How much do you drink, honestly?
Discussion
gregs656 said:
TRD I am rooting for you and your continued efforts. You seem so much more hopeful. Keep us updated.
Thanks mate. I've met a good mate tonight after work. Probably had about 6 pints tonight. Got home, OH is completely out of it on the sofa, so here I am with my headphones on, in the man cave, replying to you all. Feeling fairly tipsy but still focused on what needs to be done. She doesn't even know that I'm home. Same story, different weekend. Still it gives me a chances to chill with some music. I love music. It feels like therapy. 
Feel quite down tonight but I know what has to be done.
Edit: I'm a f
king emotional wreck. So much for music being a therapy. Not sure where that came from. What a mess. I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day? Dunno what's come over me 
Edited by TameRacingDriver on Saturday 21st July 00:05
Could be the 6 pints. Alcohol is a depressant.
“But as you drink more, something different can start to happen. Once your brain has high levels of alcohol affecting it, it’s possible the pleasant effects of your first drink will be replaced by negative emotions such as depression, anxiety or anger – even if you were in a good mood when you started drinking. “
https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/alcohol-facts/health-...
“But as you drink more, something different can start to happen. Once your brain has high levels of alcohol affecting it, it’s possible the pleasant effects of your first drink will be replaced by negative emotions such as depression, anxiety or anger – even if you were in a good mood when you started drinking. “
https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/alcohol-facts/health-...
TameRacingDriver said:
Edit: I'm a fking emotional wreck. So much for music being a therapy. Not sure where that came from. What a mess. I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day? Dunno what's come over me
From your posts, some personal stuff is coming to a head. You might well be about to turn your life upside down.king emotional wreck. So much for music being a therapy. Not sure where that came from. What a mess. I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day? Dunno what's come over me Best of luck with both your battles.
TooMany2cvs said:
It's about the same as the UK limit was before the 2016 reduction from 21 to 14 units/week for men - or, rather, equalisation between men and women.
To compare he average man 6’ v average woman 5’5” and to state with a straight face it’s the same limit for safety is utter BS. If 14 is right for men for safety then women should be less maybe 7?grumbledoak said:
From your posts, some personal stuff is coming to a head. You might well be about to turn your life upside down.
Best of luck with both your battles.
Thanks. Dunno what came over me last night.Best of luck with both your battles.
6 pints and 2 330 punk when I got home, just woke up. Feel like I've been kicked in the head!
TameRacingDriver said:
I agree with you, the next 6 months are really make and break. She has been dragging me down for a while. In fact, I'd honestly say that if I had thought more of myself in the past I would have walked away a long time ago, but I have suffered with mild depression and anxiety my whole life and always thought I wasn't worthy to have a decent woman. I had crap luck with women (constantly rejected after one date or after a few weeks) and when she came along I was happy to feel wanted, but now I just feel as though I've "settled" for 2nd best, and now I'm stuck. I have debts and frankly, my life could have turned out a lot better if I'm honest. To be honest, I often wonder if part of the reason I drink is so she is more tolerable; I can't be bothered to argue when I'm wrecked.
To be fair mate, I think most people have what you call crap luck, it's just the way it works. You need to think of it as getting each other on for size, not that they are rejecting you and calling you worthless. Think about how many outfits the average woman tries on in a shop, dating is much the same.What I'm saying is, don't feel you have to settle for second best. It'll be hard work, but you can do better.
TameRacingDriver said:
She decided that she would pour what was left in the second bottle into my glass (I didn't ask for it) and she said "don't worry it's only a tiny bit"... but of course that meant she had an excuse to open the 3rd bottle (her 3rd, our 4th).
I wonder if buying bag-in-box would help here?TameRacingDriver said:
Aw thanks mate I wont be posting much about new cars now as I can't really afford anything new and the novelty has worn off anyway 
Seriously though thanks for all the kind words from all of you, I am actually genuinely touched that a bunch of strangers I've never met seem to care in their own way.
