Concerned about OH's drinking
Discussion
I am probably in denial. Maybe thinking that one day she will see the light and realise what harm she is doing to herself and us.
Thankfully we don't have children so leaving wouldn't be too difficult. But as I said in a previous post, if I left and then she took her own life I'm not sure I could forgive myself.
Does that make me an idiot? Probably.
She seems to be coming around to the idea of counselling though as I think she is realising that issues in her past mainly relating to her abusive marriage are still affecting her.
Thankfully we don't have children so leaving wouldn't be too difficult. But as I said in a previous post, if I left and then she took her own life I'm not sure I could forgive myself.
Does that make me an idiot? Probably.
She seems to be coming around to the idea of counselling though as I think she is realising that issues in her past mainly relating to her abusive marriage are still affecting her.
Well, what a 'fun' few weeks I've had since my last post.
My OH continues her downward spiral. Seems to be in a very dark place (no, not the wardrobe drinking!!) and spends most of the day in bed. And the drinking continues.
But, she did finally acknowledge that some form of counselling may help (her depression/anxiety rather than her drinking) and she sort her GP's advice. He gave her the number for the NHS mental health team, she spoke to someone there who gave her some information of a service in our area. But to me this seemed to focus more on young people so we had the number of a couple of private counsellors who'd been recommended to us and we gave one a call. And a session was arranged for last Tuesday evening. All was well until my OH decided to cancel, citing "not being in the right frame of mind"!!! Surely that's the best time to go to a counsellor. Basically I flipped and got very angry. I did threaten to leave but it's quite difficult to argue with someone who a) agrees with everything you say and b) is so down they don't come back with any real reasons why they aren't functioning although I guess this is depression in a nutshell.
But things got worse. On Wednesday I was woken early by the familiar sound of her throwing up in the bathroom. I then decided to look in her wardrobe and found 3 empty bottles of Bacardi, 3 empty bottles of wine and a bottle of Southern Comfort half empty. I had been away for the weekend and I strongly suspect this was how she occupied herself or at the very least for the few days prior to that too. One telling thing that she is addicted was when I threatened to poor the SC down the sink. She literally ran at me and grabbed the bottle!!
On Wednesday evening I came home and found her still unable to keep any liquids down (non alcoholic!) to such an extent where even a sip of water would be brought back up a few minutes later. I eventually called an ambulance and she was taken in. The paramedic asked me about drink as she'd asked my OH is she'd had a drink that day to which my OH has replied "No" even though the paramedic could smell it on her!
In hospital they rehydrated her and gave her anti sickness meds which helped. And they did ask about her drinking and to be fair to my OH she did admit to heavy drinking. When asked how many units a weeks she wasn't able to answer although I estimated 2 bottles on wine a day. She was discharged the next morning (as I guess they'd sorted out the reason for her being there i.e. the vomiting and dehydration).
We had a long talk and I advised her to ring AA. And to her credit she has and may be going to a meeting tonight. I say may as she is still feeling nauseous so may give it a miss. This would be disappointing but I am encouraged that she has made a small step and seems to acknowledge she has a problem. Whether she is paying lip service to it (and me) is another matter. But I have left her in no doubt that if it continues I will go. And if it does continue I must be strong enough to go through with it.
One question though. This continuous vomiting is something she has experienced before and I feel must be alcohol related. Does anyone know if this could be a sign of liver damage? In the hospital they did blood tests and said that her liver function was abnormal but not massively so. Or could the vomiting be caused by her body simply rejecting anything that it is asked to digest due to the excess alcohol? Or could the reason be that if she was effectively permanently under the influence, when she cuts down her drink she effectively goes into hangover mode hence the feeling sick?
Thanks.
My OH continues her downward spiral. Seems to be in a very dark place (no, not the wardrobe drinking!!) and spends most of the day in bed. And the drinking continues.
