whilst I was put on a two-week referral, at the end of two weeks I was told that there were no appointments and they didn't know when there would be. By this stage I was in a bit of a state and that news was devastating. I am fortunate that I have private health cover with work and I got in touch with them. A week later I was seeing a consultant, who within about two seconds concluded that it was highly likely that I had testicular cancer and that he could operate a week later.
I am not ashamed to admit that I was absolutely stunned and hugely upset. I was immediately taken off for blood tests and given plenty of information, all of which went in one ear and out of the other.
I had arrange to meet some mates at the pub straight afterwards, so I sat through the evening as if nothing was wrong, laughing and joking, whilst at the same time wondering how I would tell my wife.....It was bizarre. I held it together for about 10 seconds when I got home.
Although I had the best of care, the following days and weeks have been highly stressful. The blood tests were clear, a CT test was largely clear except one area of concern (a subsequent PT scan gave me the all clear - a massive relief). I had the op a week after the first consultation. I am still processing what has happened, but feel that I have been radically put out of kilter. I am told that I will get used to this in due course but that feels a long way off. It upsets me that I do not feel like myself.
I now have a difficult decision to make as to whether to have a single round of chemotherapy to "sweep up" any baddies that might have escaped, or just have surveillance. I would be interested to know if anyone else has faced the same decision? The chemotherapy would reduce the risk of recurrence from circa 20% to 2-3%. However on that basis there is an 80% chance that I am cured and I do not need any treatment. The advice for me is that the decision is finely balanced. I have to make it soon.
I could ramble on and on about the impact that this has had on me. That would, however, be very self indulgent and probably unhelpful for others. Moreover, I am aware that I am actually incredibly lucky. It was caught early, is completely curable, and compared to others I have had a very easy ride so far.
In my limited experience - and for anyone reading this - I would say two things. Firstly, you know if something is up, so do something about it. There was a period of time in my teenage years where having so many people get their hands on my balls would have been an achievement. Secondly, take 10 minutes to double check critical illness/income protection/life insurance policies just to check that you are covered. Knowing that will remove a significant layer of stress should the worst happen. A particular low point was logging in to my work computer at 3am to try and be sure that we would be OK financially should the news be bad or get worse.
I'm in a very similar situation by the sounds of it. I'm currently sat at home on day 2 of a single dose of Carboplatin.
I had surgery 4 weeks ago and the results form the pathology were stage 1 classic /pure seminoma with a couple of risk factors. I was given the option of surveillance with a 20% chance of recurrence or single dose of carboplatin to reduce down to 5% - was an easy decision for me but appreciate this is a personal decision with other factors that weigh into it.
Being given the drug was straight forward, I was there in total for 3 hours and 1 hour on the machine. felt a bit spaced out on the day but this could have been anxiety, i got the train home. The first night was broken sleep and some nausea but not too bad. Today I'm feeling a bit washed out and occasionally a wave of nausea. Only day 2 but happy to report back if it helps.
Couldn't agree more about checking yourself and not ignoring anything being 'different', the lump i found was pretty tiny, the doctor couldn't feel it but i pushed for an ultrasound appointment and when a tumour was confirmed i went private and have been receiving excellent care. The NHS however contacted me 2 weeks after the ultrasound to say id been refereed for an ultrasound, this was the day beofre surgery privately.
Happy to help in anyway and best of luck to you and the others!
My ex’s mother has just been given 3-6 months. A month ago there weren’t even any concerns. I’m devastated for the whole family - it’s an old fashioned family where her dad was very much going off to work and she was very much the house wife - even beans on toast would be an effort for him. Seeing my ex’s face makes me well up myself.
The reason I’m posting is to ask a question - the whole family are looking at going away at the end of August - is waiting 8 weeks pushing it?
The reason I’m posting is to ask a question - the whole family are looking at going away at the end of August - is waiting 8 weeks pushing it?
My sister passed last week.
Was living with it for almost three years and managed to live a relatively normal life with meds, treatments and endless visits to the docs and hospitals and whilst it was obvious it was a taking a toll on her body she refused to let it dictate her life.
Until last Thursday evening when the body simply gave up and while Ambo staff and A&E did their best it was clearly a lost cause and they made her as comfortable as possible whilst family rushed to be there. Now going through all the hassle of funerals and whatnot. Sad thing is is that she was training to be a mental health nurse and just finished her final exams. On phoning the Uni they expressed sympathy and told us that she’d passed her exams and that her son would be invited to collect her diploma in sept among all the other graduates. Pisser.
So that’s my mum, my dad, my cousin and now my sister who’ve gone and various aunts and uncles who’ve gone through treatment and now in remission. To say cancer runs through my family would seemingly be an understatement…
ing disease, it really fking is.
Was living with it for almost three years and managed to live a relatively normal life with meds, treatments and endless visits to the docs and hospitals and whilst it was obvious it was a taking a toll on her body she refused to let it dictate her life.
Until last Thursday evening when the body simply gave up and while Ambo staff and A&E did their best it was clearly a lost cause and they made her as comfortable as possible whilst family rushed to be there. Now going through all the hassle of funerals and whatnot. Sad thing is is that she was training to be a mental health nurse and just finished her final exams. On phoning the Uni they expressed sympathy and told us that she’d passed her exams and that her son would be invited to collect her diploma in sept among all the other graduates. Pisser.
So that’s my mum, my dad, my cousin and now my sister who’ve gone and various aunts and uncles who’ve gone through treatment and now in remission. To say cancer runs through my family would seemingly be an understatement…
ing disease, it really fking is.ED209 said:
I have been trying to take as many photos and short videos as I can of them together for a little while now.
I will take her across today at some point, if she is too unwell then I will take daughter home and return on my own.
Took child across this morning, she was in a fettle so she was taken home within 20 mins.I will take her across today at some point, if she is too unwell then I will take daughter home and return on my own.
Took her back this afternoon and she was behaving like an angel, went out for a little walk with my dad and the dog whilst I sat with my mam for a bit and played busses/trains with him in the conservatory. Seemed to cheer him up a lot and raised a couple of smiles from my mam.
Is it normal that I just feel totally drained/tired by this? I slept well last night and didn’t have a drink but I felt like s
t today, literally asleep standing up, most days are like that for me now. Could it be because I am anxious all the time? ED209 said:
Took child across this morning, she was in a fettle so she was taken home within 20 mins.
Took her back this afternoon and she was behaving like an angel, went out for a little walk with my dad and the dog whilst I sat with my mam for a bit and played busses/trains with him in the conservatory. Seemed to cheer him up a lot and raised a couple of smiles from my mam.
Is it normal that I just feel totally drained/tired by this? I slept well last night and didn’t have a drink but I felt like st today, literally asleep standing up, most days are like that for me now. Could it be because I am anxious all the time?
I can tell by your language we’re not local - which is ashame or I’d take you out for a pint/talk/be angry in a moment. But don’t do this alone. Took her back this afternoon and she was behaving like an angel, went out for a little walk with my dad and the dog whilst I sat with my mam for a bit and played busses/trains with him in the conservatory. Seemed to cheer him up a lot and raised a couple of smiles from my mam.
Is it normal that I just feel totally drained/tired by this? I slept well last night and didn’t have a drink but I felt like s
t today, literally asleep standing up, most days are like that for me now. Could it be because I am anxious all the time? ED209 said:
Took child across this morning, she was in a fettle so she was taken home within 20 mins.
Took her back this afternoon and she was behaving like an angel, went out for a little walk with my dad and the dog whilst I sat with my mam for a bit and played busses/trains with him in the conservatory. Seemed to cheer him up a lot and raised a couple of smiles from my mam.
Is it normal that I just feel totally drained/tired by this? I slept well last night and didn’t have a drink but I felt like st today, literally asleep standing up, most days are like that for me now. Could it be because I am anxious all the time?
Your understandable anxiety may be giving you just LIGHT sleep. You need to be asleep for 90 + minutes at a time to get your DEEP sleep, and REM sleep. Took her back this afternoon and she was behaving like an angel, went out for a little walk with my dad and the dog whilst I sat with my mam for a bit and played busses/trains with him in the conservatory. Seemed to cheer him up a lot and raised a couple of smiles from my mam.
Is it normal that I just feel totally drained/tired by this? I slept well last night and didn’t have a drink but I felt like s
t today, literally asleep standing up, most days are like that for me now. Could it be because I am anxious all the time? When I had anxiety (free-floating, not related to life events) my quality of sleep, as measured by devices, was shocking, even if it was a long enough sleep in theory.
