Help with elderly relatives - Parkinson's + Dementia issues?
Discussion
Thank you again, aeropilot. I owe you many virtual beers. 
My wife knows that what I've explained is the reality/case. She wants to just make 100% sure for her own peace of mind that she's looked at everything properly. First target was getting her Dad out of hospital = achieved. Given her Mum's situation, I think the fewer changes we make, probably, the better.
Anyway, thank you. Really.
My wife knows that what I've explained is the reality/case. She wants to just make 100% sure for her own peace of mind that she's looked at everything properly. First target was getting her Dad out of hospital = achieved. Given her Mum's situation, I think the fewer changes we make, probably, the better.
Anyway, thank you. Really.
I can't tell you that you want agonise over whatever decision you make for evermore, as to whether it was the right one of not.........
I'm sure you will make the right one though....
I think if you still lived locally to the in-laws, then maybe live-in carers might be an option, but, when it was explained to me what I would still have to do (what they wouldn't) even though I lived locally to my Mum, it was clear that, I couldn't do what would have been required AND still keep a full time job....so I was really left with no other option. It was the right one, but there's a small part of me wishes it was the option I hadn't had to take.
So, given your location, and no likelihood of any help/share of the workload from the useless BiL, then I just don't see you have any realistic option.
You also have to consider what happens if one or other goes first, as to which one is left, as to what care (upheaval) in their current situation that would cause, especially if your FiL goes before your MiL.
I'm sure you will make the right one though....
I think if you still lived locally to the in-laws, then maybe live-in carers might be an option, but, when it was explained to me what I would still have to do (what they wouldn't) even though I lived locally to my Mum, it was clear that, I couldn't do what would have been required AND still keep a full time job....so I was really left with no other option. It was the right one, but there's a small part of me wishes it was the option I hadn't had to take.
So, given your location, and no likelihood of any help/share of the workload from the useless BiL, then I just don't see you have any realistic option.
You also have to consider what happens if one or other goes first, as to which one is left, as to what care (upheaval) in their current situation that would cause, especially if your FiL goes before your MiL.
Brief comments/update.
Mrs RC seems far less inclined towards live in carer. TFFT!
Mrs RC also called her folks on Sat eve, after we'd arrived in Bordeaux. They now have a direct phone in their room. MIL, when asked a question, suggested to my wife that she'd better talk to her Dad about that as he knows more on that topic...."I'll pass the phone to him, he's on the floor at the moment. He fell over a while ago...." f
king hell! "Pull the emergency cord! Get help!" She did, eventually.... She's the largest liability to him! 
Called back later. FIL had been put in his bed, a little more scuffed up. MIL was convinced she was on holiday in France, "heading home tomorrow....", some things are best left unsaid to avoid later confusion, it seems. She had France in her head from my wife commenting on our holiday, that's all. Some things stick, just all the wrong ones.
My FIL was convinced he was in a house he left in 1969, since their room number is the same as that house number was. Repeated answers to the same questions over and over, as you do, to them both this time. Sadly.
Wife's heading back to the UK 2 days after we get back from holiday, partly to start clearing stuff out, but also to offload her parents' car, before the stupid £900/p.a insurance renews in Sep on DD.
Flog it.
Trade sale.
Cancel insurance.
Refund road tax.
1 liability offloaded.
Next: the house. Oh, that's gonna be "fun". 48 years of hoarding st!
TTFN
Mrs RC seems far less inclined towards live in carer. TFFT!
Mrs RC also called her folks on Sat eve, after we'd arrived in Bordeaux. They now have a direct phone in their room. MIL, when asked a question, suggested to my wife that she'd better talk to her Dad about that as he knows more on that topic...."I'll pass the phone to him, he's on the floor at the moment. He fell over a while ago...." f
king hell! "Pull the emergency cord! Get help!" She did, eventually.... She's the largest liability to him! Called back later. FIL had been put in his bed, a little more scuffed up. MIL was convinced she was on holiday in France, "heading home tomorrow....", some things are best left unsaid to avoid later confusion, it seems. She had France in her head from my wife commenting on our holiday, that's all. Some things stick, just all the wrong ones.
My FIL was convinced he was in a house he left in 1969, since their room number is the same as that house number was. Repeated answers to the same questions over and over, as you do, to them both this time. Sadly.
Wife's heading back to the UK 2 days after we get back from holiday, partly to start clearing stuff out, but also to offload her parents' car, before the stupid £900/p.a insurance renews in Sep on DD.
Flog it.
Trade sale.
Cancel insurance.
Refund road tax.
1 liability offloaded.
Next: the house. Oh, that's gonna be "fun". 48 years of hoarding s
t! TTFN
RC1807 said:
Next: the house. Oh, that's gonna be "fun". 48 years of hoarding st!
Oh yeah.......that's a mixture of hell and heartbreak.t! It was 62 years of hoarding in the same house that I had to clear when doing my Mum's house 2 years ago.
Only saving grace for me was I had already cleared her loft completely a few years earlier.
We had that with the in-laws place... 40 years. SWMBO's cot and pram, polystyrene packaging from a replacement fridge door several years previously, and a heck of a lot more. Several big bonfires, three skips, gawd knows how many charity shop runs - and a 75sqft Big Yellow storage room for the next decade until we moved...
My old man had a really, umm, lively week just before we went on holiday, culminating in being found at the housing office down the road, trying to steal the manager's car to go to London to see the queen, who was expecting him for lunch, but the chauffeur-driven Rolls collecting him hadn't turned up. Bless. So he's now tucked safely into a care home. I knew it was definitely the right thing for him when I spotted a notice on the wall - daytrip to Donington F1 collection in a few days time. Sorted! He's now spending most of his time sat in the lounge cheerfully talking over another guy in a similar state, as they tell each other the same half-true stories fourteen times an hour. So next week's going to be figuring out how the hell to sort his flat out.
My old man had a really, umm, lively week just before we went on holiday, culminating in being found at the housing office down the road, trying to steal the manager's car to go to London to see the queen, who was expecting him for lunch, but the chauffeur-driven Rolls collecting him hadn't turned up. Bless. So he's now tucked safely into a care home. I knew it was definitely the right thing for him when I spotted a notice on the wall - daytrip to Donington F1 collection in a few days time. Sorted! He's now spending most of his time sat in the lounge cheerfully talking over another guy in a similar state, as they tell each other the same half-true stories fourteen times an hour. So next week's going to be figuring out how the hell to sort his flat out.
Sorry to learn that, TooMany
Good luck with all that, too, matey.
Called the outlaws a little while ago. All cheerful enough, no repeated questions.
MIL now properly assessed and confirmed with Alzheimer's. She's on a low but increasing dose of some medication I have forgotten the name of that's meant to reduce the ongoing deterioration, or some such.
FIL has a nasty cough about him, which I hope clears up soon as there's bugger all of him nowadays.
Good luck with all that, too, matey.
Called the outlaws a little while ago. All cheerful enough, no repeated questions.
MIL now properly assessed and confirmed with Alzheimer's. She's on a low but increasing dose of some medication I have forgotten the name of
that's meant to reduce the ongoing deterioration, or some such. FIL has a nasty cough about him, which I hope clears up soon as there's bugger all of him nowadays.
RC1807 said:
Sorry to learn that, TooMany
He's in the best place for him. Just need to convince him of that... Regularly."No, it's not prison..."
RC1807 said:
MIL now properly assessed and confirmed with Alzheimer's. She's on a low but increasing dose of some medication I have forgotten the name of that's meant to reduce the ongoing deterioration, or some such.
Donepezil/Aricept, probably. that's meant to reduce the ongoing deterioration, or some such.RC1807 said:
FIL has a nasty cough about him, which I hope clears up soon as there's bugger all of him nowadays.
Uh-oh. "Old man's friend"?Mrs RC heading back to the UK again today.
FIL has a chest infection, nothing more serious, thankfully.
MIL's been down in the dumps and wants to go home. Wife explaiend to her that she'd only spend all day back at the care home with her husband anyway, since he MUST stay there, and she kind of resgined herself to the fact. Still can't remember the name of the meds she has, but she's taking them, anyway.
Depending on the day, and how she's feeling, MIL sometimes realises she's in a care home. Other times she thinks they're in a hotel in France, then starts to fret where her car keys are. She's only been outside in the home's wonderful gardens twice in the last, what, 4 weeks?
Skoda Winchester are buying the 2 y.o Rapide back for ~£7k. Privately it's worth about £9k. It needs to go quickly and painlessly as we can't deal with a private sale. Insurance renewal, which is an eyewatering £900 (!) is due soon, so it's best gone. Hopefully my MIL will sign the V5 as the LPA isn't finalised for her. FIL should steer her in the right way so the car can go next week.
FIL's LPA is 10 days into the 3 week notice period given to the attorneys, then it's effective, I understand. One thing ticked off.
My wife has a long list of stuff to resolve int he week she's there, incl. a few runs to the tip, and arranging a skip for October when we will have to clear out LOADS of stuff.
She's not so keen on putting the house on the market, and doesn't want to sell it form under her folks (MIL is the legal owner), so that's something I will have to work on with my wife. MIL's not going back there on her own, so it's best sold, and putting a house on the market at the end of the year is a risk of it hanging around for a longer period, I think.
FIL has a chest infection, nothing more serious, thankfully.
MIL's been down in the dumps and wants to go home. Wife explaiend to her that she'd only spend all day back at the care home with her husband anyway, since he MUST stay there, and she kind of resgined herself to the fact. Still can't remember the name of the meds she has, but she's taking them, anyway.
Depending on the day, and how she's feeling, MIL sometimes realises she's in a care home. Other times she thinks they're in a hotel in France, then starts to fret where her car keys are. She's only been outside in the home's wonderful gardens twice in the last, what, 4 weeks?
Skoda Winchester are buying the 2 y.o Rapide back for ~£7k. Privately it's worth about £9k. It needs to go quickly and painlessly as we can't deal with a private sale. Insurance renewal, which is an eyewatering £900 (!) is due soon, so it's best gone. Hopefully my MIL will sign the V5 as the LPA isn't finalised for her. FIL should steer her in the right way so the car can go next week.
FIL's LPA is 10 days into the 3 week notice period given to the attorneys, then it's effective, I understand. One thing ticked off.
My wife has a long list of stuff to resolve int he week she's there, incl. a few runs to the tip, and arranging a skip for October when we will have to clear out LOADS of stuff.
She's not so keen on putting the house on the market, and doesn't want to sell it form under her folks (MIL is the legal owner), so that's something I will have to work on with my wife. MIL's not going back there on her own, so it's best sold, and putting a house on the market at the end of the year is a risk of it hanging around for a longer period, I think.
RC1807 said:
Hopefully my MIL will sign the V5 as the LPA isn't finalised for her.
DVLA won't much care, anyway. Any ol' scrawl is good enough.We're a good way through sorting my old man's bomb-site of a flat out. Mygawd, how can one person have so much utter s
te in such a small space...? <sigh>He's definitely not coming out of the home - he's lost the most tenuous grip on reality now. Hallucinations, talking to people who simply aren't there (and having both sides of the conversations!), messages being sent to him on his wall...
RC1807 said:
She's not so keen on putting the house on the market, and doesn't want to sell it form under her folks (MIL is the legal owner), so that's something I will have to work on with my wife. MIL's not going back there on her own, so it's best sold, and putting a house on the market at the end of the year is a risk of it hanging around for a longer period, I think.
Having been through it, I can understand your wife's emotions regarding the house.....but I suspect, like me, reality will soon set in, and she'll realise that it will soon become a massive noose around your necks until it is sold, and you are absolutely right in saying the sooner you get it on the market the better.She's clinging onto the emotion of it still, just as I did for the first 3-4 months after my Mum went into the dementia home.
I lived locally, and was soon sick of the constant backwards and forwards of going around there to check on it, upkeep of it, as well as setting aside the time to visit my Mum.....oh and work full time!!
Given you much not even living in the same country, I'm sure she'll soon see sense in regards the house.
TooMany: I'm really sorry to hear more of your father's deteriorating state.
I fear my MIL may not be far behind.
aeropilot: Yes, I'm sure my wife will see the sense in cleaning it out and moving it on. There's so much maintenance already needed, evem when they were in situ, and we're not there to deal with it. CBA to get a man or Co. in to deal with it either, so let's pack up the nick-nacks, put them in storage and offload the burden of the house ... The utilities are almost now zero, and there's no council tax to be paid, we need to crack on whilst the weather's still pretty good. Don't want it empty in a cold winter.
I've a ton of L/H business trips from early Oct 'til Christmas, and I must be there to help her clean all the stuff out. Essentially I've 5 or so weeks, well, more like a couple of long w/ends, to deal with this. Not easy.
BIL still hasn't been to see his folks. He knows exactly where they are and why. The twunt.
Cheers all.
I fear my MIL may not be far behind.
aeropilot: Yes, I'm sure my wife will see the sense in cleaning it out and moving it on. There's so much maintenance already needed, evem when they were in situ, and we're not there to deal with it. CBA to get a man or Co. in to deal with it either, so let's pack up the nick-nacks, put them in storage and offload the burden of the house ... The utilities are almost now zero, and there's no council tax to be paid, we need to crack on whilst the weather's still pretty good. Don't want it empty in a cold winter.
I've a ton of L/H business trips from early Oct 'til Christmas, and I must be there to help her clean all the stuff out. Essentially I've 5 or so weeks, well, more like a couple of long w/ends, to deal with this. Not easy.
BIL still hasn't been to see his folks. He knows exactly where they are and why. The twunt.
Cheers all.
RC1807 said:
TooMany: I'm really sorry to hear more of your father's deteriorating state.
I fear my MIL may not be far behind.
From doing a bit of reading, I think he's probably got some Lewy body stuff going on, as well as the plain vanilla Alz and vasc which he's been diagnosed with. Why have just one, when you can go for the hat-trick...?I fear my MIL may not be far behind.
TooMany2cvs said:
RC1807 said:
TooMany: I'm really sorry to hear more of your father's deteriorating state.
I fear my MIL may not be far behind.
From doing a bit of reading, I think he's probably got some Lewy body stuff going on, as well as the plain vanilla Alz and vasc which he's been diagnosed with. Why have just one, when you can go for the hat-trick...?I fear my MIL may not be far behind.
Car sale is agreed. My wife's dropping it to Skoda Winchester on Wed on her way to get the coach to LHR to come home. £7k, as it has some (careless MIL parking) body damage, but then it's GONE!
MIL's been miserable, wants to go home. Kept apologising that my wife was travelling each day to visit them from B'mouth, whilst my wife's been in the family home 600m away from the rest home. MIL thinks my wife still lives in B'mouth - not since 18 years, so that's another thing forgotten. FIL's memory seems to be influenced a lot, depending on how tired he is, about what my MIL says, so he goes along with what she says. Last night both MIL & FIL were complaining to MIL's sister than no-one, not even my wife, visits them. st! My wife's been in 2x/day since last Wednesday, so their memories are deteriorating quite quickly. That's sad to know about. My wife was frustrated to learn that, but knows it's not going to get any easier.
Just as we're thinking about putting the hosue on the market, a dozen or so tiles from the g/f shower room decided to detach themselves from the wall and smash to pieces on the floor! Marvellous. WHY NOW?! No chance to find a match to those after 35 years or so, or time to faff with it, so it will be left. It's clear the shower room needs a completed refit anyway. The house is a "project" for whomever buys it.
My wife's done an amazing job since last Weds, around all her care home visits, of cleaning out the home office (shredding and recycling 50 years of pointless bills filing,etc.), emptying the garage (sold my FIL's 2 y.o MTB that's been ridden about 3 miles. WHO buys a new bike when they've been diagnosed with Parkinson's? Neighbour had that for £100.), plus many trips to the dump, weeding patio and block paved drive, so it at least looks more presentable and "lived in". Gardener will come round and cut the grass tomorrrow. That's only a £15 job and it only takes him 20 minutes with his massive petrol mower on the downhill slope.
Also got a good deal on a secure lock-up to store loads of stuff from the house like good china, glassware, ornaments, paintings (FIL used to do a lot of drawing and painting), in case they want to swap some things over in their care home room. They have a lot of living room pics up, so it feels more like home for them. We can then sort the storage in a future long w/e visit, along with a skip on the drive to empty the loft! There's TONS of stuff stuck up there. I'll get some mates in to help us with that on the promise of beers and pizza!
Await remaining LPA confirmation for MIL, then we can crack on with reorganising the finances, closing many unused CC accounts, redirecting pension payments to a single joint account, not across 5 as they are now. Also need to cancel many subscriptions, and repay Hants CC for the carehome fees they've been covering in the interim.
Nathan furniture: Any idea how popular it is? See quite a bit on the Bay of Fleas, but I wonder how much actually sells? We've a hifi unit, 2 sideboards and 2 tall wall cabinets to sell. Must be good for £500-600? And NO, I won't be delivering it!
I'll be glad when my wife's home on Weds as work's crazily busy at the moment, so 11 hour days then home to sort stuff for the girls.
Anyway, onwards and upwards, McDuff!
MIL's been miserable, wants to go home. Kept apologising that my wife was travelling each day to visit them from B'mouth, whilst my wife's been in the family home 600m away from the rest home. MIL thinks my wife still lives in B'mouth - not since 18 years, so that's another thing forgotten. FIL's memory seems to be influenced a lot, depending on how tired he is, about what my MIL says, so he goes along with what she says. Last night both MIL & FIL were complaining to MIL's sister than no-one, not even my wife, visits them. s
t! My wife's been in 2x/day since last Wednesday, so their memories are deteriorating quite quickly. That's sad to know about. My wife was frustrated to learn that, but knows it's not going to get any easier. Just as we're thinking about putting the hosue on the market, a dozen or so tiles from the g/f shower room decided to detach themselves from the wall and smash to pieces on the floor! Marvellous. WHY NOW?!
No chance to find a match to those after 35 years or so, or time to faff with it, so it will be left. It's clear the shower room needs a completed refit anyway. The house is a "project" for whomever buys it.My wife's done an amazing job since last Weds, around all her care home visits, of cleaning out the home office (shredding and recycling 50 years of pointless bills filing,etc.), emptying the garage (sold my FIL's 2 y.o MTB that's been ridden about 3 miles. WHO buys a new bike when they've been diagnosed with Parkinson's? Neighbour had that for £100.), plus many trips to the dump, weeding patio and block paved drive, so it at least looks more presentable and "lived in". Gardener will come round and cut the grass tomorrrow. That's only a £15 job and it only takes him 20 minutes with his massive petrol mower on the downhill slope.
Also got a good deal on a secure lock-up to store loads of stuff from the house like good china, glassware, ornaments, paintings (FIL used to do a lot of drawing and painting), in case they want to swap some things over in their care home room. They have a lot of living room pics up, so it feels more like home for them. We can then sort the storage in a future long w/e visit, along with a skip on the drive to empty the loft! There's TONS of stuff stuck up there. I'll get some mates in to help us with that on the promise of beers and pizza!
Await remaining LPA confirmation for MIL, then we can crack on with reorganising the finances, closing many unused CC accounts, redirecting pension payments to a single joint account, not across 5 as they are now. Also need to cancel many subscriptions, and repay Hants CC for the carehome fees they've been covering in the interim.
Nathan furniture: Any idea how popular it is? See quite a bit on the Bay of Fleas, but I wonder how much actually sells? We've a hifi unit, 2 sideboards and 2 tall wall cabinets to sell. Must be good for £500-600? And NO, I won't be delivering it!
I'll be glad when my wife's home on Weds as work's crazily busy at the moment, so 11 hour days then home to sort stuff for the girls.
Anyway, onwards and upwards, McDuff!
Wow.....your wife deserves a big 
and a few
Sadly yes, the confusion and memory issues as they get worse, is more of a problem for you and the missus coping with, not the MiL/FiL, as they regress into their own little world.
It gets a lot harder when they no longer grasp who you are or think you are someone from their early life before you were born - that gets grim, but there's nothing you can do about it
and a few Sadly yes, the confusion and memory issues as they get worse, is more of a problem for you and the missus coping with, not the MiL/FiL, as they regress into their own little world.
It gets a lot harder when they no longer grasp who you are or think you are someone from their early life before you were born - that gets grim, but there's nothing you can do about it
Visits diary, Polaroid camera, and clearly displayed calendar thing (which only displays today's date so she can't get distracted by other displayed days) can help a bit.
It seemed with my grandmother that sometimes "nobody visits me" was code for "it's a bit quiet in here and I had to wait ages for the loo because the staff were busy" type stuff - using it as a sort of general stock phrase to express "there have been times when I wished someone was around and they weren't". So she'd then get a bit cross if you explained that both sons and a grand kid had been in that day, because she was actually (and reasonably!) hacked off that her call bell had gone unanswered for a while in the gap between visits, but often couldn't sort out the language to express that. Saw similar when I had my nursing home stay, too.
Similar thing where "I've been in here on my own in the dark for hours!" is actually "I noticed 20 minutes ago that it's starting to get dark but nobody's been in to shut the curtains and turn the light on yet, and I didn't hear them say they'll be in shortly when I called out".
It seemed with my grandmother that sometimes "nobody visits me" was code for "it's a bit quiet in here and I had to wait ages for the loo because the staff were busy" type stuff - using it as a sort of general stock phrase to express "there have been times when I wished someone was around and they weren't". So she'd then get a bit cross if you explained that both sons and a grand kid had been in that day, because she was actually (and reasonably!) hacked off that her call bell had gone unanswered for a while in the gap between visits, but often couldn't sort out the language to express that. Saw similar when I had my nursing home stay, too.
Similar thing where "I've been in here on my own in the dark for hours!" is actually "I noticed 20 minutes ago that it's starting to get dark but nobody's been in to shut the curtains and turn the light on yet, and I didn't hear them say they'll be in shortly when I called out".
MIL's convinced my wife still lives in Bormuff, but keeps phoning her at our house in Luxembourg to "take her home". The repetition of explanation is taking its toll on my wife. I'll be glad when she's home tonight for a little more "normality", if you can call it that with me and 2 teen girls at home?! 
Had a call from the care home manager last night. Apparently my FIL got stroppy about being helped to his room and lashed out at 2 carers, hitting both of them, but not hard as he'd fall over anyway. Whilst he doesn't have a violent bone in his body, when my MIL intervened, he started swearing at her, too. I think he's just genuinely pissed off that he wants to do stuff himself and he can't, but he doesn't like asking for or getting help either. Care home boss advised my wife that they may have to rethink if her folks can stay there.
My wife's going in this morning to tell the care home manager to smooth things over. This place is a Top 20 ranked (in the south of England) specialist dementia care home, and that's what both her folks have - FIL has vascular dementia, MIL has Alzheimer's. The care home and carers *need* to be able to deal with it as that's what we're paying £1,500/week for them to do, FFS!
My wife's worried that, since the LPAs aren't finalised, the care home could ask Hants SS to move her folks, and she won't be able to do anything about it.
Do you folks know if that's possible for Hant SS to impose actions based on a care home request, whilst the LPAs have both been applied for and are pending treatment?
This was an isolated incident. The Care Home assessed *both* parents before accepting them into their care.... and whilst we have noticed a decline in their mental health even in the month they've been in the home, there's nothing WE can do about that. It's not going to improve, is it.
In short, my wife's now thinking she'll have to go back again next week to look at NURSING homes, and then move her folks. I tried at length last night to NOT have to do that as the care home should be able to deal with her folks. Let's hope they understand that this morning.
Maybe the care home can get some sedatives for her FIL to take in the evening so he's not so grumpy when he needs to go to bed?
Thoughts?
I can't keep shelling out hundreds of £££ for my wife travelling back and forth. I think we're up to almost £2k in trip expenses since Easter to help them.
Sorry, it's not the money. We're both very stressed and worn out over this situation.
Had a call from the care home manager last night. Apparently my FIL got stroppy about being helped to his room and lashed out at 2 carers, hitting both of them, but not hard as he'd fall over anyway. Whilst he doesn't have a violent bone in his body, when my MIL intervened, he started swearing at her, too. I think he's just genuinely pissed off that he wants to do stuff himself and he can't, but he doesn't like asking for or getting help either. Care home boss advised my wife that they may have to rethink if her folks can stay there.
My wife's going in this morning to tell the care home manager to smooth things over. This place is a Top 20 ranked (in the south of England) specialist dementia care home, and that's what both her folks have - FIL has vascular dementia, MIL has Alzheimer's. The care home and carers *need* to be able to deal with it as that's what we're paying £1,500/week for them to do, FFS!
My wife's worried that, since the LPAs aren't finalised, the care home could ask Hants SS to move her folks, and she won't be able to do anything about it.
Do you folks know if that's possible for Hant SS to impose actions based on a care home request, whilst the LPAs have both been applied for and are pending treatment?
This was an isolated incident. The Care Home assessed *both* parents before accepting them into their care.... and whilst we have noticed a decline in their mental health even in the month they've been in the home, there's nothing WE can do about that. It's not going to improve, is it.
In short, my wife's now thinking she'll have to go back again next week to look at NURSING homes, and then move her folks. I tried at length last night to NOT have to do that as the care home should be able to deal with her folks. Let's hope they understand that this morning.
Maybe the care home can get some sedatives for her FIL to take in the evening so he's not so grumpy when he needs to go to bed?
Thoughts?
I can't keep shelling out hundreds of £££ for my wife travelling back and forth. I think we're up to almost £2k in trip expenses since Easter to help them.
Sorry, it's not the money. We're both very stressed and worn out over this situation.
I think the SS 'could' legally do that at the request of the home, and without LPA you couldn't do anything..........however, it would be a pretty nasty thing to do without prior consultation with yourselves. Its more likely that they would move one, rather than both though - which is more likely the problem you may face prior to LPA being granted?
I have to say that home do get very nervous if any resident gets a bit violent, so its understandable they will want to re-assess. You said they have a joint room, is there an option for the home to split them up and keep them apart a bit more......while still being in the same building?
This is what happened with my Mum's sister and husband at the home they were in together in Scotland. Mum sister was worse, so she was moved to a room on the ground floor, and my uncle had a room on the 1st floor. While they got to spend time together at some point during the day, the home regulated this as their gradually worsening condition meant that their almost 60 year relationship wasn't the same as if they didn't have this horrid condition.
I have to say that home do get very nervous if any resident gets a bit violent, so its understandable they will want to re-assess. You said they have a joint room, is there an option for the home to split them up and keep them apart a bit more......while still being in the same building?
This is what happened with my Mum's sister and husband at the home they were in together in Scotland. Mum sister was worse, so she was moved to a room on the ground floor, and my uncle had a room on the 1st floor. While they got to spend time together at some point during the day, the home regulated this as their gradually worsening condition meant that their almost 60 year relationship wasn't the same as if they didn't have this horrid condition.
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