Do I have a drinking problem?
Discussion
Evanivitch said:
You're not an alcoholic.
You are a binge drinker.
If it's routinely affecting your relationships, then it's a problem associated with drink.
Personally, seems more like a relationship issue. You want to forget about the fact you have a new child for a few hours and remove yourself from any responsibility. That's not unhealthy when it's done in agreement with the other carer (i.e. the mother).
Do you ever give your wife child-free time?
I think that's fair. If you'd pissed off for a mighty gym session and been too sore to get up and help with the baby it's still the same principle. You are a binge drinker.
If it's routinely affecting your relationships, then it's a problem associated with drink.
Personally, seems more like a relationship issue. You want to forget about the fact you have a new child for a few hours and remove yourself from any responsibility. That's not unhealthy when it's done in agreement with the other carer (i.e. the mother).
Do you ever give your wife child-free time?
If you arranged to look after the baby while she went to see some friends (or just mooch about at home stress-free), then another night said "There's a film I fancy watching tonight with a few beers, is that going to cause you an issue?" That's a different matter.
As someone else said, it's a little bit selfish, and taking a bit of time to be a little bit selfish is perfectly healthy. But doing it impromptu with knock on effects to her was a bit unfair and I can see why she's be a miffed.
V6 Pushfit said:
stargazer30 said:
The strict answer is anyone who drinks alcohol has a drink problem (me included) as Alcohol is poisonous to us humans, has no positive effect at all and is a chemical drepessant. The saying "whats your poison?" is quite literally true in this context!
Its just the case that some people have more of a problem than others and our social norms/media etc.. brainwash us into thinking alcohol is okay.
What a load of tosh. Water will also kill you if you drink too much. Alcohol is present in many foods m, fruit and preserves naturally.Its just the case that some people have more of a problem than others and our social norms/media etc.. brainwash us into thinking alcohol is okay.
Also your counter argument is stupid. Water in pure form is essential for survival whereas pure alcohol kills pretty much everything living it touches.
The found natural argument doesn't hold water either, lots of toxins are found naturally in our food in small amounts, we have evolved to tollerate them.
stargazer30 said:
V6 Pushfit said:
stargazer30 said:
The strict answer is anyone who drinks alcohol has a drink problem (me included) as Alcohol is poisonous to us humans, has no positive effect at all and is a chemical drepessant. The saying "whats your poison?" is quite literally true in this context!
Its just the case that some people have more of a problem than others and our social norms/media etc.. brainwash us into thinking alcohol is okay.
What a load of tosh. Water will also kill you if you drink too much. Alcohol is present in many foods m, fruit and preserves naturally.Its just the case that some people have more of a problem than others and our social norms/media etc.. brainwash us into thinking alcohol is okay.
Also your counter argument is stupid. Water in pure form is essential for survival whereas pure alcohol kills pretty much everything living it touches.
The found natural argument doesn't hold water either, lots of toxins are found naturally in our food in small amounts, we have evolved to tollerate them.
With no judging involved, I think you're bordering on it.
In no particular order:
-22 units in one sitting on your own is a lot. A whole (small) bottle of port on your own seems a bit much.
-it's causing arguments would push you more towards having a problem but isn't a definite.
-not being able to abstain. Could you not drink for a week? Or would that feel like a challenge beyond possibility?
-Also, you said you feel "dusty" the following day? Do you mean sad/depressed/low mood? This is a characteristic of drinking but not a sign of being an alcoholic. Wouldn't you prefer it if you didn't feel this way? I notice a slight slump if I have a couple of pints so tend to avoid drinking that much unless it's a special occasion as I just don't like feeling in a low mood.
https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/selfassessment/
Have you considered low/no alcohol drinks? Plenty of alternatives to beer and wine (although the wines aren't that great and the beers taste a bit weak; don't get me started on the fake spirits).
FYI I drink real ales, single malts and port, maybe 5-6 units a week, although it's gone down since I have started trying no/low alcohol drinks.
In no particular order:
-22 units in one sitting on your own is a lot. A whole (small) bottle of port on your own seems a bit much.
-it's causing arguments would push you more towards having a problem but isn't a definite.
-not being able to abstain. Could you not drink for a week? Or would that feel like a challenge beyond possibility?
-Also, you said you feel "dusty" the following day? Do you mean sad/depressed/low mood? This is a characteristic of drinking but not a sign of being an alcoholic. Wouldn't you prefer it if you didn't feel this way? I notice a slight slump if I have a couple of pints so tend to avoid drinking that much unless it's a special occasion as I just don't like feeling in a low mood.
https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/selfassessment/
Have you considered low/no alcohol drinks? Plenty of alternatives to beer and wine (although the wines aren't that great and the beers taste a bit weak; don't get me started on the fake spirits).
FYI I drink real ales, single malts and port, maybe 5-6 units a week, although it's gone down since I have started trying no/low alcohol drinks.
Edited by Hoofy on Sunday 15th December 18:26
Thanks for all the opinions, much appreciated and certainly some food for thought.
To put the record straight on a couple of points ....
This is the first time I've got drunk since he was born (3 months).
I've helped with caring for our son as much as is possible at all times other than last night.
No arguments were had with her ...
She has opportunities to go out without me and my son. Last Friday for instance she went out for dinner/drinks whilst I stayed in and looked after the baby. Saturday night we went out with Friends whilst grandparents babysat.
I've never actually tried to abstain as I've never felt the need. Could I do it? Probably but it'd take a little will power.
To put the record straight on a couple of points ....
This is the first time I've got drunk since he was born (3 months).
I've helped with caring for our son as much as is possible at all times other than last night.
No arguments were had with her ...
She has opportunities to go out without me and my son. Last Friday for instance she went out for dinner/drinks whilst I stayed in and looked after the baby. Saturday night we went out with Friends whilst grandparents babysat.
I've never actually tried to abstain as I've never felt the need. Could I do it? Probably but it'd take a little will power.
Edited by John Laverick on Friday 20th December 21:53
Similar drinking habits to me week to week but I don't tend to binge. My wife has seen me in a real state once in over 15 years!
However, install an app on your phone to record your drinking habits. I found it useful to see how much I was having more accurately. I think the one I used was called alcodroid . There is always a tendency to understate things. Be honest with yourself. Also try a month of abstinence. We have January off of booze every year and sort of enjoy it if I'm honest. It resets the tolerances.
Drinking alone I'm less worried about. I have a young family and don't have the pub based social life I once had.
However, install an app on your phone to record your drinking habits. I found it useful to see how much I was having more accurately. I think the one I used was called alcodroid . There is always a tendency to understate things. Be honest with yourself. Also try a month of abstinence. We have January off of booze every year and sort of enjoy it if I'm honest. It resets the tolerances.
Drinking alone I'm less worried about. I have a young family and don't have the pub based social life I once had.
This is a case of somebody should think of the children.
Imagine how you would feel if there was an emergency, ie you needed to get your wife or baby to hospital due to illness or an accident, and you are busy drinking a bottle of port.
I know people will say that's unlikely
............ and it probably is until it happens.
I had two occasions to rush my children to hospital with serious illness which struck very quickly and time was of the essence. So glad I was in a position to be able to safely and legally drive my wife and child there while she was looking after them in the car.
Imagine how you would feel if there was an emergency, ie you needed to get your wife or baby to hospital due to illness or an accident, and you are busy drinking a bottle of port.
I know people will say that's unlikely
............ and it probably is until it happens.
I had two occasions to rush my children to hospital with serious illness which struck very quickly and time was of the essence. So glad I was in a position to be able to safely and legally drive my wife and child there while she was looking after them in the car.
John Laverick said:
Thanks for all the opinions, much appreciated and certainly some food for thought.
To put the record straight on a couple of points ....
This is the first time I've got drunk since he was born (3 months).
I've helped with caring for our son as much as is possible at all times other than last night.
No arguments were had with her ... she didn't even wake when I went to bed.
She has opportunities to go out without me and my son. Last Friday for instance she went out for dinner/drinks whilst I stayed in and looked after the baby. Saturday night we went out with Friends whilst grandparents babysat.
I've never actually tried to abstain as I've never felt the need. Could I do it? Probably but it'd take a little will power.
That being the case, you definitely do not have any kind of major problem.To put the record straight on a couple of points ....
This is the first time I've got drunk since he was born (3 months).
I've helped with caring for our son as much as is possible at all times other than last night.
No arguments were had with her ... she didn't even wake when I went to bed.
She has opportunities to go out without me and my son. Last Friday for instance she went out for dinner/drinks whilst I stayed in and looked after the baby. Saturday night we went out with Friends whilst grandparents babysat.
I've never actually tried to abstain as I've never felt the need. Could I do it? Probably but it'd take a little will power.
I’m a ‘heavy drinker’ (50 units a week), but would never drink as much as 22 units in one go at home though - 15 would by my absolute max on a rare basis. So maybe best not to have that much easily available to you on a weekend night!
OP.... I've lost a close friend to alcoholism, seen the life of two family members ruined by it and helped someone from alcohol dependency.
Two things raise a red flag - the fact that you've mentioned 'strong' canned lager and the half litre of port. Both of these suggest that you're seeking inebriation rather than the relaxing pleasure of nice beer or two whilst watching the telly.
Your other half felt emboldened enough to mention this and took the decision to head to her Mother's. I know women can be a little odd at times but generally speaking none of this would have happened had either your behaviour been infrequent or it was really just a few beers.
I don't think you're an alcoholic. But something is amis - perhaps looking at early signs of dependency.
Try going from now until Christmas Eve not drinking any alcohol whatsoever. If you're walking up walls and/or drinking by Saturday, a chat with your GP might prove beneficial.
Two things raise a red flag - the fact that you've mentioned 'strong' canned lager and the half litre of port. Both of these suggest that you're seeking inebriation rather than the relaxing pleasure of nice beer or two whilst watching the telly.
Your other half felt emboldened enough to mention this and took the decision to head to her Mother's. I know women can be a little odd at times but generally speaking none of this would have happened had either your behaviour been infrequent or it was really just a few beers.
I don't think you're an alcoholic. But something is amis - perhaps looking at early signs of dependency.
Try going from now until Christmas Eve not drinking any alcohol whatsoever. If you're walking up walls and/or drinking by Saturday, a chat with your GP might prove beneficial.
Lishen, cos you're my mate, ri, so worriris is tharriaven gotta drink problem.
Seriously, I go out to sing karaoke, 5 nights a week and drink 4 pints a night and, off piste, have a gin or Bailey's on the other nights but if there was no alcohol in the next 6 months, I wouldn't be bothered. It's a social thing.
Seriously, I go out to sing karaoke, 5 nights a week and drink 4 pints a night and, off piste, have a gin or Bailey's on the other nights but if there was no alcohol in the next 6 months, I wouldn't be bothered. It's a social thing.
You’re not alcohol dependant. Yet.
I engage with genuine alcoholics frequently, and the biggest tell is that my involvement is because their drinking has usually overtaken them, either socially (they’re acting like a
holes and their partner/family/spouse/kids have had enough, or they’ve got to the point where they’ve lost physical control and have injured themselves through intoxication or the alcohol is having a chronic, visible effect on their health)
As others have said, your level of consumption is perhaps inappropriate given your current familial situation.
Consider this.....in addition to the normal parenting, if your littl’un is unwell and an ambulance or GP rocks up, an intoxicated parent may trigger a safeguarding alert and social services will get dragged in.
That aside, if you’re pissed you can’t drive Jnr to A&E.
Set yourself a goal of abstaining until a specific date, and/or set a strict limit for an evening AND STICK TO IT.
Your drinking doesn’t sound totally out of control, but it could very easily get that way. The crucial thing is that by asking on here, you’re obviously at a point where you’re still in command, recognise it isn’t right (for you) and want to do something about it.
I engage with genuine alcoholics frequently, and the biggest tell is that my involvement is because their drinking has usually overtaken them, either socially (they’re acting like a
holes and their partner/family/spouse/kids have had enough, or they’ve got to the point where they’ve lost physical control and have injured themselves through intoxication or the alcohol is having a chronic, visible effect on their health)As others have said, your level of consumption is perhaps inappropriate given your current familial situation.
Consider this.....in addition to the normal parenting, if your littl’un is unwell and an ambulance or GP rocks up, an intoxicated parent may trigger a safeguarding alert and social services will get dragged in.
That aside, if you’re pissed you can’t drive Jnr to A&E.
Set yourself a goal of abstaining until a specific date, and/or set a strict limit for an evening AND STICK TO IT.
Your drinking doesn’t sound totally out of control, but it could very easily get that way. The crucial thing is that by asking on here, you’re obviously at a point where you’re still in command, recognise it isn’t right (for you) and want to do something about it.
Crossflow Kid said:
Your drinking doesn’t sound totally out of control, but it could very easily get that way. The crucial thing is that by asking on here, you’re obviously at a point where you’re still in command, recognise it isn’t right (for you) and want to do something about it.
He gets drunk once or twice a year. The strong lager does work out to near 9% if the OP's maths and mine is correct.
If he's a near alcoholic I'm going to need to join AA.
I never said he’s an alcoholic but.....
3-4 cans of strong lager will render most people technically drunk and the fact the OP considers he needs more than this to be properly drunk is in itself a bit of a worry. NB: a bit.
What’s happening is the bar is very slowly being raised as to what constitutes “drunk”
John Laverick said:
However on a Friday and Saturday night I'll regularly sit at home in front of the TV and have 3 cans of strong lager. Every so often this will turn into quite a few more and I end up drunk. Last night was one of those nights ... this occurs once or twice a year
.....and that is quite telling.3-4 cans of strong lager will render most people technically drunk and the fact the OP considers he needs more than this to be properly drunk is in itself a bit of a worry. NB: a bit.
What’s happening is the bar is very slowly being raised as to what constitutes “drunk”
Edited by anonymous-user on Monday 16th December 01:00
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