You have worries about older generation and younger generation; a lot to handle - as Petrus said, this is a time to spread the load. Keep chatting here. And PM me
ClaphamGT3 said:
ED209 said:
Well my mam is entering her last days I fear, she is at home now and on oxygen 24/7 and taking a cocktail of medication. She is sleeping more and more each day. I have been over for 5 hours today and she sat in the armchair asleep all of the time I was there. My dad is obviously struggling to cope and is really feeling the strain. I am as worried about him now as I am about my mam.
I really don’t know what to say or do and feel all I can do is be there. I have got a months sick note today so at least I have no anxiety about going back to work any more (I have been on annual leave for a couple of weeks). It’s taking it’s toll on me to be honest as well as I have an almost constant feeling of anxiety and a shortness of breath, I am also tired all of the time which is a bit odd.
The worst bit is that I have a 2.5 year old daughter who loves her grandma, always asking to go and see her. She obviously has no real understanding of death and illness but I have no idea how to handle it for her? Do I keep her away, do I take her to see grandma. I know it gives my mam and dad a lift when they see her but I also feel it’s not the place for a child at the minute.
Chin up mate; it's an awful time but you'll get through it and your presence is meaning the world to Mum and Dad.I really don’t know what to say or do and feel all I can do is be there. I have got a months sick note today so at least I have no anxiety about going back to work any more (I have been on annual leave for a couple of weeks). It’s taking it’s toll on me to be honest as well as I have an almost constant feeling of anxiety and a shortness of breath, I am also tired all of the time which is a bit odd.
The worst bit is that I have a 2.5 year old daughter who loves her grandma, always asking to go and see her. She obviously has no real understanding of death and illness but I have no idea how to handle it for her? Do I keep her away, do I take her to see grandma. I know it gives my mam and dad a lift when they see her but I also feel it’s not the place for a child at the minute.
On your daughter, my inclination would be to take her. It will be great for your Mum and Dad, it will help your daughter contextualize and acclimatise to Granny dying, rather than it being an abstract concept and, finally, children so often seem to take these things in their stride in a way that adults don't
All the best!
My mother had a ton of lymph nodes etc removed recently - I dare say it was a long op - 12 hours. NHS are fantastic throughout.
The only thing she would do differently if she were to do it again would be to decline some of the more aggressive pain meds - the nerves were cut so there was not much pain from those ones and the morphine really did not agree with her. (Yes, she still needed "normal" pain meds for a while when she got home)
She is doing a ton better now, compression bandage on and she is all systems go!
If you want to ask any questions please shout, I can relay.
My mother had a ton of lymph nodes etc removed recently - I dare say it was a long op - 12 hours. NHS are fantastic throughout.
The only thing she would do differently if she were to do it again would be to decline some of the more aggressive pain meds - the nerves were cut so there was not much pain from those ones and the morphine really did not agree with her. (Yes, she still needed "normal" pain meds for a while when she got home)
She is doing a ton better now, compression bandage on and she is all systems go!
If you want to ask any questions please shout, I can relay.
Peanut Gallery said:
All the best!
My mother had a ton of lymph nodes etc removed recently - I dare say it was a long op - 12 hours. NHS are fantastic throughout.
The only thing she would do differently if she were to do it again would be to decline some of the more aggressive pain meds - the nerves were cut so there was not much pain from those ones and the morphine really did not agree with her. (Yes, she still needed "normal" pain meds for a while when she got home)
She is doing a ton better now, compression bandage on and she is all systems go!
If you want to ask any questions please shout, I can relay.
Thanks mate - very kind and will bear all that in mind My mother had a ton of lymph nodes etc removed recently - I dare say it was a long op - 12 hours. NHS are fantastic throughout.
The only thing she would do differently if she were to do it again would be to decline some of the more aggressive pain meds - the nerves were cut so there was not much pain from those ones and the morphine really did not agree with her. (Yes, she still needed "normal" pain meds for a while when she got home)
She is doing a ton better now, compression bandage on and she is all systems go!
If you want to ask any questions please shout, I can relay.
All very new for me and I have no idea what pain control they will be using, I think the aneasthetist will explain it all to me on the day....good to hear your mum is doing well Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff