Do I have a drinking problem?

[feef]

When I buy my beers, I tend to ignore the strength and focus on the type and flavours.

One of my favourite beers is the Founders KBS which is a coffee and chocolate stout aged in bourbon barrels. It also happens to be 12%! I might have one and that'll do me, but it's the favour that I enjoy most.

I'm also keen on sours like Boon Oude Gueuze which is 7%, but again, it's that almost champagney flavour that I enjoy.

For both of these, the alcohol content is almost a downside.

That the strength is a notable feature for the OP suggests the effects are what being sought rather than the enjoyment of the flavour.

[anonymous-user]

Driver101 said:

It may come as a huge shock to you and others, but not everyone that drinks alcohol is on a slope to dependency. Most people can manage perfectly fine.

Yes they are. The “managing fine” bit is what stops them sliding in to full addiction, in that they recognise when things are starting to slip and take remedial action, even though they’re probably unaware that they’re doing so.
Where the OPs situation differs is that by his own admission his drinking appears to be impacting at times on his daily routine, namely his ability to share parental duties, along with mentioning that he knows he shouldn’t but can’t help himself sometimes.
It’s very easy to say it’s a relationship issue not an alcohol one, but addiction/dependency reveals itself in all manner of ways and strains on a relationship is just one.
It’s difficult to say how serious or not the OPs issue really is through the sole medium of a forum, and I sincerely doubt he’s in real trouble but then again, every alcoholic started by telling themselves that
a) one more won’t hurt.
b) they can stop any time.
c) they don’t have a problem.

Out of interest, where is the “has a problem” line for you?

And no, I have neither fear nor history of addiction but I deal with it a lot. An awful lot, at every level and every stage from a school teacher falling over in assembly and no one quite knowing why right through to a full-on non functioning alcoholic lying in the middle of traffic on Euston Road in torrential rain wearing nothing but his Y-fronts after stumbling out of his flat to go searching for more drink.
It’s way more widespread that you realise, and far more destructive than you probably realise which is why I’ll always advocate nipping it in the bud early on.
If that’s overreacting I think I’ll live with it.
I’ve also seen a bloke (with a wife and two kids in the same home) who’d secretly drunk over a litre of food colouring (emptying bulk-purchased 5ml bottles in to a carafe) because the ingredients included a trace of ethanol. That didn’t end well.

Edited by anonymous-user on Monday 16th December 11:44

[RTB]

jackofall84 said:

When we had an issue one evening and had to take our son to A and E, we were advised by 111 to drive him ourselves if we could and not wait for an ambulance, as the wait time was about 3 - 4 hours for one. It took me about 15 mins to drive to A and E. It turned out he was fine thankfully but at that age things can very quickly take a turn for the worse...

I do air on the side of caution though, my partner's a children's nurse and I've heard some heartbreaking stories from her.

If only there was some sort of a service that you could phone up and someone who was sober could turn up in their own car who would then drive you (and passengers) to a destination of your choice for a nominal fee

Personally, when my two were little I didn't drink much if at all, but that was mainly due to hangovers with little ones being especially bad.

On a couple of occasions where I did have a big night out and then had to be up with the kids in the morning, it was unbelievably painful. One evening I went out with a mate and came back at 2.30am worse for wear. I passed out on the sofa fully clothed with my shoes still on. My two kids came tearing down stairs at 6 am (aged around 3 and 6) and proceeded to jump up and down on me asking if they could have breakfast and go swimmimg. I heard my Mrs get out of bed and close our bedroom door It was bad, very bad.

[crofty1984]

John Laverick said:

The beers we're 2 x vocation life and death (6.5%) - 330ml

1 x vocation pride and joy (5.3%) - 330ml

1 x franziskaner (5%) - 500ml

I usually get the three for a fiver deal, it's a rare occurrence I'd pick up a fourth.
I only mentioned 'strong' as I consider the 6.5% IPA to be stronger than most but I buy it for the taste not the strength. I'd prefer if it wasn't as strong.

Ah, it's not like you're hammering the special brew then. I think as others have said it's worth having a conversation with your Mrs about what you both think it's reasonable and not reasonable to find a compromise that's fair on both of you. If you genuinely enjoy a nice beer now and then, I don't think it's fair on you to stop altogether. But maybe less often. And for the record it's certainly a feather in your cap that you've started this thread.

[Driver101]

Crossflow Kid said:

Driver101 said:

It may come as a huge shock to you and others, but not everyone that drinks alcohol is on a slope to dependency. Most people can manage perfectly fine.