But, she did finally acknowledge that some form of counselling may help (her depression/anxiety rather than her drinking) and she sort her GP's advice. He gave her the number for the NHS mental health team, she spoke to someone there who gave her some information of a service in our area. But to me this seemed to focus more on young people so we had the number of a couple of private counsellors who'd been recommended to us and we gave one a call. And a session was arranged for last Tuesday evening. All was well until my OH decided to cancel, citing "not being in the right frame of mind"!!! Surely that's the best time to go to a counsellor. Basically I flipped and got very angry. I did threaten to leave but it's quite difficult to argue with someone who a) agrees with everything you say and b) is so down they don't come back with any real reasons why they aren't functioning although I guess this is depression in a nutshell.
But things got worse. On Wednesday I was woken early by the familiar sound of her throwing up in the bathroom. I then decided to look in her wardrobe and found 3 empty bottles of Bacardi, 3 empty bottles of wine and a bottle of Southern Comfort half empty. I had been away for the weekend and I strongly suspect this was how she occupied herself or at the very least for the few days prior to that too. One telling thing that she is addicted was when I threatened to poor the SC down the sink. She literally ran at me and grabbed the bottle!!
On Wednesday evening I came home and found her still unable to keep any liquids down (non alcoholic!) to such an extent where even a sip of water would be brought back up a few minutes later. I eventually called an ambulance and she was taken in. The paramedic asked me about drink as she'd asked my OH is she'd had a drink that day to which my OH has replied "No" even though the paramedic could smell it on her!
In hospital they rehydrated her and gave her anti sickness meds which helped. And they did ask about her drinking and to be fair to my OH she did admit to heavy drinking. When asked how many units a weeks she wasn't able to answer although I estimated 2 bottles on wine a day. She was discharged the next morning (as I guess they'd sorted out the reason for her being there i.e. the vomiting and dehydration).
We had a long talk and I advised her to ring AA. And to her credit she has and may be going to a meeting tonight. I say may as she is still feeling nauseous so may give it a miss. This would be disappointing but I am encouraged that she has made a small step and seems to acknowledge she has a problem. Whether she is paying lip service to it (and me) is another matter. But I have left her in no doubt that if it continues I will go. And if it does continue I must be strong enough to go through with it.
One question though. This continuous vomiting is something she has experienced before and I feel must be alcohol related. Does anyone know if this could be a sign of liver damage? In the hospital they did blood tests and said that her liver function was abnormal but not massively so. Or could the vomiting be caused by her body simply rejecting anything that it is asked to digest due to the excess alcohol? Or could the reason be that if she was effectively permanently under the influence, when she cuts down her drink she effectively goes into hangover mode hence the feeling sick?
Thanks.
Sa Calobra said:
Has she lost alot of weight?
The question on liver damage.
I don't think that's a question that needs to be asked sadly.
My best mate lost his mum to liver failure at the age of 42
Yes she has. Probably about 4 stone in 3 or 4 years (she wasn't tiny before but certainly not 4 stone overweight.) The question on liver damage.
I don't think that's a question that needs to be asked sadly.
My best mate lost his mum to liver failure at the age of 42
toastyhamster said:
Utterly staggered they discharged her in the morning! I would like to PM you to offer some advice, but your profile doesn't allow it, can you get in touch pls.
To be fair they did mention that she should attend some kind of rehab/addiction centre but didn't go any further than that. As I said in the post I suspect places like A&E (or equivalent) deal with purely what's in front of them not the reasoning behind it. Be nice if they did but lack of time, beds, resource, etc puts paid to that.I have changed my settings so hopefully you'll be able to PM me now.
Evening all, thought it time for an update.
Things carried on pretty much in the same vein. Almost missed our holiday in May as my OH was too pissed to pack! But we went and met friends out there who knew something wasn't right. I then did something I should have done ages ago and told people about her drinking. They didn't challenge her about it directly but were there for me as a sounding board. When we returned we had a couple of sessions with a hypnotherapist. It was ok but not sure if my OH found it that useful. But then in August the turning point....
