The autism thread
Discussion
I discovered an advantage to having disclosed at work.
I've been having discussions with work about dropping to a four-day-week. They're not 100% against, but I think it should be on full pay, they think it should be on 80% pay. I don't think either position is wholly unreasonable; I think my output will remain the same, they think it'll drop.
Yesterday I had a call with my boss and the C-something-something to do annual review and talk about the 4dw stuff, only if just had another team member's entire work backlog added to mine (he's been seconded to do some site work), plus the project management for two major customers (one PM on leave, the other just incompetent). I'd already taken a beta blocker to keep the rage-panic down.
About ten minutes into the call with the two of them talking almost non-stop (I've explained that I need time to process) a meltdown hit. I have an emergency button which kills any live calls just in case of this but I'd already made something of a point about not being an infinite work-sink.
I was pretty sure I'd managed to get myself fired. Once my wife had calmed me down I checked my emails and had an apology from each of them, and a suggestion that whole they review my workload and stop people dumping their work on me well park the 4dw thing (though the door isn't closed) and give me a 10% pay rise and the management bonus scheme as an interim measure.
So you do get a bit of tolerance for shouting at two of the board.
I've been having discussions with work about dropping to a four-day-week. They're not 100% against, but I think it should be on full pay, they think it should be on 80% pay. I don't think either position is wholly unreasonable; I think my output will remain the same, they think it'll drop.
Yesterday I had a call with my boss and the C-something-something to do annual review and talk about the 4dw stuff, only if just had another team member's entire work backlog added to mine (he's been seconded to do some site work), plus the project management for two major customers (one PM on leave, the other just incompetent). I'd already taken a beta blocker to keep the rage-panic down.
About ten minutes into the call with the two of them talking almost non-stop (I've explained that I need time to process) a meltdown hit. I have an emergency button which kills any live calls just in case of this but I'd already made something of a point about not being an infinite work-sink.
I was pretty sure I'd managed to get myself fired. Once my wife had calmed me down I checked my emails and had an apology from each of them, and a suggestion that whole they review my workload and stop people dumping their work on me well park the 4dw thing (though the door isn't closed) and give me a 10% pay rise and the management bonus scheme as an interim measure.
So you do get a bit of tolerance for shouting at two of the board.
Sporky said:
I discovered an advantage to having disclosed at work.
I've been having discussions with work about dropping to a four-day-week. They're not 100% against, but I think it should be on full pay, they think it should be on 80% pay. I don't think either position is wholly unreasonable; I think my output will remain the same, they think it'll drop.
Yesterday I had a call with my boss and the C-something-something to do annual review and talk about the 4dw stuff, only if just had another team member's entire work backlog added to mine (he's been seconded to do some site work), plus the project management for two major customers (one PM on leave, the other just incompetent). I'd already taken a beta blocker to keep the rage-panic down.
About ten minutes into the call with the two of them talking almost non-stop (I've explained that I need time to process) a meltdown hit. I have an emergency button which kills any live calls just in case of this but I'd already made something of a point about not being an infinite work-sink.
I was pretty sure I'd managed to get myself fired. Once my wife had calmed me down I checked my emails and had an apology from each of them, and a suggestion that whole they review my workload and stop people dumping their work on me well park the 4dw thing (though the door isn't closed) and give me a 10% pay rise and the management bonus scheme as an interim measure.
So you do get a bit of tolerance for shouting at two of the board.
My son's mum has a 4-day week, as does some of her colleagues and none of them accepted a wage cut, because as you say there is absolutely no chance what-so-ever of the workload reducing by 20% to merit that wage cut. The workloads the same, now it's just over 4 days instead of 5. I've been having discussions with work about dropping to a four-day-week. They're not 100% against, but I think it should be on full pay, they think it should be on 80% pay. I don't think either position is wholly unreasonable; I think my output will remain the same, they think it'll drop.
Yesterday I had a call with my boss and the C-something-something to do annual review and talk about the 4dw stuff, only if just had another team member's entire work backlog added to mine (he's been seconded to do some site work), plus the project management for two major customers (one PM on leave, the other just incompetent). I'd already taken a beta blocker to keep the rage-panic down.
About ten minutes into the call with the two of them talking almost non-stop (I've explained that I need time to process) a meltdown hit. I have an emergency button which kills any live calls just in case of this but I'd already made something of a point about not being an infinite work-sink.
I was pretty sure I'd managed to get myself fired. Once my wife had calmed me down I checked my emails and had an apology from each of them, and a suggestion that whole they review my workload and stop people dumping their work on me well park the 4dw thing (though the door isn't closed) and give me a 10% pay rise and the management bonus scheme as an interim measure.
So you do get a bit of tolerance for shouting at two of the board.
MOBB said:
Asking for a bit of advice.....................
Is there any benefit to having this looked at more closely, even if I were diagnosed what difference would that make, other than I suppose explain a few things throughout my life that were "odd".
TIA
no real benefit other thanIs there any benefit to having this looked at more closely, even if I were diagnosed what difference would that make, other than I suppose explain a few things throughout my life that were "odd".
TIA
- awareness
- some proof if you need reasonable adjustments
Otherwise you could just self identify and live your life making your own adjustments and being less hard on yourself.
However there is a huge overlap between Autism and ADHD, seek out a WURS test and see how you score on that. ADHD can be treatable very successfully.
The other option is a bit of training to build awareness and talking therapies with a specialist - see https://aspireautismconsultancy.co.uk/
Sporky said:
Ah. I tried that and got 76.
So autism and probably ADHD - jackpot!
might be worth seeking that - at least ADHD is treatable and some of the wider autistic crossover symptoms may lessen - Anxiety, procrastination, poor executive functioning, short term working memory etc might get better.So autism and probably ADHD - jackpot!
Then self identify as autistic as well. Unless you are loaded and want to go privately for both assessments, or want to wait years for NHS
Hello! I know it’s been a while. How are you getting on now? I hope things have got easier with time?
My son has his ‘final’ face to face tomorrow morning and I am so nervous, not sure why. He’s 6, in year 1 going into year 2 in September and I’m bursting with pride at how far he has come this last academic year. He has 1-2-1 support/TA in class but still talks of an EHCP plan.
My son has his ‘final’ face to face tomorrow morning and I am so nervous, not sure why. He’s 6, in year 1 going into year 2 in September and I’m bursting with pride at how far he has come this last academic year. He has 1-2-1 support/TA in class but still talks of an EHCP plan.
Hi, I'm 54 and got assessed and diagnosed with Asperger's at 42.
My current job where I've disclosed fully at interview and in the workplace, both of the 'good' and 'bad' parts at work, although strangely for me I haven't yet (after 2 years) disclosed my sexuality.
Fortunately they listened and my job now involves a stronger level of focus on a narrower ranger of clients/project instead of having to multi task on lots of different smaller ones, which I would really struggle with.
They know it takes me longer to 'fit in' and some of my 'easily copable' (for them) symptoms.
Until recently, no other adjustments were required. Then 5 extra people were moved into my office, and now there's a lot more general noise and talking on some days, which I struggle with.
I asked for, and received approval for (by 3 different managers including head of HR), some noise cancelling headphones which somehow haven't been bought 3 months later despite being Amazon items. I've had to resort to buying some of my own for the noisy days'. My boss noticed and said he'll chase work ones for me, but I'm no longer holding my breath on that.
Professional diagnosis was useful for me because it explained so many different things.
Depending on you own diagnosis, I'd recommend either the 'Asperger's for Dummies' or Autism for Dummies' book.
if you're partnered / married, my mum liked the "Alone Together, making an asperger marriage work" book, as my dad also has it (diagnosed after me).
Hope that helps, folks.
My current job where I've disclosed fully at interview and in the workplace, both of the 'good' and 'bad' parts at work, although strangely for me I haven't yet (after 2 years) disclosed my sexuality.
Fortunately they listened and my job now involves a stronger level of focus on a narrower ranger of clients/project instead of having to multi task on lots of different smaller ones, which I would really struggle with.
They know it takes me longer to 'fit in' and some of my 'easily copable' (for them) symptoms.
Until recently, no other adjustments were required. Then 5 extra people were moved into my office, and now there's a lot more general noise and talking on some days, which I struggle with.
I asked for, and received approval for (by 3 different managers including head of HR), some noise cancelling headphones which somehow haven't been bought 3 months later despite being Amazon items. I've had to resort to buying some of my own for the noisy days'. My boss noticed and said he'll chase work ones for me, but I'm no longer holding my breath on that.
Professional diagnosis was useful for me because it explained so many different things.
Depending on you own diagnosis, I'd recommend either the 'Asperger's for Dummies' or Autism for Dummies' book.
if you're partnered / married, my mum liked the "Alone Together, making an asperger marriage work" book, as my dad also has it (diagnosed after me).
Hope that helps, folks.
Scabutz said:
Got confirmation today I'm on the waiting list for a full assessment. In the 2.5 months I've been waiting to hear if I'm on the waiting list the wait time has grown from 2 years to 2.5 years.