So, that morning I've just spoken about in response to rossub, we had an argument, and I basically told her that if things don't stop and soon, then we won't be renewing the rental on the place we're in now and we'll be going our own way.
We've had lots of arguments in the past, she promises to change, never does. She has again this time. We'll see what happens, but after years and years of this, I'm not hopeful at all, and in a way it might be for the best if it does end.
I do love her in so much that I care about her in a way any normal person would about someone who they've been with for a decade. However, I'm not in love with her. The alcohol thing is one factor, but frankly we're polar opposites as personalities. She is very much upper / middle class spoiled brat (dad was a mayor, lived in a huge house). She's got no backbone, no courage, no fight. I on the other hand, very much a working class lad, had as good an upbringing as I could have hoped for under the circumstances, credit to my parents they did well, but otherwise not an easy life. Was an only child, went to a rough school. My parents are also quite big drinkers so that had an effect too.
Personality wise, she is a lovely caring person, but she not half winds me up at times. I am, or can be, a fairly irritable guy who doesn't suffer fools, but generally I am (or like to think I am) a nice guy, laid back, live and let live... She just moans and bhes about things all the time, gets on my nerves, it really does. I do wonder if I'm irritable because of the drink but I'm not 100% sure on this, I've always been a little intolerant of annoying people! 
I agree with you, the next 6 months are really make and break. She has been dragging me down for a while. In fact, I'd honestly say that if I had thought more of myself in the past I would have walked away a long time ago, but I have suffered with mild depression and anxiety my whole life and always thought I wasn't worthy to have a decent woman. I had crap luck with women (constantly rejected after one date or after a few weeks) and when she came along I was happy to feel wanted, but now I just feel as though I've "settled" for 2nd best, and now I'm stuck. I have debts and frankly, my life could have turned out a lot better if I'm honest. To be honest, I often wonder if part of the reason I drink is so she is more tolerable; I can't be bothered to argue when I'm wrecked.
Today though I am a different person, and I honestly cannot say that I want to put up with this for any longer. I have a plan, I want to be in my best ever shape by 40 (I have 9 months to make this happen). I want to be a good way into clearing the debts, and I want to be in control again, bossing my life and my career (which I've arguably not done as well at as I should at my age, probably because of my personal issues). If she is not a part of it then it's entirely down to her choosing the booze over me.
Making a break with red wine is me acknowledging that 1. I don't enjoy it like I used to and 2. It's like breaking away from her... i.e. we drank wine together. Now I'll still drink with her (on a weekend), but I wont drink the same (strong) drink, and try and remain in control.
I can't abide the hangovers, depression and heartburn any more. Honest to god, my life was starting to feel like a living hell at times and this could not continue. You're right she does talk the talk in terms of "supporting" me but by doing the very thing I have a problem with in front of me is not supporting me at all.
So, watch this space guys, the next 6 months WILL be transformative, one way or another. If I fail, I only have myself to blame for being spineless and a coward. I will keep those words in my head so that i do NOT fail.
would it be improper of me to suggest relationship counselling? Heck even personal counselling too. If you think of yourself as worthless you'll project that onto her. I wont be posting much about new cars now as I can't really afford anything new and the novelty has worn off anyway Seriously though thanks for all the kind words from all of you, I am actually genuinely touched that a bunch of strangers I've never met seem to care in their own way.So, that morning I've just spoken about in response to rossub, we had an argument, and I basically told her that if things don't stop and soon, then we won't be renewing the rental on the place we're in now and we'll be going our own way.
We've had lots of arguments in the past, she promises to change, never does. She has again this time. We'll see what happens, but after years and years of this, I'm not hopeful at all, and in a way it might be for the best if it does end.
I do love her in so much that I care about her in a way any normal person would about someone who they've been with for a decade. However, I'm not in love with her. The alcohol thing is one factor, but frankly we're polar opposites as personalities. She is very much upper / middle class spoiled brat (dad was a mayor, lived in a huge house). She's got no backbone, no courage, no fight. I on the other hand, very much a working class lad, had as good an upbringing as I could have hoped for under the circumstances, credit to my parents they did well, but otherwise not an easy life. Was an only child, went to a rough school. My parents are also quite big drinkers so that had an effect too.
Personality wise, she is a lovely caring person, but she not half winds me up at times. I am, or can be, a fairly irritable guy who doesn't suffer fools, but generally I am (or like to think I am) a nice guy, laid back, live and let live... She just moans and b
hes about things all the time, gets on my nerves, it really does. I do wonder if I'm irritable because of the drink but I'm not 100% sure on this, I've always been a little intolerant of annoying people! I agree with you, the next 6 months are really make and break. She has been dragging me down for a while. In fact, I'd honestly say that if I had thought more of myself in the past I would have walked away a long time ago, but I have suffered with mild depression and anxiety my whole life and always thought I wasn't worthy to have a decent woman. I had crap luck with women (constantly rejected after one date or after a few weeks) and when she came along I was happy to feel wanted, but now I just feel as though I've "settled" for 2nd best, and now I'm stuck. I have debts and frankly, my life could have turned out a lot better if I'm honest. To be honest, I often wonder if part of the reason I drink is so she is more tolerable; I can't be bothered to argue when I'm wrecked.
Today though I am a different person, and I honestly cannot say that I want to put up with this for any longer. I have a plan, I want to be in my best ever shape by 40 (I have 9 months to make this happen). I want to be a good way into clearing the debts, and I want to be in control again, bossing my life and my career (which I've arguably not done as well at as I should at my age, probably because of my personal issues). If she is not a part of it then it's entirely down to her choosing the booze over me.
Making a break with red wine is me acknowledging that 1. I don't enjoy it like I used to and 2. It's like breaking away from her... i.e. we drank wine together. Now I'll still drink with her (on a weekend), but I wont drink the same (strong) drink, and try and remain in control.
I can't abide the hangovers, depression and heartburn any more. Honest to god, my life was starting to feel like a living hell at times and this could not continue. You're right she does talk the talk in terms of "supporting" me but by doing the very thing I have a problem with in front of me is not supporting me at all.
So, watch this space guys, the next 6 months WILL be transformative, one way or another. If I fail, I only have myself to blame for being spineless and a coward. I will keep those words in my head so that i do NOT fail.
Sounds like you're mixing up a number of different issues, both yours, both of yours and maybe hers and it needs untangling and there's no shame in seeking a little assistance from someone experienced in the subtlety of how things go wrong and how to fix them. People are complicated and I think the freedom to think and act that the average working plonker has today creates dramas out of problems we just had to suck up and make work in the past. Either way, All the best.
Had a bit of a barney with my mrs about the booze, not entirely unlike your sit (40, thinking of long term health, coming up for a decade together, although very happy we've had ups'n'downs). I had a bad time of it in earlier life and had a big drinking habit, allways booze in the house in part cos I didn't care about the future, while the mrs was a social drinker. Now I want us to cut down (a few days off in the week) and I feel at least partly to blame for her drinking, although her not getting what she wants or deserves in her career right now doesn't help.
Flibble said:
To be fair mate, I think most people have what you call crap luck, it's just the way it works. You need to think of it as getting each other on for size, not that they are rejecting you and calling you worthless. Think about how many outfits the average woman tries on in a shop, dating is much the same.
What I'm saying is, don't feel you have to settle for second best. It'll be hard work, but you can do better.
To be fair I don't think that way now, but definitely back then I wasn't in a good place. What I'm saying is, don't feel you have to settle for second best. It'll be hard work, but you can do better.
TooMany2cvs said:
I wonder if buying bag-in-box would help here?
Speaking from experience it doesn't help.hairyben said:
would it be improper of me to suggest relationship counselling? Heck even personal counselling too. If you think of yourself as worthless you'll project that onto her.
Sounds like you're mixing up a number of different issues, both yours, both of yours and maybe hers and it needs untangling and there's no shame in seeking a little assistance from someone experienced in the subtlety of how things go wrong and how to fix them. People are complicated and I think the freedom to think and act that the average working plonker has today creates dramas out of problems we just had to suck up and make work in the past. Either way, All the best.
Had a bit of a barney with my mrs about the booze, not entirely unlike your sit (40, thinking of long term health, coming up for a decade together, although very happy we've had ups'n'downs). I had a bad time of it in earlier life and had a big drinking habit, allways booze in the house in part cos I didn't care about the future, while the mrs was a social drinker. Now I want us to cut down (a few days off in the week) and I feel at least partly to blame for her drinking, although her not getting what she wants or deserves in her career right now doesn't help.
I'm not really sure counselling would help and to be honest if I'd suggest that she'd probably be surprised as far as she's concerned everything is rosy (even though I tell her otherwise).Sounds like you're mixing up a number of different issues, both yours, both of yours and maybe hers and it needs untangling and there's no shame in seeking a little assistance from someone experienced in the subtlety of how things go wrong and how to fix them. People are complicated and I think the freedom to think and act that the average working plonker has today creates dramas out of problems we just had to suck up and make work in the past. Either way, All the best.
Had a bit of a barney with my mrs about the booze, not entirely unlike your sit (40, thinking of long term health, coming up for a decade together, although very happy we've had ups'n'downs). I had a bad time of it in earlier life and had a big drinking habit, allways booze in the house in part cos I didn't care about the future, while the mrs was a social drinker. Now I want us to cut down (a few days off in the week) and I feel at least partly to blame for her drinking, although her not getting what she wants or deserves in her career right now doesn't help.
TameRacingDriver said:
I'm not really sure counselling would help and to be honest if I'd suggest that she'd probably be surprised as far as she's concerned everything is rosy (even though I tell her otherwise).
how would you know if you've never tried it? You talk of it being make-or-break, which suggests to me there's something worth saving, but brush off the suggestion you merely consider a tool designed specifically for the job?hairyben said:
how would you know if you've never tried it? You talk of it being make-or-break, which suggests to me there's something worth saving, but brush off the suggestion you merely consider a tool designed specifically for the job?
Well I haven’t but I don’t wish to discuss my relationship with a stranger, I’m not comfortable with the idea, that’s all.TameRacingDriver said:
Well I haven’t but I don’t wish to discuss my relationship with a stranger, I’m not comfortable with the idea, that’s all.
I had counselling in uni for a time - having witnessed an event - and it was great. Went in, offloaded with complete honesty to someone I was unlikely to ever see again. No judgement, a bit of chat and advice and on you go.I loved it, but I can see it is not for everyone.
grumbledoak said:
Six litres of water right now will kill you before breakfast tomorrow. Also from liver failure.
It's the dose that matters.
It's not liver problems that would kill you, it's a simple imbalance of electrolytes when you drink too much plain water. Ask Leah Betts about it...It's the dose that matters.
My problem is with my recent fondness for a gin and tonic rather than a glass of wine at dinner.
Beer and Wine are easy to measure as I make one bottle of wine last 4 nights (vacuum cork) But the Gin less so as I don't measure it.
I recently bought a miniature Sipsmith 70ml bottle to try it out and when I poured it in the glass realised that I would have put in at least double that amount for my usual G+T. Part of the problem is that I don't usually get a hangover with gin so didn't realise how much I was drinking.
Beer and Wine are easy to measure as I make one bottle of wine last 4 nights (vacuum cork) But the Gin less so as I don't measure it.
I recently bought a miniature Sipsmith 70ml bottle to try it out and when I poured it in the glass realised that I would have put in at least double that amount for my usual G+T. Part of the problem is that I don't usually get a hangover with gin so didn't realise how much I was drinking.
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