Help with elderly relatives - Parkinson's + Dementia issues?
Discussion
Thank you all again for your comments and advice. It really is genuinely appreciated.
Aeropilot: I'm sorry for your loss.
With everything that's happened this year, it's all just been so quick. My wife and I agree that her Mum's decline has been very quick in the last 6 months or so, and we now wonder how long she has left.
Toomany: I just clicked and bought the book you recommended. Thank you.
Aeropilot: I'm sorry for your loss.
With everything that's happened this year, it's all just been so quick. My wife and I agree that her Mum's decline has been very quick in the last 6 months or so, and we now wonder how long she has left.
Toomany: I just clicked and bought the book you recommended. Thank you.
WinstonWolf said:
TooMany2cvs said:
WinstonWolf said:
Does he have any quality of life?
Not really - which is why I didn't even pause in giving the go-ahead for minimum intervention and DNR. <sigh>A few months ago, when he was still living at the flat, my phone went, "don't worry, but it's the ambulance service here..." <parp>
A full-fat 999 emergency ambulance was cruising along the road, on the way back from a shout - empty - when they noticed something on the pavement. Hold on... That's not a bundle of rags. Turned out it was Dad. We'll never know what really happened, but the best guess is that he got the wrong tram back from town, or got off at the wrong stop, and basically got confused and lost. On a miserable, damp, cold March day in Sheffield... They picked him up, dusted him down, shoved him in the back, and gave him a free roadside MOT. They figured out who he was, where he lived, and got my phone number - I think he probably told them which GP surgery, and they passed my number on. No real harm, not enough to be worth a hospital trip, but very cold, wet, disorientated and upset. They took him home, got him changed, poured tea down him, and sat with him for an hour until another shout came through for them. You simply could not have asked for more from 'em, the absolute bloody heroes.
That's about the time he started to go seriously downhill, and I find myself thinking "Maybe it wouldn't have been for the worst if they hadn't found him."
Edited by TooMany2cvs on Tuesday 19th December 14:43
TooMany2cvs said:
A full-fat 999 emergency ambulance was cruising along the road, on the way back from a shout - empty - when they noticed something on the pavement. Hold on... That's not a bundle of rags. Turned out it was Dad. We'll never know what really happened, but the best guess is that he got the wrong tram back from town, or got off at the wrong stop, and basically got confused and lost. On a miserable, damp, cold March day in Sheffield... They picked him up, dusted him down, shoved him in the back, and gave him a free roadside MOT. They figured out who he was, where he lived, and got my phone number - I think he probably told them which GP surgery, and they passed my number on. No real harm, not enough to be worth a hospital trip, but very cold, wet, disorientated and upset. They took him home, got him changed, poured tea down him, and sat with him for an hour until another shout came through for them. You simply could not have asked for more from 'em, the absolute bloody heroes.
Indeed 
TooMany2cvs said:
<sad nod> Everybody's, really.
A few months ago, when he was still living at the flat, my phone went, "don't worry, but it's the ambulance service here..." <parp>
A full-fat 999 emergency ambulance was cruising along the road, on the way back from a shout - empty - when they noticed something on the pavement. Hold on... That's not a bundle of rags. Turned out it was Dad. We'll never know what really happened, but the best guess is that he got the wrong tram back from town, or got off at the wrong stop, and basically got confused and lost. On a miserable, damp, cold March day in Sheffield... They picked him up, dusted him down, shoved him in the back, and gave him a free roadside MOT. They figured out who he was, where he lived, and got my phone number - I think he probably told them which GP surgery, and they passed my number on. No real harm, not enough to be worth a hospital trip, but very cold, wet, disorientated and upset. They took him home, got him changed, poured tea down him, and sat with him for an hour until another shout came through for them. You simply could not have asked for more from 'em, the absolute bloody heroes.
That's about the time he started to go seriously downhill, and I find myself thinking "Maybe it wouldn't have been for the worst if they hadn't found him."
I feel for you. One day, as a society, we'll have to acknowledge that devoting medical resources to extending life as long as possible regardless of quality, is not in any of our interests.A few months ago, when he was still living at the flat, my phone went, "don't worry, but it's the ambulance service here..." <parp>
A full-fat 999 emergency ambulance was cruising along the road, on the way back from a shout - empty - when they noticed something on the pavement. Hold on... That's not a bundle of rags. Turned out it was Dad. We'll never know what really happened, but the best guess is that he got the wrong tram back from town, or got off at the wrong stop, and basically got confused and lost. On a miserable, damp, cold March day in Sheffield... They picked him up, dusted him down, shoved him in the back, and gave him a free roadside MOT. They figured out who he was, where he lived, and got my phone number - I think he probably told them which GP surgery, and they passed my number on. No real harm, not enough to be worth a hospital trip, but very cold, wet, disorientated and upset. They took him home, got him changed, poured tea down him, and sat with him for an hour until another shout came through for them. You simply could not have asked for more from 'em, the absolute bloody heroes.
