Is this appropriate Twitter behaviour from my Wife?
Discussion
OP, as others have said either reach out on here or get some professional help . It’s always good to talk as they say.
Marriage guidance is also a good suggestion although your wife might not agree as she sounds like she’s enjoying this 2nd online fantasy life.
I’m not sure what she’s getting out of all this but in any normal relationship each party should be able to say when they are uncomfortable with things so maybe further chats are needed.
Good luck & pls do talk with someone
Edited to say I sincerely hope this isn’t a troll post
Marriage guidance is also a good suggestion although your wife might not agree as she sounds like she’s enjoying this 2nd online fantasy life.
I’m not sure what she’s getting out of all this but in any normal relationship each party should be able to say when they are uncomfortable with things so maybe further chats are needed.
Good luck & pls do talk with someone
Edited to say I sincerely hope this isn’t a troll post
Edited by GT3Manthey on Friday 4th February 09:05
I'm not trolling by the way.
Legit long time PHer. Old school, like mapped 335d, dominating the stairs, beard transplant, Bulldog threesome guy with the shoelace, etc.
I know this whole story sounds a bit weird but its the life I'm living. I'm finding it strangely therapeutic to get all this off my chest.
Legit long time PHer. Old school, like mapped 335d, dominating the stairs, beard transplant, Bulldog threesome guy with the shoelace, etc.
I know this whole story sounds a bit weird but its the life I'm living. I'm finding it strangely therapeutic to get all this off my chest.
BigQuestions said:
She has been going on about how some junior doctor has been propositioning her and sending DM videos of himself blah blah.
Why is she telling you this, there can only be three reasons.1)She wants you to be part of whatever this is and get off on it.
2)She is letting you know she is attractive to other guys and you should pay her more attention.
3)She is warning you that she is getting ready to act on this attention.
As I said earlier, it is clear she is going through some sort of female midlife crisis and is worried about losing her looks and her SMV. It is clear she is trying to attract attention from other men and wants to feel sexy and desirable again and not just a mum.
The issue is, these guys are not really interested in her, they see her as safe, low hanging fruit (I don't mean that in a nasty way). Younger guys chase married women because it is easier than women their own age and they are the safe option as they are married. If your wife was single there is no way any of these men would want to take on a woman in her 40s with two children.
Ultimately this hinges on whether your wife understands this and is just doing it for the attention, or if she really believes one of these guys would actually want to be with her.
But just to warn you my ex wife was seeking attention from other men before we split, there were all sorts of younger men she met on nights out who "forced her" (her words) to be friends with her on Facebook. There were also hundreds and hundreds of texts to several phone numbers I didn't recognise when I downloaded the phone bill (it was in my name)
I don't think she is going to stop doing this, she is clearly addicted to the attention so you are either going to have to get in on this fantasy with her (which she may actually want) or turn a blind eye and just hope she doesn't do anything.
I really feel for you OP, I know how terrible it feels when someone you trusted and would probably have died for goes off and does something like this without a second thought to how you are feeling.
Joey Deacon said:
Why is she telling you this..
She isn't!It's one of her Twitter posts. She tells the world everything before she tells me anything,
Her twitter profile has gone again. Or she has changed names again. She was being weird again today (in person) like quiet and went to bed early. She probably just changed her Twitter handle again and it will take a while to find her new profile. She might even be onto this thread.
I don't really give a damn anymore. I'm getting really fed up.
BigQuestions said:
I'm not trolling by the way.
Legit long time PHer. Old school, like mapped 335d, dominating the stairs, beard transplant, Bulldog threesome guy with the shoelace, etc.
I know this whole story sounds a bit weird but its the life I'm living. I'm finding it strangely therapeutic to get all this off my chest.
Op I know how a wife acting strangely can have an impact on your well-being (I’ve been through some self sabotage stuff with the wife). Now is the time keep your stuff together the best you can, get help from professional's and worry about you. You need to be selfish for your mental health and for the health of your family. It doesn’t sound like this situation is going to resolve on anything you can decide, it sounds like it’s in your wife’s court with what she wants to happen.Take care of you! Legit long time PHer. Old school, like mapped 335d, dominating the stairs, beard transplant, Bulldog threesome guy with the shoelace, etc.
I know this whole story sounds a bit weird but its the life I'm living. I'm finding it strangely therapeutic to get all this off my chest.
BigQuestions said:
*Mods - feel free to move to a new section. As a new user I can not post in the Lounge*
I’m posting under a different name as I’m a bit embarrassed of this situation. I have no one to talk to over this, so I’m sure my fellow PHers will offer a sympatric ear. I need a sense-check to see if I’m over the top, or whether this behaviour is just wrong.
I’ve been married around 20 years with my Wife (both in our early 40s) and we have 2 young kids.
Last year I stumbled across my wife’s Twitter profile. It’s under a pseudonym name but I recognised the banner and profile photos. I had a quick look back through her recent posts (open profile) to see what she has been posting about. Most of the stuff she was posting was the usual drivel that you see on Twitter. I recommend this film, hey we have snow, we had fun on our Easter egg hunt, blah blah.
Now for the bits that have been making me uncomfortable;
Firstly, her “status” line (or whatever it’s called on Twitter) would have a message along the lines of
Do not sent me a pic of your junk – I’m not interested
Strictly no DMs please
I’m not interested in what’s in your pants
etc.
OK, so she is getting a bunch of d-pics or whatever. Not particularly savoury, but not really her fault.
She occasionally posts what I would consider slightly inappropriate photos. For example, a photo of just before she went for a night out with the girls. Tight dress, big cleavage, lots of thigh, dolled up. Fair enough. These photos would always get a bunch of comments from random pervy guys about how sexy she looks, nice thighs, etc. She would sometimes reply to those with “Aww thanks” or kiss emojis, etc. Slightly weird? She has also made suggestive posts basically showing some kinky boots or undies saying I’m going to surprise my hubby with these tonight, do you think he will like it? Of course, it attracts a bunch of pervs saying that they would go crazy over it, etc. Some pervs would reply with giff clips of soft or even hard core scenes.
Now the bit that has upset me the most;
She has been sending messages to a singer of a semi famous UK band. Yes, she is a fan of their music but she messaged the lead singer many times and once said that his voice drives her crazy and gives tingles all over her body(!). She sent a message at a different time asking if his tour was coming to our home town, etc. (isn't this one step away from saying "I'm hot for you, lets meet up"?) I could forget this is it was a huge USA/Hollywood star. but this is a lesser known UK guy who is a lot more... achievable I guess.
The plot thickens - I later saw a tweet from her going on a rant saying how she cant do this any more and I can’t stop thinking of you so I’m going off twitter for a while to cool off etc.
When I saw that I actually confronted her and she said that this lead singer guy has been copying her on twitter and repeating a lot of the posts she has been making. She basically said this guy has been almost cyber stalking her and hanging on her every word, etc.
Anyway, things blew up a little and I told her I‘m not happy with her conduct on Twitter etc. She said she didn't appreciate being spied on but she went off social media for a couple of months.
Now, she's back and she currently has a new Twitter profile and an Instagram profile which are both now private so I can’t see what she is saying or who she is contacting. Every evening, she is glued to her phone typing away. I have no idea who she is talking to or what photos she is sharing.
I can’t decide if this is all completely out of order or whether I’m being too intrusive and controlling.
What is your take on this please?
My boldI’m posting under a different name as I’m a bit embarrassed of this situation. I have no one to talk to over this, so I’m sure my fellow PHers will offer a sympatric ear. I need a sense-check to see if I’m over the top, or whether this behaviour is just wrong.
I’ve been married around 20 years with my Wife (both in our early 40s) and we have 2 young kids.
Last year I stumbled across my wife’s Twitter profile. It’s under a pseudonym name but I recognised the banner and profile photos. I had a quick look back through her recent posts (open profile) to see what she has been posting about. Most of the stuff she was posting was the usual drivel that you see on Twitter. I recommend this film, hey we have snow, we had fun on our Easter egg hunt, blah blah.
Now for the bits that have been making me uncomfortable;
Firstly, her “status” line (or whatever it’s called on Twitter) would have a message along the lines of
Do not sent me a pic of your junk – I’m not interested
Strictly no DMs please
I’m not interested in what’s in your pants
etc.
OK, so she is getting a bunch of d-pics or whatever. Not particularly savoury, but not really her fault.
She occasionally posts what I would consider slightly inappropriate photos. For example, a photo of just before she went for a night out with the girls. Tight dress, big cleavage, lots of thigh, dolled up. Fair enough. These photos would always get a bunch of comments from random pervy guys about how sexy she looks, nice thighs, etc. She would sometimes reply to those with “Aww thanks” or kiss emojis, etc. Slightly weird? She has also made suggestive posts basically showing some kinky boots or undies saying I’m going to surprise my hubby with these tonight, do you think he will like it? Of course, it attracts a bunch of pervs saying that they would go crazy over it, etc. Some pervs would reply with giff clips of soft or even hard core scenes.
Now the bit that has upset me the most;
She has been sending messages to a singer of a semi famous UK band. Yes, she is a fan of their music but she messaged the lead singer many times and once said that his voice drives her crazy and gives tingles all over her body(!). She sent a message at a different time asking if his tour was coming to our home town, etc. (isn't this one step away from saying "I'm hot for you, lets meet up"?) I could forget this is it was a huge USA/Hollywood star. but this is a lesser known UK guy who is a lot more... achievable I guess.
The plot thickens - I later saw a tweet from her going on a rant saying how she cant do this any more and I can’t stop thinking of you so I’m going off twitter for a while to cool off etc.
When I saw that I actually confronted her and she said that this lead singer guy has been copying her on twitter and repeating a lot of the posts she has been making. She basically said this guy has been almost cyber stalking her and hanging on her every word, etc.
Anyway, things blew up a little and I told her I‘m not happy with her conduct on Twitter etc. She said she didn't appreciate being spied on but she went off social media for a couple of months.
Now, she's back and she currently has a new Twitter profile and an Instagram profile which are both now private so I can’t see what she is saying or who she is contacting. Every evening, she is glued to her phone typing away. I have no idea who she is talking to or what photos she is sharing.
I can’t decide if this is all completely out of order or whether I’m being too intrusive and controlling.
What is your take on this please?
This is GASLIGHTING
I would strongly advise ending your relationship, I can guarantee you she is doing exactly the same (or worse) on her new Private Profiles
If you really want to you could try getting a friend (someone she doesn't know or recognise) to attempt to follow her to see what's on those profiles
But the take away from me is
She didn't cheat, but was being risqué, you aren't happy with that (fair enough)
You talk to her about it, instead of accepting full responsibility, I'm really sorry, It won't happen again, she gaslights you, but placates you by doing just enough (stopping social media usage that you know about) , and then goes back to her old ways
Marriage councilling , if she doesn't want to go, or attempts to call you controlling, etc, then you need to divorce.
It's one thing if she wants to run an adult-fan site, maybe more action for you, and it's with informed consent of both parties, with lines drawn (eg I will dirty talk with customers but obviously never meet up / physical etc) , but to be doing it on the sly behind your back , and with a potential local interested party within travelling distance, is a line crossed.
BigQuestions said:
I hear you by the way. A lot of the stuff you say makes sense. I'm feeling a real mid life crisis, pre menopausal situation going on right now.
Without wanting to direct this at you personally, more of a thinking point for very many men in general. Typical of men to come to the conclusion that its 'her' maybe look at yourself, have you become stale in the relationship, has past excitement and fun gone because of something that has changed in you? Can you get this back somehow, everything good in life requires some effort.
Do you drink, have you worked out in the last 12 months, have you been working too much, do you treat her with even small things, do you engage with her on her thoughts/day/friends/worklife however boring it is to you? We all need to just talk sometimes, youve even asked a forum for relationship advise, where the advisors only get one side of the story i might add.
I'm just saying your both human, shes doing somethig radical you dont like, maybe for the reasons above things have changed due to things she no longer likes in you?
PaulW100 said:
BigQuestions said:
I hear you by the way. A lot of the stuff you say makes sense. I'm feeling a real mid life crisis, pre menopausal situation going on right now.
Without wanting to direct this at you personally, more of a thinking point for very many men in general. Typical of men to come to the conclusion that its 'her' maybe look at yourself, have you become stale in the relationship, has past excitement and fun gone because of something that has changed in you? Can you get this back somehow, everything good in life requires some effort.
Do you drink, have you worked out in the last 12 months, have you been working too much, do you treat her with even small things, do you engage with her on her thoughts/day/friends/worklife however boring it is to you? We all need to just talk sometimes, youve even asked a forum for relationship advise, where the advisors only get one side of the story i might add.
I'm just saying your both human, shes doing somethig radical you dont like, maybe for the reasons above things have changed due to things she no longer likes in you?
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