Death of my daughter
Discussion
TVR1 said:
Thing is. It doesn’t get any better.
Mate, I've just read this whole thread as I couldn't sleep. My heart goes out to you and your family, I wish I could say or do something to help. Keep going fella, it can't get any worse than what you've already been through, it can only get better. Take small steps but keep moving forward
yesterjay said:
How's your kid TVR?
She must be what, six now... seven? Does she do swimming with the school.
Mine has lost confidence with it lately and has had a few extra half term lessons. Still seems to be able to summon the vigour for dive bombs though!
Yeah, 7. Swims like a Fish. There’s some family history with that. We’re going to Richmond Lido next week. She must be what, six now... seven? Does she do swimming with the school.
Mine has lost confidence with it lately and has had a few extra half term lessons. Still seems to be able to summon the vigour for dive bombs though!
It’s odd what triggers. We had an amazing day yesterday and she just randomly said, I wish my sisters were still alive. In the way that children do. Just matter of fact. 🤣 I always answer her questions if she wants to know. But f
k me, it makes me scream inside ‘so do I’ TVR1 said:
Yeah, 7. Swims like a Fish. There’s some family history with that. We’re going to Richmond Lido next week.
It’s odd what triggers. We had an amazing day yesterday and she just randomly said, I wish my sisters were still alive. In the way that children do. Just matter of fact. ?? I always answer her questions if she wants to know. But fk me, it makes me scream inside ‘so do I’
Oh,,It’s odd what triggers. We had an amazing day yesterday and she just randomly said, I wish my sisters were still alive. In the way that children do. Just matter of fact. ?? I always answer her questions if she wants to know. But f
k me, it makes me scream inside ‘so do I’ It must be dusty in here.
TVR1 said:
yesterjay said:
How's your kid TVR?
She must be what, six now... seven? Does she do swimming with the school.
Mine has lost confidence with it lately and has had a few extra half term lessons. Still seems to be able to summon the vigour for dive bombs though!
Yeah, 7. Swims like a Fish. There’s some family history with that. We’re going to Richmond Lido next week. She must be what, six now... seven? Does she do swimming with the school.
Mine has lost confidence with it lately and has had a few extra half term lessons. Still seems to be able to summon the vigour for dive bombs though!
It’s odd what triggers. We had an amazing day yesterday and she just randomly said, I wish my sisters were still alive. In the way that children do. Just matter of fact. ?? I always answer her questions if she wants to know. But f
k me, it makes me scream inside ‘so do I’ Gary C said:
Oh,,
It must be dusty in here.
I hate this saying. We’re in health matters talking about a very sensitive subject and men’s mental health. It must be dusty in here.
It is ABSOLUTELY OKAY to say this brought a tear, it’s very unhealthy to perpetuate the stereotype that men don’t or shouldn’t cry!
Please, please, can we normalise men expressing a full range of emotions.
We’re with you TVR1, please keep being honest with yourself and your thoughts.
I was recently at the grave of someone I knew, and my 5 year old has learnt how to read her own name, which is the same middle name as the person who had passed away. I mean I gave my daughter that name, so I should have expected it, but it did cause a real stumble when she read it on the headstone.
It has taken 14 years, and although the memory is still strong, I do get longer periods between the sad memories hitting hard.
Well done in just talking about it all, that is a real good therapy.
It has taken 14 years, and although the memory is still strong, I do get longer periods between the sad memories hitting hard.
Well done in just talking about it all, that is a real good therapy.
I am sure that talking about it is incredibly important and helps a lot. This was an unspeakable tragedy for you., OP and you have been strong in the face of it.
I came from a family that did not communicate any pain of talk or about feelings.
My father had grown up in the Depression and had gotten a scholarship to university to become a doctor. My grandfather went bankrupt so my father had to give up university and go work in a garage to support his parents.
I was the eldest child The next two were miscarriages. Then my sister was born, followed by two brothers. My mother got lung cancer at 49 and died at 51. It was a frightful death at home.
I emigrated to Canada then at the age of 26. My younger brothers stayed with my father. One committed suicide at 25 and left a note. The younger went down to see my sister who lived in Tenerife. (She had moved unbeknownst to him). On his way back to the airport he drove into a bridge and killed himself.
Throughout all of this my father,( who was a deeply kind committed family man), never issued a word. He was legally blind when he died and in a home suffering from cancer. I flew back to be with him. He was crystal clear in his thinking at 81. I could not stay indefinitely so I gave him a hug and we had a desultory talk. I had had the opportunity to fly him out to Canada in the previous few years so my son would know his grandfather.
I jumped back on the plane to Montreal, and when I landed I got the news that he was dead.
I have an adult son and we talk more than I ever talked with my father. I am sad that he kept his own agonies so private.
None of this removes the great pain of loss of your daughters but having people to talk to will help the pain so slowly become more bearable.
I came from a family that did not communicate any pain of talk or about feelings.
My father had grown up in the Depression and had gotten a scholarship to university to become a doctor. My grandfather went bankrupt so my father had to give up university and go work in a garage to support his parents.
I was the eldest child The next two were miscarriages. Then my sister was born, followed by two brothers. My mother got lung cancer at 49 and died at 51. It was a frightful death at home.
I emigrated to Canada then at the age of 26. My younger brothers stayed with my father. One committed suicide at 25 and left a note. The younger went down to see my sister who lived in Tenerife. (She had moved unbeknownst to him). On his way back to the airport he drove into a bridge and killed himself.
Throughout all of this my father,( who was a deeply kind committed family man), never issued a word. He was legally blind when he died and in a home suffering from cancer. I flew back to be with him. He was crystal clear in his thinking at 81. I could not stay indefinitely so I gave him a hug and we had a desultory talk. I had had the opportunity to fly him out to Canada in the previous few years so my son would know his grandfather.
I jumped back on the plane to Montreal, and when I landed I got the news that he was dead.
I have an adult son and we talk more than I ever talked with my father. I am sad that he kept his own agonies so private.
None of this removes the great pain of loss of your daughters but having people to talk to will help the pain so slowly become more bearable.
bristolbaron said:
Gary C said:
Oh,,
It must be dusty in here.
I hate this saying. We’re in health matters talking about a very sensitive subject and men’s mental health. It must be dusty in here.
It is ABSOLUTELY OKAY to say this brought a tear, it’s very unhealthy to perpetuate the stereotype that men don’t or shouldn’t cry!
Please, please, can we normalise men expressing a full range of emotions.
We’re with you TVR1, please keep being honest with yourself and your thoughts.
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