Death of my daughter

[TVR1]

Thank you all again, for your kind thoughs. 1week in, it's becoming a nightmare, emotionally.

During the day, I'm ok.

But at night, when I can think? It's a disaster.

I'm trying so hard to look after my wife and our beautiful 2 year old daughter but feeling like a bomb that's going to explode.

I so much want them to be. But they never will.

[fttm]

TVR1 said:

Thank you all again, for your kind thoughs. 1week in, it's becoming a nightmare, emotionally.

During the day, I'm ok.

But at night, when I can think? It's a disaster.

I'm trying so hard to look after my wife and our beautiful 2 year old daughter but feeling like a bomb that's going to explode.

I so much want them to be. But they never will.

You need to seek help my friend , you've been and are still going through the mangle . One hour of your time will be well rewarded by talking to a trained councilor , fairly sure you've been given a list of them already . Take up the offer ,please .

[King Herald]

So sad to hear the terrible news. I can't think of anything more tragic than the loss of a child. Sincerest condolences mate, I can't imagine what you are going through.

My own daughter was born several weeks premature, spent a week in intensive care, but that was nothing compared to this. A year or two ago we tried to have a second one, but after two miscarriages we decided enough was enough.

I first saw this thread last week, and I didn't dare to open it, but 5:30 this morning, laying in bed, wide awake with a head full of my own problems I decided to have a look.

Edited by King Herald on Tuesday 18th April 19:38

[ruggedscotty]

stigma is from the folks who have never gone through the same or experienced the despair of such events.

You can judge only if you have walked in the same shoes and gone through the same doors in life, and no one has. best lay off of the judgement and stigma,

It helps. Those people can help you make sense of it all and process it. Give you the tools you need to do so.

I am so sorry for you, I cant begin to imagine what it would be like to loose a child.

[FlyingMeeces]

TVR1 said:

Thank you all again, for your kind thoughs. 1week in, it's becoming a nightmare, emotionally.

During the day, I'm ok.

But at night, when I can think? It's a disaster.

I'm trying so hard to look after my wife and our beautiful 2 year old daughter but feeling like a bomb that's going to explode.

I so much want them to be. But they never will.

I can't lay down at night in the quiet any more. Head instantly fills with replays of all the worst moments, with mental images of the bits I didn't see even worse. It took me a lot of trial and error and horrible sleep deprivation to find something of a solution: I put the most neutral, boring, harmless BBC documentary I can find on. Oceans series off BBC4 at the moment. Turned down quiet, just enough that I can hear the narration without trying too hard to concentrate. Experimented a bit with playlists of Khan Academy tutorials similarly but hour-long documentaries work ok for me.

It completely fking blows that I apparently can't just have quiet time any more, but at least I can mostly sleep when I need to now.

[TVR1]

FlyingMeeces said:

TVR1 said:

Thank you all again, for your kind thoughs. 1week in, it's becoming a nightmare, emotionally.

During the day, I'm ok.

But at night, when I can think? It's a disaster.

I'm trying so hard to look after my wife and our beautiful 2 year old daughter but feeling like a bomb that's going to explode.

I so much want them to be. But they never will.

I can't lay down at night in the quiet any more. Head instantly fills with replays of all the worst moments, with mental images of the bits I didn't see even worse. It took me a lot of trial and error and horrible sleep deprivation to find something of a solution: I put the most neutral, boring, harmless BBC documentary I can find on. Oceans series off BBC4 at the moment. Turned down quiet, just enough that I can hear the narration without trying too hard to concentrate. Experimented a bit with playlists of Khan Academy tutorials similarly but hour-long documentaries work ok for me.

It completely fking blows that I apparently can't just have quiet time any more, but at least I can mostly sleep when I need to now.

Thank you for your post. the thinking time is indeed, the worst.

Just yesterday i was at The supermarket, trying to restock but all i could do was stare at the chickens for half an hour.

I left with 2 carrots. Its pretty mental.

But YOU, FlyingM, sound like you're having a bit of a rough time too, perhaps more than me? And the reference to recent TV programmes suggest it was fairly recent?

So spill the beans buddy. If you want. I promise I'll hold your hand over the internet (as everyone here will), if you want to share your situation. Its st. But talking does help.

[FlyingMeeces]

TVR1 said:

Thank you for your post. the thinking time is indeed, the worst.

Just yesterday i was at The supermarket, trying to restock but all i could do was stare at the chickens for half an hour.

I left with 2 carrots. Its pretty mental.

But YOU, FlyingM, sound like you're having a bit of a rough time too, perhaps more than me? And the reference to recent TV programmes suggest it was fairly recent?

So spill the beans buddy. If you want. I promise I'll hold your hand over the internet (as everyone here will), if you want to share your situation. Its st. But talking does help.

Definitely not having a worse time than you, but bereavement is pretty relentless and the process of trying to figure out how best to crack on is ongoing. It'll be 2 years in 6 weeks time that my daughter died, she was 29 months old. But I was a single parent and she was my only child so there's a particular kind of fked-upness there.

Good days, and good moments, aren't so hard to come by now, and the boring documentary trick means I CAN sleep, and I'm making some changes to generally maximise the level of okayness I can reach, but it'll always be okayness in a context of things being very very not okay.

The thought is much appreciated, dude. PHers are a fantastic bunch.

[Jackarmy100]

Cannot possibly imagine what your going through. My deepest condolences.
We suffered a miscarriage at 8 weeks a couple of years ago, which was bad enough.
Try and stay strong for your wife is easy to say, but very hard to do.
RIP

[Huntsman]

TVR1 said:

I left with 2 carrots. Its pretty mental.

Cognitive thought goes all to st when grieving. I was hopeless for a year when we lost number 1, I sat and work unable to read a single line of an email. Missed meetings, never knew the day of the week, let along the date. Kept the whole exec team waiting while I wandered round the car park.

Teeny tiny glimmers of hope and happiness do appear, and they grow day by day. Lovely random internet people* take the time to write to you, especially those that have been there, they share the pain and say the loveliest things. Hold onto those.

• Kapitein Langzaam wrote to me. Its was a lovely gesture.

[Fermit The Krog and Sexy Sarah]

I would suggest sounding off here as much as you need to. The internet (TM) is full of aholes and know-it-alls, but it is also full of humans who care, who have compassion, or have even experienced similar. Nuggets of advice or problems shared can help in a time of need. All the best.

[Roscco]

Nothing I can say will help, but know that a random Scots guy has seen and will remember Jessica, and hopes you and your wife come through this together.

At a loss, my thoughts are with you.

R.I.P Jessica

[anonymous-user]

You really do wonder what life is about at times when you read heartbreaking stories from others who are going through hell.

Words seem pretty useless at times like these but I am so pleased to see you have decided to share your daily pain with us all as it does help.

I am sure most days are going by in a total daze. Going through the motions which then comes to a head at night when the brain tries to process what is going on.

I know this will be little comfort at this moment in time but I have spoken to a family who have gone through similar circumstance which you and your wife are experiencing at this moment in time. This couples in particular had twins which unfortunately resulted in one passing. I know it might be of little comfort but the other twin which too was struggling and survived.

The loss of Jessica is beyond tragic. For any couple to have to go through this makes very little sense. Daisy I am sure is a fighter as you all are and with Jessica watching over you all I am sure she will continue to fight and you will have your new baby daughter home with you in the near future.

I will be thinking about you all and hope to hear more positive news about your wife and Daisy in the coming days.

Stay strong mate.

Edited by anonymous-user on Thursday 20th April 13:30

[Zoon]

Terrible news and sincere condolences from me.
Please stay strong for yourself and your wife.

[Soov330e]

Dear lord. I am so so sorry.

Take care of yourself, too, as well as your wife. She needs you.

"Please fit your oxygen mask before helping others".

[anonymous-user]

FlyingMeeces said:

Definitely not having a worse time than you, but bereavement is pretty relentless and the process of trying to figure out how best to crack on is ongoing. It'll be 2 years in 6 weeks time that my daughter died, she was 29 months old. But I was a single parent and she was my only child so there's a particular kind of fked-upness there.

Good days, and good moments, aren't so hard to come by now, and the boring documentary trick means I CAN sleep, and I'm making some changes to generally maximise the level of okayness I can reach, but it'll always be okayness in a context of things being very very not okay.

The thought is much appreciated, dude. PHers are a fantastic bunch.

That is a very hard situation to be in mate. I hope you have family members you can talk too or friends that are close.

Unfortunately when something like this happens you have the outpouring of grief and support from everyone but after the funeral and formalities everyone starts to disappear back into their own lives. Even family members who you know are thinking about you are too scared to ask about it so not to upset.

It can be a very lonely time especially when in your case you were a single parent losing your only child. To not have a partner there to be able to talk too and at least speak out your grief and pain must have been very difficult. Two years is nothing and it will be very much on your mind daily. Trying to put something like this at the back of your mind is very difficult as you will feel guilt if you are not thinking about it also.

My thoughts are with you too mate. I am glad to see you feel able to help others when clearly you have had a very difficult time as well.

That shows a very strong and caring personality.

[TVR1]

ELUSIVEJIM said:

You really do wonder what life is about at times when you read heartbreaking stories from others who are going through hell.

Words seem pretty useless at times like these but I am so pleased to see you have decided to share your daily pain with us all as it does help.

I am sure most days are going by in a total daze. Going through the motions which then comes to a head at night when the brain tries to process what is going on.

I know this will be little comfort at this moment in time but I have spoken to a family who have gone through similar circumstance which you and your wife are experiencing at this moment in time. This couples in particular had twins which unfortunately resulted in one passing. I know it might be of little comfort but the other twin which too was struggling and survived.

The loss of Jessica is beyond tragic. For any couple to have to go through this makes very little sense. Daisy I am sure is a fighter as you all are and with Jessica watching over you all I am sure she will continue to fight and you will have your new baby daughter home with you in the near future.

I will be thinking about you all and hope to hear more positive news about your wife and Daisy in the coming days.

Stay strong mate.

Edited by ELUSIVEJIM on Thursday 20th April 13:30

Thank you for the kind words. I guess it wasn't that clear, reading one of my posts back-a bit ambiguous I suppose, but Daisy didn't survive either.

[anonymous-user]

TVR1 said:

Thank you for the kind words. I guess it wasn't that clear, reading one of my posts back-a bit ambiguous I suppose, but Daisy didn't survive either.

Oh mate. I feel terrible.

I am so very sorry. I must have read it totally wrong which I can only apologise for.

My heart goes out to you both.

Please post a comment if you need anything or just want to talk.

Again I am so very very sorry for your loss.

Thinking of you all.

[zarjaz1991]

I have no words for this. How could I, ever?

[dr_gn]

Very sorry to read this - unimaginable what you must be going through. FWIW my thoughts are with you.

[Sonie]

Stay strong, both for your wife and also for your daughter. Life is precious.

RIP Jessica and Daisy,