Help with elderly relatives - Parkinson's + Dementia issues?
Discussion
Thank you again, aeropilot. I owe you many virtual beers. 
My wife knows that what I've explained is the reality/case. She wants to just make 100% sure for her own peace of mind that she's looked at everything properly. First target was getting her Dad out of hospital = achieved. Given her Mum's situation, I think the fewer changes we make, probably, the better.
Anyway, thank you. Really.
My wife knows that what I've explained is the reality/case. She wants to just make 100% sure for her own peace of mind that she's looked at everything properly. First target was getting her Dad out of hospital = achieved. Given her Mum's situation, I think the fewer changes we make, probably, the better.
Anyway, thank you. Really.
Brief comments/update.
Mrs RC seems far less inclined towards live in carer. TFFT!
Mrs RC also called her folks on Sat eve, after we'd arrived in Bordeaux. They now have a direct phone in their room. MIL, when asked a question, suggested to my wife that she'd better talk to her Dad about that as he knows more on that topic...."I'll pass the phone to him, he's on the floor at the moment. He fell over a while ago...." f
king hell! "Pull the emergency cord! Get help!" She did, eventually.... She's the largest liability to him! 
Called back later. FIL had been put in his bed, a little more scuffed up. MIL was convinced she was on holiday in France, "heading home tomorrow....", some things are best left unsaid to avoid later confusion, it seems. She had France in her head from my wife commenting on our holiday, that's all. Some things stick, just all the wrong ones.
My FIL was convinced he was in a house he left in 1969, since their room number is the same as that house number was. Repeated answers to the same questions over and over, as you do, to them both this time. Sadly.
Wife's heading back to the UK 2 days after we get back from holiday, partly to start clearing stuff out, but also to offload her parents' car, before the stupid £900/p.a insurance renews in Sep on DD.
Flog it.
Trade sale.
Cancel insurance.
Refund road tax.
1 liability offloaded.
Next: the house. Oh, that's gonna be "fun". 48 years of hoarding st!
TTFN
Mrs RC seems far less inclined towards live in carer. TFFT!
Mrs RC also called her folks on Sat eve, after we'd arrived in Bordeaux. They now have a direct phone in their room. MIL, when asked a question, suggested to my wife that she'd better talk to her Dad about that as he knows more on that topic...."I'll pass the phone to him, he's on the floor at the moment. He fell over a while ago...." f
king hell! "Pull the emergency cord! Get help!" She did, eventually.... She's the largest liability to him! Called back later. FIL had been put in his bed, a little more scuffed up. MIL was convinced she was on holiday in France, "heading home tomorrow....", some things are best left unsaid to avoid later confusion, it seems. She had France in her head from my wife commenting on our holiday, that's all. Some things stick, just all the wrong ones.
My FIL was convinced he was in a house he left in 1969, since their room number is the same as that house number was. Repeated answers to the same questions over and over, as you do, to them both this time. Sadly.
Wife's heading back to the UK 2 days after we get back from holiday, partly to start clearing stuff out, but also to offload her parents' car, before the stupid £900/p.a insurance renews in Sep on DD.
Flog it.
Trade sale.
Cancel insurance.
Refund road tax.
1 liability offloaded.
Next: the house. Oh, that's gonna be "fun". 48 years of hoarding s
t! TTFN
Sorry to learn that, TooMany
Good luck with all that, too, matey.
Called the outlaws a little while ago. All cheerful enough, no repeated questions.
MIL now properly assessed and confirmed with Alzheimer's. She's on a low but increasing dose of some medication I have forgotten the name of that's meant to reduce the ongoing deterioration, or some such.
FIL has a nasty cough about him, which I hope clears up soon as there's bugger all of him nowadays.
Good luck with all that, too, matey.
Called the outlaws a little while ago. All cheerful enough, no repeated questions.
MIL now properly assessed and confirmed with Alzheimer's. She's on a low but increasing dose of some medication I have forgotten the name of
that's meant to reduce the ongoing deterioration, or some such. FIL has a nasty cough about him, which I hope clears up soon as there's bugger all of him nowadays.
Mrs RC heading back to the UK again today.
FIL has a chest infection, nothing more serious, thankfully.
MIL's been down in the dumps and wants to go home. Wife explaiend to her that she'd only spend all day back at the care home with her husband anyway, since he MUST stay there, and she kind of resgined herself to the fact. Still can't remember the name of the meds she has, but she's taking them, anyway.
Depending on the day, and how she's feeling, MIL sometimes realises she's in a care home. Other times she thinks they're in a hotel in France, then starts to fret where her car keys are. She's only been outside in the home's wonderful gardens twice in the last, what, 4 weeks?
Skoda Winchester are buying the 2 y.o Rapide back for ~£7k. Privately it's worth about £9k. It needs to go quickly and painlessly as we can't deal with a private sale. Insurance renewal, which is an eyewatering £900 (!) is due soon, so it's best gone. Hopefully my MIL will sign the V5 as the LPA isn't finalised for her. FIL should steer her in the right way so the car can go next week.
FIL's LPA is 10 days into the 3 week notice period given to the attorneys, then it's effective, I understand. One thing ticked off.
My wife has a long list of stuff to resolve int he week she's there, incl. a few runs to the tip, and arranging a skip for October when we will have to clear out LOADS of stuff.
She's not so keen on putting the house on the market, and doesn't want to sell it form under her folks (MIL is the legal owner), so that's something I will have to work on with my wife. MIL's not going back there on her own, so it's best sold, and putting a house on the market at the end of the year is a risk of it hanging around for a longer period, I think.
FIL has a chest infection, nothing more serious, thankfully.
MIL's been down in the dumps and wants to go home. Wife explaiend to her that she'd only spend all day back at the care home with her husband anyway, since he MUST stay there, and she kind of resgined herself to the fact. Still can't remember the name of the meds she has, but she's taking them, anyway.
Depending on the day, and how she's feeling, MIL sometimes realises she's in a care home. Other times she thinks they're in a hotel in France, then starts to fret where her car keys are. She's only been outside in the home's wonderful gardens twice in the last, what, 4 weeks?
Skoda Winchester are buying the 2 y.o Rapide back for ~£7k. Privately it's worth about £9k. It needs to go quickly and painlessly as we can't deal with a private sale. Insurance renewal, which is an eyewatering £900 (!) is due soon, so it's best gone. Hopefully my MIL will sign the V5 as the LPA isn't finalised for her. FIL should steer her in the right way so the car can go next week.
FIL's LPA is 10 days into the 3 week notice period given to the attorneys, then it's effective, I understand. One thing ticked off.
My wife has a long list of stuff to resolve int he week she's there, incl. a few runs to the tip, and arranging a skip for October when we will have to clear out LOADS of stuff.
She's not so keen on putting the house on the market, and doesn't want to sell it form under her folks (MIL is the legal owner), so that's something I will have to work on with my wife. MIL's not going back there on her own, so it's best sold, and putting a house on the market at the end of the year is a risk of it hanging around for a longer period, I think.
TooMany: I'm really sorry to hear more of your father's deteriorating state.
I fear my MIL may not be far behind.
aeropilot: Yes, I'm sure my wife will see the sense in cleaning it out and moving it on. There's so much maintenance already needed, evem when they were in situ, and we're not there to deal with it. CBA to get a man or Co. in to deal with it either, so let's pack up the nick-nacks, put them in storage and offload the burden of the house ... The utilities are almost now zero, and there's no council tax to be paid, we need to crack on whilst the weather's still pretty good. Don't want it empty in a cold winter.
I've a ton of L/H business trips from early Oct 'til Christmas, and I must be there to help her clean all the stuff out. Essentially I've 5 or so weeks, well, more like a couple of long w/ends, to deal with this. Not easy.
BIL still hasn't been to see his folks. He knows exactly where they are and why. The twunt.
Cheers all.
I fear my MIL may not be far behind.
aeropilot: Yes, I'm sure my wife will see the sense in cleaning it out and moving it on. There's so much maintenance already needed, evem when they were in situ, and we're not there to deal with it. CBA to get a man or Co. in to deal with it either, so let's pack up the nick-nacks, put them in storage and offload the burden of the house ... The utilities are almost now zero, and there's no council tax to be paid, we need to crack on whilst the weather's still pretty good. Don't want it empty in a cold winter.
I've a ton of L/H business trips from early Oct 'til Christmas, and I must be there to help her clean all the stuff out. Essentially I've 5 or so weeks, well, more like a couple of long w/ends, to deal with this. Not easy.
BIL still hasn't been to see his folks. He knows exactly where they are and why. The twunt.
Cheers all.
Car sale is agreed. My wife's dropping it to Skoda Winchester on Wed on her way to get the coach to LHR to come home. £7k, as it has some (careless MIL parking) body damage, but then it's GONE!
MIL's been miserable, wants to go home. Kept apologising that my wife was travelling each day to visit them from B'mouth, whilst my wife's been in the family home 600m away from the rest home. MIL thinks my wife still lives in B'mouth - not since 18 years, so that's another thing forgotten. FIL's memory seems to be influenced a lot, depending on how tired he is, about what my MIL says, so he goes along with what she says. Last night both MIL & FIL were complaining to MIL's sister than no-one, not even my wife, visits them. st! My wife's been in 2x/day since last Wednesday, so their memories are deteriorating quite quickly. That's sad to know about. My wife was frustrated to learn that, but knows it's not going to get any easier.
Just as we're thinking about putting the hosue on the market, a dozen or so tiles from the g/f shower room decided to detach themselves from the wall and smash to pieces on the floor! Marvellous. WHY NOW?! No chance to find a match to those after 35 years or so, or time to faff with it, so it will be left. It's clear the shower room needs a completed refit anyway. The house is a "project" for whomever buys it.
My wife's done an amazing job since last Weds, around all her care home visits, of cleaning out the home office (shredding and recycling 50 years of pointless bills filing,etc.), emptying the garage (sold my FIL's 2 y.o MTB that's been ridden about 3 miles. WHO buys a new bike when they've been diagnosed with Parkinson's? Neighbour had that for £100.), plus many trips to the dump, weeding patio and block paved drive, so it at least looks more presentable and "lived in". Gardener will come round and cut the grass tomorrrow. That's only a £15 job and it only takes him 20 minutes with his massive petrol mower on the downhill slope.
Also got a good deal on a secure lock-up to store loads of stuff from the house like good china, glassware, ornaments, paintings (FIL used to do a lot of drawing and painting), in case they want to swap some things over in their care home room. They have a lot of living room pics up, so it feels more like home for them. We can then sort the storage in a future long w/e visit, along with a skip on the drive to empty the loft! There's TONS of stuff stuck up there. I'll get some mates in to help us with that on the promise of beers and pizza!
Await remaining LPA confirmation for MIL, then we can crack on with reorganising the finances, closing many unused CC accounts, redirecting pension payments to a single joint account, not across 5 as they are now. Also need to cancel many subscriptions, and repay Hants CC for the carehome fees they've been covering in the interim.
Nathan furniture: Any idea how popular it is? See quite a bit on the Bay of Fleas, but I wonder how much actually sells? We've a hifi unit, 2 sideboards and 2 tall wall cabinets to sell. Must be good for £500-600? And NO, I won't be delivering it!
I'll be glad when my wife's home on Weds as work's crazily busy at the moment, so 11 hour days then home to sort stuff for the girls.
Anyway, onwards and upwards, McDuff!
MIL's been miserable, wants to go home. Kept apologising that my wife was travelling each day to visit them from B'mouth, whilst my wife's been in the family home 600m away from the rest home. MIL thinks my wife still lives in B'mouth - not since 18 years, so that's another thing forgotten. FIL's memory seems to be influenced a lot, depending on how tired he is, about what my MIL says, so he goes along with what she says. Last night both MIL & FIL were complaining to MIL's sister than no-one, not even my wife, visits them. s
t! My wife's been in 2x/day since last Wednesday, so their memories are deteriorating quite quickly. That's sad to know about. My wife was frustrated to learn that, but knows it's not going to get any easier. Just as we're thinking about putting the hosue on the market, a dozen or so tiles from the g/f shower room decided to detach themselves from the wall and smash to pieces on the floor! Marvellous. WHY NOW?!
No chance to find a match to those after 35 years or so, or time to faff with it, so it will be left. It's clear the shower room needs a completed refit anyway. The house is a "project" for whomever buys it.My wife's done an amazing job since last Weds, around all her care home visits, of cleaning out the home office (shredding and recycling 50 years of pointless bills filing,etc.), emptying the garage (sold my FIL's 2 y.o MTB that's been ridden about 3 miles. WHO buys a new bike when they've been diagnosed with Parkinson's? Neighbour had that for £100.), plus many trips to the dump, weeding patio and block paved drive, so it at least looks more presentable and "lived in". Gardener will come round and cut the grass tomorrrow. That's only a £15 job and it only takes him 20 minutes with his massive petrol mower on the downhill slope.
Also got a good deal on a secure lock-up to store loads of stuff from the house like good china, glassware, ornaments, paintings (FIL used to do a lot of drawing and painting), in case they want to swap some things over in their care home room. They have a lot of living room pics up, so it feels more like home for them. We can then sort the storage in a future long w/e visit, along with a skip on the drive to empty the loft! There's TONS of stuff stuck up there. I'll get some mates in to help us with that on the promise of beers and pizza!
Await remaining LPA confirmation for MIL, then we can crack on with reorganising the finances, closing many unused CC accounts, redirecting pension payments to a single joint account, not across 5 as they are now. Also need to cancel many subscriptions, and repay Hants CC for the carehome fees they've been covering in the interim.
Nathan furniture: Any idea how popular it is? See quite a bit on the Bay of Fleas, but I wonder how much actually sells? We've a hifi unit, 2 sideboards and 2 tall wall cabinets to sell. Must be good for £500-600? And NO, I won't be delivering it!
I'll be glad when my wife's home on Weds as work's crazily busy at the moment, so 11 hour days then home to sort stuff for the girls.
Anyway, onwards and upwards, McDuff!
MIL's convinced my wife still lives in Bormuff, but keeps phoning her at our house in Luxembourg to "take her home". The repetition of explanation is taking its toll on my wife. I'll be glad when she's home tonight for a little more "normality", if you can call it that with me and 2 teen girls at home?! 
Had a call from the care home manager last night. Apparently my FIL got stroppy about being helped to his room and lashed out at 2 carers, hitting both of them, but not hard as he'd fall over anyway. Whilst he doesn't have a violent bone in his body, when my MIL intervened, he started swearing at her, too. I think he's just genuinely pissed off that he wants to do stuff himself and he can't, but he doesn't like asking for or getting help either. Care home boss advised my wife that they may have to rethink if her folks can stay there.
My wife's going in this morning to tell the care home manager to smooth things over. This place is a Top 20 ranked (in the south of England) specialist dementia care home, and that's what both her folks have - FIL has vascular dementia, MIL has Alzheimer's. The care home and carers *need* to be able to deal with it as that's what we're paying £1,500/week for them to do, FFS!
My wife's worried that, since the LPAs aren't finalised, the care home could ask Hants SS to move her folks, and she won't be able to do anything about it.
Do you folks know if that's possible for Hant SS to impose actions based on a care home request, whilst the LPAs have both been applied for and are pending treatment?
This was an isolated incident. The Care Home assessed *both* parents before accepting them into their care.... and whilst we have noticed a decline in their mental health even in the month they've been in the home, there's nothing WE can do about that. It's not going to improve, is it.
In short, my wife's now thinking she'll have to go back again next week to look at NURSING homes, and then move her folks. I tried at length last night to NOT have to do that as the care home should be able to deal with her folks. Let's hope they understand that this morning.
Maybe the care home can get some sedatives for her FIL to take in the evening so he's not so grumpy when he needs to go to bed?
Thoughts?
I can't keep shelling out hundreds of £££ for my wife travelling back and forth. I think we're up to almost £2k in trip expenses since Easter to help them.
Sorry, it's not the money. We're both very stressed and worn out over this situation.
Had a call from the care home manager last night. Apparently my FIL got stroppy about being helped to his room and lashed out at 2 carers, hitting both of them, but not hard as he'd fall over anyway. Whilst he doesn't have a violent bone in his body, when my MIL intervened, he started swearing at her, too. I think he's just genuinely pissed off that he wants to do stuff himself and he can't, but he doesn't like asking for or getting help either. Care home boss advised my wife that they may have to rethink if her folks can stay there.
My wife's going in this morning to tell the care home manager to smooth things over. This place is a Top 20 ranked (in the south of England) specialist dementia care home, and that's what both her folks have - FIL has vascular dementia, MIL has Alzheimer's. The care home and carers *need* to be able to deal with it as that's what we're paying £1,500/week for them to do, FFS!
My wife's worried that, since the LPAs aren't finalised, the care home could ask Hants SS to move her folks, and she won't be able to do anything about it.
Do you folks know if that's possible for Hant SS to impose actions based on a care home request, whilst the LPAs have both been applied for and are pending treatment?
This was an isolated incident. The Care Home assessed *both* parents before accepting them into their care.... and whilst we have noticed a decline in their mental health even in the month they've been in the home, there's nothing WE can do about that. It's not going to improve, is it.
In short, my wife's now thinking she'll have to go back again next week to look at NURSING homes, and then move her folks. I tried at length last night to NOT have to do that as the care home should be able to deal with her folks. Let's hope they understand that this morning.
Maybe the care home can get some sedatives for her FIL to take in the evening so he's not so grumpy when he needs to go to bed?
Thoughts?
I can't keep shelling out hundreds of £££ for my wife travelling back and forth. I think we're up to almost £2k in trip expenses since Easter to help them.
Sorry, it's not the money. We're both very stressed and worn out over this situation.
Hi aeropilot
Yes, there is an option to split them up and have 2x single rooms. It's been suggested by the care home manager. I should have added that above.
I genuinely think my FIL, whilst his eyes are closed and everyone thinks he's asleep, hears his wife's witterings and it causes a lot of his confusion, then anxiety from that. Having 2 x single rooms will push the cost up by £400/week, but if they can get to stay in this home, it would be best, I'm sure. It's a genuinely great home, and we know the carers are doing an excellent job, but since my FIL convinces himslef "he can do it", he stands and tries to walk without his frame. 9 falls in the 1 month he's been there.
Of course, this isn't to say my FIL can stay in the same home until the end of his days as he will need NURSING care given his Parkinson's at some point in time.
Fingers and toes crossed it can be resolved, at least for today (!), when my wife visits later.
Yes, there is an option to split them up and have 2x single rooms. It's been suggested by the care home manager. I should have added that above.
I genuinely think my FIL, whilst his eyes are closed and everyone thinks he's asleep, hears his wife's witterings and it causes a lot of his confusion, then anxiety from that. Having 2 x single rooms will push the cost up by £400/week, but if they can get to stay in this home, it would be best, I'm sure. It's a genuinely great home, and we know the carers are doing an excellent job, but since my FIL convinces himslef "he can do it", he stands and tries to walk without his frame. 9 falls in the 1 month he's been there.
Of course, this isn't to say my FIL can stay in the same home until the end of his days as he will need NURSING care given his Parkinson's at some point in time.
Fingers and toes crossed it can be resolved, at least for today (!), when my wife visits later.
Thank you MrV8
LPAs are already underway, and at great cost through the family solicitor.
My wife met the care home manager (CHM) earlier. She said it would be better for the inlaws to have single rooms, but, longer term - actually, pretty short term really - the CHM said my FIL should have nursing care as soon as possible, so that'll be something else for us to look at. FFS!
The CHM isn't going to pursue this with Hants SS that it's hurried along, but SS aren't that quick anyway.... Whilst I understand the CHM's position and thoughts, I'm kind of upset and let down that they only performed their assessment of them both about 5 weeks ago, and we're already in a, "They're too much for us to deal with.." situation.
Whilst my wife was talking to the CHM, my MIL phoned our house in Lux and spoke to our eldest daughter. She wanted to know where her car was so she could drive home (the same car that my wife's sold back to Skoda Winchester at midday today)! MIL's convinced she's in a hotel a long way from home. In reality she's about a 10-15 minute walk from her own house. Just as my MIL hung up on the phone, my wife arrived in their room at the care home, and so started the "usual Q&A" which my wife's had to do everyday for the past week.
FIL was lucid today and able to talk more clearly, and he was shocked and saddened to learn of what happened last night. He really didn't know. Increasing fatigue later in the day seems to cause a lot of his vascular dementia issues. MIL stepped in with a, "Well, I'd have known if that would have happened... IT DIDN'T!", which my wife could only respond, "Yes, Mum. Of course." Clearly my MIL had forgotten all about the incident.
As soon as both LPAs are in place, and my wife's in control of the decisions and finances, we'll then find a suitable place with 2 rooms in Bormuff/Poole area.
At the situation: GRRRRRR!
LPAs are already underway, and at great cost through the family solicitor.
My wife met the care home manager (CHM) earlier. She said it would be better for the inlaws to have single rooms, but, longer term - actually, pretty short term really - the CHM said my FIL should have nursing care as soon as possible, so that'll be something else for us to look at. FFS!
The CHM isn't going to pursue this with Hants SS that it's hurried along, but SS aren't that quick anyway.... Whilst I understand the CHM's position and thoughts, I'm kind of upset and let down that they only performed their assessment of them both about 5 weeks ago, and we're already in a, "They're too much for us to deal with.." situation.
Whilst my wife was talking to the CHM, my MIL phoned our house in Lux and spoke to our eldest daughter. She wanted to know where her car was so she could drive home (the same car that my wife's sold back to Skoda Winchester at midday today)! MIL's convinced she's in a hotel a long way from home. In reality she's about a 10-15 minute walk from her own house. Just as my MIL hung up on the phone, my wife arrived in their room at the care home, and so started the "usual Q&A" which my wife's had to do everyday for the past week.
FIL was lucid today and able to talk more clearly, and he was shocked and saddened to learn of what happened last night. He really didn't know.
Increasing fatigue later in the day seems to cause a lot of his vascular dementia issues. MIL stepped in with a, "Well, I'd have known if that would have happened... IT DIDN'T!", which my wife could only respond, "Yes, Mum. Of course." Clearly my MIL had forgotten all about the incident. As soon as both LPAs are in place, and my wife's in control of the decisions and finances, we'll then find a suitable place with 2 rooms in Bormuff/Poole area.
At the situation: GRRRRRR!
TBH, I think BOTH Of them have detereiorated whilst they've been in the home.
BUT I strongly believe that if they'd been in their own home, it wouldn't be any different. Rather, I fear my FIL could have had a fatal fall in their own home since my MIL thinks he can still do everything, but Parkinson's says, "NO!".
BUT I strongly believe that if they'd been in their own home, it wouldn't be any different. Rather, I fear my FIL could have had a fatal fall in their own home since my MIL thinks he can still do everything, but Parkinson's says, "NO!".
It's sad, but comforting at the same time, that PH is so diverse. These issues have been seen and dealt with by a number of PHers, so few need to have multiple forum accesses to very helpful and insightful comments. Thank you, PHers!
The CHM is OK that the folks stay where they are, for now, at least, so we're not under pressure to do anything in the immediate future. Mrs RC isn't planning on going back to the UK before the end of October, which is very useful for our girls who start back at highschool on 19/9, and I have a few L/H business trips between now and then.
The CHM acknowledged that my FIL isn't to be left in any of the lounges too long after dinner time, as being overtired affects him massively. He's been apologising to any and all of the carers when he sees them in case they were the 2 he may have struck the other evening, since he has no recollection of the event. Poor fella. The lead carer's put him on their roster to be moved to his room before 7pm. That way he's safer and can watch TV in bed and not be grumpy to be moved when he's over tired. That's the theory, anyway.
And now, we hope to have a more normal weekend as a family.
The CHM is OK that the folks stay where they are, for now, at least, so we're not under pressure to do anything in the immediate future. Mrs RC isn't planning on going back to the UK before the end of October, which is very useful for our girls who start back at highschool on 19/9, and I have a few L/H business trips between now and then.
The CHM acknowledged that my FIL isn't to be left in any of the lounges too long after dinner time, as being overtired affects him massively. He's been apologising to any and all of the carers when he sees them in case they were the 2 he may have struck the other evening, since he has no recollection of the event. Poor fella.
The lead carer's put him on their roster to be moved to his room before 7pm. That way he's safer and can watch TV in bed and not be grumpy to be moved when he's over tired. That's the theory, anyway. And now, we hope to have a more normal weekend as a family.
FIL's LPA only a matter of days from being finalised, MIL's is registered and acknowledged, so a few weeks behind.
Only 2 phone calls yesterday from the inlaws.
First was FIL concerned where the car was as he'd convinced himself he could drive them both home as they don't want "be in this place any longer". The car's sold, of course. Then FIL was worried about how he was going to move one of his caravans without a car. They've only ever had 1 caravan and they sold it to the guy who stored it in France for them >2 years ago.
MIL then wanted to know when they're going home....we all know they're not and when my FIL's lucid, he knows he's not going anywhere either. Clearly yesterday was not a good day for him, and I think my MIL's wittering send him off on another route in his brain. Then my MIL starts fretting about the house, what's happening to it, etc. Circular Q&A ensues about why they are where they are, etc.
5 hours later, MIL calls again wanting to know where the car is, so the circular Q&A repeats.
In between these calls my wife and I had discussed about the parents' house. Wife was concerned that she couldn't sell it as it isn't what her parents want. After a while to let her calm down, I advised my wife that selling the house IS in the parents' best interests as there are carehome fees of £75k p.a. to pay, and we cannot keep going back evey few weeks to check on the house, which is already falling into disrepair ... well, moreso than when the inlaws lived there. The longer it's empty, the more issues will crop up.
Both parents willingly signed their LPA for my wife to MAKE these decisions and act accordingly, and selling an empty home is an appropriate decision.
She then drew up a list of what's in each room in the house, what's to be tipped, sold, charity-shopped, stored, etc., so that's the week's holiday for Autumn half-term then. Oh, well. Needs must. Certainly can't let the MIL see/know it's being done, so we'll gloss over the finer details if asked.... 
Expect more phone calls of a similar nature today.
Only 2 phone calls yesterday from the inlaws.
First was FIL concerned where the car was as he'd convinced himself he could drive them both home as they don't want "be in this place any longer". The car's sold, of course. Then FIL was worried about how he was going to move one of his caravans without a car. They've only ever had 1 caravan and they sold it to the guy who stored it in France for them >2 years ago.
MIL then wanted to know when they're going home....we all know they're not and when my FIL's lucid, he knows he's not going anywhere either. Clearly yesterday was not a good day for him, and I think my MIL's wittering send him off on another route in his brain. Then my MIL starts fretting about the house, what's happening to it, etc. Circular Q&A ensues about why they are where they are, etc.
5 hours later, MIL calls again wanting to know where the car is, so the circular Q&A repeats.
In between these calls my wife and I had discussed about the parents' house. Wife was concerned that she couldn't sell it as it isn't what her parents want. After a while to let her calm down, I advised my wife that selling the house IS in the parents' best interests as there are carehome fees of £75k p.a. to pay, and we cannot keep going back evey few weeks to check on the house, which is already falling into disrepair ... well, moreso than when the inlaws lived there. The longer it's empty, the more issues will crop up.
Both parents willingly signed their LPA for my wife to MAKE these decisions and act accordingly, and selling an empty home is an appropriate decision.
She then drew up a list of what's in each room in the house, what's to be tipped, sold, charity-shopped, stored, etc., so that's the week's holiday for Autumn half-term then.
Oh, well. Needs must. Certainly can't let the MIL see/know it's being done, so we'll gloss over the finer details if asked.... Expect more phone calls of a similar nature today.
Returned home after a 2 day business trip to Laaandon yesterday evening to the news that my FIL had another fall at the home, (I think his tally since being there is now 11 or 12 falls) but this time he was taken by paramedics (again!...) to University Hospital Southampton. He's in an acute medical ward there.
MIL couldn't explain what happened, saying first that she'd seen the fall and she thought he'd bumped his head, but a few moments later said she found him on the floor.
In any case, the hospital consultant called my wife and explained their findings and thoughts. FIL' either had another stroke or has a bleed on his brain, but since he's so frail and he still has his chest infection, together with an irregular heartbeat and breathing, they couldn't operate and they wouldn't ressussitate him if he suffered an arrest. We hope to find out more today about any CT or MRI results. Any way it comes out, it's not looking good for the poor fella now.
It's all a bit st.
MIL couldn't explain what happened, saying first that she'd seen the fall and she thought he'd bumped his head, but a few moments later said she found him on the floor.
In any case, the hospital consultant called my wife and explained their findings and thoughts. FIL' either had another stroke or has a bleed on his brain, but since he's so frail and he still has his chest infection, together with an irregular heartbeat and breathing, they couldn't operate and they wouldn't ressussitate him if he suffered an arrest. We hope to find out more today about any CT or MRI results. Any way it comes out, it's not looking good for the poor fella now.
It's all a bit s
t. TooMany2cvs said:
Yep.
But might it actually be the kindest thing for him if he slipped away gently now?
Yes, although the solicitor hasn't got the Wills signed yet.....and we've umpteen thousands in carehome bills still to pay whilst the LPA's pending. Dunno how that all works for the moeny in a joint account?But might it actually be the kindest thing for him if he slipped away gently now?
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