Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly

[Dibble]

Tango13 said:

Goldmember1 said:

Thankfully this time our health service stepped up . 1 brilliant surgeon and 1 operation later and she's 80% back on her feet. Surgeon fks cancer and when the stty bd c**k sucking cancer gets to where it's been told to fk off to it gets told to fk off some more which it does 'cos cancer is a

Fixed that for you

PS Cancer can go fk itself up the a**e without lube.

And with a rusty fking spike.

[markcurtains]

Lost my dad to this fking of a disease two years ago yesterday. The missus losst her mum and grandmother within a month of each other back in 2000. I'd quite like to kick cancer in the fking .

[Meeja]

Dunclane said:

I cannot believe in god as if he did exist he wouldn't put good,honest people through this kind of bullst!!

Could not agree more with this.

Watching it "get" my mum is something that still upsets me from time to time.... And she died 25 years ago this year.

Mum was always a "big" woman.... A size 18/20 on average.... Yet she weighed a little over five stones at the end.

Hateful fking bd disease.

[Rickyy]

Lost two Grandparents to lung cancer, which was self inflicted, but still fking horrible.

My Grandad went on Rememberance Sunday 2000, he was like a Father to me, used to go everywhere with him. Watching him go from being my hero, to a frail old man who couldn't walk more than a few paces without becoming breathless was truly heartbreaking.

My Nan went on without him until the 7th of January this year. She was pushed down stairs at the age of Ten and it permenantly damaged her legs and hips, she spent the rest of her life on crutches, refused to use a wheelchair. I was used to her going in to hospital, but I knew it was the beggining of the end for her when she went in last September!

She was an unbelievably strong woman, laughing and joking to the very end! She made her promise of lasting until Christmas.

Nearly all of my happy childhood memories involve those two people.

Cancer and cigarretes can f**k the f**k off, you 'orrible c**ts

[Dibble]

Mrs Dibble had onre of her "routine" follow up mammograms last week. So even though she's a survivor, there's always a niggling, worrying doubt for both of us, tucked away to blindside us both.

More than three quarters of the people she went through treatment with at Christie's are dead.

So on their behalf, from me, Mrs Dibble, and the rest of PH, a hearfelt Sunday morning "fk you cancer, you fking fkery fktard".







"Mammogram" has so much potential (think topless telegram), it's a double disappointment when you find out what it really is (cancer humour, right there folks).

[BMWBen]

Dibble said:

Apologies for the ranty not quite swearing thread title.

My Dad died in 1994 of multiple myeloma. My sister died of the same in 2005, just a few months before our wedding. She always did have a sense of comedy timing, to the extent that when her (utterly brilliant) GP said "a few days... At the VERY most" she managed to string us along for another six weeks. Her husband had died about 15 years before of lung cancer, leaving her with two young kids to bring up.

I'm guessing you must be from Cornwall?

[Dibble]

BMWBen said:

I'm guessing you must be from Cornwall?

[Borat]High six![/Borat]

Someone else already pointed that out! I meant my sister died before I married Mrs Dibble. Still, we saved the cost of a guest... Too soon?

[Gizmoish]

I must be reasonably lucky: my Gran is the only one who's had cancer (which is, admittedly, a fking ).

All the rest of my relatives have gone senile or Alzheimer's or Parkinson's...

Kudos to Mrs Dibble for fking cancer right up the ectoplasm.

[littlegreenfairy]

You can get fk Cancer hats from somewhere.

A colleague at the hospital I worked at had one. Got stopped in the street to be told it was offensive and inappropriate. His response was something on the lines that it was better than cancer so live with it.

[Meeja]

Dibble said:

BMWBen said:

I'm guessing you must be from Cornwall?

[Borat]High Six![\Borat]

Still, we saved the cost of a guest... Too soon?

Laughter is sometimes the best medicine!

[rhinochopig]

swerni said:

Quite frankly, cancer is a right pain in the balls!

On the plus side, at least you get to have a nice chap fondle your bks. And he uses lube, which is nice.

And in keeping with the theme...fk you cancer!

[silverfoxcc]

It does take the piss sometimes, in date order
My Wife diagnosed with breast Cancer
Father in law goes down with it
sister ditto
Two friends also and have since died
Wifes cousin went in Jan.
The only good news is that SWMBO was diagnosed and given 5yrs, that was back in 1990, and she is still with me,and a bless every day she is,sis is also still here

Why cant a like tony blair get it instead of racking up ill earned cash, or is he that bad even the cancer cells cant survive in him.

Thats my rant and blessing, and to everyone touched by it, there is always hope, so hang on in

[Charlie Michael]

Grandad passed away from bowel cancer in 1995. I'll always miss the way he could break your knuckles with a vice like grip holding my hand when we crossed the road.

fk you cancer you hateful, fk nugget.

[Tango13]

Dunclane said:

Reads like a ending to a movie... Awesome!!

I think i'll call the movie...

'Cancer gets fked 'cos cancer is a and deserves to be fked so it gets fked in the manner that all s deserve'

This is only a working title though, i'm open to suggestions and I need some help with character names please.

Opening credits/intro to introduce the characters, starts with various shots of our surgical team waking up/preparing to go to work in the morning...

Chief surgeon (Bruce Willis) eating breakfast with his perfect family and dog. His golden haired son with missing front tooth asks...

'Daddy, what are you going to do at work today?'

'Son, i'm gonna kick the ass of that called cancer!'

'Gee dad! i'm so proud! Can you fk cancer up the a**e for me too?'

'Of course son, of course!'

Cut to assistant surgeon (Jason Statham) in bed with a pair of busty girls, one blonde, one brunette.

'Girls, regular self examination of the breasts is important to check for any lumps as they could lead to something serious like that wkstain cancer'

Blonde with tears in her eyes and halting emotional voice pleads...

'I don't want that knob socket of a disease, please show me how?'

Brunette in a cool, calm, soothing voice comments...

'Cancer is worse than treading in dogst on the way to a wedding, i'll show you how to examine yourself'

Several minutes of both close up and long shots of the girls examining their own and each others breasts for lumps follows while slow saxaphone music plays in the background. (might as well get the nudes in early)

Meanwhile our rebel of an anesthetist is in a bikers bar with the stereotypical shaven haired, leather clad bikers. The shocker is that the anesthetist is a sexy young redhead also in tight leather one piece suit showing plenty of cleavage (Lindsey Lohan if we can keep her sober enough for long enough) 6'6" shaven headed biker with a tattoo reading 'I st on cancer' across his chest looses another game of pool to our heroine and shouts to her...

'One more game so I beat you the way I beat that fker testicular cancer'

'Sorry, I have to go help destroy some more of that cancerous st!'

She then kisses the biker goodbye (this could be tricky, we'll have to stand her on a box or something to get them both in shot, she's onlt 5'4" or something) while grabbing his balls telling him...

'I'll be back to check for lumps big boy 'cos cancer is a dumb fk that likes to come back for more but early detection means we can kick the living st out of it and flush it down the sewer like the turd that it is!'

With this she gets on the bike and wheelspins into the distance.




Part II will contain...

The standard arguement between the surgeon and the authority figure. Mel Gibson as the slightly nutty Pathologist. A token black guy doing something or other, probably the radiologist, it won't really help the plot but will pad the movie out a bit. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone as the hospital orderlies wheeling the patient into the OR. Jackie Chan will be in there somewhere too, maybe a slightly 'Banzai' ambiwlans driver and a possible cameo by Chuck Norris?

And of couse the final chase scene where Bruce kicks the utter fk out of that stty disease called cancer befor finishing off with a rusty tent spike while calling it a .

[Meeja]

Tango13 said:

I think i'll call the movie...

'Cancer gets fked 'cos cancer is a and deserves to be fked so it gets fked in the manner that all s deserve'

This is only a working title though, i'm open to suggestions and I need some help with character names please.

Opening credits/intro to introduce the characters, starts with various shots of our surgical team waking up/preparing to go to work in the morning...

Chief surgeon (Bruce Willis) eating breakfast with his perfect family and dog. His golden haired son with missing front tooth asks...

'Daddy, what are you going to do at work today?'

