Overheard conversations..
Discussion
moreymach said:
Few years back a mate and I were in a McDonalds car park muching some foul McCrappy burger.. its late and the restaurant bit is closing ...obviously drunken bloke walks in from the road approaches a couple of spotties sweeping up outside the door ' Still open mate ?' .. 'Nah, but the drivethrough is ' .. brief pause as drunken bloke 'thinks' about this.. 'But I dont have a car' he replies despondently and shuffles off..
Been there... I remember being too embarrassed to go for a haircut after going in and asking the gorgeous hairdresser for a 'cut and blowj*b'. What can I say? I was fifteen...
My family were over my grandmothers a few months ago when she had the cat on the seat next to her. She kept tickling his tummy and leaning down to blow his fur.
My mum asked whether or not the cat liked her rather unique way of fussing him, her reply?
"Oh yes, Zack loves a blow-job"
Cue lots of embarassed faces and knowing where to look. Silly old dear didn't even know what she'd said
My mum asked whether or not the cat liked her rather unique way of fussing him, her reply?
"Oh yes, Zack loves a blow-job"
Cue lots of embarassed faces and knowing where to look. Silly old dear didn't even know what she'd said
Watching a quiz on T.V. at a mates house.
The quizmaster asked the contestant where she was from.
The answer was "Chester-le-street"
My mates girlfriend creased up and fell about laughing for a while.
My mate asked her "Whats so funny?"
She replied with "The stupid idiot has given her full address out!"
The quizmaster asked the contestant where she was from.
The answer was "Chester-le-street"
My mates girlfriend creased up and fell about laughing for a while.
My mate asked her "Whats so funny?"
She replied with "The stupid idiot has given her full address out!"
Our local pub landlord (A few years ago) was a little slow to say the least.
During a Wednesday night pub quiz, he read out the question "Who won the 1990 Silverstone Grand Prix".
O.K, quite a normal question but he pronounced it Grand Pricks
The pub erupted into fits of laughter.
Obviously annoyed at his embarrasing cock up, he tried in vein to blame somebody else.
He shouted out "Its not my fault, the wife wrote the question down, not me. She's spelt it wrong!"
The laughter was deafening for the next 5 minutes.
During a Wednesday night pub quiz, he read out the question "Who won the 1990 Silverstone Grand Prix".
O.K, quite a normal question but he pronounced it Grand Pricks
The pub erupted into fits of laughter.
Obviously annoyed at his embarrasing cock up, he tried in vein to blame somebody else.
He shouted out "Its not my fault, the wife wrote the question down, not me. She's spelt it wrong!"
The laughter was deafening for the next 5 minutes.
moreymach said:
'Nah, but the drivethrough is ' .. brief pause as drunken bloke 'thinks' about this.. 'But I dont have a car' he replies despondently and shuffles off..
Ah yes but a few year back me and a m8 slightly pissed in coco beach florida... everything was shut as it seems to be after abou 9pm out there, othere than the drive through at the taco bell. so round we walk and all the 20 stone bint behind the glass can say is
"You Have to have a car"
But i've got one, didnt get any other response
G
Years back at one of the TVR Tuscan Challenge meets everybody was in the pub at the Breckland Lodge (Snetterton) and several of us were standing at the bar in conversation. Three blokes were talking about TVR's and one in particular was chiming off about how those Griffiths are just a kit car with a Sierra chassis. Presumably the topic had come up due to the concentration of said vehicles in the carpark outside. This fella continued to drone on about how they had 2 litre engines and such.
Our group of two or three were listening in to these guys and chuckling into our pints when one of us couldn't stand it any longer and turned to the bloke and basically said you're talking bollocks - they have a TVR designed and built tubular chassis and a V8 engine. The fella argued against saying "you don't know what you're talking about mate etc" and finishing with "and what makes you say that?" To which Neill Anderson replied "I designed it". The other two guys there with us were John Reid and John Ravenscroft who creased themselves on the spot. The fellas mates rolled around on the floor whilst he went very quiet. with a few "Fukcing Hell's" under his breath.
Our group of two or three were listening in to these guys and chuckling into our pints when one of us couldn't stand it any longer and turned to the bloke and basically said you're talking bollocks - they have a TVR designed and built tubular chassis and a V8 engine. The fella argued against saying "you don't know what you're talking about mate etc" and finishing with "and what makes you say that?" To which Neill Anderson replied "I designed it". The other two guys there with us were John Reid and John Ravenscroft who creased themselves on the spot. The fellas mates rolled around on the floor whilst he went very quiet. with a few "Fukcing Hell's" under his breath.
roop said:
Years back at one of the TVR Tuscan Challenge meets everybody was in the pub at the Breckland Lodge (Snetterton) and several of us were standing at the bar in conversation. Three blokes were talking about TVR's and one in particular was chiming off about how those Griffiths are just a kit car with a Sierra chassis. Presumably the topic had come up due to the concentration of said vehicles in the carpark outside. This fella continued to drone on about how they had 2 litre engines and such.
Our group of two or three were listening in to these guys and chuckling into our pints when one of us couldn't stand it any longer and turned to the bloke and basically said you're talking bollocks - they have a TVR designed and built tubular chassis and a V8 engine. The fella argued against saying "you don't know what you're talking about mate etc" and finishing with "and what makes you say that?" To which Neill Anderson replied "I designed it". The other two guys there with us were John Reid and John Ravenscroft who creased themselves on the spot. The fellas mates rolled around on the floor whilst he went very quiet. with a few "Fukcing Hell's" under his breath.
That's the most fantastic story I've heard in yeeears!
Had driven round a mates house last Christmas Eve 
to drop off a pressie. When offered I thought it rude not a have a festive wee dram with the family .....so a small whiskey was duly poured and necked down. 
In due course his elderly but hospitable mum subsequently shuffled over to me with bottle of malt in hand and gesturing to my empty glass politely asked...... "Would you like a finger?" ............
!!!!
to drop off a pressie. When offered I thought it rude not a have a festive wee dram with the family .....so a small whiskey was duly poured and necked down. In due course his elderly but hospitable mum subsequently shuffled over to me with bottle of malt in hand and gesturing to my empty glass politely asked...... "Would you like a finger?" ............
!!!! I was working down in London two weeks ago.
I went to an Indian restuarant on Old St on my own, so I couldn't help but over hear the conversation next to me.
There was two chaps and a woman. The one bloke was obviously foreign and he started talking about his time in Israel. He said "You know, when in Israel you are never more than a 15 minute walk to a restuarant or a hotel". I started to laugh because all I could think about was the stories of Mary and Joseph trying to find an Inn and they had to settle with a stable.
It was funny at the time, you had to be there to appreciate it.
I went to an Indian restuarant on Old St on my own, so I couldn't help but over hear the conversation next to me.
There was two chaps and a woman. The one bloke was obviously foreign and he started talking about his time in Israel. He said "You know, when in Israel you are never more than a 15 minute walk to a restuarant or a hotel". I started to laugh because all I could think about was the stories of Mary and Joseph trying to find an Inn and they had to settle with a stable.
It was funny at the time, you had to be there to appreciate it.
Dick Dastardly said:
My family were over my grandmothers a few months ago when she had the cat on the seat next to her. She kept tickling his tummy and leaning down to blow his fur.
My mum asked whether or not the cat liked her rather unique way of fussing him, her reply?
"Oh yes, Zack loves a blow-job"
Cue lots of embarassed faces and knowing where to look. Silly old dear didn't even know what she'd said
No so much an overhead conversation as a personal anecdote told by my father about me. I'd like to stress that I have no memory of this whatsoever though.
My father insists that when I was a wee lad he and I went to the swimming baths.
As we were getting changed I apparently pointed to his privates and very loudly asked
"Daddy. Is that what you put in mummy to have me?"
Apparently the whole changing room went quiet whilst all the other dads waited to see how he would get out of this one.
He thought for a minute, wondering how to answer the question without lying but without increasing the embarrassment factor, before saying
"Yes. But gentlemen don't talk about things like that in public."
He says that a collective sigh went out amongst the other dads as everyone started breathing again and he half expected people to come up to him and start clapping him on the back.
Of course, this might all be bollocks and actually belong in the "Lies your parents have told you" thread.
>> Edited by JonRB on Friday 30th January 14:00
My father insists that when I was a wee lad he and I went to the swimming baths.
As we were getting changed I apparently pointed to his privates and very loudly asked
"Daddy. Is that what you put in mummy to have me?"
Apparently the whole changing room went quiet whilst all the other dads waited to see how he would get out of this one.
He thought for a minute, wondering how to answer the question without lying but without increasing the embarrassment factor, before saying
"Yes. But gentlemen don't talk about things like that in public."
He says that a collective sigh went out amongst the other dads as everyone started breathing again and he half expected people to come up to him and start clapping him on the back.
Of course, this might all be bollocks and actually belong in the "Lies your parents have told you" thread.
>> Edited by JonRB on Friday 30th January 14:00
The best 'overheard conversations' were from the magazine section of my 6th form college library. We used to get Top Gear and Lax Power. I would sit and read TG and listen to some of the utter b
s spake forth by the Laxxers, such as:
(after reading an article on the Audi TT)
'130 - that's crap, my Polo does 140, and it's only a 1.4'
'That Aston Martin DB7 is hideous, I mean, look at the rear light clusters, they're not even all one colour'
'That Porsche's rubbish - hasn't even got subs in the back'
'front-wheel drive cars will always go faster than rear wheel drive cars, and handle better, 'cos it's being pulled, not pushed'
and the best I ever heard:
'The Peugoet 106 Rallye goes faster and handles better than the Lotus Esprit. In fact, all Lotuses handle like st'
s spake forth by the Laxxers, such as: (after reading an article on the Audi TT)
'130 - that's crap, my Polo does 140, and it's only a 1.4'
'That Aston Martin DB7 is hideous, I mean, look at the rear light clusters, they're not even all one colour'
'That Porsche's rubbish - hasn't even got subs in the back'
'front-wheel drive cars will always go faster than rear wheel drive cars, and handle better, 'cos it's being pulled, not pushed'
and the best I ever heard:
'The Peugoet 106 Rallye goes faster and handles better than the Lotus Esprit. In fact, all Lotuses handle like s
t' v8thunder said:
'front-wheel drive cars will always go faster than rear wheel drive cars, and handle better, 'cos it's being pulled, not pushed'
I got the same thing from a max muppett at work. "rwd cars dont go round corners, they just spin!"
And from a different muppet - when i enquired whether his Omega was fwd or rwd - cue snorts of derision and "obviously its fwd, its an automatic!"
er so?
well they only make automatics in fwd.
do they? what about bmw automatics? or audi quattro automatics? or jaguar xjs? or.....
roop said:
Years back at one of the TVR Tuscan Challenge meets everybody was in the pub at the Breckland Lodge (Snetterton) and several of us were standing at the bar in conversation. Three blokes were talking about TVR's and one in particular was chiming off about how those Griffiths are just a kit car with a Sierra chassis. Presumably the topic had come up due to the concentration of said vehicles in the carpark outside. This fella continued to drone on about how they had 2 litre engines and such.
Our group of two or three were listening in to these guys and chuckling into our pints when one of us couldn't stand it any longer and turned to the bloke and basically said you're talking bollocks - they have a TVR designed and built tubular chassis and a V8 engine. The fella argued against saying "you don't know what you're talking about mate etc" and finishing with "and what makes you say that?" To which Neill Anderson replied "I designed it". The other two guys there with us were John Reid and John Ravenscroft who creased themselves on the spot. The fellas mates rolled around on the floor whilst he went very quiet. with a few "Fukcing Hell's" under his breath.
Brilliant. P.S, they designed the AJP engines
>> Edited by mike s on Friday 30th January 14:49
mrflibbles said:
'front-wheel drive cars will always go faster than rear wheel drive cars, and handle better, 'cos it's being pulled, not pushed'
I got the same thing from a max muppett at work. "rwd cars dont go round corners, they just spin!"
I always answer along the lines of 'rwd spins, fwd ploughs into walls - which one would you rather have?'
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