Help with elderly relatives - Parkinson's + Dementia issues?
Discussion
Thanks for your comments and responses. I'm not expecting much, but appreciate it all, since I find it rather calming to get it out....
FIL had a CT and MRI in Soton, stayed overnight on Monday. Social Services gave my MIL a number of stickers for her to put on the phones around the house in case she panicked not knowing where her husband was - the stickers said "Husband is in Soton General - ward number XX, phone 02380 XXXXXXXXX". Neighbour made sure MIL put the sitckers where they were needed.
Tue p.m, Soton General called my MIL to tell her she could colleact her husband. Where did she go to collect him?
Winchester!
f
king hell.
Stickers everywhere, and she STILL went to the wrong city to collect him from a hospital he's only ever been to ONCE in 50 years! Neighbour later found MIL in her house panicking that she'd lost her husband (again) but that all the reminder stickers were gone....MIL removed them all and binned them. Once the neighbour calmed her down, MIL then drove to Soton to collect him.
We're now up to Tue night. No reports, so far, of FIL refusing carer's help getting him ready for bed, although I suspect it happened again.
This morning my wife called her mum. FIL had another fall. FFS!
The carers were there soon after the incident and called the paramedics again. He's back off to Soton general! MIL explained to my wife that he was probably stumbling across their bedroom to get to his frame....
? Why wasn't his frame on his side of the bed ? (the room's massive - so there's plenty of space for that)
? Why did you leave him alone and not help him ? (probably faffing about downstairs, as usual, or she'd fked off to the newsagent to collect the Torygraph forgetting there's an invalid upstairs)
In the meantime, the stairlift appointments have been cancelled as have those for the solicitor (Will and LPA) and their IFA (to provide a list of investments so MIL knows what's where) as both the inlaws are in hospital!
WE (wife and I) can see Social Services moving him to a nursing home this week as it's clear that my MIL can not cope, but she also refuses to acknowledge she has dementia or any memory issues. WE, her neighbours, her sister in the W.Midlands (daily phone calls) and the staff at Soton General all say she has. We need to get on to her GP again about that.
fking hell! We need those LPAs!!!!
FIL had a CT and MRI in Soton, stayed overnight on Monday. Social Services gave my MIL a number of stickers for her to put on the phones around the house in case she panicked not knowing where her husband was - the stickers said "Husband is in Soton General - ward number XX, phone 02380 XXXXXXXXX". Neighbour made sure MIL put the sitckers where they were needed.
Tue p.m, Soton General called my MIL to tell her she could colleact her husband. Where did she go to collect him?
Winchester!
f
king hell. Stickers everywhere, and she STILL went to the wrong city to collect him from a hospital he's only ever been to ONCE in 50 years! Neighbour later found MIL in her house panicking that she'd lost her husband (again) but that all the reminder stickers were gone....MIL removed them all and binned them. Once the neighbour calmed her down, MIL then drove to Soton to collect him.
We're now up to Tue night. No reports, so far, of FIL refusing carer's help getting him ready for bed, although I suspect it happened again.
This morning my wife called her mum. FIL had another fall. FFS!
The carers were there soon after the incident and called the paramedics again. He's back off to Soton general! MIL explained to my wife that he was probably stumbling across their bedroom to get to his frame....
? Why wasn't his frame on his side of the bed ? (the room's massive - so there's plenty of space for that)
? Why did you leave him alone and not help him ? (probably faffing about downstairs, as usual, or she'd f
ked off to the newsagent to collect the Torygraph forgetting there's an invalid upstairs) In the meantime, the stairlift appointments have been cancelled as have those for the solicitor (Will and LPA) and their IFA (to provide a list of investments so MIL knows what's where) as both the inlaws are in hospital!
WE (wife and I) can see Social Services moving him to a nursing home this week as it's clear that my MIL can not cope, but she also refuses to acknowledge she has dementia or any memory issues. WE, her neighbours, her sister in the W.Midlands (daily phone calls) and the staff at Soton General all say she has. We need to get on to her GP again about that.
f
king hell! We need those LPAs!!!!Thanks guys....my wife's on it with the solicitors locally as we're not there to get things signed. 
Since my last update my wife's had 2 calls:
Social Services "red flagged" the inlaws last night as it seems my FIL isn't getting his prescribed drugs, which the pharmacy put in special blister packs for him. MIL couldn't find them!
Inlaws' GP: told my wife her Mum's NOT to drive about 2 months ago! The GP advised her to go a "memory clinic", which, my wife told him, "Of course she hasn't remembered. She refuses to acknowledge there's a problem! Why aren't YOU making sure this happens?!"
Looks like my wife will be back in the UK again next week........
If only there was a sibling who's closer geographically who could do something?
Since my last update my wife's had 2 calls:
Social Services "red flagged" the inlaws last night as it seems my FIL isn't getting his prescribed drugs, which the pharmacy put in special blister packs for him. MIL couldn't find them!
Inlaws' GP: told my wife her Mum's NOT to drive about 2 months ago! The GP advised her to go a "memory clinic", which, my wife told him, "Of course she hasn't remembered. She refuses to acknowledge there's a problem! Why aren't YOU making sure this happens?!"
Looks like my wife will be back in the UK again next week........
If only there was a sibling who's closer geographically who could do something?
I expected more from the GP, especially as my wife and I went to the surgery at Easter asked for a note of concern to be placed on her file, AND for the GP to review her case. Clearly he left her to it... - another thing my wife will have to berate the GP about next week.
My main concern is for my wife; she's not sleeping well with all this in her head at night.
- another thing my wife will have to berate the GP about next week.My main concern is for my wife; she's not sleeping well with all this in her head at night.
Cheers 
I won't waste any effort on my BIL, but I know he'll be the 1st to the solicitor wanting to know what he's been left in the Will, when that happens.
FIL has his moments of awareness. I know he's still in there, understands everything that's said, including my stupid jokes, but he can't always speak out as he wants or needs to, which increases his frustrations. On the advice of their solicitor, my wife is flying back next week (flights now booked) so she can take it in hand and explain what's needed to her folks and get the LPAs sorted.
The car keys will be removed from the house so she can't use it.
Anyone want to buy a 2y.o low mileage black Skoda Rapide?
I won't waste any effort on my BIL, but I know he'll be the 1st to the solicitor wanting to know what he's been left in the Will, when that happens.
FIL has his moments of awareness. I know he's still in there, understands everything that's said, including my stupid jokes, but he can't always speak out as he wants or needs to, which increases his frustrations. On the advice of their solicitor, my wife is flying back next week (flights now booked) so she can take it in hand and explain what's needed to her folks and get the LPAs sorted.
The car keys will be removed from the house so she can't use it.
Anyone want to buy a 2y.o low mileage black Skoda Rapide?
Edited by RC1807 on Wednesday 28th June 14:57
Hospital ward sister told my wife that when my FIL is released from Soton General, it will be to another care facility - but not home.
Social Services confirmed the same.
That's my FIL's "fault" for being so bloody minded, refusing the carers' help for washing, getting ready for bed, ensuring he'd taken his meds, etc., and also to my MIL for not covering where the carers were rejected and she didn't do what's needed, e.g., can't recall where she's put the special blister pack of meds from the Hospital that was sent home with him last Fri (!), nor is she ensuring my FIL's being cleaned and dried properly after wetting himself.
This outcome is exactly what both my inlaws feared could happen, but they've not helped the situation by hiding things away, being their own worst enemies now.
In other "news",
- inlaws' neiighbours (of some 30 years) have been brilliant. We really owe them - running MIL to/from hospital, keeping an eye on them both, phoning us with updates almost daily
- and, useless sibling emailed my wife to tell her he'd been calling his Mum every 2 weeks, but she hadnt' told him any of the information my wife had, and was rather accusing that my wife was making it up! Tosser.
My wife told him to go and see for himself and that "Mum didn't tell us anything on the phone, but when we got there early June for Dad's 80th birthday (which you refused to turn up to!), he was covered in scabs and bruises from 5 falls in 4 weeks - that he told us of - none of which we'd been told about by Mum."
Ho, hum.
ETA: I forgot, FIL has fractured his collar bone, so quite how he's going to use his zimmer frames, I don't know. TBC....