That's about the time he started to go seriously downhill, and I find myself thinking "Maybe it wouldn't have been for the worst if they hadn't found him."
Edited by TooMany2cvs on Tuesday 19th December 14:43
MiL used to be on very strong painkillers, which she took out of habit unrelated to actual pain. As she became more demented, we took the painkillers out of the house, worried she would overdose.
Now, within a a year, she can't understand the time, thinks we live upstairs in her bungalow and her daughter is her sister...
exactly that, our 3 losses were sudden and not too drawn out, but a work colleague is now having to watch and wait until his mil heart and mind give out, her body is crumbling around her, she is on a bed in the lounge, just wants to go, has carers in all day and family in all day, and they have to watch her suffer, just wishing for her to go.
they always say with your pets its the final dignity you give them, surely something must change in the future regarding us.
god lets hope 2018 will be kinder to us all on this thread, thinking of you all at this time of year
they always say with your pets its the final dignity you give them, surely something must change in the future regarding us.
god lets hope 2018 will be kinder to us all on this thread, thinking of you all at this time of year
Gracias, Mexican... You too.
Book recommended by TooMany arrived yesterday. Since there are f
k all presents under the tree with my name on 
I'll have something to read at least (joking but not joking about the presents.... Teens did their usual, "didn't think about that...or for Mum" )
Book recommended by TooMany arrived yesterday. Since there are f
k all presents under the tree with my name on I'll have something to read at least (joking but not joking about the presents.... Teens did their usual, "didn't think about that...or for Mum" )I know this is difficult for many of those who post here but I admire your strength and resolve more than ever this evening.
A dear friend of mine had a fatal heart attack nearly 10 years ago at the age of 32; in the gym of all places and I knew how he bloody hated the gym… I have tried to keep in touch with his mother, a genuinely lovely lady who has drawn a bad hand, having outlived both her husband and 2 children (one of whom, my fiend’s sister, died as a child). I say I have tried, but…
…I called her this evening after an embarrassingly long time; I’m ashamed and appalled as to how long it is since I last spoke to her. Very disoriented, didn’t remember me…and didn’t know she was at home, couldn’t remember that her son had died…and thought he was a bad son for not being in touch. I didn’t know what to say so I tried to avoid saying anything that might upset or confuse her any further.
I’m looking for her address (she’s in the North West, I’m in London) to try and check that the Health Authority or Social Services or anyone is looking after her. I’m rather late to this (it seems) but I have to check she’s looked after. Does anyone have any other ideas as to what else I can do?
My apologies for imposing on you for your thoughts (when you all, it seems, have plenty on your plates) but any guidance anyone can give would be massively appreciated.
A dear friend of mine had a fatal heart attack nearly 10 years ago at the age of 32; in the gym of all places and I knew how he bloody hated the gym… I have tried to keep in touch with his mother, a genuinely lovely lady who has drawn a bad hand, having outlived both her husband and 2 children (one of whom, my fiend’s sister, died as a child). I say I have tried, but…
…I called her this evening after an embarrassingly long time; I’m ashamed and appalled as to how long it is since I last spoke to her. Very disoriented, didn’t remember me…and didn’t know she was at home, couldn’t remember that her son had died…and thought he was a bad son for not being in touch. I didn’t know what to say so I tried to avoid saying anything that might upset or confuse her any further.
I’m looking for her address (she’s in the North West, I’m in London) to try and check that the Health Authority or Social Services or anyone is looking after her. I’m rather late to this (it seems) but I have to check she’s looked after. Does anyone have any other ideas as to what else I can do?
My apologies for imposing on you for your thoughts (when you all, it seems, have plenty on your plates) but any guidance anyone can give would be massively appreciated.
EJH said:
…I called her this evening after an embarrassingly long time; I’m ashamed and appalled as to how long it is since I last spoke to her. Very disoriented, didn’t remember me…and didn’t know she was at home, couldn’t remember that her son had died…and thought he was a bad son for not being in touch. I didn’t know what to say so I tried to avoid saying anything that might upset or confuse her any further.
