Mid Life Crisis Experiences
Discussion
Derek Donkey said:
There's nothing right now in my life that gets me excited or that I look forward to, other than not having to go to work at the weekends.
I don't enjoy a lot of the things I used to (fast/nice cars, trackdays, skiing, drinking with friends, weekends away/holidays) and I don't know why - I assumed it was just me becoming a miserable old git LOL.
I still have my (small) family close enough and talk to/see them very regularly - it's about the highlight of my week right now,
Only get out to eat/meet friends every couple of weeks now too.
I think I just have to bite the bullet, admit there's an issue and see someone, most likely the GP, but the thought of talking to them and opening up scares me (but I guess it would most people).
Did you listen to that podcast?I don't enjoy a lot of the things I used to (fast/nice cars, trackdays, skiing, drinking with friends, weekends away/holidays) and I don't know why - I assumed it was just me becoming a miserable old git LOL.
I still have my (small) family close enough and talk to/see them very regularly - it's about the highlight of my week right now,
Only get out to eat/meet friends every couple of weeks now too.
I think I just have to bite the bullet, admit there's an issue and see someone, most likely the GP, but the thought of talking to them and opening up scares me (but I guess it would most people).
Nothing means anything, what's the point, I set goals and achieve them and don't feel fulfilled, completion of tasks only leads to more tasks, why bother? What is the meaning of any if this?
That's midlife crisis stuff, you've got to be a bit odd not to suffer those thoughts, every one does especially as they get older, its part if human psyche, probably an essential part.
I'd be very cautious about taking a clinical or medical approach unless you feel you're physically suffering badly, there's a million other ways of altering your brain chemistry rather than prescription meds.
Millions of people feel the way you do, its all chronicled in human art, literature, culture and most of the leisure activities we do are essentially distractions from or dives into existential angst. You've just got to either find something to distract you from it or dive in.
Derek Donkey said:
There's nothing right now in my life that gets me excited or that I look forward to, other than not having to go to work at the weekends.
I don't enjoy a lot of the things I used to (fast/nice cars, trackdays, skiing, drinking with friends, weekends away/holidays) and I don't know why - I assumed it was just me becoming a miserable old git LOL.
I still have my (small) family close enough and talk to/see them very regularly - it's about the highlight of my week right now,
Only get out to eat/meet friends every couple of weeks now too.
I think I just have to bite the bullet, admit there's an issue and see someone, most likely the GP, but the thought of talking to them and opening up scares me (but I guess it would most people).
You poor sod. That is one fI don't enjoy a lot of the things I used to (fast/nice cars, trackdays, skiing, drinking with friends, weekends away/holidays) and I don't know why - I assumed it was just me becoming a miserable old git LOL.
I still have my (small) family close enough and talk to/see them very regularly - it's about the highlight of my week right now,
Only get out to eat/meet friends every couple of weeks now too.
I think I just have to bite the bullet, admit there's an issue and see someone, most likely the GP, but the thought of talking to them and opening up scares me (but I guess it would most people).
king miserable existence/outlook you have there. I don't think it is neccesarily mid-life at all.Might you be depressed? Have you talked to a doctor about this? I only assume this from you not enjoying things you used to. That is a sure sign of depression when literally nothing makes you happy.
I hope for your sake that you are because it can be treated but by the sound of it you quite literally like NOTHING, so none of our suggestions are going to help in the slightest.
It doesn't feel like you need life advice, you really need to learn how to like stuff.
As stated above, I'm very much in the 'I'm a man I don't need help' category, or at least I was...........
I haven't been able to listen to the podcast yet - hotel Wi-Fi in Eastern Europe was not quite good enough - I will listen at the weekend when I'm home.
It could be that I'm depressed, have low testosterone or something else, so might be worth getting checked out for those.I have private medical with work so could use that.
I'm certainly not rich but due to my low level of outgoings as I've nothing much going on outside of work, I could carry on my existence based on other income alone, but not pay off my on mortgage quickly (one of my key goals but not sure why), nor follow through on buying the nice(r) car I have a deposit on in a couple of years etc.
Not suffering physically particularly - weight gain has happened (couple of stone) which I'm finding hard to shift, in part as I normally have a very poor diet and working away means there's even less choice that I like, Exercise is not shifting that either and I think it's bought on back pain (which I've never had before but start physio next week)
I'm not keen on taking medication unless there's a really good reason (I don't normally take painkillers even if in pain).
Can't call GP from here as it's a stupid 0845 number so have a couple of days to think about what I need to do......