Social Services confirmed the same.
That's my FIL's "fault" for being so bloody minded, refusing the carers' help for washing, getting ready for bed, ensuring he'd taken his meds, etc., and also to my MIL for not covering where the carers were rejected and she didn't do what's needed, e.g., can't recall where she's put the special blister pack of meds from the Hospital that was sent home with him last Fri (!), nor is she ensuring my FIL's being cleaned and dried properly after wetting himself.
This outcome is exactly what both my inlaws feared could happen, but they've not helped the situation by hiding things away, being their own worst enemies now.
In other "news",
- inlaws' neiighbours (of some 30 years) have been brilliant. We really owe them - running MIL to/from hospital, keeping an eye on them both, phoning us with updates almost daily
- and, useless sibling emailed my wife to tell her he'd been calling his Mum every 2 weeks, but she hadnt' told him any of the information my wife had, and was rather accusing that my wife was making it up! Tosser.
My wife told him to go and see for himself and that "Mum didn't tell us anything on the phone, but when we got there early June for Dad's 80th birthday (which you refused to turn up to!), he was covered in scabs and bruises from 5 falls in 4 weeks - that he told us of - none of which we'd been told about by Mum."
Ho, hum.
ETA: I forgot, FIL has fractured his collar bone, so quite how he's going to use his zimmer frames, I don't know. TBC....
Edited by RC1807 on Friday 30th June 09:49
MIL drove herself to the hospital to see her husband yesterday!
Firstly, she's been told she's not allowed ot drive by her GP, who's also informed the DVLA (!!), but the neighbours couldn't find the spare key to stop her from "forgetting" the advice or her Dr's letter.
Secondly, she was supposed to wait for my wife to arrive from Heathrow first, yesterday, so my wife could drive her, and although it was all in my MIL's diary, she'd forgotten that too! Wife had to get th eneighbours to drive her to Soton so she could see her parents, then drive her mum home in her mum's car.
Now the MIL's forgotten all the PINs to bank and credit cards, which were all written down but not noted in any order, so when she has 4 card, 4 PINs, the chances of failure were high. Time to rationalise their accounts now and ensure she has cash each week to pay the guy who cuts the grass, the window cleaner, etc.
They're off to the hospital with the family solicitor shortly to get the LPAs and their unsigned Will signed. Unsure when my FIL will be released; he's been there more than a week again. I've lost track myself.
Firstly, she's been told she's not allowed ot drive by her GP, who's also informed the DVLA (!!), but the neighbours couldn't find the spare key to stop her from "forgetting" the advice or her Dr's letter.
Secondly, she was supposed to wait for my wife to arrive from Heathrow first, yesterday, so my wife could drive her, and although it was all in my MIL's diary, she'd forgotten that too! Wife had to get th eneighbours to drive her to Soton so she could see her parents, then drive her mum home in her mum's car.
Now the MIL's forgotten all the PINs to bank and credit cards, which were all written down
but not noted in any order, so when she has 4 card, 4 PINs, the chances of failure were high. Time to rationalise their accounts now and ensure she has cash each week to pay the guy who cuts the grass, the window cleaner, etc.They're off to the hospital with the family solicitor shortly to get the LPAs and their unsigned Will signed. Unsure when my FIL will be released; he's been there more than a week again. I've lost track myself.
Not much to report other than the hospital consultant confirmed to my wife that her mum has Alzheimer's, and there's increasing ongoing confusion for my MIL. She remains convinced each day that her husband will be home tomorrow, whilst we know that he won't be home for the forseeable (nursing home beckons), and he may never return home since she can not cope and the hospital and Social Services recommend 24/7 nursing care. This is explained on the phone to her every day.
Neightbours continue to be a massive help to us, since we're so far away. We can't thank them enough. They've been ace. Really.
We'll be in the UK next week, whizzing between Poole and Romsey, and probably Soton General if my FIL is still there. We need to check out local homes where they can cover nursing and dementia needs, as both parents will need to be together in the near future.
We also need to clear the mountains of hoarded stuff they have in their garage, office and attic with many runs to the local tip!
Useless BIL continues the same. It was his 50th last Sunday and his mum sent him a card and a sizeable cheque, as she always does. She called him to wish him happy birthday, but he was working (prison officer). He's not bothered to phone back to thank her for the gift or to see how either of his parents are (wife asks her mum each day).
I do hope he could at least be bothered to sign and return the LPA forms to the solicitor concerning his own dad. He won't be called upon to do anything since I know my wife will take care of it all, of course.
Neightbours continue to be a massive help to us, since we're so far away. We can't thank them enough. They've been ace. Really.
We'll be in the UK next week, whizzing between Poole and Romsey, and probably Soton General if my FIL is still there. We need to check out local homes where they can cover nursing and dementia needs, as both parents will need to be together in the near future.
We also need to clear the mountains of hoarded stuff they have in their garage, office and attic with many runs to the local tip!
Useless BIL continues the same. It was his 50th last Sunday and his mum sent him a card and a sizeable cheque, as she always does. She called him to wish him happy birthday, but he was working (prison officer). He's not bothered to phone back to thank her for the gift or to see how either of his parents are (wife asks her mum each day).
I do hope he could at least be bothered to sign and return the LPA forms to the solicitor concerning his own dad. He won't be called upon to do anything since I know my wife will take care of it all, of course.
WIsbech: I'm sorry to hear that. my FIL has vascular dementia too, which I think came about from his stroke 3 years ago. It was recently identified in a MRI scan after his most recent fall, whilst the hospital were checking to see if he'd had another stroke.
Aeropilot: I hear you loud and clear, but if I'm not there to push things along, there's not much more I can ask of my wife at the moment.
Thinking about it now, we should get on to that next week for the MIL.
Aeropilot: I hear you loud and clear, but if I'm not there to push things along, there's not much more I can ask of my wife at the moment.
Thinking about it now, we should get on to that next week for the MIL.
Morning all,
Quick update.
FIL is leaving hospital on Tuesday and moving to a very good rest home in Romsey. He's perfectly fine with that having spent 6weeks on/off in Soton General. MIL remains confused about most of this, but she's going to live with him at the rest home (very good dementia care service) in what appears to be a rare twin room in Hampshire.
BIL signed his Dad's LPA, so that's underway.
Took MIL to their solicitor yesterday and she's signed both her LPAs too.
Wife's sticking around until next weekend so her parents aren't relocating alone, whilst I must drive home tomorrow for work on Monday.
Fingers crossed for the move on Tuesday and settling them in.
Thanks again for all your advice and comments.
Russell
Quick update.
FIL is leaving hospital on Tuesday and moving to a very good rest home in Romsey. He's perfectly fine with that having spent 6weeks on/off in Soton General. MIL remains confused about most of this, but she's going to live with him at the rest home (very good dementia care service) in what appears to be a rare twin room in Hampshire.
BIL signed his Dad's LPA, so that's underway.
Took MIL to their solicitor yesterday and she's signed both her LPAs too.
Wife's sticking around until next weekend so her parents aren't relocating alone, whilst I must drive home tomorrow for work on Monday.
Fingers crossed for the move on Tuesday and settling them in.
Thanks again for all your advice and comments.
Russell
Inlaws moved to the care home yesterday. FIL thanks my wife for finding them sucha lovely one for them, which was nice.
However, it only took my FIL about 3 hours before he had his 1st fall. st! MIL went whizzing off on foot down a corridor and left him to shuffling along on his own. He stumbled and ended up with a bloody nose!
Care home manager said if he takes another fall they will send him back to hospital.
The asistants will make sure they're both in one of the 4 lounges tomorrow so they can keep an eye on the pair of them, and get them integrated with what's going on, not in their room and effectively alone.
It's pretty clear that, whilst they're together and that's what they want, FIL can NOT be left on his own as he wants to get up and move unaided, and my MIL forgets so much now (even that he cant' walk unaided) and she forgot again on Mon eve that he was still in hospital - where he's been for 6 weeks and where she's been every day to see him (apart from when she was in the hospital too).
You can't make this st up.
However, it only took my FIL about 3 hours before he had his 1st fall. s
t! MIL went whizzing off on foot down a corridor and left him to shuffling along on his own. He stumbled and ended up with a bloody nose! Care home manager said if he takes another fall they will send him back to hospital.
The asistants will make sure they're both in one of the 4 lounges tomorrow so they can keep an eye on the pair of them, and get them integrated with what's going on, not in their room and effectively alone.
It's pretty clear that, whilst they're together and that's what they want, FIL can NOT be left on his own as he wants to get up and move unaided, and my MIL forgets so much now (even that he cant' walk unaided) and she forgot again on Mon eve that he was still in hospital - where he's been for 6 weeks and where she's been every day to see him (apart from when she was in the hospital too).
You can't make this s
t up. Sorry, perhaps I should have been clearer.
It's the intention of the care home to get their residents walking as much as possible, even if they use a frame. W/chairs are available, but my FIL has effectively spent 6 weeks sat on his behind at University Hospital Southampton, and he doesn't want to lose the complete use of his legs. I agree, though, that a w/chair, after so many weeks of inactivity would be beneficial.
The fact that my MIL wandered off ahead and left him behind is what "annoys" me. She wanted them to be together, so she needs to ensure he gets the help he needs or he's better off without her around, despite all her tears and protestations in recent weeks.
I'm not sure if that's clearer now I've read it again...
It's the intention of the care home to get their residents walking as much as possible, even if they use a frame. W/chairs are available, but my FIL has effectively spent 6 weeks sat on his behind at University Hospital Southampton, and he doesn't want to lose the complete use of his legs. I agree, though, that a w/chair, after so many weeks of inactivity would be beneficial.
The fact that my MIL wandered off ahead and left him behind is what "annoys" me. She wanted them to be together, so she needs to ensure he gets the help he needs or he's better off without her around, despite all her tears and protestations in recent weeks.
I'm not sure if that's clearer now I've read it again...
Just spoken to Mrs RC.
FIL's moving around well on his zimmer frame today, quickly too! He has a fat lip and a swollen hand from his fall yesterday, so his GP's been called to check him over. His hand can't be too bad though as he is supporting himself well on his zimmer. (He still has a very strong grip and arms from many years of swimming.)
MIL spent all last week saying how much she wanted to cut his hair, "when he got home...", and she didn't get it done for him today at the care home's salon as the carers made the mistake of asking my MIL (she told them "no"!!) and not asking my FIL directly. Silly mare! Anyway, he's on the salon list for next Tue when the haridressers come in again.
Mrs RC continues to plough through mountains of paperwork at home to get it back in order...120l. wheelie bin filled with non-confidential paper recycling by us on Thu & Fri!
ETA: I forgot to note that in the mountains of papers we found an unpaid fine for the MIL's car - didn't pay her VED from end March, so £80 plus back taxes!! Wife got the car taxed on Mon!
Also found an unpaid speeding fine. MIL was caught at 34 i/o 30. FFS! Wife's sorted that with the authorities too, explaining stress from husband in hospital, etc. All done now!
FIL's moving around well on his zimmer frame today, quickly too! He has a fat lip and a swollen hand from his fall yesterday, so his GP's been called to check him over. His hand can't be too bad though as he is supporting himself well on his zimmer. (He still has a very strong grip and arms from many years of swimming.)
MIL spent all last week saying how much she wanted to cut his hair, "when he got home...", and she didn't get it done for him today at the care home's salon as the carers made the mistake of asking my MIL (she told them "no"!!) and not asking my FIL directly. Silly mare! Anyway, he's on the salon list for next Tue when the haridressers come in again.
Mrs RC continues to plough through mountains of paperwork at home to get it back in order...120l. wheelie bin filled with non-confidential paper recycling by us on Thu & Fri!
ETA: I forgot to note that in the mountains of papers we found an unpaid fine for the MIL's car - didn't pay her VED from end March, so £80 plus back taxes!! Wife got the car taxed on Mon!
Also found an unpaid speeding fine. MIL was caught at 34 i/o 30. FFS! Wife's sorted that with the authorities too, explaining stress from husband in hospital, etc. All done now!
Edited by RC1807 on Wednesday 26th July 12:57
Thank you all for your continued comments and feedback. It really is very much appreciated.
My wife flew home on Sat eve.
She was very upset on Sat night thinking she may have left her folks feeling abandoned in the rest home, but the reality is that her Dad understands and greatly appreciates everything, and her Mum's no longer savvy enough to understand or retain much of what's happening. Even on Sat her mum said, "Well, when we get home....". Apparently my FIL rolled his eyes, and now my wife's not saying, "No, mum - this is where you live now....", or it starts a circle of questions/answers you've covered may times before.
BIL has been in touch!
From his (long, 1st in 15 years) conversation with my wife, it seems he has been speaking with his parents, but of course MIL didn't share any of the important details with him. I'm pretty my MIL kept a shorthand noted script for her phonecalls to lessen/completely remove the opprtunity for 2 children and her sister to think there was anything "wrong" with her. It failed with us, regularly.
Anywho, late last night, after a rare family dinner out and a trip to the movies, my wife voiced her concerns that her parents are now spending £75k/p.a in home fees, and that perhaps she should look at a live-in carer after all...
"OK, darling - if it will set your mind at rest. You know though that your Mum's already vetoed that, hence they're in the home...and you'll be left to deal with everything - adaptations to the house, organisation of the carer(s), contracts. payments, holiday cover, etc., etc., which you DON'T have to do now....and your folks can afford the care for many years to come, so...."
My wife knows I'm right on that, but it's more to ensure to herself that she's dotted all the i's, crossed all the t's, etc. The folks are genuinely better off where they are. We will have a car to sell before the end of Sep (insurance renewal time) and a house to sell at some point, but there's no rush now.
I suddenly thought about Council Tax last week, since we haven't lived in the UK for almost 20 years, but that there was probably a discount to be had on the empty house. Wife called Test Valley B.C. who immediately cofirmed there will be £0 to pay whilst the house is empty, so that's £2.5k p.a. already "saved"!
+ Not having the gas CH on @ 30C and hot water on 24/7 will also save >£250/month
+ Electricity we expect will save >£130/month - so that's already £7k a year,
+ water's on a meter, and so the taps aren't continually dripping, like they always were! (we turned off the valves on the water pipes to the taps)
+ MIL spent loads on food shopping, most of which was binned each week! I reckon another £10k p.a there!
....I confess, I did "help them out" with the +/-50 cans of Stella in the garage... rude not to, and I think I've earned them
)
Q: Are there any other things we should think about for the house on the bills, utilities front?
Phone/internet: leaving for the moment whilst we're toing/froing
Subscriptions: still to be reviewed, but need to cancel a few that aren't being used, e.g. "Which?"
Telegraph subscription: they get a free Torygraph at the home, so we returned all the coupons the folks had for a refund. Hundreds of them!
My wife flew home on Sat eve.
She was very upset on Sat night thinking she may have left her folks feeling abandoned in the rest home, but the reality is that her Dad understands and greatly appreciates everything, and her Mum's no longer savvy enough to understand or retain much of what's happening. Even on Sat her mum said, "Well, when we get home....". Apparently my FIL rolled his eyes, and now my wife's not saying, "No, mum - this is where you live now....", or it starts a circle of questions/answers you've covered may times before.
BIL has been in touch!
From his (long, 1st in 15 years) conversation with my wife, it seems he has been speaking with his parents, but of course MIL didn't share any of the important details with him. I'm pretty my MIL kept a shorthand noted script for her phonecalls to lessen/completely remove the opprtunity for 2 children and her sister to think there was anything "wrong" with her. It failed with us, regularly.
Anywho, late last night, after a rare family dinner out and a trip to the movies, my wife voiced her concerns that her parents are now spending £75k/p.a in home fees, and that perhaps she should look at a live-in carer after all...
"OK, darling - if it will set your mind at rest. You know though that your Mum's already vetoed that, hence they're in the home...and you'll be left to deal with everything - adaptations to the house, organisation of the carer(s), contracts. payments, holiday cover, etc., etc., which you DON'T have to do now....and your folks can afford the care for many years to come, so...."
My wife knows I'm right on that, but it's more to ensure to herself that she's dotted all the i's, crossed all the t's, etc. The folks are genuinely better off where they are. We will have a car to sell before the end of Sep (insurance renewal time) and a house to sell at some point, but there's no rush now.
