Really depressed
Discussion
I know you've probably had loads of advice, but here's my 2p as well.
I was depressed through-out the whole of my 20's & early 30's. The problem was, I didn't know I was depressed. Thankfully it kind of dawned on me that maybe I have a problem. This was difficult for me to accept, but at least it meant I had something to fix rather than just being a clueless misery.
Trying not to write too much here, but essentially, what helped me was telling people that I was suffering with depression. Suddenly people (family/friends) cut me a lot of slack and were much more understanding, rather than just critising my lack of effort.
The hardest part was making change. Being socialble - I found it really hard but I knew if I was going to pull myself out of this then it had to be done. I came to learn that spending time with people (rather than being in isolation) made me much happier. I'm now actually quite a social person, I'll be quite the entertainer when required.
Anyhoo, you CAN do it, use it as the spring board to positive change. It has to come from you though - but know we're all rooting for ya!
I was depressed through-out the whole of my 20's & early 30's. The problem was, I didn't know I was depressed. Thankfully it kind of dawned on me that maybe I have a problem. This was difficult for me to accept, but at least it meant I had something to fix rather than just being a clueless misery.
Trying not to write too much here, but essentially, what helped me was telling people that I was suffering with depression. Suddenly people (family/friends) cut me a lot of slack and were much more understanding, rather than just critising my lack of effort.
The hardest part was making change. Being socialble - I found it really hard but I knew if I was going to pull myself out of this then it had to be done. I came to learn that spending time with people (rather than being in isolation) made me much happier. I'm now actually quite a social person, I'll be quite the entertainer when required.
Anyhoo, you CAN do it, use it as the spring board to positive change. It has to come from you though - but know we're all rooting for ya!
How are things this week rob ?
Just read through this thread the bad side and seeing the good side of people helping in the darkest of times.
Its good to see pistonheads helping out. As I have recently been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and am
finding it all quite hard and unfamiliar. Its good to know a place to let it out when needed.
Just read through this thread the bad side and seeing the good side of people helping in the darkest of times.
Its good to see pistonheads helping out. As I have recently been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and am
finding it all quite hard and unfamiliar. Its good to know a place to let it out when needed.
cqueen said:
I was depressed through-out the whole of my 20's & early 30's. The problem was, I didn't know I was depressed. Thankfully it kind of dawned on me that maybe I have a problem.
I've read that many people suffer this issue. What was it that made you realise that you had a problem that needed addressing, especially after such a long time? 
littlepaul said:
How are things this week rob ?
Just read through this thread the bad side and seeing the good side of people helping in the darkest of times.
Its good to see pistonheads helping out. As I have recently been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and am
finding it all quite hard and unfamiliar. Its good to know a place to let it out when needed.
Hi buddy hope this helps but I was at rock bottom, and it was the kindness of people on here that pulled me through, I didn't reconisge I was depressed until nearly too late, I and I'm sure others understand how you are feeling, please please keep posting on here we are all here for you Just read through this thread the bad side and seeing the good side of people helping in the darkest of times.
Its good to see pistonheads helping out. As I have recently been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and am
finding it all quite hard and unfamiliar. Its good to know a place to let it out when needed.
Hi all hope all is well, sorry for lack of replies, it's been a strange week, would like to update what's going on as hopefully this might help other people, so.... I'm still doing online cbt which I'm finding helpful gives me some homework to do which gives something to focus on, rather than stuck in bed, and also identifies key areas to work on, currently for me it's getting sleep and diet in a good place, healthy body, healthy mind, as I'm posting this at 5am you can see I'm still working on it!.
I've found it very hard to be motivated to leave the house, what has helped is explaining fully to my friends so they have an understanding and in fact have been coming round and forcing me to go out! I can recommend top golf for a good evening out! On a practical level money is a big worry but thanks to the advice on here I'm in process of trying to get housing benift, due to being off work sick pay only, this has caused big issues with my ex as I have always paid monthly towards kids but currently not able to.,my regret is not informing her in advance (was unable to face her) but with a clear head I can see how this loss of money will effect her. So what am I learning? Surround yourself with the right people, talk and talk and talk about how your feeling, remember if you have a broken leg it's obvious you are sick and unable to perform normally and people accept it,mental illness is exactly the same just invisible and people don't always get it, or understand. I've recognised I need to get out of the house more, not always easy but at least I know what I need to do, so baby steps I'm not pushing myself, I know it's a journey to get better, but one I wouldn't be on if not for the caring and support from the people on here!
Sorry for the long post hopefully it comes across in a positive way and maybe helpful to others, Rob
I've found it very hard to be motivated to leave the house, what has helped is explaining fully to my friends so they have an understanding and in fact have been coming round and forcing me to go out! I can recommend top golf for a good evening out! On a practical level money is a big worry but thanks to the advice on here I'm in process of trying to get housing benift, due to being off work sick pay only, this has caused big issues with my ex as I have always paid monthly towards kids but currently not able to.,my regret is not informing her in advance (was unable to face her) but with a clear head I can see how this loss of money will effect her. So what am I learning? Surround yourself with the right people, talk and talk and talk about how your feeling, remember if you have a broken leg it's obvious you are sick and unable to perform normally and people accept it,mental illness is exactly the same just invisible and people don't always get it, or understand. I've recognised I need to get out of the house more, not always easy but at least I know what I need to do, so baby steps I'm not pushing myself, I know it's a journey to get better, but one I wouldn't be on if not for the caring and support from the people on here!
Sorry for the long post hopefully it comes across in a positive way and maybe helpful to others, Rob
Just keep going mate. Small steps. Things looked worse a few weeks ago, a few weeks from now you'll be able to look back again and how far you've come.
Just post on here whenever you can, whatever you need to get off your chest. No limits.
I'm no expert in these matters but I do want to help, as do so many other people. Stay in touch
Just post on here whenever you can, whatever you need to get off your chest. No limits.
I'm no expert in these matters but I do want to help, as do so many other people. Stay in touch
Robster said:
Been a bit quiet on here hope everyone is good? So quick update finally spoke to work as been signed off for another month,mentioned the overdose right or wrong seemed understanding and wanr to do a home visit
Good to see your going the right way Rob as others said baby steps, and from what you said previously speaking to work was very hard for you so that is a big step to take!From a personal my tablets have been doubled to see how get on with higher dose, but I personally find counselling is amazingly helpful to me.So got an email from the ex saying that I must pay towards the children or she will go to the csa, I previously left her a voice mail explaining my situation, being on statutory sick pay means I can't pay my rent unless I get the housing benefit, so stressed out now, looking online she would o ly be entitled to 30 a month, I'm just so upset she can be so cold, she clearly has no understanding of how depression effects people, can't think straight, how do I reply to her, what do I do
Edited by Robster on Thursday 10th November 20:34
Robster said:
So got an email from the ex saying that I must pay towards the children or she will go to the csa, I previously left her a voice mail explaining my situation, being on statutory sick pay means I can't pay my rent unless I get the housing benefit, so stressed out now, looking online she would o ly be entitled to 30 a month, I'm just so upset she can be so cold, she clearly has no understanding of how depression effects people, can't think straight, how do I reply to her, what do I do
You reply with the facts: that you're not earning at the moment and are struggling desperately, rent not even covered as things currently stand, that you want to make sure your kids are well looked after but things are very very difficult at the moment. Let her know she is welcome - sincerely not sarcastically - to go to the CSA but that as the problem is ability rather than willingness to pay, it might not be very helpful to her; you've never stopped doing all you can for them, and that won't stop being the case. Tell her the timescales as much as you know them eg for getting onto benefits so that you can restart payments at some level. Edited by Robster on Thursday 10th November 20:34
And in general - don't stress it. It'll cost her money to go to the CSA and it sounds like she's expecting more than she'll get through them, so basically, let her do it - it won't be great for her, but it's not going to hurt you.
Let her go to the CSA. They will asses your current situation and tell her you can't pay her anything and then when you are back at work will reassess and will take into account your loss of earnings so will probably come up with a settlement that is less than she gets now. Cut nose off to spite face comes to mind.
I don't want to derail this thread and the wonderful support and advice so I will give only a brief synopsis of what happened to my brother.
He had a child young (18 years old) and supported his daughter always. He's a sparky by trade and when the company he worked for went bust decided with a few others to set up his own business. Obviously during this period of setting up a business money was tight and whilst he continued to pay the amount he paid was much reduced. (They never had a csa agreement he just paid about £500 a month).. Anyway his ex girlfriends (daughters mother) new fella decided they were going to take him to court/csa.
Like you he went along and being self employed showed them the books and they awarded her a pittance relative to what she was previously receiving. To make matters worse they were both claiming benefits which they hadn't declared the payment from my brother to them. They got hit with a nasty request for a load of money they had claimed fraudulently for the past 3 years.
Like you it was a case of can't not won't pay. Well his daughter turned 16 this year and he still continued to pay her mother a lot more than he had to as he loves his daughter.
Your ex partner may be struggling financially at this moment but it might be worth point out she might end up worse in the long run chasing you via csa.
Anyway Rob, sorry to waffle on and side track the thread a little I just wanted to let you know others have been through it too.
Here's hoping you have a great day. It's great to read how your progressing and feeling better.
All the best.
He had a child young (18 years old) and supported his daughter always. He's a sparky by trade and when the company he worked for went bust decided with a few others to set up his own business. Obviously during this period of setting up a business money was tight and whilst he continued to pay the amount he paid was much reduced. (They never had a csa agreement he just paid about £500 a month).. Anyway his ex girlfriends (daughters mother) new fella decided they were going to take him to court/csa.
Like you he went along and being self employed showed them the books and they awarded her a pittance relative to what she was previously receiving. To make matters worse they were both claiming benefits which they hadn't declared the payment from my brother to them. They got hit with a nasty request for a load of money they had claimed fraudulently for the past 3 years.
Like you it was a case of can't not won't pay. Well his daughter turned 16 this year and he still continued to pay her mother a lot more than he had to as he loves his daughter.
Your ex partner may be struggling financially at this moment but it might be worth point out she might end up worse in the long run chasing you via csa.
Anyway Rob, sorry to waffle on and side track the thread a little I just wanted to let you know others have been through it too.
Here's hoping you have a great day. It's great to read how your progressing and feeling better.
All the best.
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