Work woes- anxiety

Work woes- anxiety

Author
Discussion

Birdster

Original Poster:

2,201 posts

91 months

Wednesday 12th September 2018
quotequote all
Hi,

I'm not sure where to start really. Feel a bit silly typing it down and keep telling myself to man up but those close to me have seen a definite change in my mood and attitude since a new manager was introduced, the working relationship is sour and becoming unbearable. I've tried to construct the below into something meaningful, but appreciate it's a bit of ramble and I wonder if it's just me. The structure isn’t great, but I just can’t seem to type it our coherently. For anyone who reads through and has constructive advice I’m most grateful.

I've a call with HR later today and I'll be seeing my doctor later today also. I feel embarrassed that I left someone get to me this much. I know the answer is to just quit, but it's well paid and very suitable to my current situation. If I didn't have a mortgage or financial responsibilities I would just walk out. I realised today that after the rolled eyes from a colleague across the meeting room that they think the same as me, but won’t say anything. After the meeting I could feel myself tense up and concentration go so worked the rest of the day from home

I've been in my current role for two years, was contracting on and off before that and various other bits in between. Like most people I can get along with others and make friends and I think this flexible nature and attitude is essential for contracting and customer facing roles. It leads me to think that the problem isn't me as I've never had these issues in 15 years of working, although I appreciate no one is perfect. I'm in no way selling myself as an angel. I constantly second guess myself now and feel like I'm treading on egg shells and even ask those I'm close to in work if I'm imagining things, or am I just being sensitive? They always agree and tell me I'm not and that there is a definite issue between my manager and myself. Others sitting around our desk have commented on the issues as they've noted the things I'm about to describe and have mentioned how they couldn't work on our team due to the talking over and raised voices and mood swings essentially. One day you'll just be ignored, or I will, it’s petty subtle behaviour at times.

We're a small team of 8 at the moment, with one of them being the team manager. They were recently promoted to this role and that's where the problems started. We're on the same salary as the new job didn't offer more, but did offer experience. Even if it is more money, it's not about salary, or job title as I'm quite happy working in a technical capacity, nor is a female manager as I've had both male and female mangers, project managers etc.

Basically bad decisions after bad decisions are being made and every time I try and suggest something better its shot down, even if on a team meeting others have agreed with the suggestion, these are people with years of experience. Countless times these decisions have come back to bite us but others won't speak up and just speak in private. Perhaps it's the fact that I speak up marks me with a black card.

If on a conference call someone asks a question, they'll be met with a polite answer, so to test this I asked the same question about how my manager would like work prioritised and was belittled in front of others saying "I shouldn't have to tell you what to do, you know what to do, I can assign all your work if you need me to" The reason for asking the question was to see if there were any gaps or help needed as I'd just returned from annual leave. I feel that's a reasonable thing to ask. As other days she’ll stop you doing something and say how xyz is more important, but then moan how ABC wasn’t done, rather than just let you get on with it. Constant updates, AKA micro management are required.

If I say I'm late for work due to transport delays or cancellations I'm pulled up on it (something I take a screen shot of to prove), yet a younger team member who travels twice as far is giving carte blanche due to travelling so much for work and even on a team meeting when someone else was late it was said that only that one person has an excuse.

At the moment we have an external party in to do some development work, I was pulled off of this project and one of our two contractors assigned to it to justify keeping them on. I was asked about this prior as it was supposed to be a project that I could get myself stuck into as I'd been overseeing some pretty tedious work. I said that's fine for the bigger picture as helps with workload, trying to be a team player as such and as long as I pick up a project soon. No one likes being stuck floating on BAU and as backfill, and also it doesn't help personal development. Now the next project has come along it's been assigned to them again and I'm left floating and picking up the pieces of the other project that they haven't finished. I suggested to change the first project location as the external party wanted to come into London as they'd dealt with me previously whilst the contractor was away and was happier with my work and asked me to come into the office to meet them. I was told to be involved in an assistant role and only to be involved as an escalation point and pulled off of it as now that the contractor had returned from sickness. I suggested why don't we send the third party to our remote office where the contractor is so that I don't have to sit there logging them onto a laptop so they can share screens over Skype with our contractor, as it doesn't make sense that they're sitting next to me but they have to deal with our remote contractor via Skype as I'm moved onto BAU activities and assisting on other projects, it would be better of time and saves me from being a glorified babysitter (how I felt).

Regarding this same project when the timelines were given to us, I tried to push back on certain days due to team members being on holiday and made suggestions to change the dates and was told that 'no the project has to continue etc' and it was managed and scheduled for me. Sure enough on those days they visited I could only give 50% of my attention. On a follow up call a few weeks later I was blamed for not managing the timelines of the project efficiently and how I should have pushed back. I said I don't feel it's my place to question as when trying to schedule a meeting room during a conference call leading up to this visit my manager is on another call but over hear hears and tells me not to book a meeting room as they can just sit next to me and we need to be visible at our team desks. I tried to explain that we have tight desks and I can book a dedicated room with screen sharing capabilities and conference phone so that all parties can talk in private rather than us two sitting next to each other with headsets and our remote colleagues chatting to us. So I can work as normal and hear all the conversations on a conference and glance up at a screen if needed. Makes sense to me. Rather than visibility of being seen at our desks. People know to Skype, or call, or email etc if they need me.

We were assigned desk in an office move. I was opposite my manager and came in one day and she'd swapped my seat with another member of the team so that I'm sitting next to her, without even consulting me, just told the other person to move the day before I was due back in, under the guise that they need to work more closely with me. Surely you consult people about this first?

I constantly feel like any suggestion of mine is dismissed, I can do no right and frankly no idea why I let it get to me. Others seem to just roll eyes, or laugh it off as most people find our manager hard work. I guess previously I was brushing it under the carpet. One member of the team has left due to her behaviour. I feel I’m not alone, it just depends who it’s directed at and if you shut up. I asked why others will discuss with me but not bring it up with our manager but they’re afraid to and just want to keep their head down.


vsonix

3,858 posts

111 months

Wednesday 12th September 2018
quotequote all
Just a small thing but possibly important, if it were me I'd see my doctor first, then talk to HR once you have medical advice.
Can't speak for your employer but by and large HR are there to look after the employer's interests first and the employee second, so might end up giving you advice that makes things worse.

StevieBee

8,158 posts

203 months

Wednesday 12th September 2018
quotequote all
Quite a bit to digest here and I may come back with some other suggestions and thoughts. But to start.

Document everything properly. Dates, times, any time a situation occurs, record. Try not to be emotional when doing this - just the facts; what happened, why, how they made you feel etc. Where you can, try to include as much that could be corroborated by colleagues - should the need arise. I'll come back to the reason for this in a moment.

Next, take the advice of Vsonix above. Even if just to register the fact that you have sought medical help.

Actions by others that negatively impact on your ability to perform to the required levels and / or cause emotional distress falls under the term 'bullying'. This may be intentional or otherwise. Bullying is illegal - proving it is the difficult bit, hence the need to document everything. This alone may not prove anything but having it will make defending their position that much more difficult.

But before you get to that point, something to consider.

Work forces people, who in any other circumstance wouldn't be friends, to exist in one another's company for long periods of time. If you are fortunate, then this can generate life long friendships. But if not, as you are experiencing, it can make life very tough.

One can pick over the detail to the nth degree but it often comes down to the simple fact that not everyone gels with everyone. It is what it is! I would urge you to consider if this is the case or if there is something else going on. If the former, then it won't help the day to day stuff but will be able to come to peace with situation and enable you a clearer head to either live with it or make your next career choice on your own terms and yours alone.

If the latter...well, that's when the fun starts because it could open up all manner of issues.

But to start, consider that there may be private issues that are influencing the manner of behaviour of your manager. A dying parent, a child with an incurable disease, a cheating spouse....it is not unusual for people in authority suffering from such things to compensate for the lack of control they have outside of work by imposing more at work.

Easier said than done to establish this but worth keeping in mind.

I'll think on this some more but the most important thing here is the documentation of everything.






StevieBee

8,158 posts

203 months

Wednesday 12th September 2018
quotequote all
I've read your post again. My previous advice still stands.

However, something to consider additional is this:

You say that the Team Manager was assigned to the position with no increase in salary. Management carries with it additional burdens of responsibility and sometimes, risk. It requires additional skills all of which have to be recognised in a higher salary. Pardon my abruptness but this stuff about 'gaining experience' is bks.

If someone takes on that extra responsibility and burden without need for additional payment, that person is attracted only to the notion of them being a manger than any ambition towards positively influencing operational or corporate progress - the sort of people who take pleasure in telling their friends that they have been promoted to manager more than the pleasure of promotion itself.