I suddenly thought about Council Tax last week, since we haven't lived in the UK for almost 20 years, but that there was probably a discount to be had on the empty house. Wife called Test Valley B.C. who immediately cofirmed there will be £0 to pay whilst the house is empty, so that's £2.5k p.a. already "saved"!
+ Not having the gas CH on @ 30C and hot water on 24/7 will also save >£250/month
+ Electricity we expect will save >£130/month - so that's already £7k a year,
+ water's on a meter, and so the taps aren't continually dripping, like they always were! (we turned off the valves on the water pipes to the taps)
+ MIL spent loads on food shopping, most of which was binned each week! I reckon another £10k p.a there!
....I confess, I did "help them out" with the +/-50 cans of Stella in the garage... rude not to, and I think I've earned them
)Q: Are there any other things we should think about for the house on the bills, utilities front?
Phone/internet: leaving for the moment whilst we're toing/froing
Subscriptions: still to be reviewed, but need to cancel a few that aren't being used, e.g. "Which?"
Telegraph subscription: they get a free Torygraph at the home, so we returned all the coupons the folks had for a refund. Hundreds of them!
Edited by RC1807 on Monday 31st July 12:49
Cheers guys....
aeropilot: I'd LOVE to be able to rent the house out as the area could command probably 2k/month income, but it needs quite a bit of work already. You wouldn't want to live in it although legally it's the MIL's house on the Deeds, so probably a non-starter. She's more stressed about the effing piano than anything! You'd think it's a Steinway or something, but it's an upright that hasn't been played for >2 years!
We'll also look at the attendance allowance! Thanks!
aeropilot: I'd LOVE to be able to rent the house out as the area could command probably 2k/month income, but it needs quite a bit of work already. You wouldn't want to live in it although legally it's the MIL's house on the Deeds, so probably a non-starter. She's more stressed about the effing piano than anything! You'd think it's a Steinway or something, but it's an upright that hasn't been played for >2 years!
We'll also look at the attendance allowance! Thanks!
Pinged a message to my wife and she was already looking at the Attendance Allowance this morning. 
I think we'd need to spend a similar amount: refit the GF shower room, review/re-do the electrics (FIL liked to run a spur or 4 here and there ) and change some of the carpets due to recent falls or incontinence.
Solicitor said the LPA should take about 2 months to register, but the Social Worker told us he had a couple dragging on for much longer...so we hope that's not the case for us (with both of them!)
I can only guess MIL will ask to get out at some point, although before it was only for the Torygraph in the morning and to Waitrose once a week, neither of which she needs to do now. Certainly since this area's been her home for 50 years, she knows it very well, but with her short-term memory there could be a risk of forgetting to return to the care home, probably returning to the house.
aeropilot said:
Sounds the same as my Mum's then.
Would have needed probably 10k+ spent on it to get it to rentable status, and then in the area it was in, it was only going to be about £1.5k/mth, whereas a 1 bedroom flat in the same area was £1.2-1.3k/mth.
My man maths said sell, and use the funds to buy 2 x 1 bed flats and earn £2.5k/mth instead of 1.5..!
Which is what I had started to do, but sadly my Mum rapidly deteriorated just 2 weeks after putting house on the market, and she passed away the week after I'd accepted an offer, which meant the LPA ceased, and everything went on hold as property went into probate!!
Would have needed probably 10k+ spent on it to get it to rentable status, and then in the area it was in, it was only going to be about £1.5k/mth, whereas a 1 bedroom flat in the same area was £1.2-1.3k/mth.
My man maths said sell, and use the funds to buy 2 x 1 bed flats and earn £2.5k/mth instead of 1.5..!
Which is what I had started to do, but sadly my Mum rapidly deteriorated just 2 weeks after putting house on the market, and she passed away the week after I'd accepted an offer, which meant the LPA ceased, and everything went on hold as property went into probate!!
I think we'd need to spend a similar amount: refit the GF shower room, review/re-do the electrics (FIL liked to run a spur or 4 here and there
) and change some of the carpets due to recent falls or incontinence.aeropilot said:
As I said, once you have financial LPA for whoever's name is on the deeds, then I would start to look to clear and sell.