Yes they are. The “managing fine” bit is what stops them sliding in to full addiction, in that they recognise when things are starting to slip and take remedial action, even though they’re probably unaware that they’re doing so.
Where the OPs situation differs is that by his own admission his drinking appears to be impacting at times on his daily routine, namely his ability to share parental duties, along with mentioning that he knows he shouldn’t but can’t help himself sometimes.
It’s very easy to say it’s a relationship issue not an alcohol one, but addiction/dependency reveals itself in all manner of ways and strains on a relationship is just one.
It’s difficult to say how serious or not the OPs issue really is through the sole medium of a forum, and I sincerely doubt he’s in real trouble but then again, every alcoholic started by telling themselves that
a) one more won’t hurt.
b) they can stop any time.
c) they don’t have a problem.

Out of interest, where is the “has a problem” line for you?

Once or twice a year he drinks to excess. All other times he's below very tight safe recommendations for alcohol intake.

Reading this thread countless people have managed to exaggerate everything the OP has said.

The OP, and many other people, work away from home. This also impacts their duty to share night time duties. Should they be lambasted for that too? How does their partners manage on those nights?

The problem line is hard to draw. A man drinking under the recommended safe alcohol allowance and seeking out drinks on the basis of quality and not quantity isn't it.

He isn't buying any old alcohol with the sole intention of getting drunk. He's buying beer he likes to enjoy. He even says he would prefer if the beers he likes had lower ABV.

I think you're own issues are causing you to blow things out of proportion. Don't tar everyone with the same brush of being drawn into this dangerous slope. Don't exaggerate things to make it sound worse than it is.

[Dr Jekyll]

Crossflow Kid said:

And no, I have neither fear nor history of addiction but I deal with it a lot. An awful lot, at every level and every stage from a school teacher falling over in assembly and no one quite knowing why right through to a full-on non functioning alcoholic lying in the middle of traffic on Euston Road in torrential rain wearing nothing but his Y-fronts after stumbling out of his flat to go searching for more drink.
It’s way more widespread that you realise, and far more destructive than you probably realise which is why I’ll always advocate nipping it in the bud early on.

And most of us have also dealt with a large number of people who enjoy drinking alcohol, overdo it occasionally, but don't get addicted or suffer real damage.

Forming an opinion on the dangers of alcohol based on the number of addicts you deal with is like a high end estate agent meeting a lot of lottery winners and concluding lottery tickets are a good buy.

[anonymous-user]

That’s the thing though.
It isn’t just the metaphorical lottery-winning end of the spectrum where the problem exists, in fact, for those people it’s over anyway. Alcohol will kill them.
But yeah, everyone else is fine.
The OP’s fine too, so fine he’s had a barney with his wife about it and felt the need to open up on a forum about it because he’s so sure he’s fine.

(You call it exaggerating, I call it being brutally realistic)

[borcy]

A range of opinions on this but if this is happening once/twice a year, I don't really think it's an issue.

If you eat/speed/wk to excess once or twice a year are you on a slippery slope?

[Driver101]

Crossflow Kid said:

That’s the thing though.
It isn’t just the metaphorical lottery-winning end of the spectrum where the problem exists, in fact, for those people it’s over anyway. Alcohol will kill them.
But yeah, everyone else is fine.
The OP’s fine too, so fine he’s had a barney with his wife about it and felt the need to open up on a forum about it because he’s so sure he’s fine.

(You call it exaggerating, I call it being brutally realistic)

Brutally realistic? You are being hyper sensitive and exaggerating the scale of things.

He got drunk one night and his wife has made a big deal of it. There is no trend of excessive alcohol and no trend of increasing consumption.

His 6.5 units of alcohol on a weekend evening is not a big amount of alcohol. It's not dangerous and that level of alcohol over an evening will not cause impairment. It wil be out of his system long before the morning. Start the first can with dinner and it'll be be out the system last thing at night for an average person.


I'm not sure what is causing your hang-ups, but there is an irrational fear there for some reason.

[anonymous-user]

How many units in half a litre of port?

This from OP

‘She went to bed early and I stayed up to watch a film. I had 3 cans and one large bottle of beer (1500ml total so 3 pints ish) I then opened a 500ml bottle of port and finished it, I knew I shouldn't but couldn't help myself. So about 22 units in total, I was drunk but not steaming. ‘

The potential causes for concern are that he couldn’t help himself from drinking a bottle of port and that his wife isn’t best pleased

That one night on it’s own isn’t a sign of an drink problem imo, but if op is concerned enough to ask, maybe this thread will help him decide if he wants to drink differently.

[John Laverick]

I felt compelled to ask the question because although I didn't / don't think I have a drinking problem I trust my wife's judgement. I did need to think about it though ... It's unusual we don't agree on a subject. It shocked me a little.

It's useful to get opinions of others (even internet strangers) so I can be better informed ... I've been wrong before!! Its eye opening to read the varying extremes of view on here.

I realise it was a selfish act and have committed to not drink like that at home again ... I've also decided to not drink next weekend and might do a dry January to prove to myself it's not an issue.

Btw I worked it out ... it was 18.5 units not 22

Regardless ... I obviously bought some flowers spoke to my wife (I don't need the internet to tell me to do that). Turns out she's not coping during the day as well as I thought and hadn't told me to avoid worrying me. I think my antics were the straw that broke the camel's back on this particular occasion.

Thanks for everyones advice.

[Driver101]

JPJPJP said:

How many units in half a litre of port?

This from OP

‘She went to bed early and I stayed up to watch a film. I had 3 cans and one large bottle of beer (1500ml total so 3 pints ish) I then opened a 500ml bottle of port and finished it, I knew I shouldn't but couldn't help myself. So about 22 units in total, I was drunk but not steaming. ‘

The potential causes for concern are that he couldn’t help himself from drinking a bottle of port and that his wife isn’t best pleased

That one night on it’s own isn’t a sign of an drink problem imo, but if op is concerned enough to ask, maybe this thread will help him decide if he wants to drink differently.

10 units for the port if it's 20%. Some are weaker. With the beers listed it adds to 18.5 units in total.

It's the same as 8 pints of normal 4% lager, or 6 pints of something popular like Peroni.

As the OP says this is a couple of times a year thing.

[washingitagain]

One thing I don't think anyone has mentioned is that the weekly units guidance shouldn't be taken in one or two sittings (i.e. in binges). It seems a few are saying that the little session the OP had was ok as it was within the weekly allowance.

Not preaching as my allowance is certainly loaded towards the weekend!

[R.Sole]

EarlofDrift said:

I don't think from what you've explained to be an alcoholic. I think you've just got into a routine of binge drinking on certain days and not on others

If you were a typical alcoholic you would be drinking from dawn to dusk seven days a week.

The fact you seem to have control wouldn't make me think your an alcoholic.

I don’t think that’s the definition of an alcoholic!

[billshoreham]

[quote=John Laverick]Firstly, apologies for the long post!

I'm asking for some feedback on my drinking habits from the forum ... my wife told me that she thinks I have a drinking problem this morning whereas I don't think I do but I'm open to being educated.

John, deal with this now mate -it wont get better on its own.

[J4CKO]

I can drink quite a lot but I dont drink every night and can quite cheerfully go without for a month and not be bothered, which I think is an important check, find it quite easy but I do like alcohol. I walked the dog tonight and nipped in my local, had one pint of low strength (3.7 percent) bitter and thoroughly enjoyed it.

I can quite easily sink four cans, half a bottle of wine and then a couple of whiskies later, can go out with the lads and have eight pints over an evening.

I see folks in the local that are in every night and have six pints, then more at home, now thats a problem.

[Hoofy]

John Laverick said:

Btw I worked it out ... it was 18.5 units not 22

It's still about 4-5 weeks' worth of drink for me.

[designforlife]

Personally, I don't think you have a drinking problem per se, but your wife thinks you do, which is a problem.

Funnily enough in my relationship the shoe is on the other foot. I drink on weekends only, this usually translates to 2 cans of lager on a friday, saturday and sunday night... occasionally more but not often.

My wife on the other hand, will more or less drink every day, usually just the one drink in the evening after dinner, more so on the weekends, but not to the point of getting drunk per se. If she goes out with a mate on a saturday afternoon (about once a month) she will come home pretty half cut, which has led to some arguments about how she conducts herself when i'm home getting dinner ready etc. If we have a weekend at home she usually has a drink poured by midday and will have a few drinks into the evening, again never really getting drunk, just on a "level".

I have a problem with this, and it's actually what made me drink less and cut back myself. I've tried raising it with her a few times, but she doesn't see a problem, and openly admits that she likes drinking.

It's caused a couple of pretty big arguments over the last couple of years, but it's at a point now where i've said my piece so can't really do any more.

In my opinion and from what i've seen, she's essentially a functional alcoholic, albeit on a smaller scale, she's not massively happy and it's very obviously a crutch for her and a way of getting through... she has a pretty intense job which really doesn't help things.

I guess the TLDR of all of that, is that the way you see your drinking, and the way your wife sees it, can be vastly different... my advice would be to try to talk to her and be open about it, and maybe show that you are open to a little compromise for her sake.

Edited by designforlife on Tuesday 17th December 11:26

[washingitagain]

J4CKO said:

...can go out with the lads and have eight pints over an evening.

That would be me feeling rough for at least 24 hours!

[otolith]

JPJPJP said:

The potential causes for concern are that he couldn’t help himself from drinking a bottle of port and that his wife isn’t best pleased

Port is evil, it goes down far too easily for something that's 20% alcohol, and leads to the worst hangovers.