Funny things old people say/do
Discussion
Driving to car parks and sleeping in cars. Did the Hastings 1/2 marathon last year and must have counted about a dozen cars with pensioners asleep with car rugs (always wondered what they were for) and tartan thermos flasks along the sea front in Eastbourne afterwards. Have posted this elsewhere, but have pasted it here for those that might have missed it. Had only had the car for a week - haven't laughed so much in ages -
Had a v.amusing return to Lake District car park in the early summer after a walk. An elderly couple had parked, by luck/badluck,next to me and, having consumed the contents of their thermos were having a little sleep (aside - why do old people drive to car parks to go to to sleep?). As predicted to my girlfriend, when I started the V8S up, they almost left two head sized dents in the roof of their, wait for it, Rover.
Had a v.amusing return to Lake District car park in the early summer after a walk. An elderly couple had parked, by luck/badluck,next to me and, having consumed the contents of their thermos were having a little sleep (aside - why do old people drive to car parks to go to to sleep?). As predicted to my girlfriend, when I started the V8S up, they almost left two head sized dents in the roof of their, wait for it, Rover.
SpaceCowboy said:
Anyway, through over 50 years of marriage .........
Until his 80th birthday .......
she moaned at him ....
he walked out!
Good for him although, what a waste leaving it 50 years before leaving the beeee'ach
that's it, I'm packing my bags before I get stuck
>> Edited by RossMac on Thursday 21st October 11:54
EmmaP said:
ukbob said:
Her other grandfather was doing some electrical work, and though that by earthing himself to the nearby electricity pylon would prevent him from being harmed in the case of an electrical shock.
I haven't laughed so much in ages. Thanks for that !
I once stretched clingfilm under the toilet seat across the bowl. Stretch it megatightly, and all creases will dissappear, making it perfectly invisible, ready for action!
In walks grandpa, unzips to squirt half a days tea and cofee down the crapper, and as the first squirt of hot piss jets from his oldsnake, being old, be realises he cant stop!!
edited because I clicked submit before I was finished.
He just couldnt stop, and had to stand there wizzing away all over himself, splattering pee over the bath, cupboards and walls and floor. He was NOT amused!!! Oh how we laughed!!
>> Edited by ukbob on Thursday 21st October 11:10
ukbob said:
I once stretched clingfilm under the toilet seat across the bowl. Stretch it megatightly, and all creases will dissappear, making it perfectly invisible, ready for action!
In walks grandpa, unzips to squirt half a days tea and cofee down the crapper, and as the first squirt of hot piss jets from his oldsnake, being old, be realises he cant stop!!
edited because I clicked submit before I was finished.
He just couldnt stop, and had to stand there wizzing away all over himself, splattering pee over the bath, cupboards and walls and floor. He was NOT amused!!! Oh how we laughed!!
>> Edited by ukbob on Thursday 21st October 11:10
Stop..
I need to breathe
Same old grandfather had to visit the doctor; he was the type that would don his best suit and tie, polish up his old shoes, choose his best walking stick and get himself looking on top form before leaving the house for any kind of appointment.
We all bundled into the car, and pulled up outside the doc's practise, grandpa opens the door, and putting his best foot forward, makes a pancake out of a pile of sloppy dog rot.
After much cursing and waving of his stick, he's back in the car, grumbling whilst grandma's races us home so he can change into an unsoiled suit, with me chuckle-snorting away in the back seat
We all bundle back into the car, with grandpa complaining how cruel and unfair life is, and upon arrival (still fuming at the smell dog smut) he discovers that yet again, after wiping turds all over the front of the seat, he's covered his second suit in stinking dog slop, so back into the car again...
We all bundled into the car, and pulled up outside the doc's practise, grandpa opens the door, and putting his best foot forward, makes a pancake out of a pile of sloppy dog rot.
After much cursing and waving of his stick, he's back in the car, grumbling whilst grandma's races us home so he can change into an unsoiled suit, with me chuckle-snorting away in the back seat
We all bundle back into the car, with grandpa complaining how cruel and unfair life is, and upon arrival (still fuming at the smell dog smut) he discovers that yet again, after wiping turds all over the front of the seat, he's covered his second suit in stinking dog slop, so back into the car again...
An elderly relative of mine suffers from Alzeimers (sp) and one day decided she would make a pie (Blueberry i think?). Anyway, she knew what ingredients she needed (essentially pastry and Bluberries) but could not remember how to actually make the pie!
She ended up just pushing the Blueberries into a massive ball of pastry with her fingers and whacking it into the oven! Try keeping a straight face trying to eat that!
She ended up just pushing the Blueberries into a massive ball of pastry with her fingers and whacking it into the oven! Try keeping a straight face trying to eat that!
When i visited New York 2yrs ago my girlfriend at the time asked if i would be going to visit" ground force zero" mmm i thought to myself,would need a big water feature there! 
My gran drove a fire engine during the Blitz aged 18, later in life she frequently drove thorough red lights i wonder why? She also drove 250 miles to visit us in her 1.0 polo, as her hearing aid would buzz when driving she would turn it off.This meant she couldn't hear the engine and she drove the whole way in third gear!! Another time she found 4th gear but left the choke on instead, she wondered why her fuel consumption was so bad!!
My brother had a suzuki jeep one day the car made a loud bang and stopped, on looking under the bonnet he saw a "piece of metal" sticking out of the engine. He phoned my father and asked if he could "bring a spanner to adjust it" On arriving there my father found the conrod sticking out of the crankcase!!!
My gran drove a fire engine during the Blitz aged 18, later in life she frequently drove thorough red lights i wonder why? She also drove 250 miles to visit us in her 1.0 polo, as her hearing aid would buzz when driving she would turn it off.This meant she couldn't hear the engine and she drove the whole way in third gear!! Another time she found 4th gear but left the choke on instead, she wondered why her fuel consumption was so bad!!
My brother had a suzuki jeep one day the car made a loud bang and stopped, on looking under the bonnet he saw a "piece of metal" sticking out of the engine. He phoned my father and asked if he could "bring a spanner to adjust it" On arriving there my father found the conrod sticking out of the crankcase!!!
Gassing Station | General Gassing [Archive] | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff