The autism thread
Discussion
Sporky said:
My understanding is that they are generally arranged in an attempt to maximise your spend.
When my ASD son was younger (say 5-6) we used to have about 20mins max in a supermarket until he was overwhelmed and would have a meltdown.Once he was older, 10-11, he was able to explain the reasons behind it. The constant barrage of colours, advertisements, stands, things design to catch your eye, the noise of the fridges, strip lighting, trolleys, etc was too much for him.
One of our kids is diagnosed with autism. Its mild, manifests in food preferences and occassional inappropriate comments in company.
I am reading this just now by one of the comedians i suggested elsewhere in PH is quite funny - she's female so i was shot down for suggesting she could be funny. She was diagnosed with Autism/Aspergers as an adult but the tells an entertaining story of growing up in in a catholic household in 90s Scotland with distant or unsupportive parents with the condition. Entertaining, insightful and poignant in places.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Strong-Female-Character-F...
I am reading this just now by one of the comedians i suggested elsewhere in PH is quite funny - she's female so i was shot down for suggesting she could be funny. She was diagnosed with Autism/Aspergers as an adult but the tells an entertaining story of growing up in in a catholic household in 90s Scotland with distant or unsupportive parents with the condition. Entertaining, insightful and poignant in places.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Strong-Female-Character-F...
cavey76 said:
One of our kids is diagnosed with autism. Its mild, manifests in food preferences and occassional inappropriate comments in company.
I am reading this just now by one of the comedians i suggested elsewhere in PH is quite funny - she's female so i was shot down for suggesting she could be funny. She was diagnosed with Autism/Aspergers as an adult but the tells an entertaining story of growing up in in a catholic household in 90s Scotland with distant or unsupportive parents with the condition. Entertaining, insightful and poignant in places.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Strong-Female-Character-F...
Thanks for this recommendation, bought and read over the weekend and a very good read.I am reading this just now by one of the comedians i suggested elsewhere in PH is quite funny - she's female so i was shot down for suggesting she could be funny. She was diagnosed with Autism/Aspergers as an adult but the tells an entertaining story of growing up in in a catholic household in 90s Scotland with distant or unsupportive parents with the condition. Entertaining, insightful and poignant in places.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Strong-Female-Character-F...
Sporky said:
lots of interesting stuff
as someone diagnosed and high functioning with it, can you recommend anything that someone with undiagnosed autism could read which may strike a cord with them and put them on the road to seeing someone professionally?a lot of what you write makes me think of a close female friend. she is very high functioning [global VP role, very good 6fig salary] and exceptionally good as masking at work. in private she can be a total f
king nightmare. small things become big things which become arguments as i don't understand. she can remind me of a small child, and any frustration or change in tone on my part just fuels the fire. she is very sensitive to bright light, change in routine, doesn't discuss feelings, feels like its 'her' vs 'us' and she will end up alone in a cave to get the solitude she needs. she has several versions of the same person in one. some i like, some i really don't. i don't feel at all like this is deliberate, there's things going on under the surface i can't get close to, largely as she is unable to discuss it, or else deflects the issue. i'm somewhat past thinking she is acting up, yet also quite tired of the inability to make progress.
she has been in therapy previously, diagnoses with high anxiety and complex ptsd. i can see that, but for me reading your experiences makes me think those are/were situational but underneath that there's someone who sits somewhere on the spectrum. i just don't think its for me to point this out, essentially due to the risk of argument.
Let me think! It's difficult because while autistic people have stuff in common, we also have significant differences. For example, my wife is far better at working people than I am, but far more sensitive to sensory things. I'm quite ordered (though messy), she is utterly chaotic.
I'd also say - and I am not having a go, just offering a suggestion - be careful with the "high functioning" term. I'm not suggesting that this is what you mean, but it can sound like a dismissal of how hard it can be to get through a day without biting someone and running away (a figurative rather than literal phrase which I use too often, but does a bit capture the "need" to escape a situation). As I say, not having a go, and not saying that's how you mean it, but it can be a bit of a trigger phrase for some autistic people.
Anyways, back to your actual question (sorry). There's a fair bit in your description that sounds like it might indicate a spectrum condition, but I am not a qualified psychologist etc. For a bit of context I'm late forties, happily married, have a good job (I was on the board but demoted myself to concentrate on the stuff I actually like doing more). To pick up on a couple:
small things become big things - yup. I had a proper full-on meltdown over Microsoft moving the "delete" button in Hotmail, but because my morning had already gone to (in my view) complete crap - the dishwasher hadn't run, so I couldn't have my breakfast on my tortoise plate and my wife's coffee mug wasn't clean. I am OK using my lion plate, she is fine using a different mug, but that's two little shakes of the coke bottle. I burnt my first bagel - another shake. Both of my squash glasses were in the dishwasher - I have two spares in a box but another shake. I have run out of Ribena. This is drop-kicking my coke bottle - I always have spare Ribena. I get back under control, sit down to start work, and THE DELETE BUTTON HAS MOVED. The top comes off the coke bottle and there's quite the mess.
It's very hard to unshake the coke bottle and it takes a long time to settle down, so a tiny thing can become an absolute explosion and I don't see it coming, because by that point I am twitchy and itchy and over-sensitive to everything.
doesn't discuss feelings - yup again. There's a bit of a myth that we're unemotional; I think the truth is that many of us find it impossible to articulate our emotions. Alexithymia is common - worth a Google rather than me regurgitating. I can sometimes get to saying "I feel sad" and then my wife helps me identify the issue and we put it aside or deal with it, but even that is hard work.
alone in a cave - gosh yes. Decompression is enormously important. Many/most of us need time alone - possibly in dark silence - just to let the coke bottle settle. Something mindful can help - colouring-in, Lego, something that pushes the hyper-focus button but is easy. Sometimes I need rather loud music to push everything else out of my brain.
I'm probably repeating myself here - apologies - I was pushed into discovery and diagnosis after the company I work for was bought by a slightly bigger one. We had three days in a row of meetings with strangers, where I had to be "on" and interactive throughout. It was too much - I can go into why if anyone wants. That lead to serious anxiety issues. An online chum said "that might be because autism". I did all the online tests, read everything I could (this is a very common reaction to the first realisation).
So; useful resources. The RAADS-R test is very, very accurate if you answer the questions honesty, or the Aspie Quiz can identify neuorotypical vs neurodivergent thinking. I like Yo Samdy Sam's Youtube channel. Luke Beardon's book "Autism in adults" is written with enormous kindness and understanding. But I don't know; I think there's a common theme in adults who get late diagnoses that it took a crisis to push us to realisation.
If you're trying to give a nudge along the path to realisation then for me it was reading other autistic people's experiences, spotting that many of the common themes applied to me, and finding out that some things I found really baffling or difficult were nothing to most people - they just don't notice.
Sorry; waffly as always.
I'd also say - and I am not having a go, just offering a suggestion - be careful with the "high functioning" term. I'm not suggesting that this is what you mean, but it can sound like a dismissal of how hard it can be to get through a day without biting someone and running away (a figurative rather than literal phrase which I use too often, but does a bit capture the "need" to escape a situation). As I say, not having a go, and not saying that's how you mean it, but it can be a bit of a trigger phrase for some autistic people.
Anyways, back to your actual question (sorry). There's a fair bit in your description that sounds like it might indicate a spectrum condition, but I am not a qualified psychologist etc. For a bit of context I'm late forties, happily married, have a good job (I was on the board but demoted myself to concentrate on the stuff I actually like doing more). To pick up on a couple:
small things become big things - yup. I had a proper full-on meltdown over Microsoft moving the "delete" button in Hotmail, but because my morning had already gone to (in my view) complete crap - the dishwasher hadn't run, so I couldn't have my breakfast on my tortoise plate and my wife's coffee mug wasn't clean. I am OK using my lion plate, she is fine using a different mug, but that's two little shakes of the coke bottle. I burnt my first bagel - another shake. Both of my squash glasses were in the dishwasher - I have two spares in a box but another shake. I have run out of Ribena. This is drop-kicking my coke bottle - I always have spare Ribena. I get back under control, sit down to start work, and THE DELETE BUTTON HAS MOVED. The top comes off the coke bottle and there's quite the mess.
It's very hard to unshake the coke bottle and it takes a long time to settle down, so a tiny thing can become an absolute explosion and I don't see it coming, because by that point I am twitchy and itchy and over-sensitive to everything.
doesn't discuss feelings - yup again. There's a bit of a myth that we're unemotional; I think the truth is that many of us find it impossible to articulate our emotions. Alexithymia is common - worth a Google rather than me regurgitating. I can sometimes get to saying "I feel sad" and then my wife helps me identify the issue and we put it aside or deal with it, but even that is hard work.
alone in a cave - gosh yes. Decompression is enormously important. Many/most of us need time alone - possibly in dark silence - just to let the coke bottle settle. Something mindful can help - colouring-in, Lego, something that pushes the hyper-focus button but is easy. Sometimes I need rather loud music to push everything else out of my brain.
I'm probably repeating myself here - apologies - I was pushed into discovery and diagnosis after the company I work for was bought by a slightly bigger one. We had three days in a row of meetings with strangers, where I had to be "on" and interactive throughout. It was too much - I can go into why if anyone wants. That lead to serious anxiety issues. An online chum said "that might be because autism". I did all the online tests, read everything I could (this is a very common reaction to the first realisation).
So; useful resources. The RAADS-R test is very, very accurate if you answer the questions honesty, or the Aspie Quiz can identify neuorotypical vs neurodivergent thinking. I like Yo Samdy Sam's Youtube channel. Luke Beardon's book "Autism in adults" is written with enormous kindness and understanding. But I don't know; I think there's a common theme in adults who get late diagnoses that it took a crisis to push us to realisation.
If you're trying to give a nudge along the path to realisation then for me it was reading other autistic people's experiences, spotting that many of the common themes applied to me, and finding out that some things I found really baffling or difficult were nothing to most people - they just don't notice.
Sorry; waffly as always.
shirt said:
as someone diagnosed and high functioning with it, can you recommend anything that someone with undiagnosed autism could read which may strike a cord with them and put them on the road to seeing someone professionally?
My gf is autistic (currently undiagnosed but scores ~150 RAADS-R and ticks many boxes so to speak) and a lot of the snippets I read to her from the book mentioned above (and linked below) rung very true with her, she's going to give it a read as well.It is ultimately just an interesting book about an interesting person's life, so doesn't have to be pitched as a "you're autistic, here, look" but you might find if you can either read it and say "that's funny, this sounds like what you feel" or get her to read it, it might open her up to the possibility of a diagnosis etc.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Strong-Female-Character-F...
shirt said:
as someone diagnosed and high functioning with it, can you recommend anything that someone with undiagnosed autism could read which may strike a cord with them and put them on the road to seeing someone professionally?
a lot of what you write makes me think of a close female friend. she is very high functioning [global VP role, very good 6fig salary] and exceptionally good as masking at work. in private she can be a total fking nightmare. small things become big things which become arguments as i don't understand. she can remind me of a small child, and any frustration or change in tone on my part just fuels the fire. she is very sensitive to bright light, change in routine, doesn't discuss feelings, feels like its 'her' vs 'us' and she will end up alone in a cave to get the solitude she needs.
she has several versions of the same person in one. some i like, some i really don't. i don't feel at all like this is deliberate, there's things going on under the surface i can't get close to, largely as she is unable to discuss it, or else deflects the issue. i'm somewhat past thinking she is acting up, yet also quite tired of the inability to make progress.
she has been in therapy previously, diagnoses with high anxiety and complex ptsd. i can see that, but for me reading your experiences makes me think those are/were situational but underneath that there's someone who sits somewhere on the spectrum. i just don't think its for me to point this out, essentially due to the risk of argument.
To be fair, the symptoms you describe could relate to a number of disorders, and may not be autism related. Your comment about her being sensitive to any frustration, or change in tone on your part, as well as the suggestion of a little paranoia in the "her vs us" comment, could mean some insecurity/self esteem related issues. That's somewhat in line with the complex ptsd diagosis, which could have resulted from past abuse/neglect, childhood or otherwise.a lot of what you write makes me think of a close female friend. she is very high functioning [global VP role, very good 6fig salary] and exceptionally good as masking at work. in private she can be a total f
king nightmare. small things become big things which become arguments as i don't understand. she can remind me of a small child, and any frustration or change in tone on my part just fuels the fire. she is very sensitive to bright light, change in routine, doesn't discuss feelings, feels like its 'her' vs 'us' and she will end up alone in a cave to get the solitude she needs. she has several versions of the same person in one. some i like, some i really don't. i don't feel at all like this is deliberate, there's things going on under the surface i can't get close to, largely as she is unable to discuss it, or else deflects the issue. i'm somewhat past thinking she is acting up, yet also quite tired of the inability to make progress.
she has been in therapy previously, diagnoses with high anxiety and complex ptsd. i can see that, but for me reading your experiences makes me think those are/were situational but underneath that there's someone who sits somewhere on the spectrum. i just don't think its for me to point this out, essentially due to the risk of argument.
I think you're right to not want to point anything out, as sometimes people's issues make them insuffciently rational to not shoot the messenger.
Anyone else "suffer" with the special interests / obsessions? I say suffer in invertered commas because I don't always think its a bad thing. 20 years ago it was coding and the Internet and that turned into a successful career.
Other times it just becomes all consuming. Few years back it was triathlon, ended up training 18 hours a week. My latest is cricket. I watch all the games and highlights I can, watch the BBC reporting during the day, even on non England matches. Go for a dog walk and listening to Ben Stokes book, go to bed a read a book about cricket. Watching films and documentaries about cricket in the evening. Watch the PSL, WPL anything I can.
I played when I was a teen and not touched it for years, now it could be my Mastermind specialist subject.
I have learnt over the years to stop talking incessantly about my interests to people.
Other times it just becomes all consuming. Few years back it was triathlon, ended up training 18 hours a week. My latest is cricket. I watch all the games and highlights I can, watch the BBC reporting during the day, even on non England matches. Go for a dog walk and listening to Ben Stokes book, go to bed a read a book about cricket. Watching films and documentaries about cricket in the evening. Watch the PSL, WPL anything I can.
I played when I was a teen and not touched it for years, now it could be my Mastermind specialist subject.
I have learnt over the years to stop talking incessantly about my interests to people.
SturdyHSV said:
My gf is autistic (currently undiagnosed but scores ~150 RAADS-R and ticks many boxes so to speak) and a lot of the snippets I read to her from the book mentioned above (and linked below) rung very true with her, she's going to give it a read as well.
I've been lurking in this thread and reading everything with great interest but hadn't heard of RAADS-R before, thanks for that.So erm, my score probably explains a lot....
Sporky said:
While I am glad I got my diagnosis, it's worth pointing out that it is very common for diagnosis to lead to things getting harder, not easier, at least short term.
I found (and I've heard similar from others) is that I became even more aware of how weird and unpleasant the world is at times. I can't deal with a full day in the office any more - the sheer noise makes me want to bite someone (metaphorically) and run away (literally). I find a lot of shops overwhelming - the brightness, the illogical layouts, the patterns made by rows and rows of similar things. And I need more time to recover from these.
The upside is a better understanding of why these things are hard, and being able to give myself permission to avoid a lot of it. My GP also let me have a repeat prescription for beta blockers; when I can't avoid one of those situations, half a beta blocker turns the world down a bit -and clamps down the rising-sense-of-panic. It's a st strategy but it makes it survivable.
Time to come clean, I was diagnosed with Aspergers in 2019, and I fully agree with the above, at the minute I still wish I hadn’t got it. It explains a lot, but I know also know there is very little I can do about it.I found (and I've heard similar from others) is that I became even more aware of how weird and unpleasant the world is at times. I can't deal with a full day in the office any more - the sheer noise makes me want to bite someone (metaphorically) and run away (literally). I find a lot of shops overwhelming - the brightness, the illogical layouts, the patterns made by rows and rows of similar things. And I need more time to recover from these.
The upside is a better understanding of why these things are hard, and being able to give myself permission to avoid a lot of it. My GP also let me have a repeat prescription for beta blockers; when I can't avoid one of those situations, half a beta blocker turns the world down a bit -and clamps down the rising-sense-of-panic. It's a s
t strategy but it makes it survivable.Sporky said:
Let me think! It's difficult because while autistic people have stuff in common, we also have significant differences. For example, my wife is far better at working people than I am, but far more sensitive to sensory things. I'm quite ordered (though messy), she is utterly chaotic.
I'd also say - and I am not having a go, just offering a suggestion - be careful with the "high functioning" term. I'm not suggesting that this is what you mean, but it can sound like a dismissal of how hard it can be to get through a day without biting someone and running away (a figurative rather than literal phrase which I use too often, but does a bit capture the "need" to escape a situation). As I say, not having a go, and not saying that's how you mean it, but it can be a bit of a trigger phrase for some autistic people.
Anyways, back to your actual question (sorry). There's a fair bit in your description that sounds like it might indicate a spectrum condition, but I am not a qualified psychologist etc. For a bit of context I'm late forties, happily married, have a good job (I was on the board but demoted myself to concentrate on the stuff I actually like doing more). To pick up on a couple:
small things become big things - yup. I had a proper full-on meltdown over Microsoft moving the "delete" button in Hotmail, but because my morning had already gone to (in my view) complete crap - the dishwasher hadn't run, so I couldn't have my breakfast on my tortoise plate and my wife's coffee mug wasn't clean. I am OK using my lion plate, she is fine using a different mug, but that's two little shakes of the coke bottle. I burnt my first bagel - another shake. Both of my squash glasses were in the dishwasher - I have two spares in a box but another shake. I have run out of Ribena. This is drop-kicking my coke bottle - I always have spare Ribena. I get back under control, sit down to start work, and THE DELETE BUTTON HAS MOVED. The top comes off the coke bottle and there's quite the mess.
It's very hard to unshake the coke bottle and it takes a long time to settle down, so a tiny thing can become an absolute explosion and I don't see it coming, because by that point I am twitchy and itchy and over-sensitive to everything.
doesn't discuss feelings - yup again. There's a bit of a myth that we're unemotional; I think the truth is that many of us find it impossible to articulate our emotions. Alexithymia is common - worth a Google rather than me regurgitating. I can sometimes get to saying "I feel sad" and then my wife helps me identify the issue and we put it aside or deal with it, but even that is hard work.
alone in a cave - gosh yes. Decompression is enormously important. Many/most of us need time alone - possibly in dark silence - just to let the coke bottle settle. Something mindful can help - colouring-in, Lego, something that pushes the hyper-focus button but is easy. Sometimes I need rather loud music to push everything else out of my brain.
I'm probably repeating myself here - apologies - I was pushed into discovery and diagnosis after the company I work for was bought by a slightly bigger one. We had three days in a row of meetings with strangers, where I had to be "on" and interactive throughout. It was too much - I can go into why if anyone wants. That lead to serious anxiety issues. An online chum said "that might be because autism". I did all the online tests, read everything I could (this is a very common reaction to the first realisation).
So; useful resources. The RAADS-R test is very, very accurate if you answer the questions honesty, or the Aspie Quiz can identify neuorotypical vs neurodivergent thinking. I like Yo Samdy Sam's Youtube channel. Luke Beardon's book "Autism in adults" is written with enormous kindness and understanding. But I don't know; I think there's a common theme in adults who get late diagnoses that it took a crisis to push us to realisation.
If you're trying to give a nudge along the path to realisation then for me it was reading other autistic people's experiences, spotting that many of the common themes applied to me, and finding out that some things I found really baffling or difficult were nothing to most people - they just don't notice.
Sorry; waffly as always.
F**k. You are me, but far better at explaining itI'd also say - and I am not having a go, just offering a suggestion - be careful with the "high functioning" term. I'm not suggesting that this is what you mean, but it can sound like a dismissal of how hard it can be to get through a day without biting someone and running away (a figurative rather than literal phrase which I use too often, but does a bit capture the "need" to escape a situation). As I say, not having a go, and not saying that's how you mean it, but it can be a bit of a trigger phrase for some autistic people.
Anyways, back to your actual question (sorry). There's a fair bit in your description that sounds like it might indicate a spectrum condition, but I am not a qualified psychologist etc. For a bit of context I'm late forties, happily married, have a good job (I was on the board but demoted myself to concentrate on the stuff I actually like doing more). To pick up on a couple:
small things become big things - yup. I had a proper full-on meltdown over Microsoft moving the "delete" button in Hotmail, but because my morning had already gone to (in my view) complete crap - the dishwasher hadn't run, so I couldn't have my breakfast on my tortoise plate and my wife's coffee mug wasn't clean. I am OK using my lion plate, she is fine using a different mug, but that's two little shakes of the coke bottle. I burnt my first bagel - another shake. Both of my squash glasses were in the dishwasher - I have two spares in a box but another shake. I have run out of Ribena. This is drop-kicking my coke bottle - I always have spare Ribena. I get back under control, sit down to start work, and THE DELETE BUTTON HAS MOVED. The top comes off the coke bottle and there's quite the mess.
It's very hard to unshake the coke bottle and it takes a long time to settle down, so a tiny thing can become an absolute explosion and I don't see it coming, because by that point I am twitchy and itchy and over-sensitive to everything.
doesn't discuss feelings - yup again. There's a bit of a myth that we're unemotional; I think the truth is that many of us find it impossible to articulate our emotions. Alexithymia is common - worth a Google rather than me regurgitating. I can sometimes get to saying "I feel sad" and then my wife helps me identify the issue and we put it aside or deal with it, but even that is hard work.
alone in a cave - gosh yes. Decompression is enormously important. Many/most of us need time alone - possibly in dark silence - just to let the coke bottle settle. Something mindful can help - colouring-in, Lego, something that pushes the hyper-focus button but is easy. Sometimes I need rather loud music to push everything else out of my brain.
I'm probably repeating myself here - apologies - I was pushed into discovery and diagnosis after the company I work for was bought by a slightly bigger one. We had three days in a row of meetings with strangers, where I had to be "on" and interactive throughout. It was too much - I can go into why if anyone wants. That lead to serious anxiety issues. An online chum said "that might be because autism". I did all the online tests, read everything I could (this is a very common reaction to the first realisation).
So; useful resources. The RAADS-R test is very, very accurate if you answer the questions honesty, or the Aspie Quiz can identify neuorotypical vs neurodivergent thinking. I like Yo Samdy Sam's Youtube channel. Luke Beardon's book "Autism in adults" is written with enormous kindness and understanding. But I don't know; I think there's a common theme in adults who get late diagnoses that it took a crisis to push us to realisation.
If you're trying to give a nudge along the path to realisation then for me it was reading other autistic people's experiences, spotting that many of the common themes applied to me, and finding out that some things I found really baffling or difficult were nothing to most people - they just don't notice.
Sorry; waffly as always.
Scabutz said:
Anyone else "suffer" with the special interests / obsessions? I say suffer in invertered commas because I don't always think its a bad thing. 20 years ago it was coding and the Internet and that turned into a successful career..
I cycle through mine a bit. Lego is on and off (currently on), as is woodwork. Cello is still on after 7 years or so - finding a good teacher helped there. I made guitar pedals for several years, some of which toured the world. I learned VBA to solve problems at work.
Megaflow said:
Time to come clean, I was diagnosed with Aspergers in 2019, and I fully agree with the above, at the minute I still wish I hadn’t got it. It explains a lot, but I know also know there is very little I can do about it.
I'm mostly friends with it, though I wish my brain would calm down on shouting "autism!" at me. I know, brain, I know. eltawater said:
I've been lurking in this thread and reading everything with great interest but hadn't heard of RAADS-R before, thanks for that.
So erm, my score probably explains a lot....
Interesting. I scored less than 5, but after taking the test I am certain quite a number of females I know are on the spectrum. Also, what is neurotypical? Does this mean they are on the spectrum? So erm, my score probably explains a lot....
GilletteFan said:
Interesting. I scored less than 5, but after taking the test I am certain quite a number of females I know are on the spectrum. Also, what is neurotypical? Does this mean they are on the spectrum?
Neurotypical is sort of as it sounds. Neurologically (brain wise) they are typical ('normal' / common).Neurodiversity is the broad term for describing how different brains can function / be 'wired' in a diverse range of ways, and neurotypical would be the middle of the bell curve if you will where typical functionality is seen.
It certainly feels like if there was a lot more awareness and more routine testing it would probably be an awful lot more common than we currently think, especially amongst women.
The fact that many people can so successfully mask and also just think that that's just the way everyone thinks behind the scenes, and then the obvious stigma around mental health of any sort or neurodiversity etc. It will be interesting to see how / if things change / progress over the next 5 or 10 years.
GilletteFan said:
Interesting. I scored less than 5
This might be cheeky or rude, but as that suggests you're very neurotypical, would it be OK to ask questions about how the world is for you?Sounds daft, I'm sure, but there's very little I can find that explains to autistic people what it's like to be not-autistic.
I apologise if this is one of the times I'm inadvertently asking a very inappropriate question. Or maybe we need a "ask a neurotypical anything" thread.
I've been unaware of the principle of "masking" until recently when I started looking into this subject more as concerns have been raised around my children in this area, and this has therefore started to nudge me towards reflecting on my own experiences growing up.
I've come to realise that my own attempts at "trying to fit in" throughout my life with what I perceived to be "normal" friendship groups and social activities seems to align with what many may now say is typical masking behaviours? I'm always the outsider looking in, and if I do get placed into the centre of attention I need to "put on my brave smiley face".
I'm not sure I'm ready yet to progress down the pathway of formal assessment for autism yet as an adult. Part of me would be relieved if I were to be confirmed as autistic as it would explain so many of my behaviours and experiences. The other part is terrified that I would be confirmed not as autistic, the truth is I'm just an argumentative git
I've come to realise that my own attempts at "trying to fit in" throughout my life with what I perceived to be "normal" friendship groups and social activities seems to align with what many may now say is typical masking behaviours? I'm always the outsider looking in, and if I do get placed into the centre of attention I need to "put on my brave smiley face".
I'm not sure I'm ready yet to progress down the pathway of formal assessment for autism yet as an adult. Part of me would be relieved if I were to be confirmed as autistic as it would explain so many of my behaviours and experiences. The other part is terrified that I would be confirmed not as autistic, the truth is I'm just an argumentative git
Megaflow said:
Sporky said:
While I am glad I got my diagnosis, it's worth pointing out that it is very common for diagnosis to lead to things getting harder, not easier, at least short term.
I found (and I've heard similar from others) is that I became even more aware of how weird and unpleasant the world is at times. I can't deal with a full day in the office any more - the sheer noise makes me want to bite someone (metaphorically) and run away (literally). I find a lot of shops overwhelming - the brightness, the illogical layouts, the patterns made by rows and rows of similar things. And I need more time to recover from these.
The upside is a better understanding of why these things are hard, and being able to give myself permission to avoid a lot of it. My GP also let me have a repeat prescription for beta blockers; when I can't avoid one of those situations, half a beta blocker turns the world down a bit -and clamps down the rising-sense-of-panic. It's a st strategy but it makes it survivable.
Time to come clean, I was diagnosed with Aspergers in 2019, and I fully agree with the above, at the minute I still wish I hadn’t got it. It explains a lot, but I know also know there is very little I can do about it.I found (and I've heard similar from others) is that I became even more aware of how weird and unpleasant the world is at times. I can't deal with a full day in the office any more - the sheer noise makes me want to bite someone (metaphorically) and run away (literally). I find a lot of shops overwhelming - the brightness, the illogical layouts, the patterns made by rows and rows of similar things. And I need more time to recover from these.
The upside is a better understanding of why these things are hard, and being able to give myself permission to avoid a lot of it. My GP also let me have a repeat prescription for beta blockers; when I can't avoid one of those situations, half a beta blocker turns the world down a bit -and clamps down the rising-sense-of-panic. It's a s
t strategy but it makes it survivable.On the one hand it gave me a reason as to why I wasn't partcularly emotional. By that I mean I think that I have the same emotions as other people, it's just that they're not as accessible. If someone asks me how I feel, I have to actually think about it in order to give an honest answer. It also means that I'm not as mindful of other's emotions, and so can be inadvertently insensitive at times. Being diagnosed means that I can now understand this as having an emotional blindspot, instead of just being an insensitive asshole.
On the other hand, it did cause me to look back and second guess myself. Historically, my somewhat logic vs emotion approach to things made me feel that my judgment was always pretty good. However, subsequently learning that it was affected by a "condition" made me look back and question it. This was partcularly true of relationships, where I was often accused of not caring. I couldn't understand this at the time as, in reality, I cared very much, but have since learned that whilst I thought I was showing this by how I acted, it wasn't in a way that was obvious to the other person. It seems there's a fine line, in that whilst another person can logically "see" that you care, it matters not if you're not making them "feel" that you care.
It's hard to explain, but here's an example. An ex g/f decides she wants to leave the relationship. This is something I don't want, but logic tells me that wanting something doesn't mean that you're entitled to have it. I also care about her and so tell her that, despite not wanting her to leave, I respect her decision and have to accept it. In my head it feels that I'm showing that I'm caring about her above my own feelings, by not acting like some kind of entitled stalker. WRONG!!! Some weeks later I'm accused of not caring as I didn't chase after her.
I don't think this is something I can change about myself, but I have learned that it's more about misunderstanding than intent. As such, it can be mitigiated, if not entirely prevented, by communicating in advance that I think and feel similarly to others, but am just not as capable at expresssing it in ways that most people would automatically see.
I also find that it's quite common for most people to feel, react and then think, more so dependiing on how sensitive they are; whereas I think, feel and then react. This delay in reacting to things is also often seen as either not caring, or even being negative. To me it shows that something is important enough for me to give it due conideration, whereas to others it somes across as not something important enough to know immediately how I feel about it.
I'm learning not to second guess myself so much now though as, in looking back, I can see how my differences have benefited me as much as hindered. I'm reasonably well liked, in part for my directness and, if not always seen as sensitive to others feelings, respected for my honesty. This has largely served me well in a businesss environment. Ironically my apparent lack of emotion, which caused me problems once a relationship developed, was often misinterpeted as a confident air of aloofnesss, which gave rise to the attraction that caused the relationship to start in the first place.
These seeming contradictions might have always confused me, but they say knowledge is power. Knowing more about who I am, how I'm perceived, and the affect my partcular wiring has on others perceptions, means that I'm better able to mitigate the potential downsides and misunderstandings, and benefit from the positive aspects of it.
In short, ultimately I'm glad I got a diagnosis. It's kind of like learning that you have a screwdriver, where everyone else has a hammer, and wondering why you don't get the same result when banging it. It can't change who I am, or the tools that I've got, but it does enable me to undertand the difference, and to learn how to use them differently to get the same effect.
If anyone has been diagnosed when they were an adult, what did you feel the benefits were? Why did you decide to do it?
I've been thinking about starting the process myself. I've noticed a few things lately and been struggling with certain things.
I had a look on the NHS website and the first four points listed are me (first one not so much). I've got a wedding to go to in May and I'm dreading it so much already.
I've been thinking about starting the process myself. I've noticed a few things lately and been struggling with certain things.
I had a look on the NHS website and the first four points listed are me (first one not so much). I've got a wedding to go to in May and I'm dreading it so much already.
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