50 Shades Of Grey - Who's Bought Their Partner This?
Discussion
ali_kat said:
Zwolf said:
The Story of O for starters.
I found that most off putting to be honest, but that there proves the theory that what is 
for one is 
for another. Every body works differently, thinks differently, is unique - there is very little that most* adults will do that is actually peverted (*ruling out child/animal/snuff/bodily waste porn).
A lot of women will like to be subdued slightly/or a lot (eg hands pushed onto the mattress in missionary, or closing their eyes lol) and nobody thinks that is BDSM
Utter utter bilge. Mind gashing bilge in fact!
d - I just laughed out loud on the train to that!
raptor600 said:
That's nearly 16% dearer than buying all three for a tenner...
From facebook.
Fifty Shades of Grey - Chav style
Chapter 1
As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the stolen plasma tonight.
It was Dwayne Gray’s birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight.
His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War, where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time. Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant, I thought, as he lay on top of me pounding away.
His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for 'I love you'.
Chapter 2
As I stood in line at the Job Centre, remembering our fantastic shag from the night before, thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa - a classy man.
I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met, he grunted at me to follow him and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Iceland. He had tied up his Staffie to block the alley way so that we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery and excitement - but that could've been the ecstasy tablet.
Chapter 3
My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to his temper but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he touched me down there. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had messed up his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from Farmfoods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my “Foxy” trackee bottoms. It stung but I liked it. I shouted, 'Again! Again!' so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his three toothed smile.
I knew it was love and my life would never be the same…
Fifty Shades of Grey - Chav style
Chapter 1
As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the stolen plasma tonight.
It was Dwayne Gray’s birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight.
His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War, where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time. Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant, I thought, as he lay on top of me pounding away.
His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for 'I love you'.
Chapter 2
As I stood in line at the Job Centre, remembering our fantastic shag from the night before, thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa - a classy man.
I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met, he grunted at me to follow him and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Iceland. He had tied up his Staffie to block the alley way so that we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery and excitement - but that could've been the ecstasy tablet.
Chapter 3
My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to his temper but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he touched me down there. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had messed up his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from Farmfoods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my “Foxy” trackee bottoms. It stung but I liked it. I shouted, 'Again! Again!' so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his three toothed smile.
I knew it was love and my life would never be the same…
HOGEPH said:
The Dogs of War, where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time.
BTW, The Wife has finished it (two days, a new personal best for her I think - even Twilight took three days) and is making headway into 50 Shades Darker presently. She's more amused by it than enhornificated, thank fook.
Zwolf said:
raptor600 said:
That's nearly 16% dearer than buying all three for a tenner...HOGEPH said:
From facebook.
Fifty Shades of Grey - Chav style
Chapter 1
As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the stolen plasma tonight.
It was Dwayne Gray’s birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight.
His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War, where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time. Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant, I thought, as he lay on top of me pounding away.
His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for 'I love you'.
Chapter 2
As I stood in line at the Job Centre, remembering our fantastic shag from the night before, thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa - a classy man.
I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met, he grunted at me to follow him and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Iceland. He had tied up his Staffie to block the alley way so that we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery and excitement - but that could've been the ecstasy tablet.
Chapter 3
My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to his temper but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he touched me down there. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had messed up his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from Farmfoods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my “Foxy” trackee bottoms. It stung but I liked it. I shouted, 'Again! Again!' so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his three toothed smile.
I knew it was love and my life would never be the same…
Fifty Shades of Grey - Chav style
Chapter 1
As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the stolen plasma tonight.
It was Dwayne Gray’s birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight.
His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War, where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time. Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant, I thought, as he lay on top of me pounding away.
His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for 'I love you'.
Chapter 2
As I stood in line at the Job Centre, remembering our fantastic shag from the night before, thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa - a classy man.
I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met, he grunted at me to follow him and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Iceland. He had tied up his Staffie to block the alley way so that we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery and excitement - but that could've been the ecstasy tablet.
Chapter 3
My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to his temper but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he touched me down there. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had messed up his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from Farmfoods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my “Foxy” trackee bottoms. It stung but I liked it. I shouted, 'Again! Again!' so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his three toothed smile.
I knew it was love and my life would never be the same…
Zwolf said:
HOGEPH said:
The Dogs of War, where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time.
BTW, The Wife has finished it (two days, a new personal best for her I think - even Twilight took three days) and is making headway into 50 Shades Darker presently. She's more amused by it than enhornificated, thank fook.
Did yours try and force you to go and see Twilight at the movies with her aswell?
Zwolf said:
DJRC said:
Yours sounds like mine.
Did yours try and force you to go and see Twilight at the movies with her aswell?
Not quite...Did yours try and force you to go and see Twilight at the movies with her aswell?
Still I got my revenge last week, by holding an im promptu out loud reading session of her 50 shades whilst on holiday in front of our friends. Strangely enough the large group of holiday makers over the fence all went quiet aswell as 50 Shades meets Phoenix Nights was born!
After reading the chav thing I find this on my PC this morning, crafted by my wife:
As we lay in the afterglow, the perspiration cooling our heavily tattooed skins, I realised that it wasn’t such a warm feeling after all; he’d pissed himself, all over my new knock off Nike trainers. (Sod it, I shall have to go on the rob to JD Sports again). I grappled down the side for a tissue, but lifted a dirty nappy instead, this was from my third baby, made from love from another long term relationship of 4 weeks. We were engaged, he’d robbed for me a lovely Elizabeth Duke ring.
I was pensive, I didn’t know how the social were going to cope with looking after the kids, whilst I’m wagging school. Unfortunately, the contents fell out of the nappy, but luckily, they had crusted, so it gently fell to the floor, no worries, life was good. My Kappa trackie bottoms were crumpled at the side of the settee, hinting at what had happened. This month’s boyfriend was snoring, I thought myself how lucky that he’d got a job, it was nicking clothes from Matalan, Primark, and Hollister. The last one was a mistake, he thought he was going into a club to sell drugs, but ended up there instead (he’s such a hard worker). I knew we would have a future together, whether it was on the Jeremy Kyle Show or in the Sunday newspapers.
Yes, it was wonderful to be in love. I heard a noise, was it him, wanting more from me? No, it was his mates on the other settee wanting their turn, but they had simply been bored these last few minutes and our moments of passion had interrupted their drug taking. Whilst he was asleep, I fondled his mobile, and heard a voicemail message, it was from another girl, may be a former love of his. He must have had a child with her, because she screamed down the phone that he had left her with Chlamydia. What a lovely name.
As we lay in the afterglow, the perspiration cooling our heavily tattooed skins, I realised that it wasn’t such a warm feeling after all; he’d pissed himself, all over my new knock off Nike trainers. (Sod it, I shall have to go on the rob to JD Sports again). I grappled down the side for a tissue, but lifted a dirty nappy instead, this was from my third baby, made from love from another long term relationship of 4 weeks. We were engaged, he’d robbed for me a lovely Elizabeth Duke ring.
I was pensive, I didn’t know how the social were going to cope with looking after the kids, whilst I’m wagging school. Unfortunately, the contents fell out of the nappy, but luckily, they had crusted, so it gently fell to the floor, no worries, life was good. My Kappa trackie bottoms were crumpled at the side of the settee, hinting at what had happened. This month’s boyfriend was snoring, I thought myself how lucky that he’d got a job, it was nicking clothes from Matalan, Primark, and Hollister. The last one was a mistake, he thought he was going into a club to sell drugs, but ended up there instead (he’s such a hard worker). I knew we would have a future together, whether it was on the Jeremy Kyle Show or in the Sunday newspapers.
Yes, it was wonderful to be in love. I heard a noise, was it him, wanting more from me? No, it was his mates on the other settee wanting their turn, but they had simply been bored these last few minutes and our moments of passion had interrupted their drug taking. Whilst he was asleep, I fondled his mobile, and heard a voicemail message, it was from another girl, may be a former love of his. He must have had a child with her, because she screamed down the phone that he had left her with Chlamydia. What a lovely name.
Is anyone else asking ridiculous and inappropriate "Have you got to the bit where..." questions to female friends on FB who are discussing it?
"Have you got to the bit where Mr Grey turns out to be a woman with a false moustache"
"Have you got to the bit where he makes her dress as Emu and strides into the room dressed as Rod Hull?"
"Have you got to the bit where he settles down with her, then she makes him have kids, he gets fat, she stops him from having any hobbies then starts buying erotic books because he's not exciting and masculine enough?"
"Have you got to the bit where he makes her sneeze and fart at the same time to see if she does an involuntary backflip?"
"Have you got to the bit where Mr Grey turns out to be a woman with a false moustache"
"Have you got to the bit where he makes her dress as Emu and strides into the room dressed as Rod Hull?"
"Have you got to the bit where he settles down with her, then she makes him have kids, he gets fat, she stops him from having any hobbies then starts buying erotic books because he's not exciting and masculine enough?"
"Have you got to the bit where he makes her sneeze and fart at the same time to see if she does an involuntary backflip?"
captainzep said:
Is anyone else asking ridiculous and inappropriate "Have you got to the bit where..." questions to female friends on FB who are discussing it?
"Have you got to the bit where he makes her dress as Emu and strides into the room dressed as Rod Hull?"
"Have you got to the bit where he settles down with her, then she makes him have kids, he gets fat, she stops him from having any hobbies then starts buying erotic books because he's not exciting and masculine enough?"
"Have you got to the bit where he makes her sneeze and fart at the same time to see if she does an involuntary backflip?"
"Have you got to the bit where he makes her dress as Emu and strides into the room dressed as Rod Hull?"
"Have you got to the bit where he settles down with her, then she makes him have kids, he gets fat, she stops him from having any hobbies then starts buying erotic books because he's not exciting and masculine enough?"
"Have you got to the bit where he makes her sneeze and fart at the same time to see if she does an involuntary backflip?"
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