That's good going, my waiting list (GReenwich) is 4.5 years...pmsl. Not expecting it to make much difference if I get the confirmation. Having gone through this last year with my son, we ended up going private to get the ADOS assessment. the way Autism is treated in this country it pathetic. For example in Brazil they take it seriously and give Autistic children therapy pretty quickly and it works. We've a fiends who was based in UK and went private route when she saw her 18month old had signs. Spent a fortune and no real benefits. Went back to Brazil and after regular therapy her child has made fantastic progress. This wouldn't have happened here.
stackmonkey said:
Hi, I'm 54 and got assessed and diagnosed with Asperger's at 42.
My current job where I've disclosed fully at interview and in the workplace, both of the 'good' and 'bad' parts at work, although strangely for me I haven't yet (after 2 years) disclosed my sexuality.
Fortunately they listened and my job now involves a stronger level of focus on a narrower ranger of clients/project instead of having to multi task on lots of different smaller ones, which I would really struggle with.
They know it takes me longer to 'fit in' and some of my 'easily copable' (for them) symptoms.
Until recently, no other adjustments were required. Then 5 extra people were moved into my office, and now there's a lot more general noise and talking on some days, which I struggle with.
I asked for, and received approval for (by 3 different managers including head of HR), some noise cancelling headphones which somehow haven't been bought 3 months later despite being Amazon items. I've had to resort to buying some of my own for the noisy days'. My boss noticed and said he'll chase work ones for me, but I'm no longer holding my breath on that.
Professional diagnosis was useful for me because it explained so many different things.
Depending on you own diagnosis, I'd recommend either the 'Asperger's for Dummies' or Autism for Dummies' book.
if you're partnered / married, my mum liked the "Alone Together, making an asperger marriage work" book, as my dad also has it (diagnosed after me).
Hope that helps, folks.
I just read the sample of that on Amazon. Sort of broke me a little bit, especially the poem about the rose & cactus. I hope my wife doesn't feel like that.My current job where I've disclosed fully at interview and in the workplace, both of the 'good' and 'bad' parts at work, although strangely for me I haven't yet (after 2 years) disclosed my sexuality.
Fortunately they listened and my job now involves a stronger level of focus on a narrower ranger of clients/project instead of having to multi task on lots of different smaller ones, which I would really struggle with.
They know it takes me longer to 'fit in' and some of my 'easily copable' (for them) symptoms.
Until recently, no other adjustments were required. Then 5 extra people were moved into my office, and now there's a lot more general noise and talking on some days, which I struggle with.
I asked for, and received approval for (by 3 different managers including head of HR), some noise cancelling headphones which somehow haven't been bought 3 months later despite being Amazon items. I've had to resort to buying some of my own for the noisy days'. My boss noticed and said he'll chase work ones for me, but I'm no longer holding my breath on that.
Professional diagnosis was useful for me because it explained so many different things.
Depending on you own diagnosis, I'd recommend either the 'Asperger's for Dummies' or Autism for Dummies' book.
if you're partnered / married, my mum liked the "Alone Together, making an asperger marriage work" book, as my dad also has it (diagnosed after me).
Hope that helps, folks.
Just discovered this room and thread with plentiful information thaaks. I've got a developing situation with my son who i've suspected is "on the spectrum" since puberty. Just wondered if this is something that can develop later after birth as he used to be a lovely happy cuddly sociable young boy and for the last few years (he's 18 now) has been a grumpy introvert (much like me!). Was hoping he'd grow out of it as he matured and gained independance at uni, but distressingly he's just gone down the trans path...
drmotorsport said:
Just wondered if this is something that can develop later after birth as he used to be a lovely happy cuddly sociable young boy and for the last few years (he's 18 now) has been a grumpy introvert (much like me!). Was hoping he'd grow out of it as he matured and gained independance at uni, but distressingly he's just gone down the trans path...
Autism isn't something you you can develop or grow out of.What can happen is that as children get older and become more aware of their surroundings, and take in more and more information, they can get gradually overwhelmed as their brain has no information filter and takes in EVERYTHING.
This is sort-of what happened to me.
Trying not to judge either way, but if your son transitions all the way over the next few years, would you rather have a happy daughter, or a miserable son?
stackmonkey said:
Autism isn't something you you can develop or grow out of.
What can happen is that as children get older and become more aware of their surroundings, and take in more and more information, they can get gradually overwhelmed as their brain has no information filter and takes in EVERYTHING.
This is sort-of what happened to me.
Trying not to judge either way, but if your son transitions all the way over the next few years, would you rather have a happy daughter, or a miserable son?
We are seeing similar with our kids. No really evidence of potential autism when young , but now as teens there are definite signs for them both. You can use whet you know now to look back how they were when younger and see those signs now, but they weren't obvious when younger. What can happen is that as children get older and become more aware of their surroundings, and take in more and more information, they can get gradually overwhelmed as their brain has no information filter and takes in EVERYTHING.
This is sort-of what happened to me.
Trying not to judge either way, but if your son transitions all the way over the next few years, would you rather have a happy daughter, or a miserable son?
My eldest has such awareness of her traits that she even came to us saying she thinks she is autistic .
drmotorsport said:
Just discovered this room and thread with plentiful information thaaks. I've got a developing situation with my son who i've suspected is "on the spectrum" since puberty. Just wondered if this is something that can develop later after birth as he used to be a lovely happy cuddly sociable young boy and for the last few years (he's 18 now) has been a grumpy introvert (much like me!). Was hoping he'd grow out of it as he matured and gained independance at uni, but distressingly he's just gone down the trans path...
If you think that he is rather like you then take a look at https://embrace-autism.com/raads-r/ and see what you score. Its only an online test but it might give you somewhere to start from.drmotorsport said:
Just discovered this room and thread with plentiful information thaaks. I've got a developing situation with my son who i've suspected is "on the spectrum" since puberty. Just wondered if this is something that can develop later after birth as he used to be a lovely happy cuddly sociable young boy and for the last few years (he's 18 now) has been a grumpy introvert (much like me!). Was hoping he'd grow out of it as he matured and gained independance at uni, but distressingly he's just gone down the trans path...
Autism can't really develop, but our understanding of it & seeing it for what it is, can change. Masking can play a part too. I have two teens who I believe both to be on the spectrum, one was more obviously autistic as a young child but was never too much trouble in school etc so never diagnosed in childhood (currently on the waiting list). They came across as an introvert in older teen years like yours. Also gone the trans path - you can DM me if you like for support (not that I'm an expert but happy to listen and totally understand the distressing feelings).
My other child was cuddly and sociable when young but then had a major mental health crisis (suicidal ideation, self harm etc) which uncovered diagnosis of autism and adhd. I think adhd element can be likeable and comes across as high-energy and cute in young children so this can obscure parents being able to see autistic traits. Since the diagnosis things are infinitely better in practical sense - although the struggle still remains, of course.
Edited by timeism0ney on Thursday 3rd August 22:28
Sporky said:
Strong Female Character
...
I just read the sample and have bought it. From the sample I'd say "familiar but different" if that makes sense - the description of the angry meltdowns was spooky, though I don't think I have them to the same extent or regularity she seems to. I will report back once I've read more and can contribute something more considered and useful.
Did you finish it? The meltdowns were interesting to read about, for me. My ex was like this and I just attributed it to 'anger issues' (which of course he didn't acknowledge and never dealt with). It was impossible to live with and very traumatic. I thought he was autistic for other reasons (being very specific about food, for example) but anger never registered with me as an autistic trait, so I am intrigued. I personally never felt anything similar so whilst I sympathise to some degree I also find it hard to understand / relate to. It's just so terribly destructive....
I just read the sample and have bought it. From the sample I'd say "familiar but different" if that makes sense - the description of the angry meltdowns was spooky, though I don't think I have them to the same extent or regularity she seems to. I will report back once I've read more and can contribute something more considered and useful.
Sporky said:
I discovered an advantage to having disclosed at work
...
Nice one! I did a presentation on autism and adhd at work to my peers and will be doing another one for my team next week. Short disclosure at the start, but mostly aimed at what we can do to be more inclusive and make sure everyone can thrive. It all went well from the feedback I received. I think doing it at the right time - on a high and at a point of confidence - is important. It's like an insurance/investment ahead of time when it inevitably will fall apart one day - as it regularly does ...
I'm hoping that now since disclosure it's more of a shared responsibility for us all to get on and play ball at work, and not all down to me to do the impossible in tricky (for me) social settings.
MOBB said:
Is there any benefit to having this looked at more closely, even if I were diagnosed what difference would that make, other than I suppose explain a few things throughout my life that were "odd".
I personally think benefits are huge, but the effect is a little delayed because the biggest difference comes from the fact that others around you can adjust their expectations and provide feedback/guidance that's really key to someone with a poor self awareness. You'd be the same person as before, but the interactions between you and others become better because of this new information that people around you didn’t have before. You will also be more aware of the areas where you need to put more effort in than NT people i,e, diet, self care etc.I think my dad is autistic and it's gone really downhill after the age of about 65 in terms of depression, anxiety and rigid beliefs, I think there will come a point when it's sort of too late to care about neurodiversity but 51 leaves you plenty of time still to benefit from a diagnosis! Go for it!
Edited by timeism0ney on Friday 4th August 08:26
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