In other words - shallow, self-serving individuals.

And it sounds to me that this is the case here.

Your options are limited.

1) Sit down with her and, say to her that you need to understand better what it is she needs of you for you to be able to deliver that better. Be honest and say what you disagree with and why. Pitch in a way that she thinks its you offering to help her. If that doesn't help:

2) Take the matter to the next layer above - with the documented examples I mention. If that doesn't help:

3) Toddle off to HR. Explain the situation with liberal mention of the term "mental bullying".

I have some experience of this and generally, the problem solves itself as true colours quickly emerge,

I hope that's of help.


Driller

7,224 posts

226 months

Thursday 13th September 2018
quotequote all
OP, you need to be less agreeable.

RTB

7,298 posts

206 months

Thursday 13th September 2018
quotequote all
I don't have a lot of directly practical advice to give but I do have some strategies that have helped me:

I work in quite a stressful job (I work for a big Pharma company getting regulatory approvals for clinical trials). Up until about 12/18 months ago I suffered from similar levels of anxiety. I wasn't sleeping properly, struggling to find joy in anything etc etc.

Since then I've been trying to keep a bit of perspective. I try and separate out what i can control from what I can't. I can't for example control what my manager thinks or does, so tying myself in knots in the hope of influencing something over which I have no control is obviously pointless.

I try and set goals that are things I can control. For example if I'm about to give a presentation, then I don't set myself the goal that everyone in the audience has to like my presentation. I don't have any control over what my audience does and doesn't like, therefore I limit my goal to giving the best presentation that it's in my power to give. If I feel I couldn't have done any better and people still don't like what I've done then there's nothing I can do about that, so I try not to let it worry me.

Conversely I've stopped taking as much pleasure from positive feedback. I try not chase the "pat on the back," as again, I have no control over whether someone decides to compliment my work or not. Living for a "well done" from someone else will leave you miserable most of the time.

It's been a tough 12 to 18 months but when you get into the habit of ignoring everything you have no real control over, life does become a lot simpler.

When all else fails and I get home having had a series of unpleasant, stressful, heated meetings, I try and remind myself that in a years time I won't recall the meeting, in 10 years time I probably won't recall the project, in 30 years time I'll barely recall the job and in 60 years time me and most of the people causing me this anxiety will be probably be long dead. smile

If your manager was doing something to endanger your physical safety you would take action to protect yourself, yet you're happy to allow that same manager to endanger your emotional safety. Why is that?

Try and limit the emotional harm your new working situation does and start planning a way out. Go and see your Dr and let HR know that you aren't happy.


Pistom

2,981 posts

107 months

Thursday 13th September 2018
quotequote all
Bloody hell RTB - have you ever thought of doing this full time as a mentor or coach?

There are some wise words there!

fizzwheel

62 posts

74 months

Saturday 15th September 2018
quotequote all
OP - I had similar issues with a manager and that things you have written in your post sound scarily familiar.

In your position, I would start looking for another job.You are the master of your own destiny here, so just remember that, you dont have to sit there and suck it up, take control of the situation and go find another job.

In my experience you can talk to HR and your manager till you are blue in the face. HR will take the managers side or take the path of least resistance, from what you have said your manager isn't going to change.

I'd echo the advice above, keep a journal or a log of exactly what is said to you and when.

1. It'll help you in the future if things get stinky
2. You can review it at a later date once the intial conflict has died down / or when you are calmer ( if she is winding you up ) and it may help get you some perspective.

Sounds to me like it the manager that has the issue and not yourself..






Edited by fizzwheel on Saturday 15th September 20:21

gottans

3,037 posts

93 months

Sunday 16th September 2018
quotequote all
OP, I sympathise as I have been through something similar where there was conflict with someone in a management role with a penchant for micro-management.

Really has a negative effect, I think the one thing I have really learned is not to worry or 'beat yourself up' about things you can do nothing about. Suggest you look at techniques such as the emotional freedom technique which helps you control how you react to a situation or cognitive behavioural therapy.

My situation has improved as upper management stepped in with their boots on as my situation was one among many.

TameRacingDriver

12,713 posts

220 months

Sunday 16th September 2018
quotequote all
RTB, I know you’re not looking for a pat on the back, but have one anyway smile

A lot of what you have written resonates with me.

I was having a crap time at work recently, nothing seemed to go right, watching other (less experienced) colleagues being promoted while I get ignored, yet again.

I’ve just took a step back, and told myself - it’s only work. I have to do it to pay the bills, and I’m not averse to working hard when required, but I’m fked if I’m going to let them ruin my life. My philosophy is I’m there for a set amount of time, so what happens in that time is not worth getting annoyed or upset over. It is what it is, and it can’t be changed. And for 99.9% of the population, work is not going to be something that is going to cause any real danger so in the grand scheme of things, it’s of little significance.

I am now far happier with this new attitude, and weirdly, am now more confident as a result and it’s being noticed. Not sure if this is any use but I thought it might be of some interest anyway. Good luck OP.

RTB

7,298 posts

206 months

Sunday 16th September 2018
quotequote all
Thanks for the kind words. I have to admit, I find it easier to dispense the advice than follow it, but I try to. smile

I'd like to claim I've come to these conclusions myself, but I'd be lying. Over the past couple of years I've started reading a lot of Epictetus, Seneca, Cato, Musonius and Marcus Aurelius. They have a lot of Stoic wisdom that chimes well with me and has helped me.

December 2016 I was having a stressful time at work. I was in a new role, had a lot of responsibility and felt I couldn't do right for doing wrong. Just before Christmas I was having such a bad time I took myself off to a meeting room and cried. I hadn't cried for years..... I got a Drs appointment and started researching methods to alleviate stress. I found Derren Brown's book and from that, some of the stoic life philosophy that the book is based on. I'm not saying its a wonder cure but it does provide some tools to cope. Plus its interesting to read from a historical point of view.

Favorite Stoic quote:


Epictetus said:
I have to die. If it is now, well then I die now; if later, then now I will take my lunch, since the hour for lunch has arrived - and dying I will tend to later.

Derek Smith

35,020 posts

196 months

Monday 17th September 2018
quotequote all
TameRacingDriver said:
RTB, I know you’re not looking for a pat on the back, but have one anyway smile

A lot of what you have written resonates with me.

I was having a crap time at work recently, nothing seemed to go right, watching other (less experienced) colleagues being promoted while I get ignored, yet again.

I’ve just took a step back, and told myself - it’s only work. I have to do it to pay the bills, and I’m not averse to working hard when required, but I’m fked if I’m going to let them ruin my life. My philosophy is I’m there for a set amount of time, so what happens in that time is not worth getting annoyed or upset over. It is what it is, and it can’t be changed. And for 99.9% of the population, work is not going to be something that is going to cause any real danger so in the grand scheme of things, it’s of little significance.

I am now far happier with this new attitude, and weirdly, am now more confident as a result and it’s being noticed. Not sure if this is any use but I thought it might be of some interest anyway. Good luck OP.
I agree, including wishing the OP good luck.

The line managers' nightmare is the person who does just enough. Knowing what you want out of life and then going for it makes you invulnerable to an extent. Also, it's not permanent. If you are feeling down, then tick over. Do what you have to.

I used to be asked 'can you just do this' a lot when I was a printer. When I had my first child and got little sleep I stuck a notice on my machine 'if each day you do more than is expected of your, pretty soon more will be expected of you'. I realised later that it was facing outwards, for others to read. So I stuck it on the wall opposite, just at head height for anyone talking to me. The odd thing is, no one seemed to think any the less of me. It got me over a difficult period - I love my sleep - and after I removed it the requests for that bit of extra stayed low.

Manage now. Don't worry about 'long term' as it doesn't exist. Gods laugh at the plans of man 'cause things change all the time. When you laugh at yourself when plans go bent, you've cracked it.


Birdster

Original Poster:

2,201 posts

91 months

Tuesday 18th September 2018
quotequote all
Hi everyone.

Thank you for the replies. I did read them earlier but refrained from replying as I was trying to clear my head and not think about it, I’ve had a few sleepless nights since posting this thread. This afternoon I finally decided to write down all the past instances and comments. I’m thinking that viewed individually some look silly but I’m hoping to bring it all together to paint a bigger picture. I’m sure some could be dismissed but I have 5 A5 pages detailing specific events. Perhaps I’ll post them up here to get more advice. It’s generally more of the one rule for everyone else and then something different to me. Or me being pullled up on something or asked to work a certain way, which then isn’t followed by my manager. A case of do as I say, not as I do. After being lectured for 15 mins on how to do something and not agreeing with it, only to have them do it the way you wanted to do it in the first place is just mind numbing. Whether it’s a procedure, work method, or technical application. I fear that they’ll be dismissed, or I’ll be classed as being sensitive and suspect some of this will be difficult to prove. Hopefully I’m wrong.

I visited my GP the same day that I left work. My GP noted high blood pressure and could see I was stressed, anxious and agitated. I was then signed me off from work for 10 days. I return to see my GP next week.

I spoke to the HR person whom I’d previously spoken to before and sent them my fit note. They had previously suggested occupational health when I’d raised concerns, so I will follow this up. I’m confident that this isn’t in my head, especially after someone who witnessed that final uncomfortable moment agreed that my manager ‘had a bone to pick with me’ for no apparent reason.

I’m aware that all the advice on this thread applies, hence reading a few times and contemplating it all. Whether it’s the advice saying to go to HR and how others have had difficult situations like this, or those who suggest to firm up my responses and to let it just over my head. I think I would benfift from help I dealing with difficult situations and how to let things go that I can’t ckntrol. Those that suggest HR will look after the manager and themselves rings a potential truth. As the last call with them was along the lines of ‘stick to your doctors recommendation about no contact with work although we encourage you to keep seeing them so they can help you get back to work.’ Or something along those lines. Leaving may be an option if I study and move in a new direction, or even work out finances and budget differently to make a pay cut an option and take a different approach. It’s not nice but I realise the little things that stick to my mind now. Such as our manager never coming with us for drinks after work, or chatting to our old team, desk buddies in our old building. Even though the rest of us stay in touch. My manager will go out for drinks if managers higher up the chain are out and will hang around. It’s all about career advancement. Which is fine, but there isn’t any interest in anyone unles she gets something out of it.

I feel better not being at work to deal with it, but know that I have to go back to face the music. I guess I’m expecting my manage to really have it in for me, or deny it all, but at least this has given me some breathing space and time for me to reflect.

Thanks for the replies. It really has helped.

BlueHave

2,320 posts

56 months

Thursday 20th September 2018
quotequote all
In the short term these petty and controlling ways of your manager might seem like small things. But believe me you need to nip it in the bud now before it comes to a head. You need to speak to someone above the manager about here behaviour and present them with notes, dates of events etc.

The short argument would be that she has decided your face doesn't fit and these events are her way of forcing you out.

I'm not meaning to sound harsh but I've seen strong minded and ambitious people turn into shell of themselves (albeit in the short term) because of bullying in the work place and once it builds up to a certain level it can all culminate in a breakdown.

Speaking to a professional whether it be medical or a senior within HR will definitely help the situation. The say the worst part of anxiety is admitting you may be suffering from it. You've been to a GP, some people don't get close to this point.

Edited by BlueHave on Thursday 20th September 02:59

Birdster

Original Poster:

2,201 posts

91 months

Thursday 8th November 2018
quotequote all
Figured this was due an update. Partly due to typing it out and thinking about it and also to say thanks to those who replied.

I’ve spoken to occupational health and they’ve asked for feedback and examples. We discussed at length the things that I had a problem with and even with me taking a step back and trying to take emotion out of it they agreed that there is a problem with management and communication. So they’ve passed this on to the senior manager that I asked them to. I guess
whether he and HR can actually do something to make a positive change is another matter.

My GP has also referred me to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. We discussed my reactions to certain incidents, whether it’s work or someone sitting over two seats on the train, or not saying thank you when I hold a door open. I know they’re being an arse but why get worked up over it?

Thanks for the replies and advice and hopefully it’s a positive step forward for me personally and also in work. beer

Four Litre

1,247 posts

140 months

Friday 9th November 2018
quotequote all
Good luck OP! Im guessing this is the scenario -


Middle aged female manger (slightly over weight so not happy)
No children of own
Not happy with husband

If so - your doomed! As a contract worked I like to this I've seen quite a lot of what the workplace has to offer. In 20 years freelancing I've experienced one situation like yours and at the end of the day I just ended up getting another job.

We started out quite well, but all went downhill after the birth of our first child. I took 3 days off to help out and knew this wasn't appreciated at work, went back in on literally couple of hours sleep a night (daughter was a screamer!) and on day 2 she pulled me aside to say 'Ive noticed in the last couple of days your work isn't like it used to be, - is there a problem!' After that our relationship soured dramatically!

I left and she got made redundant!

When I interview for new contracts, If my boss is female, I try to work out if they have kids and if they are married etc, sounds sexist but in 20 years yet to be proved wrong.

For the record some of my best bosses have been female and very gifted so not a male / female thing either. I think if work is your only direction in life you can take it too seriously, as well as being bitter!

FocusRS3

3,098 posts

39 months

Friday 9th November 2018
quotequote all
Birdster said:
Figured this was due an update. Partly due to typing it out and thinking about it and also to say thanks to those who replied.

I’ve spoken to occupational health and they’ve asked for feedback and examples. We discussed at length the things that I had a problem with and even with me taking a step back and trying to take emotion out of it they agreed that there is a problem with management and communication. So they’ve passed this on to the senior manager that I asked them to. I guess
whether he and HR can actually do something to make a positive change is another matter.

My GP has also referred me to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. We discussed my reactions to certain incidents, whether it’s work or someone sitting over two seats on the train, or not saying thank you when I hold a door open. I know they’re being an arse but why get worked up over it?

Thanks for the replies and advice and hopefully it’s a positive step forward for me personally and also in work. beer
I watched someone get totally destroyed by the bullying behavior of being ignored, rode out of conversations and anything they said being rubbished.
This person was also verbally and racially abused by this individual too which then got disciplined for and rightly so.

Unfortunately for the guy that was being abused he got little support from the company and the writing was on the wall. They knew he couldn't do them for Constructive dismissal as he'd not been there two years so they just pushed him out. Dreadful really.

My advice is also to document everything and also to record on your phone the meetings you have. They wont know they are being recorded and you'll only ever use them if you go legal. Trust me its been done and proved very useful as once the gloves are off they are properly off.

Try and find the strength to work through it.

Let us know what happens to the bully/coward because that 's definitely what she is.



swapped

20 posts

138 months

Friday 9th November 2018
quotequote all
Keep a diary: keep it detailed, keep it comprehensive; note times, dates and witnesses to what happened. Complete it as soon as you can following each event. Keep it unemotional and avoid here-say, but don't be afraid to record your state of mind or the physical and emotional effects of events upon you.

Participate willingly and completely with any processes or exercises that the business wants to try to fix the 'communications issues' in the relationship - leave your ego out of it and be the compliant good-employee, but keep on keeping the diary all the way through.

I did this and after 6 weeks of keeping the diary I presented a 26 page grievance letter containing evidence, with time stamps cross-referenced to specific items in the dignity at work policy (contains the corporate description of what constitutes bullying), without once mentioning the word bullying (let the reader figure it out), to my HR director, who said they usually only had to deal with a tear-stained, angry single sheet of hand-written scrawl as a grievance.

Later that same afternoon, the entire business was able to enjoy the sight of my (now ex) manager being escorted off the premises with their personal belongings in a bag, to take a break from the business for the duration of the ensuing Gross Misconduct Investigation.

You don't have to put up with this.

Edited by swapped on Friday 9th November 13:20


Edited by swapped on Friday 9th November 13:25

Johnniem

2,396 posts

171 months

Friday 9th November 2018
quotequote all
Dont leave without dealing with these issues otherwise the manager will just start on someone else and the employer will be none the wiser. The behaviours you describe are not right and you needn't put up with them. If HR don't deal with them and take on your grievances then you may need to consider constructive dismissal proceedings. No employer likes these as they take an enormous amount of time and money, especially if they lose!

Good luck fella. Much good advice here.

Birdster

Original Poster:

2,201 posts

91 months

Tuesday 13th November 2018
quotequote all
I did wonder about the personal life and I think there have been personal relationship problems and children are a touchy subject. Something my partner commented on and wondered if it was projected outwards towards me.

My manager does have a reputation, as people in the business have said “oh, you know what she’s like” and she’s had run ins with people.

I need to start working out what I want HR to do and what next steps are. I’m going to type out all the incidents again more clearly and ask a friend to read over them. I can’t remember the exact dates but I’d know it was a call around xyz project for example. Is it worth me going back to my Outlook calendar and emails and even WhatsApp conversationswith my partner where I was moaning about work to try and pint point the exact date to help strengthen my case?

Thanks again for the replies.