How do you get through divorce?

[Shadowy_me]

Monkeylegend said:

So often we get tales of woe on here from men who claim they have done nothing wrong in their relationships and have no understanding as to why their partners no longer wish to be with them.

It is always the woman's fault, she is having an affair, dump her, hide all your assets, move on.................... etc

Not true of course.

Your husband should consider himself to be a very lucky man to have somebody as understanding as you seem to be.

Pressing the self destruct button is painful to watch, especially when you want, but are unable to do anything prevent it.

I hope you can eventually get some form of closure on all this which suits all of you.

I somehow get the feeling though that there is a lot more pain to come so you need to prioritise the well being of yourself and your children irrespective of the outcome of your husbands ongoing treatment and rehabilitation, where ever that might lead.

Good luck.

Thank you for your kind and wise words. My therapist keeps saying that and Im trying but it’s difficult to prioritise myself right now as he spirals out of control into oblivion if I don’t talk to him and my girls worry about him all the time.
And when I do talk to him it takes my time away from girls which isn’t ok. Our youngest one is so depressed now she won’t get up from her bed unless I get her up and into the shower. She won’t eat unless Im watching her. Our first child is very angry and packed up and left as couldn’t take the constant reminder of what her dad did by being at home.
I feel like my children are slipping away from me and life and I feel powerless to rescue them.
And then there is him. And if I could get angry and hate him it would be so much easier but I just feel so sorry for him for doing all this crap as he will have to live with this

[Shadowy_me]

Psycho Warren said:

well, that escalated quickly........................

Ok youre an asshole, but you know it and are finally feeling guilty about it.

I can understand why you might feel the need to pay your wife so much.

You need to do your best to move on and change into a better man. You cant change the past or undo your wrongdoings or remove that guilt, but you can learn to live with the guilt and lead the rest of your life in a better way.

Bless you, it’s what I’ve been saying for the last 12 weeks. I really hope my husband will read your message when he logs in here again.

[Shadowy_me]

CharlesdeGaulle said:

I'm not buying this. I'm not a cynical man, but this has trolling wind-up written all over it.

In case I'm wrong, I wish you all well, but otherwise I'm in for the car-crash.

Hmm I don’t know what to reply to this. What kind of person would make this up? Are people really that bored?!

[Shadowy_me]

Monkeylegend said:

CharlesdeGaulle said:

Monkeylegend said:

CharlesdeGaulle said:

I'm not buying this. I'm not a cynical man, but this has trolling wind-up written all over it.

In case I'm wrong, I wish you all well, but otherwise I'm in for the car-crash.

Well if somebody else is facing a similar situation or in danger of slipping into a similar situation, maybe this thread can be helpful to them, trolling or not.

Sure. If someone Googles divorce and this comes up I'm sure it'll be invaluable.

There you go then, finally we both agree on something

Hahaha I like your banter. Maybe I’ll ask my husband to get this group in the divorce. The laugh is cynical as I can’t cry anymore

[Shadowy_me]

Monkeylegend said:

Munter said:

Monkeylegend said:

Well if somebody else is facing a similar situation or in danger of slipping into a similar situation, maybe this thread can be helpful to them, trolling or not.

If you're dumb enough have a trophy wife and you're slinging it up a bunch of wes on the side. Best keep it quiet, siphon the money abroad and vanish one day so you can carry on enjoying the good life.

This is the lesson right?

Well I was thinking more from the wife's perspective but I appreciate some might not have considered that angle, being of the male persuasion. This does seem to limit the thinking ability in these type of situations.

The dick always seems to rule the roost

Hey Monkeylegend I like you. You seem like a decent man. Nice to see there are some on those out there.

[Shadowy_me]

Monkeylegend said:

Stop it, you will make me blush


This site has a history of misogyny and nearly every thread re relationship issues ends up with very sad men accusing women of being "snakes with tits", only after money, always having affairs, and usually having the next man lined up before they jump, the list goes on sadly.

They glean all this from just an initial posting from one party.

I suppose the fact that it is a predominantly a male orientated motoring based site doesn't help in this respect.

We never usually get the other side of the story and your story has had quite an impact with me. The first post your husband made in this thread under a different posting name? was all about feeling sorry for himself, when actually you and your children are clearly the wronged party here, as he has subsequently admitted.

You all clearly deserve better based on his behaviour and it is to your credit that you are saying the things you are. He obviously realises he has messed up badly, I just hope for your sakes that he comes out of this in a better frame of mind, but also that you can move on and find somebody who appreciates you and treats you with the respect you deserve.

I really hope it all works out for you and you can eventually move on and be happy. whatever that might entail

Thank you

[Shadowy_me]

Muzzer79 said:

Hey OP; are you wearing a dress when you’re posting and pretending to be your wife?

This whole thread is fishier than Captain Birdseye, ahm oot.

Hmm I understand why you would think that. I am wearing a dress today as it happens but my husband is in the priory not being able to respond to this at the moment. I don’t know what happens there (never been) but hopefully cross dressing isn’t their way of therapy.

[Shadowy_me]

Psycho Warren said:

Shadowy_me said:

Bless you, it’s what I’ve been saying for the last 12 weeks. I really hope my husband will read your message when he logs in here again.

he also needs to take the right attitude with therapy too. you can use therapy as a tool to change for the better or just a mechanism to make him feel better but not really change.

ive never understood the jealous cheater type. if hes so jelous and insecure about you that he stops you going uni, commits criminal emotional and financial abuse because you are so pretty etc, then why shag loads of wes and cheat on you? at best its very narcissistic.

Well yes, very astute comment, thank you.
I can only hope he will approach this with the right attitude but he has been slipping and absent from sessions so we will see.
I am in therapy for narcissistic abuse so there is hope but it is a very strange feeling of not knowing what in my life was real and what wasn’t.

[Shadowy_me]

Monkeylegend said:

PS. If this is a troll thread I am going to look very foolish

But I don't care, the sentiments are still the same.

I don’t really know how I can show you all that this is all me, broken-hearted bewildered and terribly sad. Really don’t want to post my pic as would rather keep this private.

[Shadowy_me]

Dan_1981 said:

Muzzer79 said:

Hey OP; are you wearing a dress when you’re posting and pretending to be your wife?

This whole thread is fishier than Captain Birdseye, ahm oot.

This.

Supposed long term poster creates new posting identity when living in deceased father's house due to doing the dirty on his wife.

Said wronged wife somehow ends up with the log in details to post lengthy detailed replies.

I'm not convinced.

Hmm it does sound strange if you put it like that. He went to the priory at his own request and being me, I decided to drive him. He then gave me his phone as a gesture for me to see there were no more hook ups and as a form of internet addiction clearing.

While surging for hook ups I came across this chat and was surprised and hurt how much nastiness was coming my way after everything I went through and was still supporting him on his journey.
So I phoned him very disappointed and asked him to come clean.
But after a couple of initial replies to his truth I decided to explain as I didn’t want him to loose his male support. I just thought he can get better advice if he tells the truth and I will no longer have the hate of this group causing me nightmares.

[Shadowy_me]

hyphen said:

Shadowy_me said:

I don’t really know how I can show you all that this is all me, broken-hearted bewildered and terribly sad. Really don’t want to post my pic as would rather keep this private.

Ok, on the assumption this is true.

So why are you excepting his generous deal?

What he did to me causes me not to be able to work for a while and I will never be able to have a carrier. There is stuff that I don’t want to mention here but there are very real reasons for this settlement.

[Shadowy_me]

500 Miles said:

Shadowy_me said:

Monkeylegend said:

So often we get tales of woe on here from men who claim they have done nothing wrong in their relationships and have no understanding as to why their partners no longer wish to be with them.

It is always the woman's fault, she is having an affair, dump her, hide all your assets, move on.................... etc

Not true of course.

Your husband should consider himself to be a very lucky man to have somebody as understanding as you seem to be.

Pressing the self destruct button is painful to watch, especially when you want, but are unable to do anything prevent it.

I hope you can eventually get some form of closure on all this which suits all of you.

I somehow get the feeling though that there is a lot more pain to come so you need to prioritise the well being of yourself and your children irrespective of the outcome of your husbands ongoing treatment and rehabilitation, where ever that might lead.

Good luck.

Thank you for your kind and wise words. My therapist keeps saying that and Im trying but it’s difficult to prioritise myself right now as he spirals out of control into oblivion if I don’t talk to him and my girls worry about him all the time.
And when I do talk to him it takes my time away from girls which isn’t ok. Our youngest one is so depressed now she won’t get up from her bed unless I get her up and into the shower. She won’t eat unless Im watching her. Our first child is very angry and packed up and left as couldn’t take the constant reminder of what her dad did by being at home.
I feel like my children are slipping away from me and life and I feel powerless to rescue them.
And then there is him. And if I could get angry and hate him it would be so much easier but I just feel so sorry for him for doing all this crap as he will have to live with this

I really think you should give it another go. I’m not sure you realise that you have effectively melded into one - even to the point of using the same language, sentence structure and spelling mistakes - it’s almost like you are twins...

Do you both have the same mannerisms? Drink the same drinks? Wear the same clothes? It’s good that he’s moved out but you’ve got his login details to this website - that’s a bit of a rookie mistake for such an accomplished cheat.

It’s a shame you will disappear tomorrow, however, I’m sure your husband will return soon.

Is this really true? In your perception are we really that similar? We are very different people, always have been but I guess after 22 years of being together things can change. We don’t drink the same drinks as he is an alcoholic and likes Pepsi, I drink water and herbal teas. He dresses in black mainly and I love white clothes and lots of colour.
I have lost my identity through this and I’m working in therapy to get back to me but this post has me worried a bit. I guess I did learn English from my husband so maybe that’s part of the problem. But I never realised I melded (is this a real word?) into him. I guess I should bring it into my therapy.
And as I still love him its difficult not to give it another go but he will just hurt me again. He is a very sick man. I have to stay strong for the sake of my children. I am seeing the benefit of this group more and more. The comments are sometimes very deep and helpful. I have created my own login as feel I should stop using my husband’s. But apparently they are not accepting posts from new members.

[Shadowy_me]

evoraboy12 said:

Greed

Hmm ok. I respect your opinion. I wonder how you have arrived at it if you don’t know the whole story. Don’t you think my husband knows what he did and is paying for? He isn’t a stupid man.

[Shadowy_me]

Sten. said:

I suppose we'll never know for sure, but I strongly suspect the OP to be a Walt.

Can you please explain what OP and Walt is?

[Shadowy_me]

[quote=GT03ROB]

OP = Original Poster as in person who started this conversation
Walt = Walter Mitty as in somebody who pretend to be something they are not,

What nationality are you by the way (I mean originally)?

Thank you. I’m Polish. Why do you ask?

[Shadowy_me]

GT03ROB said:

Shadowy_me said:

GT03ROB said:

OP = Original Poster as in person who started this conversation
Walt = Walter Mitty as in somebody who pretend to be something they are not,

What nationality are you by the way (I mean originally)?

Thank you. I’m Polish. Why do you ask?

Situations are jigsaw puzzles, the more parts of the jigsaw you have the easier it is to see the picture.

Ok. Makes sense. I’m open to any insides. Need to put my life together somehow and feel stuck in this filth.
Also I’ve created my own login last night but they won’t let me post anything as apparently no new members comments are allowed. What’s that all about?

[Shadowy_me]

Munter said:

If we assume the thread is true. The evidence is stacked against that statement.

Well yes, it depends how you look at it I suppose.

[Shadowy_me]

PushedDover said:

Shadowy_me said:

Hmm it does sound strange if you put it like that. He went to the priory at his own request and being me, I decided to drive him. He then gave me his phone as a gesture for me to see there were no more hook ups and as a form of internet addiction clearing.

While surging for hook ups I came across this chat and was surprised and hurt how much nastiness was coming my way after everything I went through and was still supporting him on his journey.
So I phoned him very disappointed and asked him to come clean.
But after a couple of initial replies to his truth I decided to explain as I didn’t want him to loose his male support. I just thought he can get better advice if he tells the truth and I will no longer have the hate of this group causing me nightmares.

No way are these replies all being typed out via a phone UI.

What does that even mean? I’d like to answer your comment but I have no idea what UI is

Does this help?

[Shadowy_me]

CharlesdeGaulle said:

PushedDover said:

No way are these replies all being typed out via a phone UI.

No way is this genuine. It's also rather disrespectful to all those that are in real marital difficulties and to those who are offering well-intentioned advice.

Shadow and his shadow are tttish Walts.

Ok. This starts to feel like abuse and I don’t know what to do with comments like this. It seems I’m spending my time trying to convince you guys I’m real.

[Shadowy_me]

interstellar said:

Not sure why you can’t post?

I don’t think she has anything to gain here from posting bullst.

Clearly the photo is a women in a dress so I am not sure it’s fake but just a personal view.

If she was worried for her safety and it was true we wouldn’t be so dismissive. Well I hope some wouldn’t be anyway.

Thank you. I was worried for my safety especially as his standard joke used to involve comments about what would happen to me if I ever tried to leave but he is calm now since his treatment and says these were only jokes. So I guess all is good...