Stupid Things Petrolheads Say

Stupid Things Petrolheads Say

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kbee540

Original Poster:

197 posts

209 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
quotequote all
You've got to admit, we in the Petrolhead fraternity say some pretty stupid things as well. Here are a few that are unlikely to win you friends:

1. "A little dab of oppo" - marks you out as a bit of a t*t really. Just repeat to yourself a few times and see how stupid it sounds. Then try it with the shoulders twisted, arms spinning imaginary steering wheel motion. Embarassing isn't it?

2. "Point to point, faster than xxxx"; usually in regards to some Subarishi rally rep - probably originated in Evo magazine who seem to believe (less so lately) that driving fast down a farm track is the only measure of a performance car. Surely depends on the points in question, the driver, traffic, etc. "So your £25k Scooby is faster than the latest 600hp Lambo, eh?" Right....

3. "It would kill a xxxx on a track" - as though track driving has any bearing whatsoever on road cars.

4. Any mention of superior 'Ring times. Unless your commute takes in the 'Ring, who cares what time a professional driver with a specially fettled example of a car sets?

5. "Well, Clarkson says..." - As if Moses himself had brought it carved in stone down the mountain.

6. "A remapped 335d..." - aaarrrggghhh


v8will

3,301 posts

197 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
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Slip angles....

Or, my favourite of the detailing fraternity. 'Agitate'

The Wookie

13,964 posts

229 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
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'Torque to Weight Ratio'

ZeeTacoe

5,444 posts

223 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
quotequote all
does anyone say dab of oppo seriously?

yellowbentines

5,324 posts

208 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
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Any car where performance is described as 'nippy', 'peppy' or 'lively' - this normally means, 'tries its best in an irritating buzzy, revvy sort of way but ultimately is just slow'.

kbee540

Original Poster:

197 posts

209 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
quotequote all
ZeeTacoe said:
does anyone say dab of oppo seriously?
Painful isn't it? Heard a bloke in my village spouting that rubbish about his Suzuki Swift (such an ironic name ranks alongside the Mitsubishi Carisma).


Gizmo!

18,150 posts

210 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
quotequote all
kbee540 said:
5. "Well, Clarkson says..." - As if Moses himself had brought it carved in stone down the mountain.
This actually really annoys me. I happen to think that Clarkson has a talent for 'making things real' to people who haven't driven the latest metal, and some things are very sharp. But parroting whatever he chose to say at a given time (to serve the point he was trying to make - he contradicts himself all the time) is bloody ridiculous.

tmcgurk

1,789 posts

162 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
quotequote all
"I've got £20k to spend on a summer toy"...

...Cue 15 replies of "MX-5, MX-5"!!

getmecoat

Gizmo!

18,150 posts

210 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
quotequote all
tmcgurk said:
"I've got £20k to spend on a summer toy"...

...Cue 15 replies of "MX-5, MX-5"!!

getmecoat
Well, no.

Not even I would suggest buying a £20k MX5. You could have an NSX for that.

F1 Contractor

109 posts

161 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
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"Your car is st/smokey/old/etc...."

So what, being a petrol head you should appreciate that my daily comuter/hack means nothing to me. Its my race and track cars that I care about, not the crummy 406 DT I come to work in.

eg Watermelon

79 posts

157 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
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"I don't know why people buy new cars!"

Well if they didn't you wouldn't have used ones....

SHutchinson

2,042 posts

185 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
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.... cadence clutching .....

shoestring7

6,138 posts

247 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
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"A bike would beat a racing car around the IOM TT course"

biggrin

SS7

rhinochopig

17,932 posts

199 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
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weapons-grade.

Lucas North

1,777 posts

168 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
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Regardless of what I'm using it for, I won't ever own a FWD car as I'm a massive snob, who wouldn't know how to exploit the advantages of RWD if I got slapped in the face with a massive cock that had the advantages written on it.

teeCup

194 posts

163 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
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Simmilar to point to point but people who say a certain car would "beat" another "in the twisties". Pointless, assumptive statement!

ZeeTacoe

5,444 posts

223 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
quotequote all
kbee540 said:
ZeeTacoe said:
does anyone say dab of oppo seriously?
Painful isn't it? Heard a bloke in my village spouting that rubbish about his Suzuki Swift (such an ironic name ranks alongside the Mitsubishi Carisma).
Its ok in jest though.

Chicane-UK

3,861 posts

186 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
quotequote all
kbee540 said:
2. "Point to point, faster than xxxx"; usually in regards to some Subarishi rally rep - probably originated in Evo magazine who seem to believe (less so lately) that driving fast down a farm track is the only measure of a performance car. Surely depends on the points in question, the driver, traffic, etc. "So your £25k Scooby is faster than the latest 600hp Lambo, eh?" Right....
Sorry but I think that statement still holds water. It's not about outright performance.. it's about how well the car grips and how well it can use the power available to it. On point to point type twisty roads, I'd still say that a very well sorted grippy car like the Impreza would punish a big brutal supercar. I'm sure there have been many road tests which show this to be the case...

And I don't say that as someone who owns a car which would compete in either the "quick & grippy" or supercar stakes - it just seems blindingly obvious.

Chapppers

4,483 posts

192 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
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I was going to start this very thread a few days ago, after some recent discussion about frequently used petrolhead terminology on here.

We came up with a few phrases that really annoy us

  • "450nm/lb ft of twist"
  • "really start wrestling with her"
  • "kept me honest on the twisties"
I'll add more as I think of them.

_Batty_

12,268 posts

251 months

Wednesday 11th May 2011
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"It'll be cheap to run...honest..."
think the O/H may be wising up to this.