Usual scenario, got home from work and heard her staggering around upstairs and throwing up. Knowing this would carry on all night I rang for an ambulance and she was admitted with (deep breath) enlarged heart, pneumonia and sepsis. She was in a bad way and even had to spend 2 days in intensive care. She stayed in hospital for 3 weeks and was practically bedridden. She could barely walk unaided. But since then, the change has been little short of remarkable. She hasn't touched a drop, she is eating a lot better and is a lot happier. Even started another job a month or so ago. I don't pretend to think we are out of the woods yet and part of me is waiting for her to succumb. But hopefully every day she doesn't drink makes that less of a temptation. I do wonder whether that hospital stay was her hitting rock bottom.
Whilst she was in hospital I told our close family and friends about her drinking, as much for my sake as hers. This has helped a lot. Another thing that had helped is her attending an addiction centre weekly.
I really, really hope this is the last post I have to write on this subject so thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read and reply. It helped a lot.
Happy Christmas
Things carried on pretty much in the same vein. Almost missed our holiday in May as my OH was too pissed to pack! But we went and met friends out there who knew something wasn't right. I then did something I should have done ages ago and told people about her drinking. They didn't challenge her about it directly but were there for me as a sounding board. When we returned we had a couple of sessions with a hypnotherapist. It was ok but not sure if my OH found it that useful. But then in August the turning point....
Usual scenario, got home from work and heard her staggering around upstairs and throwing up. Knowing this would carry on all night I rang for an ambulance and she was admitted with (deep breath) enlarged heart, pneumonia and sepsis. She was in a bad way and even had to spend 2 days in intensive care. She stayed in hospital for 3 weeks and was practically bedridden. She could barely walk unaided. But since then, the change has been little short of remarkable. She hasn't touched a drop, she is eating a lot better and is a lot happier. Even started another job a month or so ago. I don't pretend to think we are out of the woods yet and part of me is waiting for her to succumb. But hopefully every day she doesn't drink makes that less of a temptation. I do wonder whether that hospital stay was her hitting rock bottom.
Whilst she was in hospital I told our close family and friends about her drinking, as much for my sake as hers. This has helped a lot. Another thing that had helped is her attending an addiction centre weekly.
I really, really hope this is the last post I have to write on this subject so thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read and reply. It helped a lot.
Happy Christmas
Thanks for the replies.
Yes, it will be a booze free house although to be honest I'm not a drinker anyway so it's no biggy for me.
But at this time of year it's not just the bottles you have to watch for. There is alcohol in a lot of things - mince pies, Christmas puddings, chocolates, etc!!
Yes, it will be a booze free house although to be honest I'm not a drinker anyway so it's no biggy for me.
But at this time of year it's not just the bottles you have to watch for. There is alcohol in a lot of things - mince pies, Christmas puddings, chocolates, etc!!
Hello everyone, just wanted to give you all an update and it's not a good one.
My OH is back on the booze. Probably not as bad (i.e. as much) as before apart from one incident recently.
I'd suspected she was drinking again as apart from finding the odd small bottle of wine (full or empty) in her wardrobe her mood changed through the day. In the morning (i.e. sober) she was easy going, happy but later in the day after she'd been caring for her (difficult) Mum she was moody, irritable and very tired. I questioned her a number of times but of course everything was denied.
About a month ago the same scenario but I lost it with her and told her to go to her Mum's which she did. Fast forward a couple of hours and I hear this scraping sound outside, looked out and saw her driving down the road with the offside corner of her car completely wrecked. She'd gone through a width restriction, misjudged it and hit the concrete bollard. Luckily for everyone she drove her car home without further incident. But then she tried to get out of the car and was unable too. Completely drunk, off her head. Fell on the floor and couldn't even get up. Of course this prompted some of the neighbours to come out and see what was going on and they didn't need to be geniuses to realise what had happened. But despite this the drinking carries on. I honestly thought that something like this would have made her realise but no. If she has even been stopped by the police (which was entirely possible as only 1 headlight was working) she would certainly have been looking at a ban if not a prison term. But still it carries on.
I don't know how much she is now drinking but my guess is 2 of the small bottles of wine a day which I think equates to half a bottle of wine. Not extreme to a lot of people but probably enough to put her close to the limit when driving (I think 1 bottle is equates to 1 glass so she is driving after having 2 glasses).
It's got to the stage where I'm not even pulling her up on it anymore as that just causes an argument. I have mentioned it to a good friend of hers (and who knows her history) and she is taking the softly, softly approach although that isn't working either.
What is also quite amazing is that a neighbour of ours admitted to my OH that she has also had issues in the past with alcohol but a few weeks ago she too relapsed to such an extent that her daughter called an ambulance and she was admitted to hospital for a few days. She was discharged but she has now gone into rehab. And even that bombshell didn't make my OH think that she needs to re-evaluate. My OH also watches Corrie and for those of you who watch it, you would think that Peter's storyline would hit home but no.
What does the future bring? Who knows. I think if it wasn't for the lockdown I would have spent some time at my Mum's but suspect I would just spend all my time worrying and wondering what my OH is doing to herself as well as our home.
I'm going to give Al-Anon a call when I can to see what advice they can give.
My OH is back on the booze. Probably not as bad (i.e. as much) as before apart from one incident recently.
I'd suspected she was drinking again as apart from finding the odd small bottle of wine (full or empty) in her wardrobe her mood changed through the day. In the morning (i.e. sober) she was easy going, happy but later in the day after she'd been caring for her (difficult) Mum she was moody, irritable and very tired. I questioned her a number of times but of course everything was denied.
About a month ago the same scenario but I lost it with her and told her to go to her Mum's which she did. Fast forward a couple of hours and I hear this scraping sound outside, looked out and saw her driving down the road with the offside corner of her car completely wrecked. She'd gone through a width restriction, misjudged it and hit the concrete bollard. Luckily for everyone she drove her car home without further incident. But then she tried to get out of the car and was unable too. Completely drunk, off her head. Fell on the floor and couldn't even get up. Of course this prompted some of the neighbours to come out and see what was going on and they didn't need to be geniuses to realise what had happened. But despite this the drinking carries on. I honestly thought that something like this would have made her realise but no. If she has even been stopped by the police (which was entirely possible as only 1 headlight was working) she would certainly have been looking at a ban if not a prison term. But still it carries on.
I don't know how much she is now drinking but my guess is 2 of the small bottles of wine a day which I think equates to half a bottle of wine. Not extreme to a lot of people but probably enough to put her close to the limit when driving (I think 1 bottle is equates to 1 glass so she is driving after having 2 glasses).
It's got to the stage where I'm not even pulling her up on it anymore as that just causes an argument. I have mentioned it to a good friend of hers (and who knows her history) and she is taking the softly, softly approach although that isn't working either.
What is also quite amazing is that a neighbour of ours admitted to my OH that she has also had issues in the past with alcohol but a few weeks ago she too relapsed to such an extent that her daughter called an ambulance and she was admitted to hospital for a few days. She was discharged but she has now gone into rehab. And even that bombshell didn't make my OH think that she needs to re-evaluate. My OH also watches Corrie and for those of you who watch it, you would think that Peter's storyline would hit home but no.
What does the future bring? Who knows. I think if it wasn't for the lockdown I would have spent some time at my Mum's but suspect I would just spend all my time worrying and wondering what my OH is doing to herself as well as our home.
I'm going to give Al-Anon a call when I can to see what advice they can give.
Thanks all for the responses.
I have considered ringing the police; even if she weren't over the limit hopefully it would shock her into changing. But who am I kidding? She nigh on wrote her car off and that had no effect.
I do ask myself regularly why I stay and I'm afraid to say that it isn't because I couldn't live without her. I could. I guess it's just a bit too comfortable and splitting up means we would have to sell our nice house and I'd end up in a flat somewhere. Happier probably but also a bit empty.
I have considered ringing the police; even if she weren't over the limit hopefully it would shock her into changing. But who am I kidding? She nigh on wrote her car off and that had no effect.
I do ask myself regularly why I stay and I'm afraid to say that it isn't because I couldn't live without her. I could. I guess it's just a bit too comfortable and splitting up means we would have to sell our nice house and I'd end up in a flat somewhere. Happier probably but also a bit empty.
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff