The autism thread

[TGCOTF-dewey]

WhereDoWeGoFromHere said:

Thanks. I know that I'm important to the company - there are clear indications of that, so I know it is in their interests that I don't decide to leave - not that working elsewhere would solve it for me anyway.

I'll give it some thought. I have no issue with HR knowing really, but I am not at all keen on my colleagues knowing. Although, I am well aware that my general behaviour and crap interaction with people marks me out as 'different', and almost certainly 'difficult' so it's not like I'm blending in!

I'd be inclined to tell folks. If nothing else, it stops people thinking you're just being rude to them.

I'm dyslexic and I tell everyone that'll listen becuase I don't want them to think that I'm a moron when my dyslexia escapes, grabs control of the keyboard, and writes undecipherable bks when I'm rushed.

Surely it's better if folks KNOW you're autistic rather than THINK you're that rude prick whetedowegofromhere?

[Scabutz]

I had similar situation. WFH during covid really highlighted how much I was struggling with the sensory overload of the commute and office.

I considered getting an official diagnosis so I could then ask for a reasonable adjustment. Being WFH permanently. As luck would have it the company was bought out and new owners did a survey on what people wanted to do and decided to shut the office and all WFH.

I have told a couple of people that I'm waiting on a diagnosis and that may explain some of how I am. Vast majority of people are understanding and its not an issue.

[WhereDoWeGoFromHere]

I suspect I may regret it - I have never wanted to make my diagnosis public - but I have mailed HR this morning. It is not necessary for me to be this stressed at work so they need to take measures.

I have no confidence in my direct boss understanding this which was one of the reasons I was reluctant. But hopefully, something can change and I can reduce the amount I have to go in.

[GilletteFan]

Sporky said:

This might be cheeky or rude, but as that suggests you're very neurotypical, would it be OK to ask questions about how the world is for you?

Sounds daft, I'm sure, but there's very little I can find that explains to autistic people what it's like to be not-autistic.

I apologise if this is one of the times I'm inadvertently asking a very inappropriate question. Or maybe we need a "ask a neurotypical anything" thread.

Sure thing. Go ahead.

I'm interested in this thread because I suspect a few people that are close to me are on the spectrum. Nothing too unusual except being highly worked up, anxious and it's really hard to have a conversation with them as they don't talk about anything but themselves. Keen to learn more from people ITT, so please don't mind me in here.

[Sporky]

Many of us aren't always great conversationalists.

As always only speaking for myself (and apologies that some of this may sound rude), but:

A) even at 48, I still sometimes forget to ask reciprocal questions. No intention to be rude, it just doesn't occur to me.

B) I find it very hard to feign interest. If what you're talking about doesn't do anything for me I pretty much can't find ways to move things along. If it does, we're golden. I have some mental cue-cards for various people at work who have interests that overlap with mine.

C) I find it hard to judge whether to ask questions, or whether doing so is interrogatory (and thus rude).

D) I have a built-in presumption that if you want to tell me something you will (though I know this isn't always the case). If I don't ask how your x went it can be that as you've not mentioned it, it went badly, and prying will upset you.

I was watching 3rd Rock From The Sun this morning, probably a very early episode, and it struck me how much felt familiar. They observe people, they work out what the rules must be, they behave (they believe) in line with those rules, and they miss the point entirely.

[Harry Flashman]

Sporky said:

20 minutes is probably about what I can stand too, for exactly those reasons. They are an assault on the senses.

I'm not diagnosed with any neurological condition, and I feel the same. I refuse to go, unless for something specific, and a short list I can do in five minutes.

[sparkyhx]

cavey76 said:

One of our kids is diagnosed with autism. Its mild, manifests in food preferences and occassional inappropriate comments in company.

Please dont say 'mild' - you experience her autism as 'mild' you have no idea of the struggles she is going thru and the strategies she is using to appear 'normal'. Think of the typical swan analagy paddling like mad underneath. Women and girls are far better at masking - appearing 'normal', but to do so is a huge mental strain.

You dont say how old she is, but general advice - watch out for the transition to secondary school when things often come to a head for girls. Puberty and the change from predictable social interactions of primary school to the whole different nuanced interactions of Teens. Boys can often 'check out' and become the more typical loner if they can't cope, girls will often hang in, but suffer hugely mentally.

Unfortunately, and this is a very sad statistic, is that the need and pursuit of acceptance plus the inherent social vulnerability, means that women and girls are very susceptible to being involved in abusive relationships. The stats are horrendous, 60-90% have experienced it.

[Teddy Lop]

Sporky said:

While I am glad I got my diagnosis, it's worth pointing out that it is very common for diagnosis to lead to things getting harder, not easier, at least short term.

I found (and I've heard similar from others) is that I became even more aware of how weird and unpleasant the world is at times. I can't deal with a full day in the office any more - the sheer noise makes me want to bite someone (metaphorically) and run away (literally). I find a lot of shops overwhelming - the brightness, the illogical layouts, the patterns made by rows and rows of similar things. And I need more time to recover from these.

The upside is a better understanding of why these things are hard, and being able to give myself permission to avoid a lot of it. My GP also let me have a repeat prescription for beta blockers; when I can't avoid one of those situations, half a beta blocker turns the world down a bit -and clamps down the rising-sense-of-panic. It's a st strategy but it makes it survivable.

I think, pre awareness of a specific condition, it's easier to smother it, and be superficially somewhat happily ignorant; diagnosis or understanding of brings things into focus where they have to be experienced. It can feel like its being exacerbated, one of mine is confusion in places such as airports with haphazard layouts and too much going on vying for attention, but it's not like these kinds of places weren't an issue before.

And as you say you can take control, just because everyone else in the room doesn't have the problem doesn't mean you have to struggle to keep up, you can change things so they're on your terms. A good example of this is it's amazing how often people will have conversations over loud distracting noise; most people "manage", but I struggle more to keep focus - so I don't even try now. I either have the noise stopped or suggest we move the conversation to where it's quieter. And it's amazing how every time people are like "oh that's better why didn't I think to do that".

[sparkyhx]

sparkyhx said:

Please dont say 'mild' - you experience her autism as 'mild' you have no idea of the struggles she is going thru and the strategies she is using to appear 'normal'. Think of the typical swan analagy paddling like mad underneath. Women and girls are far better at masking - appearing 'normal', but to do so is a huge mental strain.

You dont say how old she is, but general advice - watch out for the transition to secondary school when things often come to a head for girls. Puberty and the change from predictable social interactions of primary school to the whole different nuanced interactions of Teens. Boys can often 'check out' and become the more typical loner if they can't cope, girls will often hang in, but suffer hugely mentally.

Unfortunately, and this is a very sad statistic, is that the need and pursuit of acceptance plus the inherent social vulnerability, means that women and girls are very susceptible to being involved in abusive relationships. The stats are horrendous, 60-90% have experienced it.

a bit bizarre coincidence but...........................This is from the BBC Article out of the Christine McGuiness documentary link for the full article https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-64953941

Sarah Douglas is involved in our training courses Aspire Autism Consultancy https://aspireautismconsultancy.co.uk/

--------------------oooOOOooo--------------------

'This is kind of normal'
Like Christine, Sarah Douglas was diagnosed as autistic when she was an adult. And she says she was raped as a teenager.

This led to decades of panic attacks, eating disorders and even self-harm. "I was a mess, basically," she says.

"My story is not unusual, that's the really appalling thing," Sarah says
Sarah, a postgraduate student in Bristol who has co-authored a book about the experiences of autistic people, says autistic women like her often "develop people-pleasing and masking behaviours" so they're not noticed as being different.

"I was kind of primed to be passive," she says.

Sarah also says she received no sex education when she was growing up - and she says her background didn't prepare her to notice "red flags" in potential abusers.

"My story is not unusual, that's the really appalling thing," she says. "For a lot of autistic people, this is kind of normal."

Sarah clarifies that it's not a person's autism that causes them to be assaulted or raped.

"It's always the choice of the perpetrator," she says. "It's not the autistic person's fault."

Christine adds that although the discussion about sexual assault among autistic women and girls is "frightening," it's a "very important one".

"For parents and carers to be more aware is a positive thing. I don't want it to scare or upset anybody, I just want people to be more aware that this is quite common, unfortunately."

Dr James Cusack, CEO of autism research and campaigning charity Autistica, agrees that awareness of this issue can lead to autistic women and girls, "feeling more empowered to have the confidence to advocate for themselves".

Edited by sparkyhx on Monday 20th March 09:29