Help with elderly relatives - Parkinson's + Dementia issues?
Discussion
Quick comments:
STILL waiting on FIL's probate to finalise some finance topics.
Sunday: Auntie phoned her sister (MIL) and got an earful for being locked away. Must get home. Why am I here? etc.
Monday: Mrs RC phoned her Mum as it was her birthday. Perfectly OK, no moans or groans, no mention of her husband "being around somewhere..." or "having buggered off somewhere...", that's been heard in recent weeks.
Mood and temperament switch so easily from one day to the next, it seems. Going to be a few months now until we get back to Bormuff to see her.
DOL update / renewal due soon. I don't think there will be any problems in having that made permanent. The home's nurses are keeping very detailed records. (Think I commented on that before? Now I'm forgetting things.)
STILL waiting on FIL's probate to finalise some finance topics.
Sunday: Auntie phoned her sister (MIL) and got an earful for being locked away. Must get home. Why am I here? etc.
Monday: Mrs RC phoned her Mum as it was her birthday. Perfectly OK, no moans or groans, no mention of her husband "being around somewhere..." or "having buggered off somewhere...", that's been heard in recent weeks.
Mood and temperament switch so easily from one day to the next, it seems. Going to be a few months now until we get back to Bormuff to see her.
DOL update / renewal due soon. I don't think there will be any problems in having that made permanent. The home's nurses are keeping very detailed records. (Think I commented on that before? Now I'm forgetting things.)
TooMany2cvs said:
Paternal update from this end.
My old man's now refusing to eat and drink, and is lashing out at anybody that comes near him for anything - including "personal care". The home have some paperwork for me to do, and want to have a chat with me...
My old man's now refusing to eat and drink, and is lashing out at anybody that comes near him for anything - including "personal care". The home have some paperwork for me to do, and want to have a chat with me...
Sorry to hear its getting to that stage now.
rc807 lovely to hear ref the scattering, husband now feels up to doing something similar with a small scatter pot we have for the fil, main ashes are waiting until his dad and mum are back together. found a lovely picture of his dad looking very handsome and dashing at the monument at godshill on the isle of wight as a young man, so in may on our week off are doing a small road trip to honour him.
aeropilot said:
Sorry to hear its getting to that stage now.
He was surprisingly lucid - well, by the standard I was expecting. He seemed to know who I was, and remembered a few things from the past. Very depressed, though, and lots of unintelligible muttering. Physically, very frail - there's just nothing to him. Apparently he has good days and bad - good days, he doesn't argue too much about being fed and moved to the day room, but still refuses point blank to actually join any activities. Bad days, and they're the majority, are the ones he lashes out left, right and centre.
The paperwork was signing a form asking permission to take his photo last July. No, seriously. (There were a couple of other bits, tbf, but nothing terribly exciting.)
TooMany2cvs said:
aeropilot said:
Sorry to hear its getting to that stage now.
He was surprisingly lucid - well, by the standard I was expecting. He seemed to know who I was, and remembered a few things from the past. Very depressed, though, and lots of unintelligible muttering. Physically, very frail - there's just nothing to him. Apparently he has good days and bad - good days, he doesn't argue too much about being fed and moved to the day room, but still refuses point blank to actually join any activities. Bad days, and they're the majority, are the ones he lashes out left, right and centre.
The paperwork was signing a form asking permission to take his photo last July. No, seriously. (There were a couple of other bits, tbf, but nothing terribly exciting.)
Maybe a few questions need to be asked.
TooMany: the lashing out is something that a care home assessor witnessed with my FIL, before we moved them to Bormuff. I don't think any of us can comprehend the amoutn of frustration dementia sufferers must have, or how they perceive things. Everyone's different.
As for not wanting to participate in activities, my MIL's been like that, but she does as we see the home's posts and pics on Facebook.
Sorry you had to go all that way for a stupid authorisation to take a photo they'd already done. A postage stamp's MUCH cheaper, surely?!
For us, the house sale's slowed.
The purchaser's own buyer (1st in the chain) kind of let them down now, but we've no hurry to complete.
STILL waiting on sodding Probate to finalise FIL's finances.