'Son, i'm gonna kick the ass of that called cancer!'

'Gee dad! i'm so proud! Can you fk cancer up the a**e for me too?'

'Of course son, of course!'

Cut to assistant surgeon (Jason Statham) in bed with a pair of busty girls, one blonde, one brunette.

'Girls, regular self examination of the breasts is important to check for any lumps as they could lead to something serious like that wkstain cancer'

Blonde with tears in her eyes and halting emotional voice pleads...

'I don't want that knob socket of a disease, please show me how?'

Brunette in a cool, calm, soothing voice comments...

'Cancer is worse than treading in dogst on the way to a wedding, i'll show you how to examine yourself'

Several minutes of both close up and long shots of the girls examining their own and each others breasts for lumps follows while slow saxaphone music plays in the background. (might as well get the nudes in early)

Meanwhile our rebel of an anesthetist is in a bikers bar with the stereotypical shaven haired, leather clad bikers. The shocker is that the anesthetist is a sexy young redhead also in tight leather one piece suit showing plenty of cleavage (Lindsey Lohan if we can keep her sober enough for long enough) 6'6" shaven headed biker with a tattoo reading 'I st on cancer' across his chest looses another game of pool to our heroine and shouts to her...

'One more game so I beat you the way I beat that fker testicular cancer'

'Sorry, I have to go help destroy some more of that cancerous st!'

She then kisses the biker goodbye (this could be tricky, we'll have to stand her on a box or something to get them both in shot, she's onlt 5'4" or something) while grabbing his balls telling him...

'I'll be back to check for lumps big boy 'cos cancer is a dumb fk that likes to come back for more but early detection means we can kick the living st out of it and flush it down the sewer like the turd that it is!'

With this she gets on the bike and wheelspins into the distance.




Part II will contain...

The standard arguement between the surgeon and the authority figure. Mel Gibson as the slightly nutty Pathologist. A token black guy doing something or other, probably the radiologist, it won't really help the plot but will pad the movie out a bit. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone as the hospital orderlies wheeling the patient into the OR. Jackie Chan will be in there somewhere too, maybe a slightly 'Banzai' ambiwlans driver and a possible cameo by Chuck Norris?

And of couse the final chase scene where Bruce kicks the utter fk out of that stty disease called cancer befor finishing off with a rusty tent spike while calling it a .

You really have put some work into that!

[MentalSarcasm]

bigandclever said:

I'm a Taurus and I agree that Cancer is a .

I'm a Scorpio and I agree, dodgiest star sign in the zodiac

In keeping with the rest of this thread, lost my maternal grandmother to it just after I turned 12. My paternal grandmother then found a lump (a few months after she lost my grandfather, 15 months being his primary carer while he fought MND) and got it checked immeadiately, luckily it was dealt with in time and she has firmly kicked cancer in the arse, although she now has to stay on medication to keep it away. But then she already knew how this dance goes since she had to watch her brother die of lung cancer and see her cousin have both breasts removed and go through endless rounds of radiotherepy only to be told, every single time, "still not quite beaten it yet", "nope, there's still some bits there", "no good news yet I'm afraid" etc etc etc.

So yes, fk you cancer! Me and my Mum regularly take books and bits and pieces to Marie Curie shops to sell, and I did the Race for Life a few years ago. One day everyone's hard work will pay off and doctors will be able to say "It's cancer, but we can get rid of it very easily with minimal surgery and a few pills and it won't come back".

[drivin_me_nuts]

Loving the story Tango13.

Loving more the idea of an 'offical' PH say: fk Cancer, T shirt.

Garlick et al ... you reading

[Dibble]

Tango 13, if I could just make one tiny suggestion? Elisabeth Shue to do the prostate checks? I don't mind a non speaking part if she agrees.

And that's a Sunday lunchtime fk you cancer, with yorkshires and all the trimmings.

[cobra kid]

Both parents had it. Both parents died from it.

It is indeed a fking .

[Boshly]

I had my cancer cut out in a 6.5 hour op two days ago. That showed the bd just need to check for any lurking 'eggs' in the next few days and zap the bds if they're there.

I'm intending on hanging around for a while at least!