You know, I stupidly keep forgetting this bit. A case of not seeing the wood for the trees at the moment! Solicitor said the LPA should take about 2 months to register, but the Social Worker told us he had a couple dragging on for much longer...so we hope that's not the case for us (with both of them!)
aeropilot said:
Is your MiL free to come and go from the home, or has she been subjected to deprivation of liberty?
You know, I'm not sure. She'd certainly have to ask a staff member to open the door for her as they all have security tag exits. I don't know if she's asked to go out since moving there last Tuesday as my wife was running to/from the house/rest home last week. I can only guess MIL will ask to get out at some point, although before it was only for the Torygraph in the morning and to Waitrose once a week, neither of which she needs to do now. Certainly since this area's been her home for 50 years, she knows it very well, but with her short-term memory there could be a risk of forgetting to return to the care home, probably returning to the house.
MIL's being a pain at the home. I don't even know where to begin.
My wife's now exploring the option of having a F/T live-in carer at her parents' house, and making necessary bathing/starlift adaptations for her Dad! I told her this is NOT a good idea to take seriously given the level of care her Dad needs, and that her Mum isn't mentally able to cope with (a) home life/shopping/paying bills, (b) doing anything useful for her husband, and (c) having someone else in the house as a carer 24/7. We already had problems with the Social Services care team and her Mum vetoed a live-in carer, hence why they're in a home now.
This unfortunately led to a tough discussion the night before last, stressed as we both are. My wife's so run down now, has a very nasty cough, not sleeping, etc. I laid out facts, clearly, clamly, and got snappy responses. It didn't go well.
My fear is that if a F/T carer is installed, her Mum still won't be happy, even in her own home. Everything will be down to my wife to resolve or fix, so there's a risk that she'll end up almost commuting Lux-Romsey, probably every week to sort st out. I think this thought of F/T carers comes from worrying abnout the state of her folks' finances. There's nothing to worry about! I have to be honest, they've a LOT more than I thought they would have, so I really don't see the issue. FIL took the advice he gave to clients and used it himself, since he was a senior tax partner at a Top 5 firm.
We're heading to Bordeaux this weekend for our Summer holiday, although I'm also taking a bag that fits as ariline carry-on as I'm pretty sure my wife will end up flying to the UK during our holiday. The situation is causing a lot of tension between us due to the stress.
It's just all a bit st.
Sorry, not expecting any answers. Just typing is enough to get this off my mind.
Now it's 09:00CET. Time to start some proper work. Last day in the office until 21st.
My wife's now exploring the option of having a F/T live-in carer at her parents' house, and making necessary bathing/starlift adaptations for her Dad! I told her this is NOT a good idea to take seriously given the level of care her Dad needs, and that her Mum isn't mentally able to cope with (a) home life/shopping/paying bills, (b) doing anything useful for her husband, and (c) having someone else in the house as a carer 24/7. We already had problems with the Social Services care team and her Mum vetoed a live-in carer, hence why they're in a home now.
This unfortunately led to a tough discussion the night before last, stressed as we both are. My wife's so run down now, has a very nasty cough, not sleeping, etc. I laid out facts, clearly, clamly, and got snappy responses. It didn't go well.
My fear is that if a F/T carer is installed, her Mum still won't be happy, even in her own home. Everything will be down to my wife to resolve or fix, so there's a risk that she'll end up almost commuting Lux-Romsey, probably every week to sort s
t out. I think this thought of F/T carers comes from worrying abnout the state of her folks' finances. There's nothing to worry about! I have to be honest, they've a LOT more than I thought they would have, so I really don't see the issue. FIL took the advice he gave to clients and used it himself, since he was a senior tax partner at a Top 5 firm.We're heading to Bordeaux this weekend for our Summer holiday, although I'm also taking a bag that fits as ariline carry-on as I'm pretty sure my wife will end up flying to the UK during our holiday. The situation is causing a lot of tension between us due to the stress.
It's just all a bit s
t. Sorry, not expecting any answers. Just typing is enough to get this off my mind.
Now it's 09:00CET. Time to start some proper work. Last day in the office until 21st.
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