As for not wanting to participate in activities, my MIL's been like that, but she does as we see the home's posts and pics on Facebook.
Sorry you had to go all that way for a stupid authorisation to take a photo they'd already done. A postage stamp's MUCH cheaper, surely?!
For us, the house sale's slowed.
The purchaser's own buyer (1st in the chain) kind of let them down now, but we've no hurry to complete.
STILL waiting on sodding Probate to finalise FIL's finances.
Dad's refusal of food and drink led to him being hospitalised earlier this week, initially on the Frailty unit, now on a general Geriatric ward. They've had him on IV to rehydrate and, after some initial worry about kidneys (he wouldn't let them scan him), he's seemingly back to being physically healthy. But he's still refusing food, and ripped the IV out at least once today...
TooMany2cvs said:
He's being moved from hospital back to the care home, probably today, under nursing rather than residential care. The general agreement is that he's made his choice, and it's to be respected. So probably not long now.
No, probably not long now.
Better surroundings in a nursing home than in hosp., I didn't want my Mum to go in a hosp with potentially no one there if I couldn't get there in time. The nursing home said that when it was getting near, they would have someone with her at all times a relative couldn't be there.
TooMany2cvs said:
My brother still doesn't want to know.
So sorry, TooMany.
He's better off in the nursing home than the sparse surroundings of a hospital ward, IMHO.
I'm also very sorry too that your brother's not taking any interest.
Best wishes to you, mate. You've done a heck of a lot.
(My BIL has been in regular contact with his Mum, although she doesn't remember. Regular emails between siblings, so greatly improved since FIL's funeral.)
He's better off in the nursing home than the sparse surroundings of a hospital ward, IMHO.
I'm also very sorry too that your brother's not taking any interest.
Best wishes to you, mate. You've done a heck of a lot.
(My BIL has been in regular contact with his Mum, although she doesn't remember. Regular emails between siblings, so greatly improved since FIL's funeral.)
RC1807 said:
He's better off in the nursing home than the sparse surroundings of a hospital ward, IMHO.
Yes, I think so, too.He's not moving today, because the paperwork for nursing-vs-residential payment isn't through yet... If there's no update this PM, I'm just going to say b
ks to that, let's get him moved, and let the paperwork catch him up.TooMany2cvs said:
He's not moving today, because the paperwork for nursing-vs-residential payment isn't through yet... If there's no update this PM, I'm just going to say bks to that, let's get him moved, and let the paperwork catch him up.
ks to that, let's get him moved, and let the paperwork catch him up.
You might need to do a bit of foot-stamping in the circumstances.........he's doesn't have the time left for bureaucracy to get its act together.
Sympathy to all. I went through some of this with my father. We lived nearly 200 miles away from him but he was fiercely independent to the end. He wouldn't consider applying for sheltered housing near us, wouldn't wear an emergency call device and was deaf into the bargain. My elderly in-laws were going much the same way with a totally unworkable house, getting grumpy and hostile about any notion of change, hated any houses we got them to look at and so on. Then yesterday looked at a flat and decided to go for it! I wish them well but now the moving preparations loom - I hope we all survive!
TooMany2cvs said:
He's not moving today, because the paperwork for nursing-vs-residential payment isn't through yet... If there's no update this PM, I'm just going to say bks to that, let's get him moved, and let the paperwork catch him up.
Still in hospital. God, he looked pathetic yesterday. Just a nose (he's always had a corker of a conk, and it's even more emphatic now) and a bundle of papery-skin-covered-sticks. When I first looked onto the bay, I thought his bed was empty... But, no, that unmade-bed-type lump in the sheets was him, curled up. He's apparently eating and drinking JUST enough to keep the wolf from the door, but not enough to actually do him any good, the awkward ol' sod. He's basically constantly drowsy - right up until they try to do anything with him, when he perks right up and tells them EXACTLY where they can put their stethoscope...ks to that, let's get him moved, and let the paperwork catch him up.Anyway, apparently it's really not as easy as "let's move him and let the paperwork catch up". Of course it isn't. Why would it be? The paperwork should all be through this am, and when it arrives, he's straight in the van.
<sigh>
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