Help with elderly relatives - Parkinson's + Dementia issues?

[Rushjob]

We're in a similar situation, MIL has Parkinson's plus onset of dementia and the inlaws live in rural Spain. FIL was fit and is her main carer however is now himself unwell due to the stresses of looking after his wife. I'm currently sat at home with the dogs whilst my wife is down in Spain giving her father some respite. We are now considering our options moving forward. One option is to shut up our house here in France and move in with them in Spain which we are both willing, albeit with a little trepidation, to do. The next few weeks are going to be interesting as we move on, but I feel for the other posters who are going through the mill with this horrible condition.

[AstonZagato]

It is quite frustrating to talk to my mother now. She will talk about things that have never existed as being real.

So I was talking about her house. She asked to go back to the village she was in before. However, on further conversation, it became clear that she'd invented a whole new history where she'd moved to the current house not from her previous house but one in a village somewhere. It's very difficult to know what to say because her past history just didn't exist. She was asking where it was. I can't answer that. I kept trying to explain why but she wasn't having any of it. I think she thinks I'm lying to her.

She couldn't remember the fire she had three years ago that damaged her house. She wants to go on a cruise. She is convinced that there's nothing wrong with her.

[RC1807]

aeropilot said:

TooMany2cvs said:

aeropilot said:

TooMany2cvs said:

aeropilot said:

RC1807 said:

Care home still haven't received the Deprevation of Liberty, whilst MIL tells them she wants to go home - threatening to order a taxi. They need to get a shift on or we'll all be screwed!

That's not good, I seem to recall, the care home my Mum went into had that in place within a month of her going in!

I need to do some reading-up, because I don't remember this even being mentioned with my old man.

It depends on the setup of the home. The home my Mum was in was a 'secure' facility, with key pad entry/exit, as it was a dedicated dementia care facility, not a normal care home, so if your Dad is in a home where there is no key pad entry/exit to prevent the 'residents' wandering off, then no Deprivation of Liberty is applied for from the courts.

There's keypad entry/exit.

Then by law, the home/LA should have made an application to the courts for DoL on admission to the home.

Keypad in/out at the MIL's home, which is a specialist dementia care and nursing home.

Wisbech: I'm very sorry. That's a shock departure, but I can agree that this may be easier, rather than seeing the decline.

Rushjob: best of luck, matey. It's tricky when such a distance is involved, but suspect yours may be tricker given potential language barriers in Spain?

Aston: My FIL had times like that. He talked to us about sorting out multiple properties and/or caravans he'd never owned, but was convinced he did! *If only* he had.... another £few hundred K might have been useful.

Edited by RC1807 on Monday 15th January 12:58

[WinstonWolf]

wisbech said:

Father in law had massive stroke, fell over, knocked himself unconscious. Had surgery (internal bleeding in the brain) but never woke up. 76 years old

He had been active (cycling, walking, was looking to buy a new house, just come back from trip to Australia ) right until the last day, and would have hated being wheel chair bound. So, he was a cool bloke, and I will miss him, but I am happy in a way that he went out fast

As sad as it is to lose a relative that's a right result compared to dementia

Sorry for your loss.

[RC1807]

Offer of £20k under listed price received and accepted.
Listed price was about £60k more than we thought possible, so ~£40k up, assuming completion

Wife feels bad as it cuts her Mum off, but understands the PoA, action needed, unable to live alone, etc.
Prospective buyers accepted an offer on their house from a family who are renting and have a mortgage agreed, so, FINGERS AND TOES CROSSED!

[FlyingMeeces]

AstonZagato said:

It is quite frustrating to talk to my mother now. She will talk about things that have never existed as being real.

So I was talking about her house. She asked to go back to the village she was in before. However, on further conversation, it became clear that she'd invented a whole new history where she'd moved to the current house not from her previous house but one in a village somewhere. It's very difficult to know what to say because her past history just didn't exist. She was asking where it was. I can't answer that. I kept trying to explain why but she wasn't having any of it. I think she thinks I'm lying to her.

She couldn't remember the fire she had three years ago that damaged her house. She wants to go on a cruise. She is convinced that there's nothing wrong with her.

Agh, it's very very tough when that happens. Can you cautiously ask some fishing questions, try and get her to sketch out what she's thinking of? "Oh, was it that village that's a bit like ? With a pub right next to the canal?" Best case is that sets her off explaining about her imaginary village and desires to return get forgotten…

[TooMany2cvs]

Phone call from dad's care home last night. He's "coming down with flu". Antibiotics and monitoring...

[RC1807]

Hope it's not too serious, TooMany

[TooMany2cvs]

RC1807 said:

Hope it's not too serious, TooMany

Thanks.

However it goes, I hope it's easy on the poor sod.

[RC1807]

Indeed, we know all too well

[Mexican cuties]

thinking of you all, mil is still blacking out without any explanation, luckily she has not had a nasty fall because of it, but they are going to test for epilepsy?? still just under 6 stone but they are keeping a good eye on her, in the last few months definitely seems she is changing and becoming withdrawn,

1 year yesterday since I lost my dad after my mum had passed in September, he told us he gave himself 3 months, devasting, but at least they are together, and it was not drawn out, no one wins though.

all the best to you all and rc good luck with the house sale.

[TooMany2cvs]

TooMany2cvs said:

Phone call from dad's care home last night. He's "coming down with flu". Antibiotics and monitoring...

A week later, and he's sort of on the mend from the lurg, and bad tendonitis in his leg. But he's now refusing to eat.

[aeropilot]

TooMany2cvs said:

TooMany2cvs said:

Phone call from dad's care home last night. He's "coming down with flu". Antibiotics and monitoring...

A week later, and he's sort of on the mend from the lurg, and bad tendonitis in his leg. But he's now refusing to eat.

Refusing to eat isn't a good sign

From what they told me when my Mum got to the refusing to eat stage, was that they aren't consciously refusing to eat, its a function of that part of the brain shutting down/decaying with the dementia that creates confused signals which makes them feel full, and not hungry, hence them refusing food.

[Mexican cuties]

exactly that, mil is the same, at least the home are monitoring her, with my mum and dad, mum just gave up, didn't have dementia but was told due to the condition of her sepsis on her legs, was going to have to have her legs amputated, which her and dad kept to themselves, she just stopped eating and drinking, nothing in her stomach, and she had a cardiac arrest, and dad decided to join her as soon as he could, although the dreaded pneumonia was the cause of his death exactly the same as my fil that passed suddenly from that. 2016 fil passed august, my mum passed sept and dad went jan 2017. what a year

[TooMany2cvs]

aeropilot said:

TooMany2cvs said:

TooMany2cvs said:

Phone call from dad's care home last night. He's "coming down with flu". Antibiotics and monitoring...

A week later, and he's sort of on the mend from the lurg, and bad tendonitis in his leg. But he's now refusing to eat.

Refusing to eat isn't a good sign

From what they told me when my Mum got to the refusing to eat stage, was that they aren't consciously refusing to eat, its a function of that part of the brain shutting down/decaying with the dementia that creates confused signals which makes them feel full, and not hungry, hence them refusing food.

Yes, it's a possibility. It's a funny one - he's apparently back to himself, and joking/scolding away as normal.

[aeropilot]

TooMany2cvs said:

aeropilot said:

TooMany2cvs said:

TooMany2cvs said:

Phone call from dad's care home last night. He's "coming down with flu". Antibiotics and monitoring...

A week later, and he's sort of on the mend from the lurg, and bad tendonitis in his leg. But he's now refusing to eat.

Refusing to eat isn't a good sign

From what they told me when my Mum got to the refusing to eat stage, was that they aren't consciously refusing to eat, its a function of that part of the brain shutting down/decaying with the dementia that creates confused signals which makes them feel full, and not hungry, hence them refusing food.

Yes, it's a possibility. It's a funny one - he's apparently back to himself, and joking/scolding away as normal.

That's a better sign

[TooMany2cvs]

...just not eating...

[Pinkie15]

So sad to read everyone's experiences here. My FIL went within 18 months of dementia diagnosis, still reasonably compus mentis, but after falling and breaking his hip (requiring hip replacement) he just gave up on life and basically starved himself to death within a few months.

Mexican cuties said:

..., but they are going to test for epilepsy??

It's not uncommon to develop epilepsy as a result of Parkinson's, dementia or strokes.

Epilepsy also (seemingly) happens spontaneously in the elderly (some theories it's down to very subtle neurological changes/damage that don't manifest themselves in any measurably way).

[Mexican cuties]

thank you for that info, sorry to hear your situation,

[AstonZagato]

My mum has decided she wants a mobility scooter. The reason is that she has started smoking again and now gets breathless going to and from the shops to buy her cancer sticks. So she needs to exercise more not less. It seems perverse to buy her a mobility scooter to make it easier to buy cigarettes (all her other consumables are delivered).

She will lose it / not charge it / not put it away / crash into things / crash into people / wander further / get lost / get stuck. It is difficult to see any upside other than it will make her happier for a while.

But I feel incredibly guilty saying no.