I’m looking for her address (she’s in the North West, I’m in London) to try and check that the Health Authority or Social Services or anyone is looking after her. I’m rather late to this (it seems) but I have to check she’s looked after. Does anyone have any other ideas as to what else I can do?
If you called her on her land-line, you could possibly get her address via a phone number search if she is not un-listed.I’m looking for her address (she’s in the North West, I’m in London) to try and check that the Health Authority or Social Services or anyone is looking after her. I’m rather late to this (it seems) but I have to check she’s looked after. Does anyone have any other ideas as to what else I can do?
Sounds like a good idea to try and check with SS, especially as it sounds like she should really be in a home by now with that level of confusion....if dementia.
It might be as simple as urinary infection causing the confusion, very common in older women living alone that don't keep hydrated, but needs to be treated asap.
Just had a read through all 14 pages, as my mum (age early 70's) has Parkinson's, Dementia, Angina, Arthritis, and very poor eyesight due to a rare medical condition. In the 18 months things all went down hill quickly from living in her own flat to now in a care home.
Given the detioriation who knows how much longer she will sadly be around, she is pretty frail now and conversation is nigh on impossible, conversation from her quickly moves to talking about imaginary children she can see.
Question off the back of the thread. Folk have mentioned both the power of attorneys (Heath & Finances) my sister and myself hold for mum end when she passes away. What will occur at this point?, everything goes into probate as I understand it.
Mum has a paid for funeral plan, but what else would or might need to be paid for ?
Thanks
Guy
Given the detioriation who knows how much longer she will sadly be around, she is pretty frail now and conversation is nigh on impossible, conversation from her quickly moves to talking about imaginary children she can see.
Question off the back of the thread. Folk have mentioned both the power of attorneys (Heath & Finances) my sister and myself hold for mum end when she passes away. What will occur at this point?, everything goes into probate as I understand it.
Mum has a paid for funeral plan, but what else would or might need to be paid for ?
Thanks
Guy
guy_spyder550 said:
Question off the back of the thread. Folk have mentioned both the power of attorneys (Heath & Finances) my sister and myself hold for mum end when she passes away. What will occur at this point?, everything goes into probate as I understand it.
Mum has a paid for funeral plan, but what else would or might need to be paid for ?
Thanks
Guy
Is you mum's Will fairly straightforward? Are you and your sister Executors? Does she own any property?Mum has a paid for funeral plan, but what else would or might need to be paid for ?
Thanks
Guy
I would imagine her nursing home will want to charge you for full unused months (you might want to check their T&C's).
Both my parents died a while ago, the nursing home stage (for my mother) was one I remember well. It's not great - so will raise a glass to everyone in this awful phase.
guy_spyder550 said:
conversation from her quickly moves to talking about imaginary children she can see.
Has Lewy Body been mentioned yet?guy_spyder550 said:
Folk have mentioned both the power of attorneys (Heath & Finances) my sister and myself hold for mum end when she passes away. What will occur at this point?
Her will takes over. Who's executor? Does she have a will? What is there to be gathered and distributed?guy_spyder550 said:
Mum has a paid for funeral plan, but what else would or might need to be paid for ?
How long's a piece of string? It all depends on how big a bash you want to put on for her, really. The funeral plan will pay a certain amount of money, probably - it's just an insurance product.If all her ducks are in a row generally, then there's fairly minimal going to need doing apart from that - and you can get started under the PoA by making sure you know what and where everything is, and that all her account providers/insurers etc know who you are. The care home will probably give you a fairly finite time to get her effects cleared - after all, somebody else's parent needs their care.
NDA said:
guy_spyder550 said:
Question off the back of the thread. Folk have mentioned both the power of attorneys (Heath & Finances) my sister and myself hold for mum end when she passes away. What will occur at this point?, everything goes into probate as I understand it.
Mum has a paid for funeral plan, but what else would or might need to be paid for ?
Thanks
Guy
Is you mum's Will fairly straightforward? Are you and your sister Executors? Does she own any property?Mum has a paid for funeral plan, but what else would or might need to be paid for ?
Thanks
Guy
I would imagine her nursing home will want to charge you for full unused months (you might want to check their T&C's).
Both my parents died a while ago, the nursing home stage (for my mother) was one I remember well. It's not great - so will raise a glass to everyone in this awful phase.
Mum, has investments now but no property. I'm in regular contact with her IFA, who's a friend of the family. Sister signed the care home T&C's but will check with her and the care home.
Mums will pretty straight forward assuming the care home fees last that long 50% each to myself and my sister, but I think an additional £500 or similar to mums sister (our aunt). Aunt is now deceased.
The executors I think are sister and myself but would have to check the will
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