I haven't been able to listen to the podcast yet - hotel Wi-Fi in Eastern Europe was not quite good enough - I will listen at the weekend when I'm home.
It could be that I'm depressed, have low testosterone or something else, so might be worth getting checked out for those.I have private medical with work so could use that.
I'm certainly not rich but due to my low level of outgoings as I've nothing much going on outside of work, I could carry on my existence based on other income alone, but not pay off my on mortgage quickly (one of my key goals but not sure why), nor follow through on buying the nice(r) car I have a deposit on in a couple of years etc.
Not suffering physically particularly - weight gain has happened (couple of stone) which I'm finding hard to shift, in part as I normally have a very poor diet and working away means there's even less choice that I like, Exercise is not shifting that either and I think it's bought on back pain (which I've never had before but start physio next week)
I'm not keen on taking medication unless there's a really good reason (I don't normally take painkillers even if in pain).
Can't call GP from here as it's a stupid 0845 number so have a couple of days to think about what I need to do......
You really do sound like you need to rediscover the joys of casual relationships and alcohol.
And join a running club - it'll get you out of the house a couple of times a week with a group of other people. It may lead to the above, but if it doesn't, there's always the internet to sort that out anyway.
And join a running club - it'll get you out of the house a couple of times a week with a group of other people. It may lead to the above, but if it doesn't, there's always the internet to sort that out anyway.
Good luck, I rarely post but your current situation seems similar to mine. Motivation is low and trying to pull out of a low state is not so easy. I am off this week but dreading going back to a loads of emails and business travel planning on Monday!
I am trying to get out on my bike and plan to do things at the weekends to get some fresh air as just doing nothing seems to extend one working week into another!
Also a potential idea is to extend business travel, sounds a bit crazy but rather than the early Monday flights going earlier and exploring over the weekend made the trips a bit more interesting and memorable for me and it is then not all about work!
I am trying to get out on my bike and plan to do things at the weekends to get some fresh air as just doing nothing seems to extend one working week into another!
Also a potential idea is to extend business travel, sounds a bit crazy but rather than the early Monday flights going earlier and exploring over the weekend made the trips a bit more interesting and memorable for me and it is then not all about work!
That is part of the problem - mid-week nothing going on other than a couple of classes at the gym and a meal with my parents, then home. bed early to get up for the commute, rinse and repeat.
Weekends not filled with anything meaningful and start dreading work come Sunday lunchtime, or worse still have to start travelling at weekends.
I won't extend any of my trips as they're all longer than I like (or was sold as part of the recruitment process) and to some dismal places too.
I'm back in the office next week so planning to speak to my GP (can't make an appointment without a phone consultation first!)
Weekends not filled with anything meaningful and start dreading work come Sunday lunchtime, or worse still have to start travelling at weekends.
I won't extend any of my trips as they're all longer than I like (or was sold as part of the recruitment process) and to some dismal places too.
I'm back in the office next week so planning to speak to my GP (can't make an appointment without a phone consultation first!)
Here's the NHS depression test your GP is likely to give you, or something similar.
http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx
There are cynics around who will tell you this questionnaire and others are created by the developers of the pills which will apparently cure you, you don't have to be David Eycke to suppose some sort of conspiracy, my opinion as a layman but someone whose been involved personally with a sufferer of depression and anxiety, is unless you're genuinely having suicidal thoughts or physically unable to get up and about or sleep I'd be very reluctant to medicate yourself in anyway (that includes using alcohol).
Only you will know how you feel about that and whether it's what you want, your GP at best will only present the options, more typically they will present the option that best suits them.
http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx
There are cynics around who will tell you this questionnaire and others are created by the developers of the pills which will apparently cure you, you don't have to be David Eycke to suppose some sort of conspiracy, my opinion as a layman but someone whose been involved personally with a sufferer of depression and anxiety, is unless you're genuinely having suicidal thoughts or physically unable to get up and about or sleep I'd be very reluctant to medicate yourself in anyway (that includes using alcohol).
Only you will know how you feel about that and whether it's what you want, your GP at best will only present the options, more typically they will present the option that best suits them.
Your opening post sort of suggests that you have a degree of financial cushioning. That being the case, I would suggest leaving your job as I reckon this is the root of your 'fugginess'.
Some people can suck up a crap job. Others can't. (I'm one of the latter).
I'm of the opinion that the richness if life is added to greatly when you feel that you have contributed something positive, not simply done a good job and earned a good wedge. Some of the happiest, most contented people I know work in shops, warehouses or any other low paid, unskilled or semi-skilled job.
Beyond that, volunteering is another angle
I run a Community Radio station and we've more than a few people that I might put broadly in your camp and they all say how much they get out of their involvement with the station. Most of them are pretty naff presenters to be honest but the thing is, for such an organisation, that doesn't really matter as much as it would if they were on Radio 2. They come in, select their songs, load them up, think about what they are going to broadcast that day and off they go. Most of them didn't know what an MP3 was before they started so learnt a new skill too which all adds to the self-worth development too.
HTH
Some people can suck up a crap job. Others can't. (I'm one of the latter).
I'm of the opinion that the richness if life is added to greatly when you feel that you have contributed something positive, not simply done a good job and earned a good wedge. Some of the happiest, most contented people I know work in shops, warehouses or any other low paid, unskilled or semi-skilled job.
Beyond that, volunteering is another angle
I run a Community Radio station and we've more than a few people that I might put broadly in your camp and they all say how much they get out of their involvement with the station. Most of them are pretty naff presenters to be honest but the thing is, for such an organisation, that doesn't really matter as much as it would if they were on Radio 2. They come in, select their songs, load them up, think about what they are going to broadcast that day and off they go. Most of them didn't know what an MP3 was before they started so learnt a new skill too which all adds to the self-worth development too.
HTH
The job I think is a significant factor and the catalyst for my current mood, so I need to either suck it up and get used to it (I thought I had) or find something else, or take some time off.
At least it's Friday, and I should get home by 7 tonight (flights permitting - please don't be late Easyjet!) and can relax for the weekend.
At least it's Friday, and I should get home by 7 tonight (flights permitting - please don't be late Easyjet!) and can relax for the weekend.
Derek Donkey said:
I just need to find something that I become passionate about and have things that I want to do and look forward to doing, rather than eat, sleep, work , repeat. It's probably that which worries me most - I've no idea what I'm doing in society, how I contribute, what I'll do when I stop work or what the future holds or if it's as dull as life seems (but probably isn't) now.
This resonates with me quite strongly and I believe is the crux of your issue.Having no passion on life, be it a person or an activity, will suck the joy from you. At the same time we are social animals and even the best activity in the world is nowhere near as good on your own as it is sharing with others.
Presently the only thing you seem to do is work and that's most definitely not a passion from what you are saying
So it really does look like leaving your job and finding your passion may be a big part of the answer, especially as it sounds that you do not need the job from a financial perspective.Now finding a passion is not easy for everyone because we're not all as focused as some people BUT if that's the case then why not try loads of things with all the free time you can have once you leave work and see what floats your boat!
That may sound flippant but unless you try something you really will never know.
I'm 53 and have had a similar life to you by the sounds of things, work wise. I really do not enjoy my job any more and am looking to 'retire' in the next 24 months. The big difference for me is that I have a wonderful partner (not married) to share things with, even if it's just to talk and throw ideas into the pot. I think everyone needs someone - a partner, close friend, whatever to share with.
One of the passions I found along the way was being involved in creative projects around property. This may be something we all get into as we get older, getting interested in creating stuff. My last project was building a house to live in. However once that was done I was looking for something else to get my teeth into. 3 year on and I'm now at the end of the first year of creating a wild flower meadow and nature habitat in the house I moved onto from my self-build. I give that another 18-24 months and then I'll be looking at selling and building again.
I found those passions almost accidentally and I'm sure there are many more for me to discover moving forward. When I 'retire' I will do small versions of my property stuff to make a little money where possible but more so to keep me mentally and physically challenged. I may even do some charity work and work in some completely different field at a much lower level, part time. I actually don't know but I do know that finding out these new things will be a lot of fun and keep me active. Growing is a great process for the soul and really should never stop.
I wish you well.
Trying out new things would be good if I wasn't working, I just have no idea what I'd enjoy, but know it wouldn't be anything remotely practical as I'm useless at that.
I can't run as I have knees which seem not to like running any longer so do other exercise at the gym now.
Part of being away so much has meant I've put on weight and have back problems now too.
Having now been home for 5 days I feel more positive than last week and actually wen t out one night at the weekend, but know when I get sent away again to middle of nowhere in 10 days I feel awful.
I've started contacting recruiters now as it'll take months to find another suitable role.........
I can't run as I have knees which seem not to like running any longer so do other exercise at the gym now.
Part of being away so much has meant I've put on weight and have back problems now too.
Having now been home for 5 days I feel more positive than last week and actually wen t out one night at the weekend, but know when I get sent away again to middle of nowhere in 10 days I feel awful.
I've started contacting recruiters now as it'll take months to find another suitable role.........
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