Friends Daughter Issues
Discussion
crofty1984 said:
At the risk of dropping the P-bomb - NOT an accusation at you! Should you be worried that when she gets a little older, another 5 years or so, she hears half-stories at school about how so-and-so's uncle got into trouble because...
The when she doesn't get her way "I'll tell mummy that you touched me, then you'll be in trouble!" without fully realising what that sort of accusation does.
Sad to have to think this way, but very true.The when she doesn't get her way "I'll tell mummy that you touched me, then you'll be in trouble!" without fully realising what that sort of accusation does.
I've always been conscious of not being left alone much with my nieces for this reason. Would I spend any amount of time alone with a friends kids - no f
king way.Assert yourself, OP. There certainly is something you can do about it and that's not let yourself be walked over by someone else's child.
I was looking after a 10-year old boy last year. His parents trod very carefully around him because of long-term health issues and he played it to the max, making all sorts of demands, being rude, hitting his older brother and his mum and generally being a little sh*t. He was only ever invited to friends' houses once, never invited back. His table manners were dreadful, he basically behaved like a 4-year old and he was a very bright kid indeed. It came to a head when he didn't get invited to his best friend's birthday party.
So one day we had a chat in the car on the way home from piano. He'd started hitting his mum when he didn't get his own way. I asked him if he enjoyed hurting her and he said no and I said it looked as if he didn't love her because of the way he behaved and that he needed to change that straight away before it got too serious. I also told him that lots of parents wouldn't want their child's friend in their house to play after school if they dropped food on the floor, couldn't use a knife and fork (yes, really), dipped their toast in their glass of milk.... the list went on. I said it was about time he started acting his age and behaving properly instead of acting like a small child. Then he might have more friends. It hit home. He was far more polite to me from then on, we actually had proper conversations and he invited friends over and got invited back. I dread to think what sort of teenager he'd have become if no-one had had a word with him.
Talking to this girl properly and telling her now that you won't put up with this behaviour will probably get a) some respect from her and b) she might stop being the nasty kid nobody likes.
I was looking after a 10-year old boy last year. His parents trod very carefully around him because of long-term health issues and he played it to the max, making all sorts of demands, being rude, hitting his older brother and his mum and generally being a little sh*t. He was only ever invited to friends' houses once, never invited back. His table manners were dreadful, he basically behaved like a 4-year old and he was a very bright kid indeed. It came to a head when he didn't get invited to his best friend's birthday party.
So one day we had a chat in the car on the way home from piano. He'd started hitting his mum when he didn't get his own way. I asked him if he enjoyed hurting her and he said no and I said it looked as if he didn't love her because of the way he behaved and that he needed to change that straight away before it got too serious. I also told him that lots of parents wouldn't want their child's friend in their house to play after school if they dropped food on the floor, couldn't use a knife and fork (yes, really), dipped their toast in their glass of milk.... the list went on. I said it was about time he started acting his age and behaving properly instead of acting like a small child. Then he might have more friends. It hit home. He was far more polite to me from then on, we actually had proper conversations and he invited friends over and got invited back. I dread to think what sort of teenager he'd have become if no-one had had a word with him.
Talking to this girl properly and telling her now that you won't put up with this behaviour will probably get a) some respect from her and b) she might stop being the nasty kid nobody likes.
Zetec-S said:
crofty1984 said:
At the risk of dropping the P-bomb - NOT an accusation at you! Should you be worried that when she gets a little older, another 5 years or so, she hears half-stories at school about how so-and-so's uncle got into trouble because...
The when she doesn't get her way "I'll tell mummy that you touched me, then you'll be in trouble!" without fully realising what that sort of accusation does.
Sad to have to think this way, but very true.The when she doesn't get her way "I'll tell mummy that you touched me, then you'll be in trouble!" without fully realising what that sort of accusation does.
I've always been conscious of not being left alone much with my nieces for this reason. Would I spend any amount of time alone with a friends kids - no f
king way.I have a grown up daughter and I would have thought it very odd for a male friend to have spent time alone with her when she was young - it's not normal. Even the faintest whisper of impropriety and your friendship would be over and, as quoted above, she could be the type to weave such a tale.
KrazyIvan said:
fat80b said:
I'll ignore the usual PH backlash and respond to the need in the OP as best I can.
One thing I have found really helpful with my own children is the approach that Dr Ross Greene promotes. https://www.livesinthebalance.org/
This really helped me understand the issues that my boy was having and stopped me seeing it as him being "awkward" or "difficult" or choosing not to do something.
The general principle is that "kids do well if they can" and if they are struggling to (due to lagging skills), then you need to get to the bottom of why and fix that. Fix all of the underlying problems and the kid will do well - because they now can.
There are several books - The explosive child, Lost at school etc to refer to and there are plenty of Internet resources that go into detail on what to do as well as FB groups etc for the Plan B components that you need to apply to understand the root cause of any behaviour issues.
Whilst a bit American in approach, I found this really useful for me personally and was the one approach (out of the many that I have researched) that really resonated with me. It has made a huge difference in our house.
This is good advice for a PARENT..One thing I have found really helpful with my own children is the approach that Dr Ross Greene promotes. https://www.livesinthebalance.org/
This really helped me understand the issues that my boy was having and stopped me seeing it as him being "awkward" or "difficult" or choosing not to do something.
The general principle is that "kids do well if they can" and if they are struggling to (due to lagging skills), then you need to get to the bottom of why and fix that. Fix all of the underlying problems and the kid will do well - because they now can.
There are several books - The explosive child, Lost at school etc to refer to and there are plenty of Internet resources that go into detail on what to do as well as FB groups etc for the Plan B components that you need to apply to understand the root cause of any behaviour issues.
Whilst a bit American in approach, I found this really useful for me personally and was the one approach (out of the many that I have researched) that really resonated with me. It has made a huge difference in our house.
Sorry but in the OP the issues with the kids attitude is for the parents to deal with or not.
The OP "suffering mental anguish" over someone else's child not behaving with HIM (or HER if I've misunderstood the ops username) in a manner that he wants to, to the point he wants help to modify that behaviour, is a big f
king red flag, as it heavily suggests that the op is WAY to emotionally invested in a child that is not his responsibility. IF left unchecked COULD lead to a situation that is detrimental to all involved.HTP99 said:
.. the child sounds like a st, due to the parents being soft and giving in to her, thus the child will likely always be a st to whomever she comes into contact with or spend time with, especially if the parents are about.
There is nothing you can do.
Some kids realise they can't get away with pulling the same st, due to the parents being soft and giving in to her, thus the child will likely always be a st to whomever she comes into contact with or spend time with, especially if the parents are about. There is nothing you can do.
t with other people that they do with their parents. It's worth a try.
Kids like these have short attention spans and get bored easily, you have to keep them busy and occupied, change it up a bit.
I'm not sure of the games you both are currently playing whether it's having a tea party, Operation or partaking in some skipping or whatever.
Try some new games to keep it interesting.
Have you tried hide and seek.
Let her be the seeker and ask her to count to 100 while you go hide.
The best hiding place I can think of for you personally, is to go hide in your own house and don't go back there ever again.
This thread..lolz
I'm not sure of the games you both are currently playing whether it's having a tea party, Operation or partaking in some skipping or whatever.
Try some new games to keep it interesting.
Have you tried hide and seek.
Let her be the seeker and ask her to count to 100 while you go hide.
The best hiding place I can think of for you personally, is to go hide in your own house and don't go back there ever again.
This thread..lolz
The more I think about this the weirder it gets. Firstly the OP plays with his friends children. But, now it occurs to me, his friend doesn’t seem to think this is odd... if I went round a mates for a beer, then disappears off to play with his children he would right question WTF was going on.
Megaflow said:
The more I think about this the weirder it gets. Firstly the OP plays with his friends children. But, now it occurs to me, his friend doesn’t seem to think this is odd... if I went round a mates for a beer, then disappears off to play with his children he would right question WTF was going on.
The more I think about it the more it seems like a wind up. ChocolateFrog said:
Megaflow said:
The more I think about this the weirder it gets. Firstly the OP plays with his friends children. But, now it occurs to me, his friend doesn’t seem to think this is odd... if I went round a mates for a beer, then disappears off to play with his children he would right question WTF was going on.
The more I think about it the more it seems like a wind up. t up as a joke/troll!Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff