Is this appropriate Twitter behaviour from my Wife?

[Sheepshanks]

S17Thumper said:

BigQuestions said:

*She has also made suggestive posts basically showing some kinky boots or undies saying I’m going to surprise my hubby with these tonight, do you think he will like it?

Did she surprise you…

One would hope so, or posting stuff like that when it's not real is even more weird.

I guess it's a question of balance - she's a bit more open and out-going than average but then maybe that's even more exaggerated in private.

[anonymous-user]

S17Thumper said:

BigQuestions said:

*She has also made suggestive posts basically showing some kinky boots or undies saying I’m going to surprise my hubby with these tonight, do you think he will like it?

Did she surprise you…

This is a very good question, if not then she is clearly buying these clothes and posting these images for attention. It sounds to me like she is going through a female mid life crisis, worried about losing her looks and SMV and looking for attention to prove she still has it.

How is your relationship with your wife, are you still having sex, did she surprise you? If not then I think this behaviour is out of order and it is clear that sooner or later she will act on it.

I guess ultimately it depends on how you feel about it, if it makes you uncomfortable and you are not happy about it then clearly it is inappropriate behavior. If you are 100% confident in your relationship, she does surprise you with the boots and you don't mind other men paying her attention then maybe it is appropriate.

All I will say is after I split from my ex wife I found out she was messaging several men on Facebook, via Whatsapp/Text and she was looking for attention on nights out with girl friends from younger guys.

[Mark V GTD]

Joey Deacon said:

did she surprise you? If not then I think this behaviour is out of order and it is clear that sooner or later she will act on it.

Thats the first thing I thought - if there is no tie up between her posting that and actually surprising you as she tweeted then that would not be good. I have had similar experience myself.

[Enut]

Evoluzione said:

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you…

Kid Creole and the Coconuts, one of the best live bands ever and one of my favourites. Although apparently originally by Jimmy Soul in 1963.

To continue the lyrics from one of their live shows -

'Hey Kid, I saw your wife the other day and she's UGGLLLLYYY'
'Yea but she sure can..................................cook!'

[Enut]

Joey Deacon said:

This is a very good question, if not then she is clearly buying these clothes and posting these images for attention. It sounds to me like she is going through a female mid life crisis, worried about losing her looks and SMV and looking for attention to prove she still has it.

How is your relationship with your wife, are you still having sex, did she surprise you? If not then I think this behaviour is out of order and it is clear that sooner or later she will act on it.

I guess ultimately it depends on how you feel about it, if it makes you uncomfortable and you are not happy about it then clearly it is inappropriate behavior. If you are 100% confident in your relationship, she does surprise you with the boots and you don't mind other men paying her attention then maybe it is appropriate.

All I will say is after I split from my ex wife I found out she was messaging several men on Facebook, via Whatsapp/Text and she was looking for attention on nights out with girl friends from younger guys.

Getting back to the OP, I agree with the above 100%

[si_xsi]

For me if it's as described, I would feel acceptable boundaries have been crossed. The question is why, attention? Are you giving her enough attention and making her feel special/loved.

[Sheets Tabuer]

Its not about you giving the appropriate attention anymore, they are being bombarded with DMs these days my ex was getting 3 or 4 messages a day through Facebook asking her for a quickie.

Its how they deal with it that matters.

[Robmarriott]

Macroni18 said:

No way would I let my wife do any of that stuff.

Have we got a red flag emoji?

[BikeBikeBIke]

BigQuestions said:

*Mods - feel free to move to a new section. As a new user I can not post in the Lounge*

I’m posting under a different name as I’m a bit embarrassed of this situation. I have no one to talk to over this, so I’m sure my fellow PHers will offer a sympatric ear. I need a sense-check to see if I’m over the top, or whether this behaviour is just wrong.

I’ve been married around 20 years with my Wife (both in our early 40s) and we have 2 young kids.

Last year I stumbled across my wife’s Twitter profile. It’s under a pseudonym name but I recognised the banner and profile photos. I had a quick look back through her recent posts (open profile) to see what she has been posting about. Most of the stuff she was posting was the usual drivel that you see on Twitter. I recommend this film, hey we have snow, we had fun on our Easter egg hunt, blah blah.

Now for the bits that have been making me uncomfortable;

Firstly, her “status” line (or whatever it’s called on Twitter) would have a message along the lines of
Do not sent me a pic of your junk – I’m not interested
Strictly no DMs please
I’m not interested in what’s in your pants
etc.

OK, so she is getting a bunch of d-pics or whatever. Not particularly savoury, but not really her fault.

She occasionally posts what I would consider slightly inappropriate photos. For example, a photo of just before she went for a night out with the girls. Tight dress, big cleavage, lots of thigh, dolled up. Fair enough. These photos would always get a bunch of comments from random pervy guys about how sexy she looks, nice thighs, etc. She would sometimes reply to those with “Aww thanks” or kiss emojis, etc. Slightly weird? She has also made suggestive posts basically showing some kinky boots or undies saying I’m going to surprise my hubby with these tonight, do you think he will like it? Of course, it attracts a bunch of pervs saying that they would go crazy over it, etc. Some pervs would reply with giff clips of soft or even hard core scenes.

Now the bit that has upset me the most;

She has been sending messages to a singer of a semi famous UK band. Yes, she is a fan of their music but she messaged the lead singer many times and once said that his voice drives her crazy and gives tingles all over her body(!). She sent a message at a different time asking if his tour was coming to our home town, etc. (isn't this one step away from saying "I'm hot for you, lets meet up"?) I could forget this is it was a huge USA/Hollywood star. but this is a lesser known UK guy who is a lot more... achievable I guess.

The plot thickens - I later saw a tweet from her going on a rant saying how she cant do this any more and I can’t stop thinking of you so I’m going off twitter for a while to cool off etc.

When I saw that I actually confronted her and she said that this lead singer guy has been copying her on twitter and repeating a lot of the posts she has been making. She basically said this guy has been almost cyber stalking her and hanging on her every word, etc.

Anyway, things blew up a little and I told her I‘m not happy with her conduct on Twitter etc. She said she didn't appreciate being spied on but she went off social media for a couple of months.

Now, she's back and she currently has a new Twitter profile and an Instagram profile which are both now private so I can’t see what she is saying or who she is contacting. Every evening, she is glued to her phone typing away. I have no idea who she is talking to or what photos she is sharing.

I can’t decide if this is all completely out of order or whether I’m being too intrusive and controlling.

What is your take on this please?

None of this would worry me at all.

If she's on her phone all the time better to come up with something more interesting to take her mind off it.

It's a real shame you didn't react positively/jokingly to the original posts/profile, then she wouldn't have gone silent and you'd have a) Visibility of what she's posting and b) a relationship without areas you can't talk about which is poison IMHO.

[PurpleTurtle]

Who is the singer? It's not Mark Morriss is it? I am (was) a fan of the Bluetones, until he was exposed by his ex as a serial philanderer and generally not very nice person.

https://annawharton.substack.com/p/if-im-lying-com...

I am massively into live music and follow a lot of musicians/bands. Twitter/Insta has given a lot of women this ability to indulge in teenager style fantasy with their idols, especially over lockdown. Funnily enough these male singers tend to engage more with their female fans online than they do with a bunch of middle-aged blokes. I occasionally Tweet Shirley Manson of Garbage but I very much doubt she's going to slide into my DM's, but I live in hope!

Joking apart, the fact that your wife has gone 'private' since you confronted her about it is a bit of a red flag to me.

The sexy pics etc is probably just a bit of attention seeking, but there's a lot of women showing everything they've got on Twitter, seemingly for the 'likes', I guess it massages their ego.

Obviously the best way to smoke her out is set up a fake profile of the kind of person you'd expect her to accept as a follower and clicky clicky to see what happens.

Edited by PurpleTurtle on Tuesday 18th January 13:47

[Carlososos]

Any progress op? Hope everything’s ok?

[MYOB]

You simply have to trust her and leave her alone.

If she's going to do something to disrupt the marriage, you cannot prevent it.

She's entitled to privacy, even if she's doing something dubious.

You can't try and control her behaviour these days.

[bungz]

So many alarm bells there.....

Reverse the story and stick a thread on mums net

[BikeBikeBIke]

bungz said:

So many alarm bells there.....

Reverse the story and stick a thread on mums net

True, but they are looking for drama. Hopefully, as blokes, we're trying to avoid it.

[leef44]

MYOB said:

You simply have to trust her and leave her alone.

If she's going to do something to disrupt the marriage, you cannot prevent it.

She's entitled to privacy, even if she's doing something dubious.

You can't try and control her behaviour these days.

but she also has responsibility to their two young children and it would be nice if they could grow up in a stable family.

[MYOB]

leef44 said:

MYOB said:

You simply have to trust her and leave her alone.

If she's going to do something to disrupt the marriage, you cannot prevent it.

She's entitled to privacy, even if she's doing something dubious.

You can't try and control her behaviour these days.

but she also has responsibility to their two young children and it would be nice if they could grow up in a stable family.

I agree. But all the op can realistically do, is talk, talk and talk to his wife. Calmly and reasonably.

[Camelot1971]

Macroni18 said:

I think it is completely out of order. No way would I let my wife do any of that stuff. Best to have a honest discussion & let her know what you think & agree on a way forward. Set the rules/limits and stick to it.

You would get the usual type of guys saying it is nothing etc. as they don't have a voice in their families & think that it is how everyone ought to live, but you don't need to accept their low standards.

The 1950's called - they want their neanderthal back.

[anonymous-user]

This is a really difficult one, and I can see why the answers are split.

Personally, I think that your wife fishing for likes and smutty comments on social media is indicative of a much deeper problem in the relationship. Why is she doing that? Does she feel unappreciated? Does she not feel committed to the relationship?

Whilst you can't tell her what she can and cannot do, it is perhaps important to find out why she is doing it.

[a_dreamer]

What is her twitter name. I will check for you.

[Candellara]

Lord Marylebone said:

This is a really difficult one, and I can see why the answers are split.

Personally, I think that your wife fishing for likes and smutty comments on social media is indicative of a much deeper problem in the relationship. Why is she doing that? Does she feel unappreciated? Does she not feel committed to the relationship?

Whilst you can't tell her what she can and cannot do, it is perhaps important to find out why she is doing it.

Yep, tough one this.

Personally it'd be a big red flag in my relationship. To be fair me and Mrs C discussed all of this type of thing early on in our relationship so we both have boundaries when it comes to friends of the opposite sex, messaging on social media etc. If i was to be messaging females in that type of manner or posting in that sort of context - i'd have my balls chopped off and my belongings in bin liners at the front door - and vice versa.

Those were the boundaries laid down so we both know where we stand in developing "friendships" with the opposite sex and having "inappropriate" dialogue. Of course that's subjective any everyone lives their lives in different ways. Sounds as though you need a frank discussion about such boundaries and what you both deem appropriate / acceptable for each other and such behaviour.

Good luck with sorting it out.