How do YOU deal with stress?
Discussion
I have a partner who stresses/panics about everything (she has anxiety but refuses any sort of treatment). I am however the opposite end of the stress spectrum.
I think changing the way you think about things is the main way of eliminating stress at source. And I suspect only counselling or self help guides can achieve this. So rather than deal with stress once you're stressed, try to learn to avoid the stress in the first place. Probably easier said than done though.
I think changing the way you think about things is the main way of eliminating stress at source. And I suspect only counselling or self help guides can achieve this. So rather than deal with stress once you're stressed, try to learn to avoid the stress in the first place. Probably easier said than done though.
Just try and compartmentalise it.
Then think of the little box it’s in, in a huge space a massive warehouse,
Or drive past a few offices,
And look in and think of all the problems that are happening there,
Missed deliveries, people off on sick, etc etc
And how they don’t effect you,
And then pull into work and recall that’s why you don’t work for yourself,
Transfer the problem elsewhere onto the gaffers shoulders,
Then think of the little box it’s in, in a huge space a massive warehouse,
Or drive past a few offices,
And look in and think of all the problems that are happening there,
Missed deliveries, people off on sick, etc etc
And how they don’t effect you,
And then pull into work and recall that’s why you don’t work for yourself,
Transfer the problem elsewhere onto the gaffers shoulders,
Second time I’ve used ‘Get a dog’ as response to a thread today.
If it’s just an annoyance, then just walk out of the kitchen and back in again and the dogs are so pleased to see me it’s like I was gone for a month when it was actually five seconds.
If it to genuinely clear my head and get some thinking time and perspective, take my Lab for a long walk...I either end up with a solution or resolve my angst and treat it as an experience to learn from.
If it’s just an annoyance, then just walk out of the kitchen and back in again and the dogs are so pleased to see me it’s like I was gone for a month when it was actually five seconds.
If it to genuinely clear my head and get some thinking time and perspective, take my Lab for a long walk...I either end up with a solution or resolve my angst and treat it as an experience to learn from.
p_k_n said:
This works for me as well. In 1 months time it will be a bad memory, in a years time it will be a distant memory and by the time I retire in 30 years, it will be forgotten...
What if this isn’t the case though? I have had three weeks now of feeling hollow and empty ever since my wife told me she has lost feelings for me. Every day has been worse than the last for finding out more things, no change or willingness to change in her feelings. We are still “together “ while she works out what she wants but I don’t mind saying three weeks without a hug from her or even a simple holding of the hands is a nightmare. If we can’t get through this I can’t see how my life will be better in 10 years without her, we got together at 18 and are now nearly 40.
Everything i do and have is a memory with her.
I have no friends that aren’t our friends.
We have bookings for events running into next year.
I know people are insisting it will get better but i really cant see how it can. I’m middle aged, im too big at 95kg and 5”8 although in the last two weeks i have lost 10kg so at least some bonus to this! I don’t have any friends where we would go out and i could meet someone, and I’m not even sure i want to although i know i need to as I won’t cope well on my own.
I don’t want to turn this into something about me, i just needed to write this.
Sheetmaself said:
What if this isn’t the case though? I have had three weeks now of feeling hollow and empty ever since my wife told me she has lost feelings for me. Every day has been worse than the last for finding out more things, no change or willingness to change in her feelings. We are still “together “ while she works out what she wants but I don’t mind saying three weeks without a hug from her or even a simple holding of the hands is a nightmare.
If we can’t get through this I can’t see how my life will be better in 10 years without her, we got together at 18 and are now nearly 40.
Everything i do and have is a memory with her.
I have no friends that aren’t our friends.
We have bookings for events running into next year.
I know people are insisting it will get better but i really cant see how it can. I’m middle aged, im too big at 95kg and 5”8 although in the last two weeks i have lost 10kg so at least some bonus to this! I don’t have any friends where we would go out and i could meet someone, and I’m not even sure i want to although i know i need to as I won’t cope well on my own.
I don’t want to turn this into something about me, i just needed to write this.
Time is a fantastic healer. However, you have to also take the opportunity to care for yourself, pay attention to your health, general fitness, and whatever else concerns you. Look to meet up with other people, join clubs, take up a hobby, go for long walks etc.If we can’t get through this I can’t see how my life will be better in 10 years without her, we got together at 18 and are now nearly 40.
Everything i do and have is a memory with her.
I have no friends that aren’t our friends.
We have bookings for events running into next year.
I know people are insisting it will get better but i really cant see how it can. I’m middle aged, im too big at 95kg and 5”8 although in the last two weeks i have lost 10kg so at least some bonus to this! I don’t have any friends where we would go out and i could meet someone, and I’m not even sure i want to although i know i need to as I won’t cope well on my own.
I don’t want to turn this into something about me, i just needed to write this.
You don't have to forget all the memories, they're all still valid, nor do you have to consider starting up relationships with anyone else. If it's going to happen, whether you like it or not, then you have to make the best of a new approach to life.
I have noticed real stress issues with my current job. I've been here about 10 months. Uniquely I was the only person doing my job in the whole of Europe (as my manager left shortly before I started). I work from home permanently in a cybersecurity role, doing technical work.
That meant that everyone - sales, account managers, other people - kept coming to me as they either had EMEA work, a question to do with this region, sales call or just wanted some advice. I now have two colleagues including a manager and they're all still coming to me. This is partly my fault as I am yet to send an update email out to everyone to say there's been changes. I am doing that this week.
I have had conselling recently due to low mood and some of these issues - fairly mild but enough to trouble me.
One thing that we spoke about was my own standards being high and I summarised it by saying "I think I care too much". For example, sometimes an email will be sent to a few people and no one will reply ... Sales will message me asking "is anyone going to reply" (wtf?!), and I will get stressed over it. Or sometimes will just get worked up because I feel like once again it's on me to reply and lead things.
My manager is new but does appear good and nice. That's a positive obviously. He's even said "I'll be rubbish for a little while until I get comfortable and can help more".
Anyway...
This is all a long way of saying, I feel stressed most days. I often think I get disproportionately stressed because 1/2/3 days later I have got on top of whatever it was, finished the report, got the client happy and it's all great again. Partly it's my area of work being incident response, so often if it's an incident there is high pressure and urgency. It's not always like that, sometimes it's general work or it's brought under control.
When I am stressed though I feel short of breath, very hot, headache, short tempered, angry, tense etc. I take it out on my partner which I realise is horrible and unhealthy.
Some positive things I have done:
23 days ago I stopped drinking - fairly heavily and now sober and feel great as a result
Exercise - ramped this up massively, walking, some running, cycling, gym etc. I used to do lots of triathlons and want to do an Ironman next year (possibly a dream at this point)
Sleeping better too
Eating well
Counsellor - seeing her once a week. Sometimes I don't know if it's doing much other than me sitting and whinging. But she's helped me see a few important things about myself
Anyway, that's it!
That meant that everyone - sales, account managers, other people - kept coming to me as they either had EMEA work, a question to do with this region, sales call or just wanted some advice. I now have two colleagues including a manager and they're all still coming to me. This is partly my fault as I am yet to send an update email out to everyone to say there's been changes. I am doing that this week.
I have had conselling recently due to low mood and some of these issues - fairly mild but enough to trouble me.
One thing that we spoke about was my own standards being high and I summarised it by saying "I think I care too much". For example, sometimes an email will be sent to a few people and no one will reply ... Sales will message me asking "is anyone going to reply" (wtf?!), and I will get stressed over it. Or sometimes will just get worked up because I feel like once again it's on me to reply and lead things.
My manager is new but does appear good and nice. That's a positive obviously. He's even said "I'll be rubbish for a little while until I get comfortable and can help more".
Anyway...
This is all a long way of saying, I feel stressed most days. I often think I get disproportionately stressed because 1/2/3 days later I have got on top of whatever it was, finished the report, got the client happy and it's all great again. Partly it's my area of work being incident response, so often if it's an incident there is high pressure and urgency. It's not always like that, sometimes it's general work or it's brought under control.
When I am stressed though I feel short of breath, very hot, headache, short tempered, angry, tense etc. I take it out on my partner which I realise is horrible and unhealthy.
Some positive things I have done:
23 days ago I stopped drinking - fairly heavily and now sober and feel great as a result
Exercise - ramped this up massively, walking, some running, cycling, gym etc. I used to do lots of triathlons and want to do an Ironman next year (possibly a dream at this point)
Sleeping better too
Eating well
Counsellor - seeing her once a week. Sometimes I don't know if it's doing much other than me sitting and whinging. But she's helped me see a few important things about myself
Anyway, that's it!
Edited by redrabbit29 on Tuesday 24th October 15:57
Been there. Many years of stress. Too long working for tech startups. Not enough staff, everyday a firefight.
Used to make light of it. Making 'Nee-naa' noises when called over to the next 'Oh my god we need to do something RIGHT NOW!' and saying stuff like 'If you're not pissing on a fire, you're just standing there with your dick in your hands'.
Hey, it's no big deal if your blood pressure is 120/180 and you're smoking 30 cigarettes a day. Leaving the office at 8pm and grabbing a takeaway on the way home.
Then the panic attacks started and it brought home just how much it was messing me up.
A couple of years down the line, i'm much better now. I put some simple things in place and I feel happier and healthier than I ever have.
- Swapped the fags for an e-cigarette. Sorry, not sorry. I just love nicotine.
- I Always have a 1.5l bottle of water on my desk, if it's there, i'll drink it and now I'm not driking 10 cups of coffee and 3 cans of coke a day. I'm much calmer and i'm sleeping better now i'm not jacked-up on caffine and sugar anymore.
- Always do some excercise after work. Either a 2.5 mile walk or a 10 mile bike ride. No matter how annoyed, stressed, angry I am when I finish work, it's burnt off by the time I come home. Even if it's raining I still go.
- Started eating better. 1 takeaway a week on the weekend.
- I take a 3 week holiday over christmas every year. I hate the cold. I hate the dark. This breaks the winter misery and gives me something to work for and look forward to. Last year was Indonesia, this year it's New Zealand. On Christmas day, just as the kids are getting bored with their new toys and the family arguments are breaking out all over Britain, i'll be boarding a flight looking forward to spending time hiking up mountains and combing beaches...
Used to make light of it. Making 'Nee-naa' noises when called over to the next 'Oh my god we need to do something RIGHT NOW!' and saying stuff like 'If you're not pissing on a fire, you're just standing there with your dick in your hands'.
Hey, it's no big deal if your blood pressure is 120/180 and you're smoking 30 cigarettes a day. Leaving the office at 8pm and grabbing a takeaway on the way home.
Then the panic attacks started and it brought home just how much it was messing me up.
A couple of years down the line, i'm much better now. I put some simple things in place and I feel happier and healthier than I ever have.
- Swapped the fags for an e-cigarette. Sorry, not sorry. I just love nicotine.
- I Always have a 1.5l bottle of water on my desk, if it's there, i'll drink it and now I'm not driking 10 cups of coffee and 3 cans of coke a day. I'm much calmer and i'm sleeping better now i'm not jacked-up on caffine and sugar anymore.
- Always do some excercise after work. Either a 2.5 mile walk or a 10 mile bike ride. No matter how annoyed, stressed, angry I am when I finish work, it's burnt off by the time I come home. Even if it's raining I still go.
- Started eating better. 1 takeaway a week on the weekend.
- I take a 3 week holiday over christmas every year. I hate the cold. I hate the dark. This breaks the winter misery and gives me something to work for and look forward to. Last year was Indonesia, this year it's New Zealand. On Christmas day, just as the kids are getting bored with their new toys and the family arguments are breaking out all over Britain, i'll be boarding a flight looking forward to spending time hiking up mountains and combing beaches...
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